The interior of the Apothecary was the mirror opposite of the Emporium.

It was, in short, brilliantly lit and meticulously organized. It actually hurt my eyes a little — all that shining whiteness right after coming out of the gloom was borderline painful. Fortunately, the sensation didn’t last long, and had abated entirely by the time I passed through the rows of neatly packaged merchandise and reached the tidy soda counter.

I seemed to be the only person in the store — including employees — but I wasn’t terribly bothered by the prospect of having to wait. Perhaps they were on lunch break — no, they would have locked the door if they were.

In any case, I took a seat at one of the cushioned, bolted down stools, setting my briefcase gingerly down to the floor as I did so. I checked my watch — it had only been about twenty minutes.

Looking around again, I realized the shop was almost excessively well stocked. Not only was it rather large, it seemed it carried an enormous variety of goods. It even looked like they had a whole section — several aisles — devoted to raw alchemical substances.

Was that — no way. White Phosphorous: Please ask for assistance.

Holy cats.

Shaking my head in awe, I turned back to face the counter. Between this place and the emporium, this little town could probably supply just about anything. I mean, was that even legal?

Well, as long as they had the proper certifications and verified customer licenses…

My eye finally landed on a shiny silver bell at the end of the counter. Please ring for assistance, the sign next to it read — under which it said Remember: The Shopkeeper is Your Friend!

The chime of the bell resonated throughout the shop, and a moment later I heard footsteps approaching from a little side doorway behind the counter on the right. A tall, handsome, older gentleman arrived shortly, currently in the process of putting on an apron.

His hair had gone stark white, as white as the uniform he wore, save for the vibrant red trim of the latter. He smiled when he saw me. God, his teeth were ridiculously white as well. I mean, teeth are supposed to look white, but my eye couldn’t help but notice it.

“Apologies for the wait, you seem to have caught me on my lunch break.” Coming up behind the counter, he finished tying up his apron.

“Oh, no worries,” I told him honestly. “I don’t mind a little downtime.”

He nodded slowly. “You chose a good place for that then. Arrived today?”

I nodded. “Twenty minutes ago.” I chuckled. “Came here to get away from everything, and so far I’ve already gotten suckered into buying a god damned naval cannon.”

The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow at that. “Huh. So someone finally went for it.” He paused. “Is there anything I can help you with? I’m afraid we don’t carry artillery accessories, but the ice cream is pretty good. Ranked number one in the county the last five years.”

“Is that so…” I doped my words with a heavy helping of skepticism while putting on my very best bargain with me face.

“All local ingredients.”

I frowned. “And?”

“We use a liquid nitrogen process.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Not bad.”

“Only seven cents a scoop.”

“Irrelevant, considering I’m a guy who just bought a cannon on impulse.”

“Touche.” He paused, until a sly grin split his face. “It comes with a little paper party hat.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“Deal.”

I sure did love doing business.

“So,” he began, “would you like to take a look at the menu?”

I shook my head. “No.” I made a point to look him right in the eye. “I want you to give me bliss, and I want to regret it.”

He met my gaze unflinchingly. “As you wish.”

At that point our conversation was interrupted by a new arrival. Spinning around on my stool, I watched as a cheerful-looking, blonde young woman about my age stepped into the shop.

“Oh hi Anna,” the shopkeeper called out from behind me as she made her way towards us, “this fool just ordered the Annihilator.”

“Have you no mercy?” She exclaimed as she sat down beside me. “Have some pity on this poor sod!” She glanced over at me with a smirk. “Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to stop this wicked fiend from claiming you as yet another victim.”

“He bought Tiffany’s cannon,” the shopkeeper replied as he began prepping the workspace, “I think we need to take him out early before he’s set loose.”

“On the contrary,” she fired back, “I find it hard to imagine how he could be any more dangerous than Miss Tiffany.”

