Greetings, and welcome to the first chapter of I Bought Some Guy's Soul on eBay. Before I start writing (and you start reading) I'd like to thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to read my work. I'm not a great writer, but I read these stories all the time and thought I'd try my hand. This is actually based on some real stuff that happened, people actually tried to sell their souls on eBay. I thought it would make an interesting writing prompt, so let's see where this goes. Thanks again! Enjoy!

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I was riding my bike to the cafe down the street from my cozy little apartment, just like I would any Tuesday, when I died.

Death, to me, was something very far away. Very, very far in the future. I guess that I imagined when it happened, it would be in some special way. Something like being ninety-eight and surrounded by loving family members as I gently closed my eyes for the last time, my last breath leaving me along with the last sparks of life. Saving a child from getting hit by a bus, but not being able to move out of the way in time. Something, I suppose, that would make people remember me.

Now, standing beside God himself, watching the replay of my death (watching it is mandatory, by the way, if you die too early), I would never have imagined that such a ridiculous coincidence would cause me to move on to the afterlife. I watched the events leading up to it. I got up, brushed my teeth, did all the general morning stuff. After a quick, crappy breakfast of a cheese sandwich, I sat down at my computer and began to browse eBay, looking for something interesting to buy. It was fall, and so my main source of acquiring stuff to sell (garage sales) was out of season. Minerva was way too cold in fall for people to sit outside and sell a bunch of things that people didn't want to come out of their cars to buy.

All that aside, it was a day like any other. I made a decent living off of selling antiques and the like, and so I didn't get out much, and I guess that was why I didn't have a boyfriend. That's what I told myself, anyway. I usually only left home to buy stuff, ship packages at the post office, and visit family on the holidays. When I wasn't browsing eBay, I would usually play video games, read, or just look at stupid stuff on the internet.

Yeah, I know. My life seems just so exciting. I like being alone, though. I've never been much of a people person, and I'm terribly awkward. So I spent a lot of time at home, sheltered from the real world. That day was almost no different.

I had made a strange purchase that day, for the sake of a joke when someone visited my apartment. Some guy decided to sell his soul on eBay, saying he didn't believe the soul existed anyway. When I saw it, the highest bidder was in at $0.02. I couldn't help but feel bad for the guy, and the bid ended in thirty minutes, so I bumped it up to five dollars. I planned on framing the certificate as a little keepsake, something I bought just to say I had. So yeah, I ended up getting it.

Then I decided I needed a little pick-me-up, since I felt especially shitty, and rode my bike to the local cafe.

And it was on my way there, that it happened.

In the middle of the road, I tried to scratch my face, and accidentally smacked my glasses off of my face. Thankfully there were no cars nearby, so I had time to pick them up, but without them, I fumbled them a couple of times. When I got back on my bike, and looked to the side, there was a truck coming at me at full speed. I had about one second to think 'Oh shit' before it smacked into me, and sent me flying into another oncoming truck. All of my ribs were broken, as well as an arm and a leg. When I landed, my spine suffered some damage as well. The pain, even though I only felt it for a few seconds, was absolutely indescribable. Nothing could compare to the pain of what happened to me there.

But it wasn't my crippling injuries that finally ended me, though. No, sir.. This is where the 'coincidence' part comes in. Watching this on heavenly replay allowed me to understand exactly what happened and why, including the thoughts and emotions of those involved.

The two drivers didn't stop, because they were playing a game on their phones. The game consisted of two sides building armies and sending said armies at the opposing side's towers, of which there were three. Whoever destroyed the furthest-back tower or had destroyed the most at the end of two minutes was declared the winner. It happened that they were actually opponents in this game. The losing driver had, in his rage, punched the inside of his car, accidentally steering the truck a bit to the right with his huge belly when he turned. They were in the same lane then, and the two trucks collided, launching me into the air. I ended up landing right next to the place where their cargo was beginning to spill.

