“This couple has been through a lot, but in the end, they found themselves always gravitating back to each other. Maybe they really are soulmates.”
Sanashi stood in front of a pair of forty-year-olds, holding a microphone as they smiled with buzzy excitement at the camera pointed at them. She held her own smile as she spoke, finishing her segment.
After a moment, Sanashi’s cameraman sent her a signal, and she fell into a limp slouch almost immediately, exhaustion hitting her like a truck. Only a moment later, she brought herself back up, then walked to her cameraman’s side. She bowed to the couple. “Thank you for your patience!” she said.
“Oh, it’s all right,” the woman said. “I always wanted to be on the news!”
“Mmm, I’m glad to have helped. Now, we need to get going, quickly.” She began walking away, falling back into her slouch. As she did, her cameraman followed beside her, and they began descending the apartment complex’s stairs. She glanced up at him. “Well, Tanaka, you sure look cheery,” she said once they were out of the couple’s earshot.
Tanaka scratched his head nervously. “Oh, was it obvious?”
Yes, in fact, it was. He had been bouncing the large camera up and down as he walked, and a giant, dumb smile was plastered all over his face. He had seemed absent ever since they were given the job to report in this district of the city. Sanashi had gotten a sickening feeling, looking at his joyous attitude, and thought she knew why. “A bit,” she lied, to be courteous.
“Aww, well, I actually got a girlfriend recently,” he said.
Sanashi rolled her eyes, unsurprised. Oh, wow. Thanks for bragging.
“Turns out she lives in this area, so I can go visit her!”
Her eye twitched. Please stop.
“And, uhh, just between you and me,” he said as they walked out of the complex’s glass front doors, “I might be getting a littl’ something once I get there.” He said it with such a happy, satisfied smile.
I swear I am going to kill this man. Sanashi screeched in her head, protesting his impolite bragging. She smiled, pain bending the edges of her lips in twitches. “Wow,” she said. “That must be nice. So nice...” So nice that I never want to hear you speak again, you sore winner. “S-so,” she said as they walked down the sidewalk. “That means you’re going to your...friend’s house, right?”
Tanaka slowly nodded. “Yep.”
“So...you probably need to split from me real soon?”
“Nope. She lives pretty close to the train.”
“Ohh...?” Sanashi emoted, pretending she wasn’t begging for mercy on the inside. Please just go, already...
“I bet you want to know what she’s like, right?”
“I-I don’t know...” she said, trying to remain polite.
“I bet you do~! So, you know that girl from that concert we visited...”
The walk back to the station was only ten minutes, but by the time she arrived, Sanashi had already begun begging for the sweet release of sleep, or better yet, death.
She had liked Tanaka. He was chill, nice, had no girlfriends, didn’t brag about his previous ones, followed orders, and was generally one of Sanashi’s better coworkers to be around.
Her high opinion of the man had collapsed like the damn London bridge.
“And that’s actually when we kissed; over that bridge. It was so romant-”
“Wow, that’s soooo good for you, Tanaka,” Sanashi interrupted. “You know what I think? She deserves to be with you. You really deserve to be with her, so how about you go visit her now? I’ll be fine at the station, so you can have your fun!”
“Really? Is it alright to leave you here? I’m sorry you can’t have company on your way back!”
You never had any intent on accompanying me in the first place! Stop pretending you’re sorry. “No, I’ll be fine,” Sanashi said. She figured he didn’t even see her as a girl in the first place -which was good since she didn’t really like him in that way either- but, considering the way Tanaka was acting, Sanashi had a feeling his new girlfriend would have trouble keeping him on a leash. It was also a bit depressing, that too. “Actually, you should take a day or two off to be with her,” she said. “You deserve at least that much.” Or, more accurately, I don’t deserve the punishment of being near your lovestruck ass.
“Wow, you really think so? Thanks so much.”
“Alright, I’ll be seeing you,” Sanashi said with the fakest of smiles as she walked up the steps to the station, waving back.
He ran off down the street with a dumb smile.