“Hey now,” I decided to finally interject, “I’m not the guy who sells white phosphorous and —” I craned my neck, “is that Arsenic?” I shook my head. “Just what kind of shop do you run here?”

Anna laughed, and began speaking before the shopkeeper had a chance to properly reply. “William used to be an adventurer,” she explained, “and he always says he’s settled down now… but I think he’s still secretly looking for some kind of thrill.”

I frowned. An adventurer? “What did he specialize in?”

“Alchemy.” He spoke without turning around. “Most of the prepackaged stuff is imported, but the shelves over to your left are all made in our own lab.” He paused. “Most of that is just for show though. There isn’t much demand in the Falls for my particular craft, so most of it is made to order. You can look in the catalog on the little desk in front if you’re curious.”

I was curious indeed…

Leaving my stool behind, I moved over to the little stand he had indicated. The catalog was a plain, coverless, and rather large and heavy book. Flipping it open to a random page a little less than halfway through, I read the first entry that my eye landed on.

Elixir of Limb Regrowth

I blinked, and flipped to another page.

Ointment of Divine Radiance

Flipping wildly through the pages, my eye leapt from entry to entry. Yes, most of them were fairly ordinary or at the very least, not unheard of, but…

…Serum of Transfiguration (see below for varieties)

Mixed in with all the rest, with no particular markings of distinction, were grandmaster tier alchemical products. My personal advisor at the royal fucking academy wasn’t licensed to make two out of the three I just took note of — or at least not while I attended.

I looked up. “Just what kind of alchemist are you?”

William didn’t turn around, only glancing back ever so slightly to respond. “A good one.” Chuckling at his own lame joke, he shook his head while returning to work. “See anything you fancy?”

I glanced back at the catalog. “…I just want to know why you’re here of all places. I mean… A salve of invisibility? Really? I’m shocked that more people aren’t flocking here just for your shop alone, recreation be damned.”

“He likes to keep things pretty tame and quiet,” Anna replied for him. “Understatement is his way, at least since I’ve known him.”

“But where do you get the materials?” My brow was now furrowed in confusion. “Let’s not even mention the divine radiance ointment — that salve alone would either require state of the art clean room microcrystalline fabrication methods, or a ridiculous amount of slipperfin scales.” The latter of which were not cheap, owing to their rarity and the difficulty associated with catching the mana-touched fish. “Pardon my nosiness, but I can’t possibly imagine that you’re profitable.”

This time, William stopped what he was doing and turned around completely. “And what about the ointment?”

“What about it? Are you going to tell me that Tiffany also sells industrial arc furnaces, or that you just produce so much mana your piss turns green? Erh, pardon my language there.”

“Bah, don’t worry about it.” He was grinning now. “You know a little alchemy.”

Well, I should certainly hope so. I didn’t cheat and scam my way into the royal academy just to get a degree on paper. If that’s all I wanted, I would have skipped the trouble and gone straight to forgery. No, I wanted to learn.

Sadly, it turned out the skills I learned to get there were more lucrative than the career prospects I faced upon graduation.

“So what if I do?”

Shrugging, the grandmaster alchemist turned his back once more. “It’s always interesting to meet a fellow practitioner.” He paused. “And I believe your ice cream is almost ready.”

A cloud of cool vapor erupted around him with a brief hiss. Must have been the nitrogen. Walking back to the counter, I took a seat next to the young woman, Anna, and waited patiently as the shopkeeper finished preparing the annihilator.

Finally, he turned around, hefting the enormous glass dish with both arms. “One double decker triple drizzle cryovolcanic annihilator.” I stared blankly at the sugary abomination oozing before me. “…and one paper party hat.”

“If you finish, you get your name on the plaque over there,” Anna added cheerfully as I strapped on the colorful, festive cone. Standing up and reaching over a counter, she grabbed a spoon while William glared at her.

I frowned. “What’s that for?”

She grinned. “I said I would help you survive William’s cruel torture,” she said as she dug her spoon into my precious ice cream — “and misery loves company.”