James woke up to the blaring sound of sirens. It would have been worrying had that not been his routine. He was starting to think that the officers in his block did it on purpose. Otherwise, it would be impossible to explain such timeliness each morning.

He opened the window to let in some fresh air. But as soon as the allegedly ‘fresh’ air came in, he almost puked in his mouth. The downstairs neighbor was, once again, mixing up some toxic concoction of animal organs and, given the noxious fumes, most likely rotted carrion.

“Ah, I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” James said before shutting the window with a chuckle.

He searched around his cramped room for fresh underwear when he noticed that his drawers were open. The lock he had put there to protect his most valuable possessions was picked. That idiot of his flatmate, Jason, a colossal waste of space, had stolen his clean clothes again. Every morning, James had the choice of laughing it off or going insane.

He laughed it off and swore to high heavens.

James fished for some hidden underwear and took out a pair of not-too-smelly clothes from under his bed. He double-checked their acceptability with a couple of frowny sniffs and shrugged. That was the best he could do today. He was set to go to the remote laundromats sometime soon. The near ones had all been robbed or vandalized. His neighborhood did not allow for cleanliness or order – filth was where they lived, and if people had a problem with that, they better move.

As he got out of bed and passed his flatmate’s room, he saw the mysterious box the guy kept in front of his bedroom. It was a shiny black box with metal reinforcements around the edges. He had never asked what was inside, but no doubt it was something he wanted nothing to do with. Nonetheless, he smiled to himself.

“What’s in the box? What’s in the fucking box?!” James mumbled.

As he entered the bathroom, he looked at his messy hair in the mirror and shrugged.

“I guess it does look better on Brad Pitt.”

He put on his suit, giving it a last smell test. The clothes were a C-, probably. Washing them would be good. But he wasn’t sure he could afford dry cleaning all his suits during the weekend.

In fact, James was flat-broke and had an expensive hobby, like all truly broke people. He had no way of moving out of this dump unless he asked his parents for a hand-out. But he wasn’t going to do that, especially since his parents would once again praise his wonderful CEO brother in front of James’s umpteenth failure.

James, unlike his brother, was still paying off his enormous college debt. He had not accepted his parents' money and was trying to make it on his own. And so, he had refused most of their connections, financial support, etc. He had chosen the road less traveled, needing to prove himself in the harshest environments.

And that had backfired spectacularly.

He lived in the slums, had no car, and had nothing of value to his name save for his business degree. And guess what good your business degree is without connections?

James opened his smartphone to check his balance.

“Should be enough to go lancing this weekend,” he shrugged before going out.

He saw Mike, the friendly homeless guy with a filthy, contaminated massive stock pot of coffee right by the curb – paired with a lovely bedbug-infested couch beside it. The homeless man had a camping stove and would keep an extra-large pot with watered coffee hot at all hours of the day. It was quite the business model.

“Yo, Mikey, give me a double. No extra proteins, please.”

Proteins, in this case, came in the form of insect bodies, not fancy Starbucks toppers.

“Jimmy! Isn’t your big presentation today? Knock their socks off, son!”

That wasn’t what Mike said. Not even close. Mike just emitted a grumbly sound, probably landing some spit in the huge pot of coffee. Then, he fished a crumpled cup and half-submerged it in the pot.

God, I can’t keep living like this, James thought while handing out a one-dollar bill to the homeless man.

“Keep your eyes open,” Mike said as soon as James turned to head for the bus stop.

“What?” James turned back.

But he didn’t get a response.

Mike had seemingly disappeared into nothingness as soon as James looked in that direction again. The fence was right there in front of him, right next to the curb, like it always had been—no Mike.

James double-checked with wide eyes before looking at the slightly crumpled cup of coffee, probably re-used multiple times, fished out from a trash can.

“I should stop drinking this shit,” James said as he took a sip of the hot coffee.

Strangely enough, the drink had a much bitterer taste than usual. But in a good way. It made him feel alive. It was a taste of greatness, glorious adventure, a sign that the world was finally changing. It was like—

James tossed the coffee on the curb.

“God, I hope that wasn’t powdered meth.”

…

James stepped out of the bus and saw a crow land on the statue in front of his office building. He worked for a mattress manufacturer, stuck in a junior position, even though two years had passed since he had been hired. He had no idea how that was possible, considering that in the last quarter, he single-handedly raised the profit margins by 32% and made a series of improvements in their supply chain. Hell, in a serious company, that should have landed him a promotion so fucking big he would become the CEO overnight.

Well, actually… he knew the problem with the company all too well.