As Sanashi stepped into the terminal, she sighed for a good ten seconds straight, then sat on a bench. “I want to kill myself,” she said as she covered her face with her hands. “And now, I’m going to be spending my time reporting things with that guy. No, please, my twenty-eight-year-old junior, brag. There’s not a thing pitiful about me being thirty and dateless while you’re off enjoying yourself no, not at all.”
As she muttered condolences to herself, the train came to a stop, and after a moment, the doors opened. While Sanashi waited for the train to unload the passengers, she raised her head and started rubbing her sore neck, just wishing to get to her bed, her oh-so-comfortable bed.
And then, some large guy stumbled out of the crowd, taken aback by the sheer voracity of the nighttime workers looking to get home...somehow. As Sanashi looked to see what person could be so large yet pathetic, her eyes widened and met his.
High school: third-year graduation
Sanashi walked down the concrete steps, away from the parties of graduated students.
Behind her, every graduating student paired up, finding every excuse to join the friends they had cultivated through their days in high school. Everyone was smiling, happy, excited for their future.
And Sanashi wasn’t. Her parents escorted her to a car as she gripped everything she had received from graduation. She sauntered onward with regret. She hadn’t had what it took to tell him. After everything, she couldn’t tell her boyfriend, the one bumbling fool who she actually respected out of the whole crowd.
She couldn’t tell him that she was leaving. She didn’t have the heart. To see his face, to see him cry, to finally say goodbye to the only thing she liked in her life. The pillar of light that could always smile in rain, umbrella or not.
And now, as she opened the car door and slid in, a boy looked all around him with worry, searching for someone who wasn’t there. He was battered by the crowd, too lost to make his way through and find the girl when she descended, to catch her before she left for good, off to the city with her parents.
Sanashi looked down at her feet as the car started and drove off before anyone else.
Sanashi’s life had been a lot different, before, but she was happy with the way things went, for the most part. She had gotten a job she mostly liked, with good pay, and she had broken away from her household, hopefully never to see her horrid parents again. That was all she needed to finally live life the way she wanted.
But...before she realized it, Sanashi was thirty and hadn’t been romantically or even particularly platonically close to someone since high school.
And Sanashi figured that was the cost of happiness.
But some switch was flicked the moment she locked eyes with this man.
Their shocked eyes passed against each other’s, causing them to lock together like magnets.
“Itsuki!?”
“Sanashi!?”
They immediately blurted out.
She gaped at him, taken aback by the coincidence. She hadn’t seen him once since graduation. She had ghosted him, well and truly. Did he even want to see her again?
“Sanashi, it’s been so long!” he said, running straight at her with imposing, outstretched arms.
She didn’t move an inch as he scooped her up into a bear hug, squeezing the girl tight for a moment.
Sanashi stuttered, unsure what to say. He looked a lot different from twelve years ago, now dressed formally in a suit and combed back hair, but she definitely recognized him.
Sanashi had changed significantly as well and wore an equally formal blue coat over a white shirt, but her shoulder-length black hair was still dyed light further down, and her face and short stature hadn’t changed much since her graduation either. Apparently, that was enough for him to recognize her on the spot.
Itsuki quickly unhugged her, taking a step back. “U-uhh, s-sorry,” he said. “Sorry if you didn’t want me to-”
“Oh, no, it’s fine!” Sanashi said, nervously waving her hands in front of herself to assure him. “Is it really you, Itsuki? It’s been so long!”
“Yeah...”
...
They averted their eyes awkwardly. There was a large elephant in the room, but neither wanted to approach it on the instant they met again.
“Y-you’re probably waiting to catch the train,” Itsuki said, holding his hands together in front of himself reservedly. “How about we just exchange info or something, and we can talk sometime later.”
“No!” Sanashi blurted out, shaking her head. She quickly quieted down, noticing she had surprised him and attracted others’ attention toward herself. “H-how abouuut...we get some food? I can catch the next train.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I wouldn’t want to take important time from you.”
“No, seriously. I’d just eat some cup ramen anyway.”
