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Chapter 13- Hana And Yukina

I couldn't believe it. There she was, the person whose family I had taken, whose position I had taken, whose life I had taken, was sitting right in front of me. With each passing second of myself just staring at her in disbelief, the feeling in my stomach seeped deeper and deeper. I felt awful. Intentionally or not, the undeniable fact was that I became her and had selfishly accepted her life as mine because of mere convenience. And now, with her sitting in front of me, it seemed like I finally had to pay the price.

I didn't know what to say. What could I? Ask for her forgiveness? I couldn't. I felt as if I didn't deserve it. Even if I asked and she refused, I couldn't blame her. Roles reversed, if I was staring face to face with the person who stole everything from me, I too would want revenge to the highest degree. Leaving didn't seem like an option either. It was clear to me that the Princess herself, brought me into this space, and from what I could tell, there was no way out. Surrounding the two of us was complete nothingness; darkness stretched out in every direction as far as the eye could see. The only subjects that I could see clearly was the Princess and the chair she rested on. Our eyes locked for an instant but I quickly lowered my gaze from her, onto the empty space below us. I was ashamed. Ashamed of just everything.

"You....can hear me right?" My own voice called out to me from across the space.

Nervously, I slowly raised my head and nodded. Upon doing so, she seemed to sigh in relief. "Thank goodness, it would be a problem if you couldn’t." She straightened herself in her chair and cleared her throat. "Well, before we indulge in anything..."

"And here it comes..."

At this point, I was resolved for whatever came next; revenge be it may. The least I could do was accept what the Princess deemed fit. If she came to take her life back, and leave me in this bottomless void forever, I couldn't argue against it; I would force myself not to. But, before that happened, I felt like I owed her something. Something very simple; something even someone like me could do. And that was an apology. If I could make things even the slightest bit right with anyone in this world I've awoken in, I wanted it to be her. Along with that, I felt as if I needed to do it for myself. I've seldom been truthful up until this point and I wanted to change that. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't just some selfish person who lies to others for the benefit of themselves and that I, yes, even I, someone who was considered an outlier to society, someone who failed their family, someone who stupidly threw everything away, still had an ounce of dignity and honor, even in the end.

Gathering my wits and swelling with the last bits of my pride, I clenched my fists as tightly as they could clench and raised my head, facing Yukina, and spoke at the same time as her.

"I'm sorry for everything." We both apologized simultaneously.

Shocked, we both just stared at each other without saying another word. It was she who broke the silence with a modest chuckle.

"You're sorry? What would you have to apologize for?"

"You're not...mad at me?"

Yukina shook her head. "No, not at all. Did you do something worth me getting angry over?"

"Did I do something.....I mean your me⎯I mean I'm you and you're here." I gestured my arms outward towards the nothingness that enveloped us. "I...I stole your life. I took everything from you, I-"

Yukina raised her hand while shaking her head, refuting everything my flustered self had spouted.

"I assure you, you had nothing to do with our current situations being the way they are. In fact, I'm almost certain It was indeed Iwho caused all of this."

"Almost?"

"Yes, you see..." She put on a regretful smile. "I have little to no recollection of anything revolving around the affairs of my life, nor how I ended up here and incidentally, how you ended up becoming me."

"....You.... don't know?" I echoed her statement in disbelief.

I slumped back into the chair bewildered by Yukina's confession. Neither of us knew the answer to how things came to be. I thought if there was anyone who knew what happened to us, it would've been her, and now that it turned out she was still alive, I was hoping for an answer to one problem I've been trying to solve since I've arrived in this world. However, it seemed that we were both just as lost as each other.

"You seem disappointed Yukina." She remarked with a playful tone, clearly finding it amusing she was speaking to her other self. "Were you hoping for a different answer?"

"I mean....sort of," I replied while fixing my posture. "I thought you would know what happened to me; to us."

" It's regrettable I don't."

"Then....why are you taking all the blame? How can you be sure I didn't play a role in any of this?"

"Well, I am the one who created and is currently maintaining this space we're residing in, I know that for certain. And while it's true I'm missing almost the entirety of my memory, there's one thing I do in fact recall." Her light-hearted tone began to fade while she continued. "Most likely because the burden of it goes far beyond the mind and is etched into my heart."

