Novels2Search
I'm a Man!
Chapter 9: Regrets and the Past

Chapter 9: Regrets and the Past

(A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long to write, I was occupied with Midterms and final papers so I didn't have any time to write this chapter until tonight. I'm like running on fumes right now, so I'm not sure if I caught all my mistakes when I went back over this, so please tell me if you see any.)

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Getting up from the pod, Yuki couldn’t help but break into a smile. ‘I’m one step closer to becoming stronger, pretty soon I won’t be mistaken for a woman and I’ll even have my revenge.’ After reassuring himself, Yuki went down to the dining room, hoping to get something to eat.

“Honey….surprise…..Kousuke….Dive Pod….Happy.”

Yuki had stopped at the other side of the door when he had heard the conversation that was going on in the dining room. Feeling that it was an awkward situation, Yuki waited for the murmurs to die down before entering.

“Mama!.....Yuki….dive pod….protect….childhood friend…..don’t….like her….” Although Yuki was just on the other side of the door, he couldn’t make out what Rika was saying, other than knowing she wasn’t happy.

After the talking had died down, Yuki finally resolved himself to enter the room.

“Eh~?”

Upon entering the room, Yuki could feel the somber atmosphere that was permeating throughout the dining room. Being unprepared for the situation, Yuki couldn’t help but be dumbfounded at the awkwardness that was present. All eyes were on him, one pair was worried, one was joyful, and the last one was burning with jealousy.

‘I think it was a bad time, to enter….I hope that Rika doesn’t kill me for whatever the reason why she is glaring at me.’

“Etoo~….did I do something wrong?” Yuki questioned with reluctance. Yuki had determined that no one was going to speak first, so he took the initiative.

“No you didn’t Yu-kun.” His father was the first to answer him, “It’s just, a problem had occurred back in Japan. When we left, it wasn’t that much of a big deal, but now, that problem had escalated quite a bit over the last week.”

“What seems to be the problem father?”

“Yu-kun…what do feel about Kousuke’s and Aoi’s little girl?” This time it was Anna who had answered him.

“Aka-nee? What do you mean mother? Aka-nee is the best older sister a person could have. She has always protected me, she was always there for me when I needed someone, and I promised her we will always…be…together…” Yuki had trailed off towards the end of his statement, just realizing the promise after so long.

‘Oh my god…I should’ve stayed back in Japan…’ Regretting his decision to come live with his new family, Yuki was having doubts about whether his decision was the correct one. ‘No! A man never regrets his decisions. However, I’m also disappointed in myself, I’ve left behind Aka-nee. I’ve promised her and everything, to leave just like that…how shameful…’

*Bang!* Disturbed by the sudden loud noise and breaking his trail of thought, Yuki looked up at the table. By this time Yuki had already taken a seat and started pondering the decision he made a couple weeks ago.

Rika who was sitting quietly earlier had stood up and left the dining room. Before she exited though, she had given a steely glance over at Yuki.

“Just ignore Rika, Yu-kun. What I want to know is, what happened between you and Kousuke’s girl, Akari was it? He just called earlier today, telling me about her situation.”

Alarmed about his father’s terrible news, Yuki hastily replied, “What! Did something happen to Aka-nee?! Please, please, please! I hope nothing bad happened to her!” Desperately looking into his father’s worried eyes, Yuki was looking for confirmation of the news.

“Don’t worry Yu-kun, she’s not in danger or anything.” Ken waited for Yuki to calm down before continuing, “Kousuke was telling me that, after you left, Akari went to her room and never came back out. Apparently she was devastated by you leaving…Yuki are you sure you are nothing more than brother and sister?”

Yuki was too occupied when he heard that Akari had shut herself in her room, that he didn’t pay attention to his father’s last line. ‘Aka-nee had shut herself in her room?’

“Father, is it alright if I give Kousuke and Aoi a call? I want to ask them about Aka-nee.”