“Well, in that case...” he began before trailing off with an unsure expression. There was a pause as he averted his eyes. “I don’t know if I should...”
Sanashi glared at him, thinking. I don’t want to repeat history, she thought. What did she have? How many opportunities to make something lasting for herself could she pass before they stopped coming? She wasn’t about to miss the opportunity to speak to someone she cared for. It had been twelve years, but Sanashi could feel her heart beating quickly again, egging her on.
“No, you really should!” she said, insistent.
“But I-”
Not running away from me, you rascal! she thought, suddenly smiling at the ridiculous thought. “A little dinner wouldn’t hurt, you got that!?”
“If you think so...” the large but meek man said before she grabbed his wrist and dragged him down the stairs.
Once they got back onto the sidewalk, Sanashi looked up to him. “So, do you live around here?”
Itsuki nodded. “My house is a fifteen-minute walk from the station.”
“Then you must know where a good restaurant is?”
“I do,” he said. “But where do you want to go? There’s sushi, bars, breakfast food, diners...”
“How about a diner?”
“A-a-aauumm...” he emoted, suddenly flustered and studdering. He scratched his head. “I don’t know about-”
“Come on,” Sanashi said merrily. “Show me the way!”
“Fine, I’ll take you!” he said with frustration, dropping his hand. “But we can’t stay too long, alright? My wife will kill me if she finds out this is why I’m late...”
“It’ll be f-” Her breath caught in her throat as she recounted what he’d said. He said... ‘my wife’ will kill me if she...fuck.
...
“S-Sanashi?”
“Sorry, it’s nothing,” she said. W-well, that’s alright. That. Is. Fine. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. A thirty-year-old like me can definitely find someone else! H-heh...heh. Sanashi turned to roll her eyes, sighing over her stupidity. As if. I’m just clinging to what’s easy. I always did.
14 years ago:
“Get off me already!” he yelled.
Sanashi stumbled away from her boyfriend’s arm, down the stairs, about to cry.
Back in high school, she had hooked up with a few boys besides Itsuki. None of her relationships had ended on good terms. The next to last one went by Akira.
“Why...” she said. “Why do you need to treat me like this!”
Akira glared at her. He was a loner, but he had good style. Only a month ago, she had confessed to him, and once they started dating, she began eating on the stairs, where he always sat during lunch.
“Because you keep clinging to me,” he growled. “How many times have I told you not to?”
“Why, though!?” she asked. “What’s wrong with touching your arm a little?”
“Just go,” he said, looking forward with a detached expression.
Sanashi froze. “Wha-But...”
“Go. I’m not cut out for this. I won’t clean up your other boyfriends’ leftover trash.”
She dashed off, crying, down to the flight of stairs which would be directly below him before standing still, hugging herself.
Then, she heard yelling above her.
“Why did you need to treat that girl like that, man?” the voice of Itsuki, who she hadn’t even known at the time, rang out.
“What’s it to you? It’s her fault for clinging to me like a fucking magnet all the time!”
That hit her heart even more.
“That doesn’t matter! There were a dozen ways to break up with that girl, and you chose the worst!”
“Not my problem.”
“Gah! Fine, whatever. I guess I’ll need to pick up your shit for you.”
“Huh?”
Itsuki began walking down the stairs, and Sanashi stood still as he approached, eventually walking in sight of her. She looked at the ground after briefly staring him in the eye.
Then, he walked to her and hugged her.
Sanashi remembered it because she had chosen an easy target for her affection: Akira, a loner she confessed to because she wanted someone to cling to after her other boyfriends. However, what she gleaned from the memory as she recalled it was something wholly different.
That horrid event had quickly turned into one of her most cherished memories, and the feelings and thoughts she had attached to it resurfaced. That was when she had fallen in love and first met Itsuki, but as important as that was to her, it was something else that made the memory so special. She had, and still wanted to be, just who he had been: timely, warm, and there for others.
Sanashi took a step back, thinking. I don’t care if he’s taken. I want to know him. “I think that’s alright,” she said. “Let’s get a quick bite at a nice place, alright?”
