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I was reborn-ish into a world where everyone have useless-kinda-skills
Chapter 30: A Quest For Nothing And The "Cabbage Whisperer”

Chapter 30: A Quest For Nothing And The "Cabbage Whisperer”

“Who is it?” Xhiva called out sharply, his voice tinged with irritation and a faint screech, as though the mere thought of interruption grated on him. The intensity of the card game clearly demanded full focus.

A voice, deep and forceful, responded from behind the door, “It’s Lion.”

Xhiva groaned, shoving his stool back from the table with an annoyed scrape. He muttered under his breath about how the Xargian Guards had been getting far too full of themselves lately. “Go away,” he ordered dismissively, his tone dripping with exhaustion. “That’s an order.”

Satisfied with his decree, Xhiva returned his attention to the cards, debating how many tricks to aim for in the next round.

The door handle rattled, but the door remained firmly locked. Xhiva’s patience frayed further. “I told you to leave!” he barked.

Lion, unfazed, called through the door, his tone measured but insistent. “Apologies, my prince, but I’ve been sent to finish a task. There’s a soldier—on the brink of death. I’ve been granted the right to end him and claim the experience points.”

Xhiva’s grip on the cards tightened, his jaw setting. “I command you to leave. Do not test my patience, or you’ll suffer the consequences!”

But Lion wasn’t backing down. “Once again, I apologize, my prince,” he said, voice heavy with feigned deference. “It’s just that a little bird whispered to me… that the soldier I seek is in this very room.”

Xhiva, Roy, and Gustavus immediately turned their eyes to Squeaky, the small thunder phoenix perched nearby. Niles’s familiar let out a high-pitched chirp of alarm, its tiny wings fluttering defensively. It gestured wildly as though to say, “I didn’t say anything! I’m innocent!” Tiny beads of sweat seemed to form as it flapped in a frenzy under their collective judgment.

“You’re not welcome here. Now leave,” Xhiva’s voice shattered the tense silence, carrying a sharp edge that brooked no argument.

Lion paused for a moment, then offered a mockingly polite response, his tone dripping with insincere courtesy. “As you wish, my prince. I’ll take my leave. May your day be as fulfilling as your commands.”

Turning on his heel, Lion muttered under his breath, barely audible, “I know mine will be.” Without another word, he strode off down the corridor, heading toward the throne room.

Inside the room, Gustavus and Roy exhaled in unison, the tension in their shoulders melting away. “Phew, that was nerve-wracking!” Gustavus said. “You handled that well, Xhiva!” Roy added.

But the corpulent prince didn’t so much as glance up at the praise. His eyes remained fixed on his cards, as though the recent encounter with Lion had been nothing more than an annoying fly buzzing about. “This turn,” he declared, his focus entirely on the game, “I’m going for two tricks!”

And with that, Xhiva gave his full attention back to the card game, the previous interruption seemingly erased from his mind.

**********

Back in the city, Niles and Xander made their way toward the Adventurer’s Guild. The very idea of it sent Niles’s imagination into overdrive, conjuring images of a grand hall steeped in history—a sanctuary for brave men and women who risked their lives battling monsters, saving nations, and carving their names into legend.

But as they reached the outskirts of the city, the reality shattered Niles’s vision. The buildings here were ramshackle, their wooden planks warped by moisture and decay. The streets were dirt paths riddled with trash, the air heavy with a stench that stung the nostrils. Children played in the filth, their laughter starkly out of place in the squalor.

At the heart of this dilapidated area stood a shack, small and unimpressive. It leaned slightly to one side, as if it had given up on standing straight. Above the entrance hung a tattered flag bearing a crude emblem: a sword crossed over a shield with a helmet perched above them. It looked like something a child might scrawl in crayon for a pretend dungeon crawl—devoid of artistry or refinement.

Niles’s excitement faltered further as they stepped inside. The interior was less a guildhall and more a dingy tavern. The stench of alcohol and stale air was suffocating, and the dim light only served to highlight the grime. So much for grandeur.

