Illyxa was used to Zindat Town being a crowded bustling place where she had to skip around to avoid being stepped on by tall folks. Since they tended to not notice small types. Which was obnoxious and had led to her biting more than a few people over the years of her adventuring.

As such, she’d hoped that she could enjoy glaring at everyone from Gragya’s shoulders this time, as a nice ego boost.

Instead, though… the town was deserted.

How was she supposed to power trip when there was no one around?

Also, was this going to affect their efforts to recruit a guide for the North? She was going to hope everyone was just inside. Even if it wasn’t exactly late. Or raining. Or… anything. So there was no clear reason for people to be inside.

After passing a few shops, they spotted a catfolk of some sort sweeping the porch of a sundries store.

“Hey! You!” Illyxa shouted from her perch on Gragya’s backpack. “Where is everybody?”

The catfolk looked back at her, taking a moment to give the small group a once over. “A few battalions from the Divine Alliance’s army passed through a few days ago. They hired everyone who’d take their coin.”

Illyxa’s eye twitched.

“The army came through?” Fuan asked.

“Mhm, they’re moving north. Some sort of counter attack as vengeance for the dragon’s raid out west,” the catfolk replied.

“They must have taken the Kurg Pass up north,” Gragya muttered. “Better water supplies that way.”

“However they got there… it’s going to make slipping into dragon country harder,” Fuan said. “There will be patrols on both sides we’ll have to get past.”

“At least the dragons won’t have as many internal patrols once we get past them,” Illyxa replied. “It’s nice to know where the enemies actually are, even if there’s more of them.”

Fuan didn’t look like he quite agreed, but that wasn’t Illyxa’s problem. He could continue to be a stick in the mud as long as he paid her in the end.

The small group continued on to one of the inns towards the north of the city, near the bridge across to the old fortress. It was where she’d always stayed when raiding the fort, so she knew the owner. They weren’t exactly friends, but she’d always paid her bills and followed the rules, so they had a positive relationship.

Hopefully Gragya wouldn’t get into any fights and ruin that.

The balding half ogre did seem more suspicious of the elves she was travelling with than her gorc cousin, so, at the very least it meant they weren’t thrown out based on Gragya’s reputation for fighting alone.

Illyxa decided to chase the elves upstairs, telling them to stay put while she arranged interviews with potential guides. Gragya, meanwhile… Illyxa decided as long as she wasn’t in the inn they were staying at she couldn’t get them kicked out, so she didn’t investigate where the hopelessly lesbian meathead had wandered off to.

Instead she slipped about the town, asking around at the local guild halls and all of the taverns in town for anyone familiar with the Dragon Realms to serve as a guide for a cut of Illyxa’s paycheque that she deemed acceptable losses.

----------------------------------------

The actual interviews started early the next day. Their first candidate was an orcish ranger, the man an absolute wall of muscle as he sat across the table from the small party. Hyi whispered ‘big’ to herself as he sat down.

“You’re travelling with elves,” the ranger said in a deep voice.

“Yes. They hired us as bodyguards, but we’d like to add a guide who knows the North to make travel easier,” Illyxa replied.

The large man gave a slow nod. “And where are you taking them?”

“The palace of the Moon Goddess,” Illyxa replied.

“Hmmm… nope. Not doing it,” the orc replied. “You can’t trust elves. They renege on the contract and no elven police force will take a goblin’s word over an elf’s.”

“We would never!” Hyi protested.

The tall orc glared down at her, before lifting his shirt to reveal a scar on his gut. “I got that when I did a job for an elven woman. When I asked her about her payment she screamed and called the guards in that human town.”

He then turned with a huff, marching out of the tavern.

“You don’t believe him, do you?” Hyi asked.

“Of course we do,” Illyxa replied. “We’ve had a back up plan if you two try anything the whole time. He was just too dumb to realise we did.”

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

“That plan being?” Fuan asked, slightly raising an eyebrow.

“Obviously we’re not telling,” Gragya said, leaning back in her chair.

----------------------------------------

The next candidate had been a small reptilian kobold. Neither elf seemed to trust the idea of getting someone from a people known as servants of dragons as their guide.

After that was a catfolk thief who seemed at least a little drunk. Which didn’t really inspire confidence.

Then they had a naga druid. Illyxa vetoed the option as soon as the serpentine woman slithered into the tavern. She’d been in a party with a naga once and nearly been eaten when the sleeping snake mistook her for food while dreaming.

“She seemed quite qualified otherwise,” Gragya said, looking over the short resumé the serpentine woman had dropped off.

“Once bitten twice shy, as they say,” Illyxa replied, before hugging herself and shivering. “Thought it was more ‘nearly swallowed’ rather than bitten. The way they can dislocate their jaws…”

Hyi stared at the door the druid had just left through. “But her head looked so normal…”

“Right. You don’t get many Naga west of the mountains, you’ve probably never seen one eat…” Gragya replied. “Hmm, well… there’s still a couple more candidates.”

That ‘couple more’ consisted of: a human soldier who had gone AWOL and refused to go anywhere near where war was happening; another human who was clearly lying through his teeth about his experience and probably planning to con them somehow; a male goblin who insisted on hitting on Illyxa the whole time to her utter revulsion; and, last but not least… a half elven mage who realised Gragya and him had met before when she’d seduced his fiancée, which then turned into a fight when he started trying to hit her with ice spells.