Itsuki looked surprised. “Oh, sure.”
She followed beside him, now keeping her distance. She knew she’d been forceful and didn’t want to seem clingy, especially since he was married. “So, what’s life like?”
He sighed. As he did, his tired features were accentuated. She could see his eyes were just a little glossy with exhaustion, and beneath them were dark circles. He also walked unsteadily, his rhythm out of pace. “Not great,” he said. “I’m barely making ends meet with my job, and...man, I can’t get more than five hours of sleep on a good day, y’know?”
“Wow,” Sanashi said. “It can’t be helped, then, can it?”
“No, it can be,” he said with another heaving sigh. “If Mio would freaking work a little more...” he said through his breath. He quickly backtracked, though. “I-I mean, she does a lot at home, and I’m the guy, so that’s just the way things slide.”
“Hmm?” Sanashi raised an eyebrow skeptically. Sounds like couples have their own problems. Sucks for...you... She looked forward, remaining silent. She felt really rude, thinking like that about her old friend. He didn’t deserve to have trouble any more than she did. Less, if anything. She changed the subject. “Where do you work?”
“Call center,” he quickly said. “I-It pays the bills, you know?”
She noticed how quick he was to defend his job, as if he knew how bad it was and just didn’t want to worry her. He hadn’t changed in that respect. “Just look for a different job,” she said, not caring if she was rude. Relationships were one thing, but Sanashi had gotten her dream job through not giving a shit, and she wouldn’t pretend that rolling with the punches was the right way forward. If you don’t like your job, dipshit, leave!
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Not that her current job was dreamlike, in reality, but she’d always loved the idea of being an on-site reporter and was nevertheless happy to be one.
“Nah, they really need me, there. The place can barely keep business as is...” he said with a sigh.
Oh, come now. I don’t want to see you, of all people, acting so defeated! Sanashi patted his back as they walked past a flashing walk sign. “If they’re so pitiful, you should just leave. You’re supporting ya’ girl, and...if you really love her, you ought to put a few other people in the mud to do it.”
He giggled. “You think? I don’t know...”
“Neither do I, but I’m already seein’ that Stockholm Syndrome everyone’s got these days in you too!” She chuckled. “Don’t let them brainwash you, too, Itsuki! I couldn’t bear to see another person be lost to the disease!”
“Alright, I’ll see what I do,” he said, not quite dismissively. “So...what about your job? I bet you’ve gotten Stockholm’s, too!”
“I’m a reporter,” she said.
He paused in thought. Then, he remembered. “Wait...you said you wanted to be- No way! You actually became a reporter?”
Sanashi smirked. “Yep. Now you better become a doctor.”
“Ahh...I dunno about that,” he said with a small smile. “...but we’ll see. Oh, hey, here’s the place.” He pointed to the building in front of them. “The bottom floor is a salon, but the top floor is a diner,” he said.
Indeed, behind the windows was what appeared to be a small salon, and they could see a hair stylist doing her work on a boy inside. On the second floor, however, what appeared to be a balcony extended over the front of the building, with glass tables visible beyond its railing.
“This is a super obscure place, but if you know it,” he said, walking to the scaffold stairs on the side of the building. “You know the best restaurant in town.”
Sanashi climbed after him onto the balcony, and Itsuki led her through the glass doors that led inside.
The inside was darkly lit, with only candles to light the two tables with two seats. A couple was sitting at one, remaining respectfully quiet. There wasn’t any doubt that this was a restaurant of the romantic kind. You could have brought me anywhere else, and I wouldn’t have complained...you awkward guy.
Itsuki walked to the main counter, where a girl in a black dress waited, glancing back at an open door, where light leaked through. As he approached, she said, “Hello, how may I help you, sir...”
As he approached the counter’s candlelight, Sanashi could tell his face was flushed with embarrassment. “H-hey, Soniya.”
“Oh, hello, Itsuki,” she said back before glancing at Sanashi. “Did you bring Mei...”
...Awkward silence.