Xander pinched his nose, trying to block out the overpowering stench. Outside, the sun blazed brightly, but in here, all the windows were sealed shut, leaving the room dim and oppressive. Only faint beams of light managed to sneak in, giving the space a murky, claustrophobic feel. This would be a ventilation nightmare back on Earth, Niles thought, surveying the room. Not exactly a workplace that passes inspection.

The people inside didn’t seem to mind—or maybe they’d just given up caring. Their spirits looked as sunken as the worn chairs they sat in. Across the room stood a large board labeled "QUESTS" in faded lettering. It was empty, its surface caked in dust, as though it hadn’t been used in years.

“You’ve come a long way from home,” a bald woman rasped, breaking the silence. Her arms were covered in tattoos and scars, and an eye patch added to her intimidating demeanor. She leaned back in her chair, scrutinizing their clean clothes and confident stance. “You must be desperate if you’re stepping into a place like this.”

Niles responded with a beaming smile, his voice ringing out, “Thank you! Yes, we’re absolutely desperate! I’m glad you noticed!”

The woman blinked, momentarily thrown off by his cheerful tone. Around the room, heads turned, eyes narrowing as the patrons shifted their focus to the unexpected duo.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Xander, ever composed, watched the exchange with quiet amusement. Normally, he might have taken a more measured approach, but seeing Niles handle it with such unorthodox energy was entertaining. Besides, he was still focused on breathing through his mouth, anything to avoid the oppressive stench clinging to the room.

“I’m Niles, and I’m here to request a QUEST!” Niles’s voice echoed through the dingy guild hall, turning every head in the room.

A shaky, incredulous voice answered him. “Do you mean... a real quest?”

The speaker, a burly man with a hood over his head, slowly stood, his eyes glistening as if he’d just heard a proposal of undying love. Niles strode over, his grin wide and confident.

“That’s right!” Niles declared. “I’ve got a friend on his deathbed, and I believe only a unique skill can save him. That’s why we’ve come here!” He paused dramatically, building anticipation. “And—here’s the kicker—you’ll get paid upfront: a free checkup with the holy crystal to reveal your true skill!”

Xander lifted the crystal, its radiant glow catching the flicker of the room’s dim candles. A gasp rippled through the room, followed by cheers. Adventurers leaped from their seats, energized by the promise of purpose.

Niles capitalized on the momentum. “And I’m sure we’ll find someone here in this famous adventurers’ guild!”

The air shifted abruptly. Faces fell, and a wave of melancholy swept through the crowd. Niles sensed the mood plummeting after the word famous was used and quickly added, “AND I’VE ONLY HEARD GOOD THINGS!”

This sparked a clamor of renewed cheers, and Niles grinned. “Now, line up, folks—it’s time to discover your true worth!”

In hindsight, he regretted using the phrase “true worth.”

The first in line was the muscular man with the hood, he approached the crystal with a mixture of hope and trepidation. He placed his hand on it, muttering, “Status: open.”

The crystal flared briefly, revealing the words: “FlowerPower – Can create stunning floral bouquets.”

Silence.

“I... I need some air,” the man mumbled, his face blank. He shuffled toward the door.

Xander leaned toward Niles, whispering, “He’s taking it better than I expected.”

A shrill, heart-wrenching wail erupted from outside. Niles winced, cleared his throat, and called, “Next, please.”

The adventurers shuffled forward one by one, revealing a parade of hilariously underwhelming skills:

* “Cabbage Whisperer” – Can communicate with cabbages, convincing them to grow faster or roll slightly

* “Sticky Hands” – Anything you touch becomes incredibly sticky for a minute. Great for losing friends, terrible for wielding weapons or tools.

* “Pigeon Summoner” – Summons a single, uncooperative pigeon.

* “Dramatic Sneeze” – Can sneeze on command, with an impressively loud sound.

* “Salt Spray” – Can shoot a small puff of table salt from your fingers. Effective against really under-seasoned meals.

One by one, the adventurers left, their dreams of glory wilting like neglected houseplants.

Finally, the scarred, tattooed woman with an eyepatch stepped forward, her expression defiant. “It’s not about the skill itself,” she declared. “It’s about how you use it.” She placed her hand on the crystal.

