Chapter 1 "The Goddamn Goddess"

Goddamn son of a bitch! It hurt! Uh?! Wait, it don't anymore...

As the pain I was feeling just a moment ago receded I opened my eyes and started to look around me.

"Where am I?"

As I looked around me all I was able to see was pure darkness, yet strangely as I tried to look at my hands I could see them, it was like I was the source of a light in a deep space without star.

"What the hell?!"

Those guys who where just shooting at me a moment ago also disappeared just like that, and thing started little by little to make sense to me.

1- I'm alone naked, floating in a creepy dark space 

2- I just became a beehive but I don't have a trace of wounds on me.

3- my feet staRTED TO DISAPPEAR ?!!!

"Ok... I'm dead..."

Well it doesn't feel bad actually my body doesn't hurt at all, and most of all I don't have the headache and bloodlust that cursed me all my life...

I started to remember what happened today, and as I recall the faces of my family and pretend friends, a feeling I never felt before started to eat at me.

"Is that... Guilt?"

Yes for the first time in my existence, or wait I'm actually dead aren't I? Anyways for the first time I felt guilt towards the cruel things I have done to the ones who cared and loved me. It was strange really even though I never did think of them as family before, like some stranger who were taking care of me and annoy me, now I feel like I love them.

That's really weird, I feel like I'm someone else yet I feel like I'm still myself. I still feel some traces of bloodlust and my love for blade, yet it's only meager to what it was when alive.

Could it be that right now it's my true personality not hindered by my sick brain?

*Ugh*

I begun to feel sick as I was thinking too much for my own good, but I didn't stopped as I wanted to know the truth about myself.

*Fuuuu*

Calming my breath I, wait...

I'm dead like I already said why am I even breathing?

Confused I tried to keep my breath, and weirdly I didn't felt pressed to release the air in my lung, and neither did I felt the need to actually breath, I guess it's just a unconscious need?

Where was I? Oh right my sick personality... I try to simulate in my head numbers of scenario, weirdly I don't feel anything by killing a stranger as long as he mess with me, but when thinking about my parents and brothers who were always good to me, kids or good peoples, I actually don't want to kill them.

"Oh so that's it!"

My personality is that of a murdered who love blade, yet it's also one of someone who hold dear those he love and can love his neighbor, and most of all, like said, capable of loving. Yet capable of killing without guilt he's enemy.  That was dumb, really, I always thought that my brain was what made me want to kill and my personality what repulsed me from loving or even hating someone. And yet it was reversed, even though it's the truth than my bloodlust was clearly influenced by my brain, but even now I still have a lot of it. Well what can I say i'm really a little bastard who killed is loving family and now that my brain is free from it's mortal biding and healed I'm felling quite the amount of guilt from all the innocents I killed.

It actually hurt a lot when I think about it, so as to stop from hurting myself more than that, I tried to think about something else, girl, yeah I know what you thinking, "why now?!"

Well it's quite simple really, when I think back on my life and now that I'm capable of loving and rid of 'most' of my bloodlust, I thinking back on all the girls I rejected, I know that you are thinking that I think highly of myself, but what can I say, I do was a model and actor after all... But now even for that I feel a little guilt to have rejected their feelings without even listening to them, but I also feel a little regret for never involving myself in romance.

Maybe if I encountered a good girl and I passed time with her, I could have obtained the ability to love? 

"Yeah right... Who am I kidding..."

I mean, I was a sociopath who couldn't even hate or love someone, how would have I even involved myself with a girl?

"..."

Well, I sure as hell done a lot of thinking will waiting to disappear, but strangely my body (or should I say soul?) suddenly stopped from disappearing when it got past my ankle, even though will I was thinking my feet who was still just starting to get transparent, was now completely gone...

*Sigh*

Am I going to disappear or not? Make up your mind up there!

"You won't, and there isn't anyone up there for your world." (???)

"Whoa?!"

I suddenly turned my head to look at the origin of the voice, and there stood a strangely dressed woman. To be quite frank she was beautiful, she was quite tall, at almost 6.5 feet tall, she had long bright red hair and hypnotizing bright eyes a beautiful tanned skin and had a young and thin face, but the thing the most out of place with this woman was her dress made out of blades, she looked like some healthy warrior princess out of some fantasy novel. 

Yes everything was quite beautiful to my taste, even the dress...  What a sick man I am...

