Shing! Shing! Shing!
“Ugh! My head hurts… I don’t remember getting wasted… wait… where am I?”
[You are in Heaven’s Hall.]
“Huh?”
“Don’t I need to be dead to get into heaven?”
[You are dead.]
“No thanks. Just send me back to Earth.”
[You can’t just nonchalantly cast off death… There is no second chance, you’re dead.]
“How can I believe you? You might just be lying to me right now. I might just be on a gameshow.”
Suddenly, the sky turned bright. The clouds parted ways and a huge lightning bolt landed on my body instantly reducing it to ash.
“Aaaaaahhhhh! Urg!”
Eminence pain poured into my body as if all the muscles in my body were ground into meat paste.
“What the hell! Why did you...”
[Do you believe me now? You are dead. This is not a game show. This is not a dream. This is not your world.]
“Well, obviously, I am dead, you just killed me.”
[Well yeah… I just killed you, but where do you go after you die? It is Heaven of course. That is why you didn’t go anywhere after you died, because you were already here.]
“Well then can you at least tell me how I died?”
[Okay. Let's see… A B C… G H I J. Jake… Jake… Jake Fury… Here it is.]
[Oh… fu fu fu… ah ha ha ha… -cough- sorry… Are you sure you want to know?]
“What was that just now.”
[Oh nothing… Did you want to know how you died?]
“Yes.”
[Okay. So the day you died… You took some top-secret information from your enemy countries database then escaped by plane. You then jumped out of the airplane without a parachute to avoid the homing missile. Then, while descending you tackled a flock of seagulls in mid air to slow yourself. After safely landing in shark infested waters you were attacked by a school of great white sharks, which you easily defeated. After taming the school of great white sharks, you used them as a raft and went to the secret underwater base Atlantis. After making your report and handing over the information you retired to your room where you drank some coffee then took a shower.]
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“Um… So how did I die?”
[Oh. I thought it was obvious… You died in the shower...]
“I see… I must have slipped and slammed my head and bled out.”
[No… Actually, you just started to relax and fell asleep. While you were asleep you rolled over and drowned in less than 1mm of water. Truly a feat that makes the rest of your accomplishments look like mere child's play.]
“What?! Wait… Are you making fun of me?”
[No, no, ofcourse not. How could I, God, stoop so low as to make light of someone’s death.]
[But, honestly… How can a person drown in less than 1mm of water… All you would have to do is turn your head… Even an ant can’t drown in that much water… Fu fu fu. Ah ha ha ha… -cough- Sorry.]
Silence...
[Well there is some good news. The world where you will be reincarnating is a world of swords and magic! The people who have reincarnated into that world all say it was a blast.]
[I will list some special traits, just say yes if you want them.]
Okay?
[Impervious to drowning.]
“Yes.” Good. At least I won’t have some lame shower death.
[Impervious to physical damage.]
“Yes.” With this I will only have to worry about magical attacks and soul attacks.
[High affinity with mana.]
“Yes.” Good. I can see myself dominating the world and slaying the Demon King with wave after wave of powerful magic.
[Unlimited potential for growth.]
Unlimited? So I could even become a god? Sounds good. “Yes.”
[Ding! Congratulations! You have chosen the race: Slime!]
“Awesome! Wait… What? Shit, I have been had.”
[Have fun in the world of Zelitha]
“Wait! Wait! I want a reeeeeeeedddddoooooo!”
Shing! Shing! Shing!