1

The truth is, I don’t know where to begin.

We both know this has been coming for a long time, and tomorrow, it will become frighteningly real. I have always been afraid of forever—of love, trust, and promises most of all. But more than that, I fear death; I fear dying before I have the chance to tell my story to just one person.

I never knew how to say this before, but after years of deliberation, I think I’ve finally found the words. But you’re going to have to wait until the very end to hear what I want to say the most.

2

This part is never easy. In fact, it is the single hardest thing I have ever done. And after this, there’s no going back, is there?

3

I’ve lost count of how many times I rewrote this letter. But it really doesn’t matter what happened before, does it? No, it only matters what is and what will be.

When you read this, you will see that my hands were trembling. The first time, I wrote it in red ink. Then I decided it wasn’t only hideous, but far too mawkish for the occasion. One might even call it cruel. Too dramatic, I thought, to make it seem as though I’d spilled not only sweat and tears, but my own heart’s blood on these pages.

But it would’ve been ironic, wouldn’t it?

4

For months, I have lain awake at night, wondering how I would say this when the time came. And now it’s finally here, and I find myself… hesitating.

I always knew what this would look like, but I never considered how I might feel. I thought it would happen on a summer morning and a seaside cliff, with a grenadine sunrise and waves crashing below. I thought it would happen years from now; that it would be sudden and spontaneous.

There’s no such thing as perfect timing for something like this. I cannot pretend that things are not about to change, nor life about to get a whole lot more complicated.

You see, for them, there is tomorrow, but for me, there is only today.

5

I wish I could promise you that everything will be okay.

6

If you see the good in someone, promise me you won’t give up on them. A good person is the rarest thing in the world. When I am gone, and you fall in love a second time, promise me you will tell them; that you will never let them forget it.

7

I cannot forgive myself for all the things I didn’t say until it was too late. How can I forgive us for all we did not become?

All my life, I pushed away the things I didn’t understand, and I ran from the unimaginable. But this was once unimaginable, too.

8

The three saddest expressions ever uttered were: “should have,” “could have,” and “would have.”

I should have told you that I loved you. I could have told you the truth. Would we be standing here now, if only I had? Would it have catalysed or delayed the inevitable?

9

It’s addictive from the minute you let yourself think you matter to someone. And because you don’t know, you hope. You wish on every puddle, every star, every drop of rain, and that is what got us here.

I feel as though I’m walking in the clouds, and I will never come down to earth again.

10

Love is delusional sometimes, but reality is for people who lack imagination.

11

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

I gave up every chance of happiness I ever had.

12

I am not asking you to make the decision that will make me happy.

13

Have you ever loved someone and not known how to stop? Because the more I try, the less it’s working.

14

I made you laugh ‘til you cried, but with him, there’s a light in your smile I never even knew was there.

15

Don’t make that last therapist appointment. The way I feel is no longer your burden.

16

I will always love you. But if you’re in love with someone else, who am I to stand in the way?

17

Love is someone who saves you the last piece of chocolate.

18

Have you ever walked around the city at midnight, wondering where he is, and what he’s doing?

19

I hope that one day you look down and realise you’re still putting oat milk in your coffee, even though you’re the one who teased me about it in the first place.

20

Have you ever thought of him and smiled for no reason at all? Have you ever watched them throw away the poinsettias on New Year’s Eve, and remembered a fleeting glimpse of him?

21

Have you ever cried in a supermarket at 3 AM?

22

Beautiful things don’t ask for attention. And behind every beautiful thing, there was first something tragic.

23

When you think about it, is there someone you’re living for? If you couldn’t live for yourself, could you do it for someone else?

When I’m gone, I hope everything in this world will remind you of me.

24

I don’t know if I should be apologising for this. But I will apologise for the length of this letter. You know I’ve always thought too much and felt too little.

25

I will apologise for everything else, but not for this.

26

I will never be ungrateful for every moment you have loved me.

27

You’re the one good thing that ever happened to me.

28

Love’s a dangerous game. How did I ever fall in love, when I don’t even know what that is?

29

When you look at me, it’s like my heart’s exploding in my chest.

30

This is the end of life as we know it.

31

I never imagined what it would be like to die, or what Heaven will look like.

32

If I had to describe it, it would be like floating, or flying. And if singing were a feeling, it would be this.

33

This is the kind of thing you can’t predict, nor understand unless it happens to you.

34

No one will ever know why.

35

So, what do you say in a moment like this?

36

I’m guilty of so much when it comes to you—of loving you, certainly, though I feel guiltiest for that. And if we’re being honest, I live only to read your letters.

37

I need you to hold me tonight.

38

Do you remember the first time you said that you loved me, and I didn’t believe you? No one had ever told me that before.

39

We’ve been so strong; held on much longer than they thought we would.

40

Tell me a story, but not the truth.

41

Everything will culminate in a happy ending, and if it doesn’t, that isn’t the end.

42

You’re the only person who saw that little bit of sadness inside of me.

43

What you don’t understand is that I’m an optimist.

44

If you were a season, you would be the summer. Somehow, you make the whole world bright.

45

I’m glad this happened on a beautiful day.

46

A bad day doesn’t have to turn into a bad life.

47

Some see endless hope, where others see a hopeless end.

48

The only constant thing in life is change.

49

I thought the winter would never end, and then, just when I least expected it, when I’d nearly forgotten it, warmth came, and a different light.

50

It’s no secret that the both of us are running out of time.

51

I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in miracles. Living is a miracle. Laughing is a miracle. And because there was a miracle, I met you.

52

Everyone deserves a happy ending.

53

So, this isn’t goodbye. This is “until we find a way.”