As I approach the town gates, the guard beside them - wearing shiny metal armor - moves to stand directly in front of me, arms folded. He's bulky, and he must be hot under that helmet, but he doesn't even break a sweat as he looms in front of me.

I freeze in my tracks.

Messing with city guards is always a terrible decision.

Actually, I suppose it depends. If this is like a novel, then the city guard is not that impressive and probably ineffective without a strong leader controlling what they do. If this is like a game, then this guard is so dangerous that if I piss him off I might just die immediately.

"Answer: The guard is no threat to you, Hero!" That damn voice in my head chirps up.

I narrowly resist the urge to respond to it out loud.

But hopefully it can feel my irritation.

"Who are you and what is your purpose?" The guard asks me, his expression inscrutable.

This is like a game, huh? I swallow nervously, but clear my throat. "Ryo Takahashi, Hero. I've come to beat the Demon King and save this world."

I figured those two goals were pretty universal in terms of content that called heroes in.

I don't see the point of stealth. Identifying myself is the best way to get slotted into the role to get Maidens or guilds or. Whatever.

Though I prefer to go it alone, I do need to learn things first.

Judging from the guard's puzzled expression, he doesn't seem to recognize me, even by that title.

But he steps aside, and bows politely, waving me in. "....Yeah, okay. There's no demon king here, just don't cause any trouble."

I enter the city of Karytis. It's not large, but it is bustling with activity. Vendors hawk their wares in the square, and women wearing almost nothing carry baskets of vegetables on their heads. Children laugh and dance, skipping rope, and elderly men sit by the road playing a card game I've never seen before.

I give those last ones an especially wide berth.

I hate mini games,

People rush past in all directions, and I take a moment to compose myself. It's quite a change from the calm peace of the forest I experienced earlier.

Everyone seems busy with their daily tasks - shopping, laughing, eating and drinking with friends and family. It's all very ordinary.

A nearby group of women laugh gaily as they stroll towards me. All three wear cinched up tops that display ample cleavage and long skirts, like hiding their ankles offsets the boobs.

Very video game.

But that's when the strange happens.

"Hey there cutie~ You looking to join the guild?" The leader of the three approaches me, winking coquettishly. Her friends giggle in unison behind her, hands clasped together. "We got a fun idea."

Guild...

These are...guild recruiters??

"You must be kidding me." I stare blankly at them.

She leans up against me. "No, really, we are. Come with us to the brothel-"

Brothel?!

They aren't recruiting for a guild or party...they're soliciting customers?!

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In public?!

What kind of a guild is in a brothel???

"Answer: An extremely profitable one! Prostitutes make more money than bakers and even blacksmiths combined-"

'Shut up, no one asked you!'

One of the girls loops an arm around mine and rather obviously presses her chest against my elbow. "If you just come with us-"

I firmly shove her away.

I need a place to start and some kind of training from NPCs, but I'm not that desperate.

I hate cheap fanservice crap.

The trio pouts dramatically. "Hmph. Your loss! If you ever need a nightly visit to relax, just look us up." They toss their hair and whirl around, stomping away.

I grimace in distaste.

...Now where do I go...?

"You can-"

"I DIDN'T ASK!"

Oops.

I did say that out loud.

At least there's no one paying attention to me anymore.

"The adventurer's guild is two streets down!" That chipper voice ignores my objection.

I take a deep breath.

Okay.

That works.

Guess that's the one to start with.

The adventurer's guild is as generic as it can get - it looks just like the one from any normal RPG or tabletop game ever, complete with adventurers making a din at the bar and getting up to stupid antics.

One particular drunk man stands on top of one of the tables, shirtless with a wild expression, shaking his fists and bellowing loudly about wanting to take down the demon king himself. He brandishes a mug high above his head. "A round of mead on me!"

Loud cheers greet his words.

The next scene unfolds like I expect.

He attempts to down the entire contents of the cup in one gulp but spills half of it down his chin, dribbling it all over himself, his pants and shoes, and his fallen comrades.

A roar of laughter shakes the tavern and someone shoves him hard. He topples right over with a loud thud.

Whatever.

The reasonable part of me says I have to learn how to survive in this world somehow since I don't get to respawn, but I still really don't care for cutscenes early in a game.

They usually drag on and are entirely predictable, just like the NPCs here.

"But you didn't even stay to listen to the mission information that you need-"

Ignoring that helpful voice, I make my way through the crowded hall and approach the receptionist desk. She's a slim girl with red hair and blue eyes who smiles cheerfully as I approach. "Hello, Adventurer! What brings you in today?"

"Looking for your beginner quest."

I hate tutorial levels.

But I should play it a little safe just to avoid anything embarrassing.

She beams at me, and pulls up a menu, selecting a quest that opens up in a small window in front of me. It reads as follows: 'An Alchemist's cooking practice. Quest Giver: Ada Fial. Difficulty: E+'.

"...I don't want that one."

Seriously.

I'm not going to walk into the evil alchemist trap immediately.

She blinks rapidly and stutters in response, "B-but, Sir...this quest will help you learn alchemy to improve your adventuring and has been vetted as absolutely non-dangerous by our team! It pays well too!"

Yeah.

Well.

Your vetters are bad.

"They were charmed by-" That annoyingly helpful voice chirps up.

'Didn't ask.'

"What other starter quests do you have?"

"Well..." She blinks and looks through her papers. "I have another that's rank C but for an unvetted adventurer taking a C rank you'd need a party of four..."

"I do things solo." I wave my hand, dismissive. I just want a safe and easy quest to test my skills on, not an NPC escort mission.

She looks up at me. Like a deer caught in headlights. "That's...the rules. I can't do anything else. The only mission under a C rank is the Alchemist cooking practice...!"

I sigh.

This is some annoying railroading.

"...Fine. Fine." I hold up a hand. "But do you have one that already has three people signed up? I'm not doing a party collection side quest."

I hate those, too.

There's no worse way to drag out the start of a game than lock the first challenge behind some janky half-realized dating game mechanics that don't even matter because they're impossible to fail.

"Well..." She checks her sheet again and nods. "There's one more like that, actually, if that's acceptable...?"

Finally.

She looks at me hesitantly, as though waiting for permission. I nod sharply at her and she shuffles about, searching for a form, then pulls one out from a stack, a faint glow emanating from the paper. "It's just exploring a nearby cave where monsters are gathering. A three person party tried to sign up for it, but I had to deny them because four is the minimum...if you wanted to fill it, however I'd be more than happy to submit it again-"

"Yeah. Sure. Give it to me." It's good enough. It sounds simple and boring enough for me. "Where do I find these people?"

She taps the edge of the page and the image disappears, presumably uploading itself into me. "They are regulars, actually, so if you find the Dueling Dragon Tavern, I believe they are still inside there, looking for someone to help them."

Great.

Good.

Let's go find these people and get started with this easy quest.

Once I get the hang of it, I can figure out how I'll tackle the hard content.

"You can-"

'Don't care.'

"But-"

'Did I ask??'

"You just-"

'You said I can ask for anything, but I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO ME UNLESS I ASK FOR IT.'

There's no further chattering, but I can sense her sullen feelings.

Good.

Let her pout.

I head back into the street and look left, then right.

So.

Where is the dueling dragons...?

"Two blocks to the east, Master!"

...Alright, I walked into that one.