I hear it.
The thuds from my walls
I hear it.
It awakens me in the middle of the night as my fever runs hot
A sign of my sickness.
They thought me mad, but as my blanket ensnares me, I know fully well I am all too sane
They did not believe me once I said they were coming, the ones who stood long before us
They laughed at me and called me mad, now, as the thuds evolve into clawing outside my window, a sense of vindication washes over me
I know it to be sinful, but I cannot help it
Let me have just one victory before the sky turns that dreadful crimson.
I beg of you, God.
Before my body rejects my very own skin, choosing to embrace blood and bone
Allow just one victory
As my blood burns me inside out in a tomb of my making
I hear it.
It’s quiet, no it’s deafening
An orchestral choir composed entirely of the scratching and rattling of my window
A part of me wishes to open the window, natural curiosity I imagine
But I have no say in the matter
My body is not mine.
The mind inside my body is not mine
I know it to be selfish, but I had hoped to prolong the inevitable
Enjoying what little true free will I had in my possession
Though, I assume this was your mercy
Allowing me to bear witness to the final moment of my own sanity
I thank you.
Wolves howl outside my window, accompanied by the sound of children crying
Or is it just a fox screaming at an uncaring world?
Before long, the bell strikes midnight
I hear it, over and over again
Endlessly it feels like
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A herald of doom perhaps, a song of torment
The song plays, reaching my infected soul
Oh, what great joy!
Soon the mask on my skin may finally rip away
What great joy!
I can finally look upon a congealed crimson sky
Without my eyes getting in the way
A sky as bright as the sun itself even in the cold moonlight
My insides look for an escape
They sense your arrival
Could you come soon?
I can hardly wait for your caring embrace
That’s when I hear it
Footsteps that make no sound
Breaths that require no air
You have come for me!
You did not forget me!
The choir outside my window swells
Welcoming your arrival I presume
A beautiful melody befitting a lord such as yourself
The one in the sky with a million eyes
I hear you.
Opening the door you creep in
I cannot see you with my eyes
But I know you’re there
I can feel it.
Your beauty requires no vision to see
Would you ever share your oh-so-lovely gift?
I apologize for uttering your wondrous name in such a vile manner
If you deem it so, I would pluck my own eyes out to fill your collection
As my body contorts itself into a form you find more pleasing
I make only one selfish request
I beg of you, lord of all that is crimson and bone
Do not allow me to fade into the night once all has ended
Allow me to become part of your beautiful choir, forevermore
I hear It.
I hear it.
A sign of my body not being my own
My fever boils me alive
A sign of your love
Please, I beg of you
Show me mercy.
Fit my soul within your holy union
I am your vessel
Even if I am to turn into a beast, I shall welcome it with open arms
Oh God, please lend your mercy upon this poor sinner
I do not wish to die alone or live in agony writhing on the floor
With only what remains of my flesh to comfort me
Invite me to your glorious marching band, I will play the drums just how you want me too
I hear you.
I can hear you!
I finally hear you, allowing my heart to flutter like never before!
I thank you, I can finally see.