“Someone else,” she said bluntly. “Well, nothing wrong with that, of course!”
“Y-yeah, just taking her here for some lunch before I go home; she’s an old friend and all!”
She waved him off. “No, no that’s alright, I get it.”
“You do?” he said, relieved.
“Yep. There’s no reason to be so defensive about it. I swear I won’t blab a thing.”
His head fell into his hand as he groaned, “Please don’t take it the wrong way...”
“So, what does this anonymous couple want? A menu?” she asked before shoving a menu into Itsuki’s face, prodding the hand covering it with the metal corner
Eventually, he took it with a sigh. “Sure...” he turned to Sanashi, hugging it to his chest. “So...outside or inside? Your choice.”
She briefly looked between the two. The outside gave them a view where they could look over the passerbys, and the inside had...romantic lighting. “Outside, I think you’d prefer that.”
He sighed with relief, then walked back out with the menu.
They both took their seats under the city lights, then Itsuki folded out the menu on the side of the table, so they could both see it. “So, what do you want?” he asked.
“I don’t know...I’m pretty hungry...” Sanashi said, looking at the options. She doubted a fancy restaurant like this one would have things affordable and...with big portions. “Holy shit!” she cried out, looking at the deals. “These prices?! This food?! They sell Murasaki Tomato Soup for thirteen hundred yen? Sushi for fifteen, Yakitori for nine? This is so cheap!”
He nodded, scratching his head sheepishly. “Yep. I treat Mei to this place whenever she’s frustrated, and just seeing those prices makes all her worry melt away. It’s really funny.”
“Wow,” Sanashi said. “No way it tastes good, though, right?” she said with a doubtful smirk.
“If you want to try, just order something. It’s all great.”
“Alright...” Maybe the Yakitori...Nah, the soup sounds nice. I’ll sit on it for a moment, though. She looked away from the menu and toward the people filling about. “Hey,” she said. “Look down.”
He followed her gaze. “Did you see something?”
She shook her head. “Nah. Just people-watching. Do you do it much?”
He shook his head as well. “No...I don’t have much time for it.”
“You ought to do it sometimes. It lets me drift off...” her eyes drooped... “Watch, think...” ..falling further...“Forget I’m even part of the world.”
...
It was the nighttime, but the city was full and bustling. People walked all about. Someone wore a horrid match of clothes, with blue, red, and white stripes on it, and a yellow shirt on top. Everyone who passed them gave them sidelong frowns once he couldn’t see them, but the man only smirked, as though the reactions made him happy.
A boy and girl, each probably second-years in high school, walked down the sidewalk, the boy with a giant smile on his face as if he couldn’t contain his happiness as the girl clung to his arm. Strangely, the girl’s expression was neutral, perhaps uncaring. Sanashi had a feeling that the relationship wouldn’t last long, and who knew if they were supposed to be up and about at this hour.
There was also a young twenty-year-old manning a hot-dog stand, with his cheek pressed boredly against the steel counter. He looked up and met Sanashi’s eyes, causing her to break free of a trance, once more remembering what she was doing...
They stood on the school roof, looking down over the railing as people bustled about the school’s courtyard, leaving. Sanashi probably looked mesmerized, staring down at all those unique lives, because when she absently noticed Itsuki glance at her, she saw an endeared smile grow on his face.
She continued to wonder about all the people down there and just how their days would differ from her own after she did what she was about to do. She wondered if she could really ever be like them, drifting along as just another speck...or if it really changed anything to be just another person in a big world.
She slowly stood straight, and Itsuki followed her movement, meeting her eyes. “You know, I think I want to be a reporter,” Sanashi said.
“A reporter? Why?” Itsuki asked with genuine curiosity written over his face.
“When I see all those people...I just want to know what’s happening in their lives. There are so many stories to be told and so many people. I’d learn so much from being one, don’t you think?”
“I guess so,” he said with a chuckle, glancing at the crowd. “It sounds like something you’d love.”
She nodded. She was stalling. “Hey, Itsuki?” she said.