Kathy had been promoted to Senior Business Analyst – not that the title actually described the job – and she now had four times James’s wage and ten times as many benefits. Sure, the title ‘Senior Business Analyst’ was just for show, as mentioned. In reality, the job included much more, like negotiating with suppliers and sometimes even sales. The whole company had just randomly slapped fancy names on the departments and let each of them figure out what they were supposed to do.

She got even an all-included dental, James thought, massaging the side of his face. He was pretty sure one of his teeth had a cavity, but he definitely couldn’t afford to deal with that at the moment.

As he walked towards the office, he noticed more and more crows landing on the statue of his douche-CEO who thought he deserved to be immortalized like this for selling mattresses. The bronze pile of mattresses - on top of which the statue rested - filled up with so many crows that James thought he was going crazy. But after a quick look around, he noted that no one was stopping by. Barely anyone even spared a glance.

One of the crows bowed its head to the side before letting out a scary squawk at him. It sounded like a bad biblical omen. It was yet another warning that something was off. Was something terrible going to happen—

Fuck, Mikey, did you spike my coffee—again? Aren’t drugs expensive? Why would you do that? I really don’t need this on my last day of work.

James entered the building and got into the elevator. Before the doors could fully close, a fair hand appeared between them. As they opened again, James got a glimpse of Meredith’s warm smile. But it disappeared as fast as it appeared when she realized it was James.

“Hey, Jimmy,” she said with her authentic, bored face.

“What’s up, Lois?”

“Cut the crap, Jimmy. It’s too early for your Superman antics.”

“Well, it doesn’t take X-ray vision to see that someone’s feeling a bit crabby. Have you been binge-watching Patrick Swayze's filmography again?”

James pressed the button, smiling at the woman who just ignored his question, and coughed out a sigh. He and Meredith had shared a very close relationship before she got her promotion. To be precise, they had also partaken in the horizontal tango a few other times recently, albeit still trying to hide it from the other employees. The most recent was about a month ago, during the Christmas party. Meredith had felt bad that no one had invited him and had actually brought him along. Later, they had slept together like many other times. And like many other times, Meredith had snuck out before James woke up.

“Did you receive the memo from Kathy, Jimmy?”

“No. She keeps writing my email address all wrong. Her emails bounce, but she doesn’t even notice. The witch should finally adopt some carrier crows and embrace her mystic side completely. What does it say?”

“She’s taking over your presentation.”

James felt his stomach plunge.

“And she said to put your notes on her desk by nine. Oh, and she said to transcribe anything that you might have handwritten. She can’t read your handwriting.”

“Whatever. By the way, Mer’, get out of here before ten, if you can.”

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

“Why?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to be here,” James said with a conspiratorial tone.

Meredith deadpanned.

“What, are you going to blow yourself up?”

“You wish,” James snuck out of the elevator first, but not before shooting a wink at his dear Meredith. James sighed and slumped his shoulders as the elevator doors closed behind them. He had wasted almost two entire years of his life in this dump. But today, the reckoning shit-tempest would finally rain down on those idiots. He raised his head with a wicked smile. Still, the thought that Kathy would steal his last chance to have them genuinely understand his value made him furious. He had worked so hard on his presentation. So. Damn. Hard. And now, it was for naught. Of course, it had always been for naught, but…

That bitch—

“Are you coming?” Meredith said with an unmistakable air of insufferableness.

“Sure,” he said, rolling his tongue around in his mouth, trying to eliminate the aftertaste of the poisonous coffee.

In the office, the people responsible for the business decisions were mostly women. Good-looking women. The first time James had landed here, he had thought he might have ended up in Vanity Fair’s building. But no, the mattress-mogul CEO was apparently so inclusive that he only hired hot chicks. At least the CEO did not discriminate on race; if you were hot enough, you could have polka dot skin for all he cared.

How James had gotten his job was still a mystery. He suspected a clerical error. Everyone, from the CEO to his co-workers, didn’t like him. Not that he had done anything to deserve it. He had tried to work hard to change their mind. He had put in extra, unpaid hours every week for nineteen months. He had contributed more to this dump than anyone else. Possibly even more than the CEO himself.

As always, he had tried to endure it and show his real value to the world.

And, as always, it had backfired spectacularly.

When they denied his last promotion, he had made inquiries about leaving. But he had been told that no one would write him a recommendation letter. Everyone was happy keeping him as their little money-making pet until their toy broke. And why would they let him go before squeezing out the last drop of his blood?

He had been hatching a plan, though. He had been working on a lot of stuff. He was almost ready to reclaim his place in the world. He would show these pathetic idiots what a caged animal was capable of.

