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Chapter 1: Goblins Are an Unsophisticated People*

A short walk away from my landing site, the Goblins, as they’ve self identified, seem to have some sort of communal living situation set up in a primitive camp. They share food, water, and services with one another with no need for financial compensation, seemingly working on a system of goodwill. I, fortunately, did not suffer any major injuries when falling out of that frigid bitch’s office, but apparently I did land on some important flowers for some ritual that they take part in. They seemed upset, but not angry about it.

“Good morning, human.” One goblin stands at the entry flaps to the tent. I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet, as they remain somewhat confusing in their speech, and they haven’t learned my own name, as I haven’t told them. My medical expenses were covered by the goblins themselves, simply using medicine out of their stores with no question of the cost. I still hold the reservation that they might use this against me in the future, to call upon a favor. Unless they write up a contract or a debt, I have no intention of fulfilling any sort of request these savages make of me. After all, they can barely make enough cloth to cover their own skin.

“Ah, yes, good morning.” I respond to the door goblin, a fake smile on my face. It means well, but creeps me out regardless of intention.

“You take to medicine good?” The goblin asks me.

“Yes, I’m feeling much better than I did when I landed. Thank you.” In actuality, I’m unsure if the medicine did anything for me. My wounds from the fall were bruises, at worst, somehow.

“Good, good. The Gubweh want speak with you.” The goblin nods its head and steps out. From what I’ve ascertained, the Gubweh is some form of chieftain or ruler, but doesn’t hold any real authority or command. They just seem to take a ceremonial role in the tribe, and greet outsiders. And continue to greet them. Day after day.

The Gubweh steps inside. Again. “Happy day, human man. How are wounds?” The Gubweh bares its teeth at me in a disgusting manner that some might mistake for a smile. However, no beast with interlocked blades like that inside of its mouth can be called a being capable of smiling.

“My wounds are fine. Thank you, Gubweh.” If it takes speaking to this beast to get it out of my room, so be it, I will. However, regardless of how well this tribe of goblins has seemed to have treated me, I certainly don’t trust them. They still wear furs and metals, and are capable of killing. And they still look dangerous, especially with how many there are.

“Gubweh have someone to introduce to you.” The Gubweh menaces me with its horrid teeth once again.

“Hm?” I raise an eyebrow in consideration. When they introduce eachother, the goblins use their title. ‘Someone’ seems to entail another outsider.

“Ah! How marvelous!” A lanky man with long blonde hair and a crooked nose saunters into the tent. He wears simple brown rags, and at his side, he has but a lone hunting knife. His beard is reddish, and soot covers his clothing from his shoulders down, as though he lives in a volcano. His green eyes look me up and down with intent. “My name’s Skan. How did you wind up amongst the Gubweh tribe?” I don’t trust this man. A human, in the middle of seemingly nowhere, familiar with these goblins?

“These goblins found me in the woods. I was wounded.” A basic story. It should suffice, for this rough looking man.

“Ah, you too, hm?” Skan sighs. “Things had been so peaceful and safe for so long, for all we knew. And now, another injured human shows up. That’s the second one in three seasons. It’s getting dangerous out there.”

“Two injuries in three months is a lot?” The man looks as though a tragedy had occurred.

“Oh, most certainly! Why, the last injury before these two was almost five years ago, now! These injuries aren’t common at all, or hadn’t been, anyways, until that storm. Did you see it? Some of the mages say that it was dark energies entering the world.”

“Storm?” I have no clue what this man is talking about, but he seems far too forthcoming with information to want to keep this story to himself. If I indulge him, I can get some answers from a more civilized type.

“Ah, you hadn’t seen? Dark clouds rolled over the horizon, unlike those we had ever seen! And mana, it crackled among the clouds! And loud, explosive booms shocked the countryside!”

“You mean… a thunderstorm?”

“A… thunderstorm? What a quaint term! Hah! Where are you from, my man? Your clothing is so intricate as well!”

“My name is Mark Whooten. I’m the CEO of FunGames. That's a company in my home world. I am from… somewhere else, from here.”

“See-Ee-Oh? I like fun games, though!” Skan seems to distract himself immediately with the second phrase.

“Chief Executive Officer. Don’t the humans here have those?”

“Officer? We started training those recently to fight against the amassing dark energy. It’s new, though. Being the Chief Officer sounds impressive and strong!” Impressive and strong. Well, I am… And, if these people have never heard of civilized concepts, perhaps I can help them. And myself.

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“Yes, I am the Chief Officer, in my world, of FunGames. But, if there is… er… dark energy, amassing, I can be the Chief Officer here. And help the goblins… the Gubweh, fight it off.” The Gubweh looks up at this and makes his creepy, aggressive smile once again. “However, if we want to win, we’d have to do things my way. And teach you goblins my way. And you, Skan, I guess, can be my right hand man. You’ll be my Assistant Chief Officer, since you’re the only other human here.” Skan smiles.

“Yes, sir! My full name is Iskander, by the way. The Gubweh just call me Skan when I visit!” He smiles.

“So, how will we get these goblins to fight for us?” I look at the Gubweh. Again, that creepy look.

“We fight dark energy for good of land and spirits!”

The hiring process has never been easier.