“Yes, it’s alright. I was going to tell you to do that anyways. Now just make sure she’s alright, I don’t want to cause any suffering for Kousuke’s family, he’s like a brother to me and I would rather cut off my own right arm, than to see him suffer for taking care of you Yu-kun.”

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Yuki’s POV

I was genuinely worried about Aka-nee; I had caused her so much grief. Thinking about it, Aka-nee and I had grown so close together. At times I even had delusions on what it would be like if I was going to start a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with her. It may seem sick and gross, considering both of us practically grew up together, but I honestly had some feelings back then. However, I never really found the time to confess and reveal these feelings to her. Whenever I was able to summon the courage to go up to her, I would always be jeered at by the boys, and leered at by the girls that were surround the ever popular Aka-nee.

Overtime, these feelings died down. I had given up on it, she was miss popular and I would be forever known as ‘the man that can’t stand up to women’. I guess it’s because the only girl that cared for me was Aka-nee, that’s why I was drawn to her. I never really felt interested in anyone else, I was always picked on by girls, the ones who don’t pick on me, ignored me. I guess they didn’t want to involve themselves in my affairs.

Because of these circumstances, by the time I had to leave Aka-nee, I had already decided that we were never going to be more than brother and sister. At that time, I had decided it was best if I leave then, if I stayed any longer, I don’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to leave behind all my troubles, all the bullying, all the stress, and most of all part of me wanted to leave behind Aka-nee. I know…I’m a coward, all I ever did was run. I was never a man, I never did stand up for myself.

Ha ha ha…Aka-nee was more of a man than I was…what was the point of being born a man if I wasn’t going to act like one…I am such a fool. Yea…that’s right…I deserved to be called an idiot by Rika…I deserved to be killed that many times in SSO…I guess I just needed a wake up call. Aka-nee was always protecting me…now that she needs help, am I just gonna run away again?! Is this how I wanna for the rest of my life?! Would a real man ignore the person who saved his life countless times?! Not even counting that I am a man, as a human being, is it alright to ignore the person that was there for you and cared for you your whole life?! NO!

After steeling my resolve, I slowly dialed the number that my father had given me.

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Akari’s POV

*Hic* Yuki had left me. It hurts so much…*Hic*

He left about two weeks ago, I didn’t want him to. It just hurts too much, it looked like he was hesitating at first *Hic*. I thought that, if I were to pushed just a little bit harder for him to stay he would…He would stay with me forever…I…Love…Yuki……*Hic*

As he was leaving, I thought back to all the times we were together. I did not forget the first time he was bullied. It was the first time we went to school. Yuki and I were *Hic* in the same class. He would always cling to me, it was funny…seeing a boy smaller than you…*Sniff* clinging to you and calling you ‘Nee-chan’ while you were the same age as him.

The first bullying happened as soon as Yuki introduced himself during play-time. The rest of the kids thought it was funny that Yuki was a boy but was clinging on to me, a girl. *Hic* I beat up the other kid and tried to stop Yuki from crying. Soon after I was nicknamed ‘Knight in shining armor’ and Yuki was named ‘Princess’. I remembered how many times Yuki would cry when the rest of the kids would call him that…

*Hic* Before I knew it…my cute Yuki had already grown up and we were going to start Junior high…I was hoping that we would be in the same class again like we were in grade school…We weren’t. We soon grew apart, seeing Yuki becoming independent from me made me feel warm inside, yet part of me wants the old clingy Yuki back…

Junior high was quiet, for the first few months…Then the problems started…*Sniff*. I joined the kendo club, because I wanted to become strong enough to protect Yuki. I still remember my nickname, “Knight in shining armor”…One day while I was coming back from practice, I noticed that Yuki was also walking back, so I decided to join him. I can still see his face, his eyes were red, his usual beautiful face was not so beautiful, but what was most surprising of all was *Hic* the dead look in his eyes.