“Hey, Jimmy!”

“What’s up? Better have those notes ready! Kathy is fuming already!”

“Hey Jimmy, you look like shit, man.”

At least the last greeting was somewhat honest. It was Javier, the mail guy, carrying some reports. James usually chatted with him for a bit, but not this morning.

“JIMMY!”

Kathy’s shrill Banshee scream almost broke all the glasses in the office, and Javi disappeared like a deer hearing a tank shooting shells nearby. Kathy loved to pick on Javi, and it made her feel larger than life when she completely humiliated the poor man, sometimes even suggesting he was somehow making a pass at her, especially when they were in front of James. This happened even though Javi was happily married and never once made a remark about her.

And lo’ and behold, the sleazily good-looking Wizard of Oz had arrived, followed by the Wicked Witch of the West. At the center of the show was Alan, the blonde CEO, with Kathy in tow. At the end of the line, there was Christine, his ex; Kathy’s current secretary. Apparently, Kathy had taken her out multiple times after being promoted. And the witch had plunged her claws deep into Christine’s mind, manipulating her into believing that James was a waste of space and a loser. That she could do much better.

One night, Kathy had hooked her up with some douchebag from an investment company that had toyed with her for a while but ghosted the woman a few weeks later, leaving behind a cheated-on Jimmy and a woman with a now-growing therapy bill for her newfound trust issues – who would have imagined, in fact, that cheating on your perfectly loving boyfriend with a rich douche would have backfired? It was as if abandoning a relationship because your mean, jealous friends told you so was a bad idea.

After the fact, Kathy had come to him and told him not to worry, that they should spend some time together that night reviewing his next presentation; she had been giggling and cackling the whole time, most likely high on the fact that she had ruined the one good thing that James had going in his life at that moment – she had clearly wanted to gloat in front of him. It’s no big deal, Kathy had said. It was only thanks to Meredith that he had somehow bounced back, in fact.

James thought that today was finally going to be the day. He had planned it to the finest detail and worked ruthlessly for it. The presentation could have been the cherry on top, but it was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

“Jimmy! I see you are still adopting a mostly casual style in the office,” the CEO said, dusting the sleeve of his extremely expensive blue suit.

“Well, Alan, I see that demons are still doing jumping jacks in your basement,” James replied and smiled as soon as he heard Meredith not being able to contain a giggle and trying to stifle it with a cough.

“Is that a movie reference?” Alan asked, confused.

“Nah. Just something I say. Don’t worry, bud.”

“Jimmy! Where are my notes?! And why are you late?! God, and did you even look in the mirror?! Alan, you ought to give this poor boy a raise before people start thinking we hire from the homeless crowd!” Kathy screamed as her witchy yellow pendant undulated on her generous chest. The woman was obsessed with witches and esoteric rituals; James had outed that hobby of her and renamed her ‘the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Even though most women inside the office didn’t like James, the nickname had spread like wildfire.

“Well, Kathy, you know the policy. Juniors can’t have pay raises,” Alan said with his hypocritical faux-pity for him.

“If he ever becomes more than a junior, then,” Kathy added.

“I’m sure that Jimmy will make a man of himself… Sooner or later,” he added, patting his subordinate’s shoulder firmly, unwilling to dish out too much hope.

Kathy looked at James with that weird intensity that made him feel almost violated by her eldritch ways. They both knew everyone was pretty much expecting James to resign at some point since they had exploited him in every way possible. And everyone also knew there was no way he would ever get a promotion. He was their collective punching bag, and you don’t promote those.

“Where are my notes, Jimmy?” Kathy punctuated her statement with a tap of her high heels.

“Here they are,” James fished out some documents and a USB pen from his bag.

Kathy snatched it from him and scanned the papers quickly. She proceeded to walk past him with a snort and a frown full of mock-pity and disgust.

“Keep it up, Jimmy, and who knows, you might even get a promotion!” Alan, the CEO, patted his shoulder with a big smile.

“A bridge too, I suspect,” James gave him a thumbs-up. His smile, for once, was genuine. He didn’t care for the condescending prick. Soon, they would all get their due.

He had uncovered major embezzlement in this shitty company. Also, since they were a penny stock, he had dug deep into the accounting department. Of course, when you have small stocks on hand, there’s always an idiot who believes they can make a quick buck. How they got a goddamn mattress company quoted, too, was still a mystery to him.