A row of unkempt goblins stands before me, wearing rags. Iskander stands at the end, wearing similar rags. From what he’s told me, he hails from a place known as Rosehill, where the hills are covered in roses and small villas grow vegetables and grains in backyard gardens. However, a freak accident caused a fire to spread and burn down two of the villas, with no injuries. The whole community pitched in and helped rebuild the homes. All without any pay. This sort of naivete that is so prominent in this land will be easy to exploit. I just need to get more powerful, and I’ll be able to rebuild FunGames once again, and reclaim the wealth that was wrested from me.

Oh, yeah, the goblins. They’re so unremarkable and pitiful that I had forgotten about their presence. “First, we talk about wages!” I call out across the line.

“Wages?” One goblin calls out.

“Wages! In my world, the people who do the most work and do the best work get paid more to reflect their skill and talent and work ethic. This is reflected in wages. I do a lot of work and my work is a lot harder, so I get a higher wage than someone who just sorts paper mail in the basement all day. Well, I really get a salary, but I’ll keep it simple for you all. You get wages according to your skill and ability! So, I got so much money, because I was the hardest working and the most skilled. If you as an individual can work harder than your peers, you will get a higher wage!”

“What we do with wages?”

“You can buy rewards! The merchants and traders in my world charge prices for items, instead of trading them freely, because they work very hard to get those products. Artisans have to work hard to get the materials and make the products they do, so other workers use their money to buy their products.” The goblins look confused.

“Why?” One particularly pudgy goblin calls out.

“Because when we compete, we put out better work, of course. And we want the best wage we can earn because…” I hold up a shiny gemstone I pulled from my ring, as the goblins begin to grow entranced. In my observations, I’ve noticed these goblins tend to grow fixated on shiny objects like gold and gemstones, just from them looking at my jewelry. “...if you have more money, from a bigger wage, you can buy pretty gems, or tasty food. And the hardest workers can get rewarded. When you don’t have this incentive, some of you can get lazy, and take away from the tribe by your lack of contributions.” I look over at the pudgy goblin. “Murk, there, for instance ate not only one whole lambchop last night, but two! Yet, when I was watching you all gathering crops, he was picking less than the rest of you!” A few glare at Murk as I say this. I took care to learn his name in particular when I noticed him working more slowly than the others. These goblins aren’t averse to jealousy, they just haven’t been introduced to it yet. With money, and hard work, and the concepts of a civilized society being introduced to them, by me, they’ll soon become hard workers and a great labor force.

Ever since I got “promoted” to the role of Chief Officer by Skan and the Gubweh, I’ve been introducing myself to the various goblins and networking around the camp, so to say. These people may be uncivilized, but they’re not uncivilizable. They’ve even started a basic mine nearby with some basic gemstones discovered, but don’t know how to build the infrastructure or architecture to support deeper mining. Luckily, I’m smart enough to set up a grand mine shaft once I have this labor force working. “For now, these nuts,” I hold up a small nut that grows wild here, in a select few bushes, that these goblins have named the Yummynut, “will represent your money, until we can make real money. For now, I need everyone to gather all of the Yummynuts in the area and bring them to the coffer inside of the Chief Officer’s tent.” I smile. “The goblin who gathers the most Yummynuts gets to keep one for himself!” They immediately run off and begin their work.

Iskander approaches me, after my speech is done. “Do I search too?” He asks.

“No, you’re far too civilized. You’ll come with me now, and we’re going to start making some plans.”

“Plans? Are you--” Suddenly, a woman’s voice calls out from the woods. A human woman’s voice.

“Skan!”A young woman with sharp ears runs forth from the woods. She seems to be around 23 years old. Like a typical fantasy elf.

“Mark, this is Lyrie, my good Elf friend from Bluewood.” She’s wearing a similar robe to Skan and the goblins, but it’s clearly had a blue dye or cloth to have it made, rather than the eggshell white or browns that are common among the goblins.

“Skan! There’s another storm coming! And, uh, who is this?”

“This is Mark Whooten, Chief Officer, and he’s here to help us fight the dark energy!” Skan suddenly has panic rush across his face. “Wait, storm? Another dark energy storm is coming?” I look over the horizon. A massive purple cloud, crackling with blue plasma and lightning rolls across the sky. However, it looks nothing like a thunderstorm at home. It looks angry, as though it has a mind of its own. And it rolls towards us.

“Is that what the last one looked like?”

“This one is much worse. The scouts, they said that strange beings were ravaging the countryside, and…” She starts to break down and cry. “Three people were killed!” She looks horrified and shaken, as though her own family was shot in front of her.

“Just three?” I ask. The two look at me with horror in their eyes.

“What horrible world have you endured, Mark? Where is such death natural?” Skan asks. I suppose it’s a good question, when my first thought is that three is low.

“You said there were people killing?”

“Yes…” She’s shaken. “They had long blades, and used fire to burn objects rather than cook. It was horrible. They were led by a strange man in dark robes. I ran and ran to spread the word. The scouts said they were coming in this direction.” I calmly rest a hand on the woman’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. Trust me. I'm very competent and know what I’m doing.” If somebody else is taking advantage of this world, they’re a rival business. And I’m used to undercutting competition. This will be easy.