Without a second thought, I immediately knew what she referring to. I felt it twice in the short period of time I've been in this world; more than enough times to realize the severity of it.

"The Queen." I interjected.

Slightly surprised, she nodded her head in affirmation. "Yes, that's correct. I could never forget what I must do. Judging by your answer, I assume you felt how I feel about her?"

I nodded my head. "It's an indescribable emotion." I admitted, brushing my hands against my outer forearms in discomfort. "I don't like it."

"Yes, I lived with it for almost my entire life."

"Your entire life?"

Yukina's demeanor promptly turned gloomy. "You see, mother⎯the Queen from what I've heard was adored by all of Eirad. She was its beacon of light. She was perfect. There wasn't a soul in the entire Demon continent who wished ill of her. Not one. It would be ironic to call her angel, but that's what she was. But I..." Yukina clutched her chest and lowered her gaze. "I took that away from everyone...."

"She took it away?"

Trying to piece together what she meant, I recalled Elvira's words from when I first saw the painting of the Queen and broke down.

"Before she passed, she left us with you."

"Childbirth complications." I assumed.

"Precisely. Pregnancy and labor aren't matters to be taken lightly. Complications such as those that arose during her labor period weren't unusual. Even with the finest doctors and equipment, matters can still veer off course, just as they did in my mother's case. "

Even though this was a world full of magic and other supernatural features, it seemed the technology and methods that were in place still pales in comparison to the world I used to reside in.

Yukina's gaze was still lowered as she spoke. "In all, I killed her. It may be roundabout thinking; call as you may, but the way I perceive it, I was the one who took the light away from the Demon Continent. While I was young, everyone in the castle gave their best efforts to maintain a cheerful attitude whenever I was around, though I could always sense the sadness behind the facade. The matter of my mother's death was a closely guarded secret; contained to the residents of the castle and other high-ranking officials. The kingdom couldn't let their incompetence be known to the outside world. As for the public, they were simply informed she fell ill and passed away sometime after my birth."

The more Yukina spoke, the more I understood why she felt the way she did, and the realization that we were alike dawned upon me. We both pinned blame on ourselves in matters that we had absolutely no control over, her with the Queen's death and I with myself stealing her body. I began to see her less as a Princess of another world and ironically, a true reflection of myself.

"Eventually around the age of ten, I learned the truth." She continued. "When I did, the feeling that we both share spawned inside of me. It was then I decided to do everything in my power to bring her back. I excelled in my studies, I devoted myself to magic, I made it my sole purpose in this world to make up for the burden that my birth had caused. Solemnly and without telling another soul of my mission, I researched and worked tirelessly. However, even with the blessings that magic provides, it seemed that once someone has passed from this world, they are gone for good. I couldn't accept that reality, I wouldn't allow myself to. I began to dabble into forbidden magic and its nature."

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"Did you find anything?"

Yukina shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't recall anything past that point. However, it's most likely the case that I took a misstep in my tinkering with dark magic and retreated into here, a space conjured with my own strength." Yukina, at last, raised her head, revealing a pained smile. "Silly isn't it? A foolish princess who couldn't accept her own reality ended up digging her own grave and made trouble for an innocent bystander. And for that, please, I humbly ask of you to accept my apology and forgive me."

I sympathized with Yukina. She was only trying to do what she thought was right. Before, I assumed she had it easy; a princess who lived in a fairytale castle with a loving family and land that adored her. It seemed that everyone has their fair share of hardships in life, no matter their background. As for the matter pertaining to how our situations came to be, I had no choice but to accept Yukina's theory. It was logical and seemed to make sense. Though, I took it with a grain of salt since she wasn't completely sure of it herself.

"Well," Yukina started as she clasped her hands together. "Now you know me and my story from what I could recall. So, it's your turn. Who are you, my other self?"

"Who am I". That was the first time anyone in this world had asked me that. For the first for what seemed like an eternity, I could let my guard down and speak a whole truth.

"Who am I? Where to start..."

