John was young after all. Now that he was successful in his business, he started to behave like a lot of men—he had affairs. He thought he could balance between the affairs and Eric, but he forgot that the soft and gentle man lived with him was also proud. John would not understand the determination in a relationship, but only was spoilt by the endless offer.
Eric forced himself to hold off the sickness after the meal and sat in the balcony, distracted by the bright sunlight. His eyes were wet as he looked at the oxidized silver ring on his finger.
14 years of relationship. Was that it? Or like the old saying, it was easier to share the adversity than the prosperity?
Eric had never felt so clearly of his regret. He didn’t regret for desperately chasing the person he loved in the last 10 years, but regrated to give up his own dream for love. He regrated to low himself down to the dust, and regrated to compromise with his own future.
John left home in the second day. He said the director called him about a deal with an important client, and he would return home as soon as he resolved the problem.
Eric only put the warm navy cashmere scarf over John’s neck, then waved with a smile, “Don’t be silly. I know the cold doesn’t bother you, but nobody can bear the wind outside.”
John gave Eric a kiss on the cheek as they had always done so, and didn’t mention Michael anymore. He grabbed the car key and left the room.
Eric watched John left from the balcony. He sighed quietly and made a phone call to Michael. The call went through immediately, “Doctor Idle, are you free now?”
“Come over, I’m on shift today. Got a surgery in the afternoon, so better to meet you early.”
“OK. Thanks a lot.” Eric brushed his long fringe, thought he could only have haircut afterwards.
Michael went quiet for a second, then continued with something totally irrelevant, “It’s getting cold today, wrap yourself up.”
Eric went blank and quickly thanked Michael. He hung up the phone soon and got changed.
It was cold indeed. The cold air went straight through Eric’s nose and down to the throat. He didn’t like wearing a mask. Not sure why but he didn’t like to wear a mask anytime.
Michael was seeing a few patients so Eric just waited for him quietly. He was distracted by a couple holding a kid, who was just diagnosed by leukemia. Watching them crying was heartbreaking to Eric.
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If his parents were there, they would hold him and cry… despite he was such a bad child.
“What’s on your mind?” After a while, Michael called him smiley, “Do you want to take the puff jacket off? Did you rent it?”
Eric didn’t feel hot at all, but the big jacket wasn’t convenient after all. He smiled back and took the jacket off, then sat on the chair in front of Michael’s desk.
Michael was about to make joke of Eric that don’t be nervous when they talked about the treatment, but was hold off by what he saw. It was a love bite on Eric’s neck. Michael couldn’t help but sighed deeply.
Eric didn’t notice all of these at all. He was looking down at the cover of the latest magazine on the table, and realized he hadn’t subscribed a magazine for a long time.
Michael also calmed himself down and told himself that it wasn’t a doctor’s business. He put a serious face back on and crossed his fingers, “You will have chemo first tomorrow…”
Michael was an extraordinary and young doctor. He could be cold and professional when he talked about treatments and symptoms. Eric felt colder and colder as Michael continued.
“You are still young. I’ll try my best. You shouldn’t give up too.” Michael completed his statement and finished with the comfort words.
As Eric was about to reply, his phone rang. It was John. Eric was used to not putting John on hold so picked it up immediately.
“I’m not going home tonight. You should treat yourself, don’t be afraid of trouble.”
The voice was loud and went far in the small quiet office. Eric was a bit embarrassed. He smiled to Michael and walked out of the door as he turned the volume down.
Michael turned the pen in his hand as he stared at the two pots of orchids. No one could tell what was in his mind.
Eric came back after a few minutes and smiled with apologies, “I’ll mute my phone now… Sorry about that.”
“Are you gay?” Michael asked, although he thought his brain must have been eaten by the pig. He was an adult, but he shouldn’t have said that.
Eric stunned and tried to cover with smile, “It was my…” Roommate. He didn’t say the last word but was interrupted.
“You’ve got a love bite on your neck, and it’s not the only one.”
Eric pulled his collar immediately, and then realized his reaction was actually revealing the fact. After a few seconds, he sighed and tried to soften the conversation, “Don’t you doctor treat gays?”
Michael shook his head and felt heartbroken, “I don’t care about you are gay or straight. But I can’t see what’s going on between you guys. First of all, do you think your body can bear this?” Michael wasn’t fool, the bite was clearly a hard one, made by someone possessive.
“Secondly, and most importantly, what’s your relationship? It has always been yourself, from check up to diagnose and confirmation of treatment…”
“Doctor,” Eric stopped him with cold voice, “It was me. I didn’t tell him as I didn’t want to worry him. No more questions now?” Eric didn’t like to be judged by others, but right now he didn’t have a perfect excuse to defend John. It was the only thing he could do, to end the conversation bluntly.
Michael had other work to do so he made an appointment with Eric in the second day.
Eric had a cough, but felt pain in the bone. He knew that if someone was determined to lie, then he could use the most ridiculous excuses. If John loved him like before, he wouldn’t hold off himself so badly. He would cry when it hurt, would make the man to fetch water and prepare medicine. He would even make the most willful will—you cannot bring anyone home after I was gone.
But no. He wouldn’t do anything like that. He had no choice but to bear the pain and not to bother him.