The IRS had really liked his in-depth report. And they had also been impressed by his capabilities. That’s why he had received a job offer from them. Admittedly, it wasn’t shining gold, but they would take care of his debt and give him a decent salary. Plus, he would be sticking it to all the suckers who thought they were oh, so clever.

James looked at the two knockers on Kathy’s chest, possibly a gift from Alan, and thought to himself.

Starting today, I am the one who knocks, bitches.

He couldn’t wait to be done with this shitshow. He wanted to get to the jousting range to celebrate. Who knows, maybe Meredith would also like some action later. James had made sure nothing could be traced back to her and that she had nothing to do with the shit going down at the company. He had checked and double-checked. Anyway, it was a hell of a trip by bus, and expensive as well. If he hadn’t gotten the job offer, he would be thinking about saving every last penny to make the next bank payment for the debt. But jousting had always been one of his greatest passions. Sadly, even at the range, he was the only person taking it seriously. All the other medieval geeks were mostly there to have a laugh with friends and add to their beer bellies.

James, instead, showed up regularly and trained. People had once suggested he take it easy and have a cold one at the medieval-looking bar they had beside the range. But he loved the thrill of jousting, the fine movements he could put his body through to hit even the scarcely used moving targets. And he felt free of worries every time—he forgot about his debt, his shitty life, his underwear-stealing flatmate.

Everything.

Jousting was the one thing that made him feel alive.

As long as he wasn’t going to get the caramel-colored horse with a weird white patch on his eye at the range, this day would be perfect. The owner of the stables said the horse had a very important lineage, but James didn’t believe that in the least; it was just a way to make the least liked horse somehow coveted. He should have printed a couple of pictures of Alan and Kathy for the range. It would have made skewering the targets even sweeter.

James went to the water cooler; the aftertaste of the coffee had magically only gotten bitterer. Magical homeless people tricks, James guessed. He twisted the faucet, but no water came.

“Jammed, again,” he huffed, landing a couple of slaps on the poorly managed water cooler. As he tried to shake it, he finally heard the water come down. But just that… it wasn’t really what water sounded like, was it?

James knelt on one knee to observe the faucet dispensing sand into his plastic cup. James stared at the golden sand for a second and then raised his head to the level of the cooler, looking at the huge bottle of water. A couple of bored bubbles rose from the hole, journeying to the top of the cooler. He looked up and down a few times, seeing water enter the faucet and sand exit from the same hole just a few inches below.

He turned off the cooler and took the cup filled to the brim with warm, soft sand.

Mikey has done a number on me.

…

“The presentation is starting; hurry up,” Meredith passed him, bumping into his ass slightly. Probably on purpose.

The presentation she mentioned was about the improvements on the new line of mattresses they were about to launch. James, as always, had been the one figuring out how to make it viable and highly profitable. He had gone door to door to knock down the prices. Of course, the manufacturers had not liked his fierce dealings, but he had done it, nonetheless.

He entered the conference room and sat by the glass wall. Naturally, those with a junior position would sit against the wall, even when they did the job that should have been a senior’s responsibility. And so, the table was reserved for said senior members and the CEO. With the notable exception of two gay male employees, all of the staff in the room was female.All of them. It was a veritable henhouse, with a rooster addicted to tanning lotion and manicures.

“Guys, or should I say gals? We should all praise Kathy for another incredible quarter!”

Everyone but James applauded. The only other two male managers giggled like schoolgirls. But James kept looking around. If the IRS were to be believed, this place would be swarming with agents any minute now: they had been waiting for this exact meeting in order to have all those responsible for the embezzlement in one room. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that he didn’t get to do his presentation – in the end, he wouldn’t even have time to say much. James looked at his cheap smartphone, searching for any indications of what would go down.

No messages.

Well, they didn’t say they would send him one.

He looked around, hoping for a sign that the doors would be kicked down soon, and the place swatted.

But no such thing was in sight.

James twisted his body to look behind him, thinking that maybe the agents got lost or something. He turned left and right, grabbing the backrest of his chair for dear life, more and more frantic. The clock was ticking. But suddenly, he realized that the room was silent.

“What is he doing?” one of the many female managers said with disgust.

“Maybe he caught neuro-syphilis from a whore or something? I saw on TV that many men who can’t get laid are contributing to a new wave of STDs,” another sneered.

James looked back at the presentation and noticed everyone’s eyes on him.

What was happening?

Where were the agents?

“James, it’s better if you go home. I’ll dock this from your pay. Be on time tomorrow, and don’t disturb my presentation,” Kathy smiled, with venom dripping down her lurid fangs.

As James got up, wondering what had just happened, he heard a DING.

System Notification

Welcome to The System.