And so I began, saying the truth and nothing but it. I started to explain from square one, beginning with the fact that I was from another world. Upon me telling Yukina this fact, her eyes widened momentarily, but then quickly reverted to their previous state. I continued with how I started off as a regular girl who just like her, was devoted to her studies and excelled at almost everything. I next told her how my entire life got thrown off by an addiction. I was positive that video games didn't exist in this world and if I used the word "game" by itself, I'm sure she would've gotten confused. I told her about how I let it get the better of me and how my family abandoned me. I informed her about how I became an outcast to society and how lonely I was. I didn't tell her about how I met my untimely end in the convenience store, however. I felt as that if I told her, it would only lead to more confusion on how our situations came to be, and that itself, was already troublesome as it was.

I then ventured into how I arrived here in this world, laying in her bed with a ridiculous headache partnered with no memories previous to that. I told her about the King, the Royal Maids, and Akano, and how kind they were. Upon me doing so, Yukina's eyes lit up, with her hand raised to her mouth.

"Everyone.....how could I forget?!"

"You didn't remember them?"

"No, not until just now, when you mentioned them." She rested her temple in the palms of her hands. " And even currently, I can't seem to recall anything beyond their names and faces."

Yukina's memory situation was identical to mine. She couldn't remember anything unless a trigger was initiated. The only thing that could trigger them in her case was me, and I had no memories besides the near two days I've been in this world. So asking her about any information before I became her was out of the question.

I then informed her about the dried-out mana circuits and the mana fatigue Doctor Tera had diagnosed when Akano and I visited the clinic. I noticed she winced at the name, which confirmed to me that she really didn't like her and that confirmed to me why I didn't either. When I asked her if she knew anything pertaining to the mana fatigue, she denied it by saying she didn't and apologized.

After, I talked about how I hadn't revealed to anyone that I in actuality wasn't the Princess for the reason that I didn't want to worry anyone and raise any alarms, but also because that her life, was something that I've been longing for and wanted to maintain. I expected to hear some backlash from her about my actions, but Yukina didn't have any. She expressed a shared interest in not wanting to cause panic throughout the Kingdom. Yukina also didn't blame me for my own personal interests in keeping my true identity a secret, stating that if she were in my shoes, she may have done the same.

In final, I told her about how came across the journal that was locked in the drawer with her own magic and how it led me here. When I finished, I exhaled heavily and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.

"Are you okay?" Yukina asked me, her voice paired with concern.

"Im....Im fine." I choked out while rubbing my face with the sleeve of the black nightgown I had fitted on, in an attempt to collect myself. Yukina was the first person I had spoken to freely with almost no restrictions. Everything had been bottling up inside me for what felt like a lifetime. To finally vent it out to someone was something I desperately needed. After a minute or two, I calmed myself down. "And that's my story."

Yukina smiled. "Thank you. I realize that from what you've told me, you've had it hard yourself. Once again, I truly am sorry for everything. There is one thing that troubles me though. You mentioned that you came in contact with a journal and from there, it pulled you into here? And that journal was sealed with my own magic, correct?"

I nodded my head. "Were you the one who sealed the journal in the drawer, and were your expecting me?"

"I can't say for sure, my memory is very hazy at the moment. As for the question of if I was expecting you, I wasn't. Though I did feel a small connection; I'm assuming the instant you held the journal. It was then I partially opened the space and that resulted in pulling you in here. On the matter of how this space has taken the outer form of a journal, the reason is unbeknownst to me."

"Right........" Even though I Interpreted Yukina as a kind person and she answered some of the questions I had to the best of her ability, there was still the overarching question that I hadn't asked her yet, and that was the matter of what happens next. As kind as she was, I didn't think she was kind enough to let me continue living her life, especially when she devoted it to something she has yet to achieve.

"So... I’m guessing you would like your life back, right?" I asked, my tone carrying hints of melancholy. I thought I was prepared before but when actually faced with the realization that my short-lived experience in this world was coming to an end, and that this time, unlike my first encounter with death in the convenience store, would be my last moments.

Yukina took a moment to herself before she replied with an answer. "Well, the idea of myself regaining control over my body would most certainly appeal to me."

“I figured as much”

"However, as of right now.....I don't think it's possible."

"It's not?"

"At the moment, I have no way of safely leaving this space. The "me" you see here and are currently speaking to, is nothing but an empty shell of my image I was able to construct, this place being a space I conjured. During my time in here, I've realized that I'm less of an actual person stuck in here, and more of a consciousness, a soul perhaps. Granted this space is being held using my magic, I can close it at any time. Though upon doing so, any occupants would be sent outside of it, and myself being a soul without a body, would most likely cease to exist."