“What is it?” he responded, seemingly oblivious to her feelings.
“We’ve been friends for a while now...thanks for having me,” she said, feeling embarrassed to do what she’d done quite a few times before with other people. Something must have changed in her after she met Itsuki.
“I really like you, so that’s alright,” he said. “You’re fun to be around.”
Sanashi could feel her face getting flush from all the praise, her heart pounding faster. Just get the words out, you idiot! “W-well...I know you didn’t really want it to happen when you first h-hugged me back then...” she said. She shut her eyes, steeling herself, then bowed, nervous with anticipation as she said the lines. “B-but the truth is, ever since then, I-I’ve been in love! Please, Itsuki, will you go out with me?”
Sanashi blinked. She’d almost forgotten why she loved her job. Her life had grown so monotonous that it’d slipped right past her. She then looked up to Itsuki.
“Alright,” she said, rolling her head as Itsuki followed her movement, looking up. “How about we both get a Murasaki Tomato Soup? Does that sound good to...Nah, I’ll actually get two for myself. What about you?”
“I can eat two, but I...don’t have that sort of budget,” he said shyly.
“HA!” she laughed, waving him off. “No, I’ll pay.”
“For everything?”
“Of course!” she chuckled with a smug expression. “You might work for a call center, but I have my dream job. You can call me well-to-do if you like.”
“Alright, alright, let’s stop with the bragging,” he said playfully. “...But I don’t feel so good just making you pay for-”
“Nope.”
“Huh?”
“Nada. Don’t give me that.”
“W-what?” he said, confused.
“We aren’t splitting the bill. The person with problems gets the cake.”
“I really wouldn’t feel good making you pay for all of it, though.”
“You think I care about what ya’ feel? If you really need the money so much, be a desperate loser. Got it?”
He slowly nodded, his mouth slanted uncertainly. After a pause, he said. “You really seem to have your stuff together.”
...
“Pfft.” A breath sputtered from Sanashi’s mouth after a prolonged silence. “That’s hilarious, man. You’re so oblivious.”
“Oblivious? I’m oblivious?!” he asked, surprised.
“Yep, and that’s part of what I love about you.”
...
Sanashi realized what she’d said a little too late to add the addendum: ‘platonically’, especially because Itsuki covered up the awkward moment before she could, standing up with the menu. “I-I’ll order that soup, then.”
She looked down, blushing at the awkwardness of it. “Oh, p-please do...” she said as he walked inside.
Sanashi held her head, then bonked it against the table. What the heck was that?! Why did I say it like that? Why do I need to feel the same way I did back then? It’s been twelve years, girl, and you’re still not over him? He’s a married man! He’s talking about his wife right in front of your face!
“Paaaaiinnn...” she chanted to herself, trying to turn her embarrassment into manic laughter. She succeeded and began chuckling with her cheek pressed to the table’s glass, her laughs coming out like dilapidated sobs.
She had to shut up and sit straight as Itsuki walked to and opened the door, then took a seat.
Here it comes, the “Itsuki is Awkward About Romance Special: Affair Edition” where his twelve-year departed girlfriend who ghosted him makes an inappropriate remark, and he acts like it never happened until the end of time!
“So...” he began. “Could I ask you something?”
Sanashi slowly nodded, wondering if he would actually tell her off. The thought scared her, as impossible as it seemed. She didn’t want him to hate her, even if she knew she had no chance.
“What is it?” she asked, nervous.
He looked down. “Why did you do it?”
Why did you leave me, back then?
...
Sanashi sighed. She then said, “I didn’t want to.”
He looked up, a relieved expression on his face. Why does he even care? It’s been twelve years. There’s no way he really cares anymore, right?
“My parents...do you remember them?”
He nodded. “I was there when they fought, once. Things sounded messy.”
“Yeah, things were like that around the house. My parents fought all the time. Every once in a while, though, that’d change. The two of them would, just so suddenly, act like normal-ass, functioning human beings. One second they’re just about to commit assault, then they decide to go to bed and wake up the next day with fresh faces and smiles.”
