“ I wish I had my bag with me, Rachel told me people are brought back with whatever they’re wearing and whatever they’re holding or using if it’s not too big. I took my bag off, so I really just have my phone and the same clothes as yesterday that I was just too exhausted to take off. I can’t contact anyone, service cuts off this far in, so if I want to use my phone I have to play the same offline games and a few other apps and downloads, it’s not too bad but I’d rather not use it too much even with what I do have. My phone seems to go right back to about 87% each day, which is odd, but not the most odd thing here. I know I didn’t bring much to begin with but I still would’ve felt more comfortable with more than a not fully charged, even more useless than usual phone. I’m still hopeful I’ll get out without returning, but even if I do, when? If it’ll take a long time, and everything is different, would it even have been worth it to begin with? I guess if I’m here for at least a year I’ll consider giving up since after that there’d be a lot of differences to get used to again. I’m not planning on making friends here unless I give up, so I’m sticking to Rachel for now. ”
—
“ It’s been a bit. Nothing worth documenting really happened. I think I’m going to mark days I don’t write so I at least can keep track. I think this is my..2 weeks? It hasn’t been much longer than I’ve been writing for. I still have hope that I’ll be able to return home. I actually did leave a couple days ago, kinda forgot to write since avoiding it became a bit of a habit, but I checked my phone once I had service and my parents were already freaking out. I knew since I’d already done it, that I’d just disappear back into that place again, I didn’t know when or why though. I texted them in a group text I was alright, and that that was just going to happen and not to question it. I didn’t tell them, they’d most likely want proof and then I’d either end up convincing them I’m crazy, I’m a liar, or I’d run the risk of getting them stuck too and they actually have friends and lives and routines, so they’d be missing a lot and would be missed by a lot, and I couldn’t do it to them. They were just relieved I was alright. I went to my house, made sure everything was set so nothing would mess up to bad while I was away, and figured I should relax, hold onto whatever I wanted to bring, and I stayed until I think it was midnight when I and the stuff I had came back here. All I really brought with was my phone, that same bag I originally was coming with, and a couple things I would want to have with me like I had some cards for fun, a flashlight, lighter, small but useable stuff like that. This place is actually kinda nice though, I think I’m okay with it, I’ve planned that I will visit biweekly - both definitions, just every other weekends. I need a calender..Wish I remembered that, I’ll get one later. ”
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“ Okay, I got a calendar. It’s a Thursday but I already went back so I’m going with visiting next week. Still a bit bummed - even though I can go back for a bit, it takes so long just to get there, and it’s just not that long to stay. It’s not like I stay the entirety of Saturday and Sunday, I get sent back here and have to walk all the way back again. I can’t work, so I need to make sure I get whatever I need from my house and just enjoy it while I can, because I’d rather save my money for if I need to actually buy something. My parents have to either be satisfied with only a phone call or texts, or come early so we can spend actual time together, but this is much better than never seeing them at all. ”
—
“ I’m still not exactly happy here but I’m enjoying my time. It’s definitely not boring. Apparently everyone’s reasons for coming is usually held as some super personal thing, unless they just happened to wander in. Oh well, I’m not complaining. I’m just glad I get to see my parents. It’s almost not even worth the effort, but I still want to see them sometimes. I just hope I can see them again. This still feels so off to me, I feel in my chest like something bad is happening, not going to happen but actually is happening. If that makes sense. I’m not sure what to call it, I guess I should call it anxiety though since..that’s, like, a thing associated with anxiety right? I don’t actually know. I wonder if there’s a psychologist who happened to find a way in here? ”