The quartet subdued him in a few moments, but not before a few stray frost bolts had caused damage to the inn. Which resulted in the four of them being glared at by a very cross half ogre half orc man.

“He started it,” Hyi offered as a defense.

“You invited him in here,” the owner of the inn replied. “You should have realised that would end poorly, after stealing the man’s fiancée.”

“I’ve helped a lot of girls realise they liked girls when they had boyfriends… it’s hard for me to keep track of them all,” Gragya replied.

“It’s been, like… four,” Illyxa muttered. “Not that many names to remember.”

“Five, thank you very much,” Gragya countered. “And I, uh… I don’t usually ask about their boyfriends names.”

“Either way… someone is paying for that mirror and the bottles of wine he hit,” the owner replied.

Illyxa nodded, before rifling through the currently restrained man’s pockets for coins and anything of value. He hissed a string of insults that left Hyi blushing, but Illyxa was undeterred by that. She was, however, a bit deterred by how little of value she found on him.

“Yeesh. This’ll barely cover the wine.”

“It’s been a bit since I had a job,” the man muttered.

Illyxa rolled her eyes, but handed it over. “You can put him to work, too?”

“I doubt he’d be much use. Probably can’t do much more than sweep floors, and a bad attitude like that’ll see him getting into more fights,” the mountain of a man replied. “You four might do a bit better though. Unless you have more cash to pay?”

“I… ugh. Fine. We’ll pay the rest,” Illyxa muttered, pulling out her coin purse and fishing around for the silver coins she had left to hand over. “I don’t have anything else that’ll get a fair conversion rate out here.”

“You’re still short a few silver,” the owner replied.

“Give us a couple days. We have to hit the fortress up for treasure now anyhow,” Illyxa said.

“We’re wasting more time here?” Fuan asked, his eye twitching.

“Unless you want to set out into the Waste without food?” Illyxa replied, glaring up at the cursed elf.

He sneered, but didn’t say anything further.

“I can wait a couple days for the rest,” the proprietor said, getting a happy nod from Illyxa.

----------------------------------------

Crossing the river was easy enough. The bridge was well maintained, as the lifeblood of the city. Climbing the other side of the valley to get up to the fortress was less enjoyable, but still doable enough. (There were stairs. Just a lot of stairs.)

Reaching the top, and feeling the chaos magic swirling around the old fortress, Hyi had a shiver run down her spine.

“We’re really going in that?” she asked quietly.

“Mhm. I know the magic around it is giving you the willies, but it isn’t really all that bad inside. Just… big,” Illyxa replied.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Fuan muttered, before his stomach grumbled. “W-well… after eating something, I suppose.”

Illyxa stared at him. “We gave all our money to the inn owner. We didn’t have money for food. Remember?”

“W-we still had something left over from before though, right?” Fuan asked.

“Nah. Ate that this morning because the ogre overcharges for breakfast,” Gragya replied. “Plenty of meat to be had in the fortress, though.”

The two elves let out quiet ‘ohs’, but nodded and followed along.

----------------------------------------

Hyi held the meat she’d been given at arm’s length, visibly fighting the urge to be ill.

“Giant spider cooked by fireball was not what I thought you meant when you said there was food inside.”

“Mhm,” Illyxa replied, before swallowing her own mouthful. “Yeah, normally you just get slimes and rats in the first few rooms. Giant spider is much more nutritious.”

“I think I would rather starve,” Fuan added.

“Don’t you dare,” Illyxa hissed. “You promised me a heck of a lot of money. No dying until I’ve been paid.”

Fuan glared at her. She glared back. Gragya took another bite of spider. Hyi gagged.

“Well, would you two prefer rat? There should be some sooner or later?” Gragya offered.

“Maybe we’ll find lurk crabs. Elves consider crabs acceptable, right?” Illyxa added.

“Crab meat is actually food, yes,” Fuan replied. “Though lurk crabs specifically…”

“Why would one type of arachnid be considered more acceptable as food than another?” Gragya asked.

“Crabs aren’t arachnids,” Fuan countered.

“Horseshoe crabs are though, aren’t they?” Illyxa asked.

“They’re not ‘true crabs’,” Fuan replied.

“Are lurk crabs true crabs?” Hyi asked.

“I… I am not certain… but I think they are closer to true crabs than horseshoe crabs are as they have pinc—why are we having this conversation?” Fuan asked, his eye twitching.

“Because Gragya and I care about your health, both physical and mental,” Illyxa replied.

“I am going to go insane on this trip, if these sorts of conversations keep happening,” Fuan muttered, staring up at the ceiling.

“Both crabs and spiders do have exoskeletons,” Hyi said quietly to herself. “I suppose there isn’t that much of a difference.”

Fuan stared at his friend as she took a bite.

“Mhm… tastes similar enough, I think?” she said, swallowing. “I’m hungry enough to eat it, at least.”

Both goblin cousins burst into happy applause for her. They then turned to stare at Fuan. Reluctantly, he steeled his nerves and grabbed a bit for himself. He found it bland and rubbery, but it was… edible. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed by that revelation.

It filled his stomach, though he was pretty sure it ate at his spirit.