It happened that one of the trucks was carrying bleach, and the other a bunch of glass cleaner. This combination of chemicals produced two substances when they mixed. One was a very toxic gas, the other was a very explosive gas. If not for this, I might have survived. But three stories up, in an apartment right next to the scene, an old man who happened to be going deaf and heard nothing below, decided he was too lazy to put his cigar where it was supposed to go and simply threw it out the window. And boy, did he hear the explosion. That was the last straw for my poor body. I died, and my extra-crispy corpse was smashed against a nearby wall from the blast.

Normally, I think I would be very disturbed watching this, but no matter how much I tried to think otherwise, all I could get my brain to feel was serenity and acceptance. I really must be dead.

The floating screen shut off and flew off into the distance. God himself turned his gaze back to me. It seemed that every time I looked away from him, he changed appearance. When he got here, he was a kindly-looking old man. Then, he took on the form of a loving father. Now, he looked like kind of a jerk, if I was going to be honest. He was dressed nicely, in a perfectly-done tuxedo. His now-tall frame stood a good six inches above my own. God's hair had turned blonde, and his eyes were a piercing blue. His handsome face wore a devilish smirk, as if he knew something I could never begin to understand.

Which he probably did, considering he was God and all.

He began to speak in an accent that sounded British. "Now, Miss Green. Do you have any idea why I, God, would take time out of my precious eternity to talk to a silly girl like you in particular?" He cocked his head slightly. I was starting to not like this guy.

I couldn't exactly mouth off to him, though. "N-no, God, sir. I kind of figured you did this with everyone."

He laughed. "Well, yes, everyone who dies sooner than they should have gets to watch an instant replay of how they died. They, however, do not get greeted personally by me. Why," he started, leaning in. "would I take the time to personally address you?" His voice came to almost a whisper.

"I-I said I don't know! If it was something bad, I'm really sorry..."

God sighed. "Allow me to spell it out for you, then." He cleared his throat, and spread his arms to either side. "You, Miss Green, are the first person to take legal ownership of a human soul. Normally, I wouldn't take any sort of action against this, because we've had people try to steal others' souls before, but the idiot who sold it actually wanted to give it away. So, I have to address it, because you now effectively have two souls." He shook a finger. "And that's not exactly okay." He paused, but continued when he saw the look on my face. "Therefore, I will offer you a choice."

I nodded. "Thank you." Somehow, the feelings of serenity still hung over me. I felt confused, but still eerily at ease.

He grinned. "Your first option will not seem appealing, but I must offer it to you nonetheless. For committing the crime of obtaining another's soul, you may spend all of eternity here in Purgatory. Nothing good will ever happen, nor will anything bad. You will relive a day in your life where nothing exciting, enjoyable, annoying, or depressing happened. For a couch dweller like you, it might not be such a bad thing." He paused, letting it sink in. "Now, for the second choice. I will allow you to be reborn." He stated.

"You-you will?" I blinked. I hadn't expected such an option.

"Yes." he said, nodding. "But, not on Earth. It's on a planet named Vis, many light-years away from yours. It's quite a nice place to watch, actually. More lively than Earth is, at least. It has a technology level similar to what Earth's was in the Middle Ages. There's magic, too. Pretty interesting place, right? I'll even make sure you go there with a high affinity for magic."

I wasn't gonna lie, that sounded awesome. Some of my favorite video games took place in such a setting. I couldn't help but be skeptical, though. "So, then, what's the catch?" I asked.

God chuckled. "Perceptive, are you? I was getting to that part." He narrowed his eyes at me. "If you go, I'm gonna have you do me a little favor. A big favor, actually. There is a great disturbance in the balance of forces among nations. Unlike on Earth, I intend to keep that place relatively balanced. But the damned Spider Queen is having her forces run amok. Three countries have already fallen under the might of her forces. She leads legions upon legions made up of spiders, and Arachnasites." He smiled a little. "Those are parasitic creatures who have taken over the mind of a member of a sentient race. They are quite intelligent, for monsters whose only intentions are to eat and destroy."

