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54 – I Need to Fix This

54 – I Need to Fix This

The private room where Nolan and Emily found themselves was small and modest, illuminated only by the dim light of an oil lamp resting on a nearby table. A simple bookshelf with a few worn books adorned one corner, while a chair and an old desk completed the austere décor. Despite its simplicity, the space had a calming air, far removed from the bustle of the church.

Emily sat on the edge of a chair, her hands clasped in her lap as her fingers nervously toyed with the hem of her shirt. Her heart pounded loudly, and though she tried to control her breathing, her nervousness was clear in her posture. Being alone with Nolan in such a confined space, coupled with her inexplicable inability to control her magic, filled her mind with questions and fears.

"I’m going to lose it at this rate..." Emily thought, trying to keep from sweating, though it was futile.

Meanwhile, Nolan stood behind her, inspecting her back with hands that were firm yet careful. His fingers moved across her bare skin with precision, searching for any sign of irregularity while his other hand held an open book. Emily could feel every movement, every touch, which only heightened her discomfort. Yet, it was the silence that truly unsettled her. Nolan was focused, as if trying to solve a complicated problem she couldn’t comprehend, and she couldn’t help but think that something was terribly wrong.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Nolan broke the silence.

“Your core... it’s gone,” he said gravely, though not alarmingly, as if processing the information even as he spoke.

Emily turned her head to look at him over her shoulder, her eyes filled with a mix of surprise and confusion.

“What does that mean? Is... is that normal?” Emily asked, her voice trembling as she clasped her hands tightly in her lap.

Nolan closed the book he had been reading and let out a sigh, lowering his gaze to the floor for a moment before answering.

“No, it’s not. This is the first time I’ve seen anything like this.” His tone was sincere, but the hint of concern on his face didn’t go unnoticed by Emily.

Her heart began to race even faster, and she felt heat rise to her face.

“Then... what does it mean? Can I... form another core?” Emily asked quickly, her words tumbling out as she tried to keep her growing anxiety at bay.

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Nolan nodded, though his expression remained serious.

“We can try,” he replied, stepping toward the table to set the book down, giving Emily the chance to button up her shirt again. “But I’ll need you to focus as much as possible. This might be harder than the first time.”

Still confused and nervous, Emily fumbled with the buttons of her shirt. Her mind was a whirlwind.

Why had her core disappeared?

Had she done something wrong?

As Nolan arranged materials on the table, Emily tried to calm herself, but her thoughts spiraled downward.

‘What’s happening to me?’ she wondered, feeling a lump in her throat. ‘What if I can’t form another core? What if... she was right?’

Her grandmother’s voice echoed in her mind, bringing back words she had been trying to forget. The memory hit her like a slap. Emily squeezed her eyes shut, trying to banish those thoughts, but the echo of those words was relentless.

Nolan, noticing that Emily was lost in thought, placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Emily,” he said, his voice soft but firm, pulling her out of her trance.

She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with insecurity.

“I’m sorry,” Emily murmured, feeling ashamed of her lack of focus. “It’s just that... I can’t feel anything. Before, when you asked me to form my core, I could feel the mana flowing through my body. But now... there’s nothing. It’s like... it’s like it vanished.” Her voice cracked slightly at the end, and her hands trembled as she tried to explain.

Nolan knelt in front of her, placing both hands on her shoulders to steady her.

“Emily, listen,” he said in a reassuring tone. “You don’t have to apologize. This isn’t your fault. We’ll figure this out, but I need you to trust me. Okay?”

Emily nodded slowly, though she still couldn’t shake the sting of shame.

“I don’t want to be a burden to you,” she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes. “I thought magic was the one thing I was good at, but now I can’t even feel it. What if I can’t ever use it again? What if—”

Nolan, seeing the tears begin to roll down her cheeks, gently wiped them away with the back of his hand.

“Emily,” Nolan interrupted, his voice firmer but filled with warmth. “Don’t pressure yourself. You’ll get through this.”

Emily felt the weight on her chest lighten slightly at his words, though the tears continued to fall. Nolan held her gaze, as if trying to convey all the reassurance he could muster.

“Thank you,” Emily whispered at last, her voice still broken. “I’m sorry for being so... useless right now.”

Nolan shook his head, a faint smile breaking through that seemed to ease some of the tension in the room.

“Don’t say that again,” Nolan said softly but firmly. “You’re stronger than you think.”

Although Emily felt they were just comforting words to make her feel better, Nolan, who had seen the power she had wielded in that "vision," had no doubt she had far more potential than even she realized.

And though he didn’t want to admit it, the thought that this might be a side effect of the request she had made to ‘those beings’ was a conclusion that resonated louder and louder in his mind.

‘I need to fix this,’ Nolan thought, clenching his fist tightly.