Prologue.

“Hello Simpson, I understand you’re a simp. Is that correct?”

“Yes... I am... a simp.”

“I see. It must have been hard on you.”

“Hick. Hick.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to cry.”

“But. But.”

“It will be alright. I’m here to listen to your problems. Just let it all out.”

“My fair lady dumped me when I ran out of money! Waaaaaaaah! She won’t send me pictures of her fully clothed anymore.”

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“It’s okay. It must have been tough on you.”

“It was. It was so tough. I spend and spend more and more, but my feelings just don’t seem to get through.”

“There. There. Everything will be okay.”

“It will?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You just have to go through therapy in our simp support group and that disorder will be gone in no time at all. By the end of my lessons, you will be a Chat among Chads. A man of legends who will have all the ladies panty’s dropping when you walk into the room. They’ll even be paying you for your love when I’m through with you. Yes, for that is my calling. That is the reason I was summoned to this world. I am here to save the men of this world from bringing the world to destruction via foolish simping.”

“Uwaaaaaaaah!”

Simpson broke down into a river of tears and wrapped his arms around me.

I immediately punched him in the gut and said, “Bro, I don’t do that homo shit man. Let this be the first lesson in your rehabilitation, real men don’t break down into tears over a simp addiction and expect a hug back from another dude. Real men find a woman, embrace her and start making out like a true legend. We will begin your first lesson in getting all the ladies.”