It turned out, that a bunch of girls had played a joke on Yuki. They had someone pretend to ask Yuki out. That was all I got out of him, he refused to explain why his face was bruised and why we stayed behind at school for so long…*Hic* Oh god…I should’ve been more helpful, why did I think that Yuki could handle it himself? The part of me that wanted Yuki to become independent made me ignore Yuki’s problems at first…

Stolen story; please report.

Soon after that event, I would often see girls pick on Yuki and tease him while everyone else just ignores them. I always tried to interfere, I would try to stop them as soon as I could. I *Hic* didn’t want to see Yuki look like how he did at that time after my kendo practice. I also remembered the times when other guys would ask me out, but that would only remind me of what happened to Yuki that day…I just can’t stop thinking about preventing that from happening again…

It was strange, whenever I told the girls to stop messing with Yuki, they would listen and go away, for a short while…I’ve went to the staff and school faculty about the bullying Yuki was having, but it seems Yuki wasn’t being physically harmed and the girls were never caught so I can’t do anything about it…That’s why I trained myself like crazy, I wanted to become strong, I wanted to protect Yuki, I wanted to become strong enough for both of us.

*Sniff* Then highschool started…Oh my god…I should’ve paid more attention to Yuki…If I had known that Yuki was going to leave…I should’ve been closer to Yuki, I’ve greatly regretted my decision to train more. In highschool, the bullying only got worse, a new group of girls were picking on Yuki now. They would openly treat Yuki as a gopher, openly threaten him when a teacher was near and made his life miserable. I tried as hard as I could during that time.

As soon as the school day ended, I would rush to Yuki’s classroom, grab him and force him to come to the Kendo club. At first I tried making him join it with me, *Hic* I thought we could go back to our grade school days, where he would cling onto me, we would always be together…Before I knew it…Yuki was outside my house, getting ready…to…leave…*Hic**Hic*

*Knock**Knock**Knock*

“Akari-chan…Please come out…There’s something I want to show you.”

“Go away Okaa-san! I want to be left alone…*Hic*” I don’t want to talk to her right now. So far, for the past week, both Okaa-san and Otou-san tried lots of things to get me to leave my room. They tried bribing me, they tried reasoning with me, they even threatened to disown me…I know they loved me too much to do that though.

“If you don’t come out, you will regret it for the rest of your life…”

“I said go away! Nothing can make me regret more than Yuki leaving me!”

“That’s exactly why you should come out…Yu-chan just called and he’s o-“

‘Yuki?! He called? Oh my god…*Hic* he actually called? Is he going to come back to me? Is he also regretting his decision to leave?’ I desperately ran to the door and unlocked it. I didn’t care if I looked like a mess, I stayed up all night crying. I snatched the phone away from my mother who looked like she was just crying earlier. Without any hesitation I answered the phone.

“Hello?! Yuki?! Are you there?! *Hic* Please answer me!”

“Aka-nee is that you?!”

*Hic**Hic* It’s really him…After so long…He finally called me. Just hearing his pained voice, brought back all the emotions that I have built up over the last two weeks. I started crying again. Unleashing a torrent of water from the sides of my puffed up eyes. I thought that these dry eyes couldn’t possibly hold anymore tears in them, I was wrong.

“Yu*Hic*ki…Uuuuuu~….I missed*Hic* you so*Sniff* Much…Why did you…*Hic* have to leave me…” I tried as hard as I could to control my crying, but I just couldn’t help it.

“Neh~…Aka-nee please…Don’t cry anymore, I’m here now aren’t I?”

No you’re not! You are still in the U.S….If you were here, I would hold on to you and never let go…

“Yuki*Sniff*” I was slowly calming down now, it took me about a minute to be able to hold back the tears. “Why did you choose now to call? Why didn’t you call earlier?”

“Aka-nee…I’m…very sorry…I will not try to make an excuse…I was scared…”

What was he scared of? Doesn’t he know I love him so much? Even right now if I had a chance, I would go and live with him in America…

“Why were you scared Yuki? *Sniff* did you know how much I missed you? I couldn’t even think straight…Yuki…All I thought about was you…I mean, how are you? Is your new family treating you right? Are you ok?” All these questions flowed out from my tongue, I didn’t care about what I was saying, all I wanted was to hear Yuki’s voice again, it calmed me.