Yukina was stuck and currently, there was nothing she could do. And while it looked as if I was going to be able to continue living as her, it didn't particularly make me feel happy. In fact, I felt worse than before. It was bad enough feeling guilty that I took her body from her, but now with the knowledge that she was alive and stuck in this place with no way out, I couldn't help but feel terrible.

"Also," She continued. "During my time trying to revive my mother, I kept to myself and ensured that no one knew what I was doing, for the reason being that I didn't want to hurt anyone else by getting them involved with my illegal research. And now, I've seemed to have dragged you into it without a way of knowing how to return you back to your previous life. So, if atonement means you being able to continue living albeit through my life, then....I'll have to accept that."

Hearing those words only added to the gut-wrenching emotion I had. While maybe Yukina could accept that fate for herself, I couldn't. Before, I was on the verge of truly accepting her myself as my own. But now that I've met her, I was able to come to a verdict; a conclusion that I truly believed: This life is not mine and I didn't intend on making it so.

"That being said-"

"I......I can't accept that." I refuted. "I can't live your life, even if you want me to."

"Why not?" Yukina asked, stunned by my refusal.

"It's not right; you being here stuck while I continue to live a life with no worries, it's not right."

"So, if you won't, what will you do then?"

"I....." I hadn't thought my refusal out far enough. I was getting swept up by my emotions and blurted out what was on my mind. Then it came to me. Something that only I could do. An act that for the first in both my previous life and this one, wouldn't be for my own benefit. "I...will find a way to get you out of here and back into your body. And if I can't do that......then I will see your dream realized and find a way to bring your mother back to life."

Confounded, Yukina just stared at me before she started to speak again. "You....will?"

I nodded my head.

"Even though it may be an impossible task?"

I nodded again.

"Even if there might be no way for you to return back to where you came from and my leaving here and regaining possession of my life again may result in you ceasing to exist?"

After a pause, I nodded once more.

Yukina's face began to beam with hope. "It won't be easy, and I'm positive you'll be faced with many hardships along the way."

" I know but even still, I'll try to do my best."

"But why? I'm thankful but from what you've told me, your life as of now compared to the life you lived previously, is better in almost every way."

"It is but, this life is not mine. No matter how much I wish it to be, it will never be mine. It's yours, and that's something that I can accept."

"Then, I thank you. However, this being the case, there is one thing I must tell you. Like I've said before, I am the holder of this space. That being said, maintaining it uses mana, mana that I as of current, have no way of replenishing."

"So, you're saying this place won't last forever."

"Precisely. I intended on closing it after we parted ways but upon your decision, decided to maintain as long as I can."

"How much longer can you hold out?"

"Judging from what told me, nearly two days has passed since you've arrived here. I'll assume that this space was created then." Yukina paused for a moment, concentrating. After about minute she had her answer. "A little over three years, give or take. That's if I keep this space closed and try to minimize any other mana usage."

"Three years......."

"Still up for the task?"

Three years seemed like a lot of time but taking into consideration how Yukina spent six years trying to revive the Queen and amounted to nothing, it wasn't much. However, I didn't find it discouraging. In fact, I found it exciting. It reminded me of something I loved in my previous life. A game. The objective was to revive the Queen and return Yukina to her body and the time limit was three years.

"Of course I am." I replied with an energized smile.

"Then this is where we shall part ways. Hopefully the next time we meet, we both will be able to return to our lives."

As she was preparing to send me out of the space she paused and asked me a question.

"I've told you my story and you've told me yours, but I never learned your name. What is it?"

I must've forgotten to mention it when I was recalling the events of my life to her. Probably because I never thought I would have to use it again.

"It's Hana."

"Well, Hana" Yukina started with a smile. "I thank you once more."

『 Conjure! 』

My vision began to darken and before I knew it, I was back in my room, holding the closed black leather journal in my hand, in the same position it was in before Yukina summoned me intothe space. Without a second thought, I put it back into thedrawer and sealed it with magic. Drained from all the events that happened today, I collapsed onto the bed and had notrouble falling asleep.