Nick's Log, Star Date 92 aka May 17, 202X

Man, I miss home.

I miss the stupid things. That annoying dog that always barks at 5 am? I'd love to hear that again. That godawful pop hit from the Steaming Birds? I'd listen. The disgusting piss they call beer at Morrie's? I'd drink it and be grateful. A burger. I'd kill for a goddamn burger. I should have tried to cook the hamburger meat in sunlight my first day here. Spices. Hell, pepper! I miss so many things.

I know I might go crazy. They say you go crazy if you're alone for too long. Well, I'll try to steer my crazy. Something not totally harmful or obnoxious, so even if I make it home, I don't get locked up or whatever. Who am I kidding? The government will probably lock me up and dissect me if I ever get home.

I dunno. The whole day-night thing messes me up. I try to think of it as two days on Planet BigBall is one day on Earth, but it's not that simple and my sleep goes in and out of synch with stuff.

What am I even trying to do here? Survive, obviously. But for what? I'm never gonna make it home. I'm going to die out here.

Die. Bzzt. Bad depression. Bad. No biscuit.

I don't know I'm going to die out here. I always knew for sure that I'd die on Earth. That was wrong. Maybe I won't die here either. Maybe I'll make it off Planet BigBall and go adventuring across the galaxy with a talking rabbit that loves explosives and a bird man who's scared of house cats. Who knows? Anything is possible.

Maybe tomorrow I'll rediscover soy sauce or something. Plus there's always the chance that I'll find whatever's missing from the can of chicken noodle soup. It better not be something like mercury again.

I need to redesign that goddamn can opener. I cut myself again earlier getting at some tuna. It's a miracle that I haven't gotten horribly sick from local germs or whatever.

Oh, crap. Maybe those aliens on Market Street accidentally gave us a plague. Maybe Earth is covered in blood-sucking zombies by now. Or that would be vampires. Whatever.

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It's just so fucking random. Why would you open a bunch of space portals going a bunch of places and be so disorganized about it? You'd think aliens who did that too much would kill themselves off with a super plague or whatever.

And why the hell were the green aliens fighting, anyway? If they have things like Petra in their pockets and can spare one for a stranger, aren't they, like, totally rich? Why would someone conquer them? Just give the attackers a Petra. Maybe aliens are stupid just like humans, fighting over nothing.

I gotta salute the alien babe who gave me Petra, though. I'd have been dead in a day without her. Green alien girl, you did me a solid.

Who knows? If I keep making stuff and opening up new menus, maybe I can get all kinds of things.

I've started talking to Petra a little.

I know, I know, crazy town. But I'm writing English lessons for Petra. Real Hop on Pop type stuff. I draw pictures and put words, and just make lots of very simple sentences. I'm not sure but I think it might be helping. Anything to reduce the alphabet soup in the menus.

Oh yeah, I finally got Petra to print a charger that works for my phone. Good think Petra can, like, totally scan things or whatever. She's got to be some kind of engineer, to be able to rig up a charger for an alien piece of technology. I don't actually need my phone, but it's familiar, and I've got so little from Earth I want to cling to every bit I can. An expired mint is a treasure, just for the link to home.

Yeah, I'm going a little crazy. It's been over a month since I talked to a human being. I'm not a crybaby by any stretch but it's...getting a little old. I'm gonna forget how to talk, if I don't talk to Petra sometimes. Yeah, that's it—I'm just practicing speaking. Not crazy at all.

Maybe I'll do another echo phone call. I don't particularly love my own voice, but it beats silence. Hey I wonder what would happen if I got Petra to print more cell phones. Could she figure out how to give them different numbers?

Man, this log is probably going to be boring as hell to read later, but whatever. I keep lists and stuff too. It's not all useless.

The hydrogen is starting to run out. I'm being careful, but some of the water just evaporates, so it doesn't all recycle. Oh hey, maybe I could get Petra to suck water vapor of the the air, like a dehumidifier. Better put it outside, though. I don't want to get super dry inside. Cracked skin is the last thing I need on top of everything else.

Anyway, realistically I need to search farther and find another hydrogen deposit. I wonder how far down I can go in the hill? Stairs suck, but I think I'm still a long way from making rope or an elevator.

I should work on the flying car again. Petra obviously can make things float around. I ought to at least get a hover car. Going for a drive might do me some good. And hey, a flying car might be the first step on the way to a spaceship.

Who knows?