“Aka-nee slow down, I’ll answer your questions, just…let me explain myself…”

“…”

“You see Aka-nee, I was scared. I was scared that if I were to call you, something weird will happen to me. I didn’t want to cause you anymore trouble, I didn’t want to make you watch after me again. That’s why, I tried as hard as I could to stay away…I didn’t know…that it would hurt you so much…Aka-nee, I’m truly sorry…”

‘…’

He’s so stupid.

“Yuki no baka…*Sniff* you never did understood me! All those times, I wasn’t tired of you causing me trouble. I watched you because…you are my little Yuki, you are someone…I cared for…deeply…*Sniff*. Baka…Didn’t you notice how much I watched after you and wanted you to look at me? I brought you into the Kendo club to watch me, I wanted you to see how strong I’ve become. Every time you praised me, didn’t you noticed how happy I was? I wanted you to watch me…and only me…So…*Sniff* please, Yuki, come back…”

“…I can’t…I have a new family now…”

‘Why would you call me just to tell me this Yuki? *Hic* I thought you were calling because you missed me, isn’t that why you called? I can’t put it into words about how much I missed you…It hurts more than ever…just like when you were outside of my house ready to leave again.’

“*Hic* Yuki…why? Why? Why?! WHY?! Why?! Why did you call me just to tell me this!!!…*Hic* Uuuuuu” The tears were raining down from my blurry eyes once more.

“Aka-nee, calm down. I won’t go back to Japan, but we will still see each other, I promise!”

“*Hic* What *Hic*do you mean?”

“Remember that revolutionary game that was gonna come out around the time that I left?”

“*Hic* Huh?”

‘Now that I think about it…there was supposed to be something that was being released…I didn’t really pay attention though…Since Yuki was going to leave, all I cared about was trying to spend as much time as I could with him…’

“We can meet each other again in the game!”

“…But it won’t be the same thing as in real life…I won’t be able to see you and touch you…Yuki…it’s just not the same…”

“…Aka-nee…it’s different from what you think. It’s not like those countless other games you see me play. Like I said, it’s a revolutionary game, it’s a virtual reality!”

“Eh?...Virtual Reality? As in a different world in cyberspace?”

“Exactly, it feels exactly the same as in real life, except, you can’t die. It is amazing Aka-nee! Please, come join me. We can see each other that way!”

‘I can see Yuki again? You mean…If I play the game Yuki is playing, I get to see Yuki?!’

“Yes! Yes! How do I start playing Yuki?”

“First of all, the game is called Second Start Online. Isn’t it a good name?”

‘Yes, I like it. The name…does this mean, in this game Yuki and I could be more than..’ I started blushing while I was thinking of starting over, the possibilities that were possible if Yuki didn’t see me as an older sister…

“Second, you’ll need a Dive Pod. It’s expensive, but don’t worry. Father said that he is sending you one. He managed to get a discount on it and as thanks for always watching me, he wanted to give you it. So…Aka-nee…won’t you join me?”

“*Sniff* Un! I will Yuki, please…wait for me!”

“Hehe, I will Aka-nee.”

After that, we both talked about what I should do during character creation, where I should start, and similar stuff that like. It was fun, so fun that it seemed like I went back to the days when Yuki was still here. We also talked about many things, like how did he like his new mom, how is he doing so far in America, and stuff like that.

However, there was one thing that worried me…the new girl…Rika…

I mean, the way Yuki described her, she’s cold and violent. The only thing that had sirens going off in my head was when Yuki told me of the time when he was killed a lot in SSO. He hadn’t really gone into detail, all he told me was that he was depressed after being tricked. That’s not what I was concerned about, it was what happened afterward with Yuki and that Rika girl…She made him some food and comforted him…That was supposed to be my job damnit!...I hope that pod arrives soon, I can’t have her get ahead of me…