He nodded, following.
“When that happened, they would say so many things. ‘Oh, we should take a vacation! We should buy a new TV! We should treat ourselves to sushi!’ Urgh...” Sanashi scowled. “It made me roll my eyes every time. After all, it never stayed.”
“Kay’...”
“But...eventually, it did. You know how the place we lived in was the trashy suburbs, right?”
“Yep. I’d know pretty well.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I was a delinquent in middle school. Harsh stuff, out there.”
“Really? I never knew that! It’s weird how little you know a person. Anyway, my parents said we were going to move to the city. The whole time, I was just waiting for them to give it up. It was inevitable. But...” Sanashi held her right arm, her face drooping with melancholy. “We ended up moving.”
...
She let out a loud sigh. “And I...I didn’t want to tell you. I just didn’t have the heart. I-I’m so sorry...” Sanashi’s head fell as tears began to well up, briefly. What regret was left had resurfaced. She couldn’t help but feel horrible for treating him that way, leaving him behind without a trace...
“That...I didn’t know...” he said. “W-we could’ve eloped together!” he suddenly said.
Sanashi looked up and met his eyes. She saw the same eyes. The same boy. “If you’d just told me, I would’ve gladly taken you to my parent’s house! You were eighteen, they couldn’t do anything...”
“I...wanted to go.”
...
“I...” she elaborated, “...didn’t like the suburbs. If it were between you and the city...” she trailed off. Then she croaked out, “I don’t know.”
...
They remained quiet for a minute, but the silence was broken as the door opened. Soniya walked through with a serving plate loaded with bowls and set them down in front of them. “Four Murasaki Tomato Soups for the couple~!” she said with a smile, laying each of them down. “I hope you two melancholic lovebirbs can still stomach everything you bought, cause they’re steamin’ hot!” she rhymed before chuckling. “Have a nice meal, you two,” she said, her tone suddenly low and gentle, genuine. She walked back inside.
It occurred to Itsuki that he had once told Soniya about Sanashi.
Sanashi, for her part, was nervous.
Mostly because the bowls of soup in front of her were significantly larger than she expected. “You. Have Got. To. Be. Joking...” she said, looking at the massive bowls, then back up to Itsuki, who had quickly scarfed down the meal. “I thought this was a fancy restaurant. What’s up with the two-megaton portions?!”
He shrugged, and she watched with awe as he scarfed down a bowl in no time flat. Once he’d set the bowl down after slurping up the last third, he said, “It is fancy. Just look how good the food is!”
She looked down at the bowl. The food may have been good, but not fancy!
She took a bite.
Well...the food is great, but still not fancy!
Then, she ate.
What was meant to be a nice, fancy outing with her old boyfriend had turned into an all-she-could-eat buffet, where they hardly had time to talk through bites.
Eventually, Sanashi had enough, and set down her spoon, finished with only a third of the second bowl eaten. “I-I’ve had enough,” she said, looking down at her pair. “I can’t believe you ate all of that.”
He smiled wryly, patting his belly. “I’m a working man, you know! I got a rumblin’ in ma tummy! Oh, and does that mean you’re done?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I am?” she said, feeling like he was going somewhere with the question.
Slowly, his hand crept over the table, and he slid her bowl to his side before slurping it all up. Finally, as her eyes were wide with disbelief, he set the bowl down, empty, and let out a long burb, followed up by a refreshed sigh. “You know what I said about feeling bad about not paying?” he said. “I take it back. I’ve never eaten so guilt-free.”
“Glad to hear it,” she said genuinely, chuckling.
“So...” he said. “Now it’s my turn to stand outside and wait.”
Sanashi nodded in understanding and rose up before walking inside.
She met with Soniya, and after a brief exchange, the dinner was all paid for, her credit card back in her hand.
“Say,” Soniya said. “Are you that girlfriend of his? From way back when?”
Sanashi froze with surprise. “Oh, yeah. Unless he had a different one. Why?”