The verdict: “Regret Beam – Stares at an person so intensely it makes them think about their poor life choices... if you make eye contact.”

She barked a laugh, tapping her eyepatch. “Good thing I’ve got one eye left!”

As the room had emptied, she turned to Niles. “So, did you find anyone useful?”

Niles scratched his head. “Well... If the FlowerPower guy could whip up a nice bouquet, that’d be a start.”

She nodded. “I’ll make sure he does.”

“By the way, thank you for helping us with our quest,” Niles said, extending his hand. “And for the great customer service!”

Her expression froze, caught off guard by the unexpected praise for her customer service. It had been so long since she’d heard anything like that. Slowly, a genuine smile spread across her face, and with newfound confidence, she replied, “That’s what we’re here for!”

Xander leaned in, whispering to her, “You’re supposed to shake it.” Nodding at Niles hand.

The woman gripped Niles’s hand with a strength that nearly crushed his bones. Niles let out a sudden, sharp cry of pain. “Oops. Sorry. Thought you were stronger.”

“Not a problem,” Niles wheezed. “By the way, about those skills... Some of your friends must’ve known theirs already, right? Like, how do you not notice if your hands are unnaturally sticky?”

She smirked. “Wouldn’t you be curious if there was more to it? A hidden potential? You’d want to know, wouldn’t you?”

Niles nodded, impressed. “Good point.” He continued, “Let’s go Xander.”

The woman scoffed. “Your name is Xander? Like the prince? That’s amusing. I thought only royals wore names that start with an ‘X.’”

Niles raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised. “Well, he is the real prince.”

The woman laughed, shaking her head. “Yeah, sure he is. I’m not that gullible.” She leaned in closer, squinting as she examined Xander’s face.

“Why would royalty show up in this dump of a guild?” Her mind raced, but then her gaze locked onto his eyes—scarlet, serene, and unmistakable. They glimmered with the quiet authority of Xandria’s royal lineage.

Her breath hitched, and her confidence shattered. “Oh... Oh no.” Her voice trembled. “My prince, I-I didn’t realize... I’m so sorry for doubting you!”

She dropped to her knees in a bow so deep it was practically groveling. Panic flickered across her face as she wondered if she’d just doomed herself to royal punishment.

But Xander said nothing. His smile faltered, and with a curt bow of his head, he turned and walked out of the guild without a word.

Niles stared after him, his brows furrowing in concern. Something was off. He hurried to catch up, and once they were outside, he asked, “Hey, man, what happened?”

“I’m starting to think your skill isn’t ‘Barrier’ but picking up on every tiny detail,” he remarked suddenly.

“Was that an attempt at a joke?” Niles grinned. “I’m proud of you!” he added, his smile widening.

Xander chuckled softly. “Well, we’ve spent enough time together these past days. I’m bound to pick up a thing or two.”

But then Xander’s expression shifted, his usual composure faltering. After a moment of hesitation, he decided to be honest. “I think her skill—Regret Beam—activated on me,” he admitted, his tone heavy. “It made me… question my life choices.”

Niles could see the storm of reflection brewing behind Xander’s scarlet eyes. “A wise man once told me,” he said gently, “we all have demons inside. But we shouldn’t forget the angels we carry, too.”

Xander regarded him thoughtfully, realization flickering across his face. “That was me who said that, not too long ago.”

Niles nodded. “Exactly. That’s why I remembered it.”

A soft chuckle escaped Xander as he smiled, the tension easing slightly. “Thank you.”

Niles met his gaze with a warm grin before steering the conversation elsewhere. “So,” he sighed, “looks like we’re back to square one. No closer to finding a skill that can save Felix.”

As if on cue, a group of scrappy youngsters burst onto the scene, rushing toward them with eager hands and hungry eyes. “Got any money? Food? Anything?” one of them pleaded, their voices overlapping in chaotic desperation.

Before Xander could respond, a particularly bold child darted forward, digging deep into his pocket and snatching the crystal.

“Hey!” Xander shouted, spinning to grab at the kid, but the little thief was already sprinting away.

The rest of the children scattered, following suit, each running off in a different direction, their loot clutched tightly.