“You can’t even do better than this? Our neighbor’s son when he was your age did better than you!”

My mother said as she looked at my report card, disappointed because I couldn’t live up to their expectation. Even though the grades I got can compete with the high ranking students in my school.

“You even did the laundry wrong, you better stop doing it if you can’t even do it right. You just ruined a lot of our sheets. You don’t even do anything worth mentioning in this house and yet here you are can’t even do the most basic chores in the house!”

My father said as he looked at me disappointed.

This kind of thing is normal for me. I mean I do think they love me and put more effort to me compared to my brothers. Even though my brothers get lower grades than me they aren’t scolded as much, so I thought they really want me to succeed.

By the time I asked them that I wanted to become a computer engineer they told me I should instead pursue civil engineering, with a heavy heart, I agreed. I love them so much so I do not want them to be disappointed, so even though sometimes I want to do things which I have dreamt of doing for a long time, I instead decided to pursue what they want.

There are times when I wanted to end it all but I couldn’t, not because I am sympathetic of the people around me but because I am afraid, I am a coward who is too afraid of dying.

“Ha!” I laughed at my self for being too weak.

I’ve always admired people who are able to go through with ending their own lives, I see them as brave and capable of embracing death, talents which I do not have.

Amidst of my daydreaming I snapped out of it and continued my day.

I know they are doing this for my future so I can’t give up! I’ll try to get higher grades next time!

Time went by and I got the grades of my finals. I studied day and night just to get the highest grade I can give my parents and they can be proud of me.

“Shit!” I shouted.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

I trembled as I saw the result of my report card.

I am not one to care about grades or anything at that but when it comes to my family, I will do anything to make them happy.

There were times when I wanted something but opted to not get it because I wanted my family to have it. Things I wanted to do but I wanted to be with my family instead. People I wanted to hangout with but I didn’t want them to worry.

I love them so much and I don’t want them to be disappointed with me anymore. I worked so hard to get the top spot so they can be proud of me.

But I failed.

My usual spot of being in the top 10 was gone. I didn’t even break into top 20. I heard the murmurs of some of my classmates who ranked lower than me, some people that I considered as friends.

‘Shit! Shit! Fuck! Shit!’ I shouted in my mind.

I despaired and thought how they would react when they heard of this. My whole being trembled.

‘Studying is the only thing you’re good at but you failed at that too?’

‘You can’t even do anything that would benefit our family and here you are not even succeeding in this?’

‘Such a disappointment.’

‘Our neighbor’s children never failed to such a degree!’

I imagined the words I’ll hear when I return home...

I can endure those words but, I can never endure the thought of my parents being very disappointed at me to the point that they’ll cry because of it.

My brothers would be okay with it since they’ve always supported my dreams and hard work, but I can’t let my parents know that I blundered like this.

I sat on a bench, took out a piece of paper and did my calculations.

“Ah...”

“Ha ha ha hahahahaha!”

I laughed as my tears fell on my face, crying is something I haven’t done for years! I saw crying as a sign of weakness and have always looked down on others by doing it. Look at me now sobbing while sitting on a bench while people are walking just meters in front of me.

I placed the pen and paper down and made decision.

“Seems like I have to end it huh...

But first I need to make sure to write them a message with full reasoning behind the actions I’m about to take.

Huh... Damn I really wanted to watch that movie, shame it’ll be released in a few more days. Oh well.”

I stood up the bench and went to the nearest train station. As the train is about to go past me I jumped.

Life flashed before my eyes. I saw the letter I made for my family, seemingly floating in the air.

[Hi my most beautiful mother and my most handsome father, my brothers whom I love so much!

I know this might shock you but I decided to end everything today. I’ve been thinking of doing this for the longest time but unfortunately, I am a coward who is too afraid of being hurt and dying. But I resolved myself, the first and final decision I’ll make for myself. Don’t worry I have some money in my bank account, you could probably withdraw that. I have been saving up for the longest time because I wanted to buy a dog. I couldn’t do it but fortunately you can now use it as much as you can.

I concluded that with what I am about to do, our family’s annual spending will decrease a lot! So you don’t have to worry about my tuition fee and other bills anymore. I hope you won’t be mad with what I did, I don’t want to disappoint you anymore. So I considered the loss and gain before I did this, the calculations can be found on another paper stapled on this.

I love you guys, live long and always eat healthy. Mom, dad I love you very much. Brothers I hope you graduate and achieve your dreams!]

I closed my eyes...

BOOM!

Impact.