I woke up to Mr. D’Angelo knelt down next to me, probably checking my temperature with the backs of his hands. I had only blacked out for a second, but it was long enough to fully fall over myself onto the ground. I reached up and rubbed the back of my head.

“Are you alright Radley?” he asked, “Are you sick? Have you eaten today?”

“Hmmm?” I couldn’t quite bring myself to think of words yet.

I heard the faint whispering of someone in the group, “Eating disorder?”

“Do you need me to call someone?”

“No!” I gasped, mind flooding with thoughts of the phone call with my mother, random sentences in her voice filling the room with everything she would say about hearing that I’m blacking out in dance class. “I-I just didn’t sleep well last night. Sorry. I thought I was fine.”

“Okay. I don’t think you should dance today, though. Your partner will dance with me and you can watch me to learn the moves. Get more rest before next class, though, Blake shouldn’t have to suffer from having an absent partner.”

“Right. I will.”

Shit. There goes dance.

And Blake? My partner is Blake?

I looked at him. I couldn’t remember any remarkable performances by him. He certainly wasn’t to Panama’s caliber. Which means… I wasn’t. Or D’Angelo didn’t think I was.

----------------------------------------

Later on at the library, I chugged down a disgustingly metallic energy drink, eyeing up the cold frappuccino drink I brought for later. I had to knock as much work as possible out today so that I could get a full night’s sleep before my next dance lesson. I would not have a repeat performance of that fall.

I was fairly deep in editing my chivalry paper when my stomach growled, loudly. My head flew up to look around the quiet corner of the library to see if anyone else noticed it. Yep. They had. I looked at the empty drinks and snacks scattered across my cubby desk and sighed. I was out of packaged junk food, and I had been sitting there long enough to need another meal.

I packed my books back into my backpack and shoved my trash in with them, then made my way through the maze of shelves that would lead me back outside. A good meal at the cafeteria should help me feel a little better, anyway. I wouldn’t be able to live on artificial energy and chocolate for too long without crashing again.

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The buffet today had all sorts of taco fixings alongside the usual salads and soups. My mouth watered, I was so ready to stuff my face full of fresh veggies and warm tortillas, sour cream, salsa. I loaded my plate up and found a table by the windows to chow down. I was so lost in my dinner that I didn’t see Colt coming up until he was right on top of me.

“Where the hell have you been?”

A glob of sour cream and guacamole flopped out of the bottom of my taco as I glanced up at him.

“What?”

“I’ve been texting you for three days without an answer. Are you ghosting me? You don’t have the nerve to actually break up with me?”

“Three days?” Oh shit. It has been days. I never responded to any of his messages. “Oh shit, I’m sorry Colt. I didn’t even realize. I’ve been so busy trying to get my grades up, you know, after the email I got.”

“Too busy sucking the teachers’ dicks? Can’t make time for your boyfriend because you’re groveling for better grades?”

I squeezed the taco involuntarily, spurting more filling onto my plate before letting it go.

“Most of my teachers don’t even have dicks for your information.”

Geeze, I was tired. That was so not the route I was aiming to take in my argument.

“Well then who is it that you’re spending all this fucking time with!? Why are you freezing me out?” he was getting louder, drawing attention our way.

Let’s try that again...

“I was in the library. By myself. Writing my essays, studying for my math exam.”

“For three days? Yeah. Sure.”

Fuck it.

I stood, grabbing my backpack and pouring out its contents all over the table. Books, notes, snack wrappers, workout clothes, all of it.

“Which one of these are you jealous of? Because I’ve been spending every waking moment with the contents of this bag and I am fucking tired of every single one of them. I have to make this work. I have to get my grades up by the end of the semester or I’m done here and then we won’t be spending any time together, ever. It really is that bad, Colt.”

He sat down across from me, hand propping his head up. He looked stressed out.

“I just need you to answer my texts, okay? You can’t keep me on read like that. You know how I get, I just come up with the worst case scenario.”

“Well, reign it in. I don’t have time to soothe your ego. I’ve got my own shit to solve right now and not much time to do it.”

I became aware of how sharp my tone was. Maybe he was right, I was being frigid.

“Sorry, Colt. I just can’t seem to do this without sacrificing something.”

“And you chose to sacrifice me?”

“No, just… I can’t be around as much while I’m fixing my grades. And I need you to understand that, just for a while.”

He pouted, but shrugged.

I continued eating with my stuff strewn across the table.