“Nothing. Just curious. You’ve been on his mind since I met him in college. I just want you to know he never forgot about you. I mean, not that it matters too much. We probably both know he’s not the type to cheat.”
“Huh...” Sanashi looked to the side, chewing her cheek. That idiot! You had one job: to forget about me and go on with your life...and you failed the first part! ...But that’s forgivable. Maybe I’m just a really cool girl, you know. Worth remembering fondly. Hehe, that feels nice...a girl to remember in your dreams. Fancy...
“And by the way,” Soniya said as she began to walk away, in thought. “Don’t get that absolute angel’s heart broken. You got it?!”
“I-I’ll try!”
She nodded at Sanashi while she walked out.
As she walked out of earshot, Soniya sighed. “Why do I gotta be his winggal all the time?”
Sanashi walked outside, and Tanaka was already standing, the bowls stacked atop each other neatly.
“Sorry,” he said. “I need to get hope really soon, so I can’t stick around much longer.”
She slowly nodded, exhaling as she looked to the sky. She felt nervous, her heart was beating quickly. She couldn’t think of much more than what had happened between them. And she knew: He felt the same way.
But if that was romance, none of it mattered. Neither of them wanted anything scandalous, so they would never see each other again if it really were that.
Slowly, she inhaled, glancing down at his sad expression. Then, she exhaled, slowly, carefully. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...
“Twenty...” she said, out of breath, looking back down to meet his eyes. “Did you know? I can sigh for twenty seconds, now?”
Itsuki smirked, entertained yet confused. “Good to know...” his face quickly returned to neutrality.
“C-could you bring me to the station?” Sanashi asked.
After a pause of uncertainty, he nodded. “I can do that much for you.”
They walked back down the stairs and began to retrace their steps.
The walk back was nearly silent.
As they approached the station, she said, “Itsuki?”
“Yes?”
“You’ve known the whole time, haven’t you? That I’m in love again?”
He nodded.
“Were you, too?” she asked, still looking forward.
“Yes,” he said hoarsely. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” She shook her head back and forth, her hair fluttering with it. “I don’t think it was love.”
“Then...what is it?” he asked as they approached the station.
“Maybe...let’s call it an illusion,” she said. “We were never in love today, okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if we were in love, we would need to walk away,” she responded. “We would say goodbye...We would part ways...and then nothing would change.” She smiled brightly, tears welling as they climbed up to the top of the stairs. “But, it wasn’t love. It was all an illusion.”
They stepped in front of the bench, facing each other as a train began to slow down, just in time.
“So, we can be friends,” she said. “We can give each other a little support, here and there, from a distance, cause’ we’re friends. Nobody needs to know a thing cause’ it’s all in our heads. Then, we will keep going through our lives. Maybe I’ll get married. I’ll probably not have kids -those weirdos- and I’ll grow old. But we’ll still see each other on the street occasionally. Maybe then we’ll have a quick bite to eat, you know?”
He nodded, an uncertain smile forming.
“Or maybe one day I’ll find out it wasn’t an illusion,” she said with a chuckle. “And I’ll make off with you like a thief.”
“I dunno...” he said, entertaining what felt like a silly thought.
“But for now,” she said. “It’s all an illusion in our hearts, something nobody else can see, cause’ it doesn’t exist, right?”
He looked to the floor as the doors opened.
She put a hand to her chest, nervous.
Then, he walked to her and pressed her close to his chest. “Just an illusion, alright?” he said chidingly.
She chuckled, crying as she felt tears sprinkle on her neck. “Just an illusion.”
The train began moving as Sanashi looked through the window at an unfamiliar crowd.
A man with a black trench coat and hog-head hat walked through them, almost phantasmal in how little people noticed him, yet how daringly out-of-place the outfit was.
A child walked with his hand gripped in his mother’s while she spoke on the phone, ignoring him.
A man in a black work suit with combed back hair walked down the stairs from the bench, his expression melancholic, as though he had remembered something nostalgic.
And the illusory reflection of a girl, reflected in the window, was smiling just the same way, feeling as though she could take a few more steps forward in life.