"My! Thank you, I must say I quite love this dress too. But I am no princess, but a deity of blade. Oh, but how rude of me I didn't introduce myself! My name is Ymylfana like said previously I am the blade goddess. Nice to meet you dear, Rick." (Blade Goddess Ymylfana)

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"Oh so you can read mind... Well even though you know my name I guess it would be quite rude to not introduce myself while in front of a goddess who taken the time to come see such a twisted man such as myself. My name is Rick Waander, it's an honor to meet you Goddess Ymylfana."

Without wanting to I sounded arrogant because of the over-politeness, it was a remnant of my fake personality who tried to look amicable yet a little arrogant, well to make it simple I was like an actor who played his role for too long and couldn't get out of his character.

"Uhuhuh, don't worry about it I know that you lived a long live of lie and didn't mean to offend me."

"Ah, yes I guess a Goddess would know everything about a short lived mortal whom she already know the name of. But can I ask you what you meant when you said there wasn't anyone up there for my world, and of course if you could explain to me what you want with this meager mortal I would be quite thankful." (Rick)

And here I go again...

"Oh, yes of course I will explain why I have come to you, but as for your first question, what I mean is, unlike my world where gods live and control it, your world is autonomous and when someone die, his soul is taken care of by what you can call a 'natural system' who 'recycle' the soul to create a new one, to be frank even us Gods don't really know how it really work as it something that should normally be done by a God who role is to treat unclean soul and reincarn them. That what happened to your feet but as long as your soul didn't completely disappear it can be said that it's still whole so don't worry."

"...That a lot of shocking information, but it only raised a lot more questions in my mind, first of all I guess the reason that my soul stopped the process of being 'recycled' is you, that raise my second question, since you are a God not from this world and the system of this world as nothing to do with you, how are you able to hinder it's work?"

I'm seriously starting to think shit gonna hit the fan if I continue to talk to her like that...

But against my expectation she started to show a bright smile so bright that I actually closed my eyes a little...

"Like I already said you don't have to mind your manner since I can read your felling and I know there no bad feeling behind your words, but I must say I am quite happy as to see you are much more clever that I gave you credit for! I knew that my choice where good!"

When I heard her last sentence , I got a bad feeling.

"Don't worry! I come to it in time, to respond to your questions it's quite simple. First yes I am the one who stopped the system from recycling your soul, second is simply because even though the system is something really amazing it was created due to the fact there is no God, that is why it doesn't have any security when it come to a god messing whit it. God aren't something that is bound to a world, even though most pantheon stay in a unique world of their choosing and not mess with others, as to not trigger a war between pantheons, since it would destroy the world holding the war. I said that Gods could mess with the system but it isn't actually quite true since the system is so complex that even a god can't really do something big to it,  stopping it from eating one human soul like you is the most a Goddess like me can do."

"I See... Thank you for satisfying my curiosity, I guess we come as to why you come to me?"

Oh? For once I wasn't that arrogant... Well maybe a little, but not that much... Guess i'm starting to get the hang of it.

"Hihihihi."

Seeing as I started my mental struggle once again, she started to giggle in a girlish way, that was quite cute actually...

"Yes I guess we should start to get on the main question as to why I come to you. Well is what I like to say but it's time! So I will just say that I taken a liking to you! When you grew up come pray at my dedicated temple to obtain more answer!" (Hyped Goddamn Goddess Ymylfana)

"Wut?! Grew Up?!"

At my surprise my soul was starting to get brighter and brighter.

"Bye bye!" (Hyped Goddamn Goddess Ymylfana)

"Wa...!"

As I was gonna ask what was happening, I blacked out...

Shit it hurt.

My lung where hurting like hell as I was trying to breath, around me I could hear the sound of peoples who cried in joy.

What? What the hell is happening?! My voice come out in a huge cry. And that seriously startled me!

I tried to open my eyes but I wasn't able to, I also was feeling seriously weak, after someone rubbed my body with what seemed to be a wet towel, I was passed from hand to hand, I was starting to have a understanding of my situation, but couldn't acknowledge it.

Until I was finally in what seemed to be the arms(?) of a giantess.

"I am so happy... Shun, my baby."

Said the said giantess in a gentle voice.

Well fuck... 'When you grew up', 'Weak little body and unable to open me frickin eyes' and that last line... 

GODDAMNNNN GODDESSSSSSS !!!!!!

Has I was crying to the heaven, the people around me seemed to be happy for the fact I was a healthy crying BABY...