He sat down, and a throne of cloud appeared under him. Extending a hand, he continued. "That's where you come in, Miss Green. Your mission will be to kill the Queen. You will not be given everything, though. In fact, beyond buffing some of your individual abilities, I cannot help you at all. You will have to rely on yourself for this. If you choose to accept my offer, it is not because you are special, simply because you are lucky. The only reason you're being sent is because you have a second soul. Those with only one can only be brought to life once." He outstretched each of his hands. "So, what'll it be? Oh, by the way, if you fail my quest, you're going straight to Hell. But, if you do fulfill it, let's just say I owe you one" God gave me another devilish smile. Ironic.

It didn't take long for me to decide. An empty life of laziness or a chance at adventure? Even to a couch potato like me, it was obvious. I cleared my throat before speaking. "I kind of just want to live peacefully... Please keep me in Purgatory." I said shyly, looking down.

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For once, when I looked up, the smirk was not on the man's face. He wore a look of utter disbelief. Seeing that look on his face made me think that he looked like a more handsome Gordon Ramsay. With less of a temper. "How lazy can you be?" He asked, softly.

The expression he wore quickly changed back to its usual smug self. "Unfortunately for you, it was never a request. I think you need an attitude adjuster, anyway. You know what they say, defeating a race of evil spiders builds character. Good luck, Miss Green! If you ever need any help, just fold your hands and pray to me. I promise to answer all of your prayers." He chuckled and waved a hand, as a swirl of purple wind began to climb up my body, as I started to disappear from the feet up. "I'll say no to most of them, though. Ta-ta for now." He turned, and began to walk away, towards the endless expanse of blue sky and cloud. The purple cyclone continued to climb, and I found myself unable to move as it swallowed me up. The last thing I saw of God was his sassy gait as he daintily strolled away.

Then, the wind swallowed me up and everything went black.

Goodbye, Earth.

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When I woke, all was silent. The drape of calmness I'd felt while having my little chat with God was completely gone, replaced by a horrible, throbbing headache. I was on my back on top of what felt like a stone floor. I groaned, holding my head as I sat up. 

I then took the opportunity to look around. Or I would have, except it was pitch-black. I started to feel around and crawl my way up the stone floor in what seemed to be a slope. I continued this way for what had to be ten minutes until something jumped in front of my face that made me jump what must have been a foot in the air. 

A bright blue screen had appeared right in front of my face with no warning whatsoever. 

Welcome to Vis! You may chant 'Status' to view your stats and skills.

New Human Female registered: Your level has been increased to 1. You have 4 available attribute points to distribute. 

Your Night Vision has improved. Skill level increased to 1.

You have not yet chosen a class! Please visit your Status to do so.

Finally, I could see a bit better. Now, the walls of the cave were actually visible. Turns out I could have been walking this whole time. I sighed, and stood up, leaning against the stone wall of the cave. It seemed like my clothes had changed, but I couldn't see exactly to what. I was obviously wearing a sleeveless, scratchy shirt and long, tough pants. 

"Status." I said, quietly. Before me popped up another window. 

General Information: Present Info: Stats: (4) Passive Skills: Skill Level Name: Emma Green HP: 40/40 (1.1/min) STR: 5 Night Vision 1 Sex: Female MP: 90/90 (0.5/sec) DEX: 2     Race: Human Level: 1, 0% CON: 2     Age: 21 years Title: None INT: 21     Faction: N/A   WIS: 42         LUC: 1    

I grimaced a bit. My physical stats were all extremely low. And what the hell was up with that one point of luck? Whenever I played games, I tended to play the bulky tank-type characters. This time... Well, I guess it'd be a good idea to stop thinking of this as a game. This is my life now, after all. If I die, I'm seriously done for. 

Due to an unusually wise decision, your WIS has increased by 1.

Congratulations! You are now a little wiser, smarty-pants!

Funny. I didn't feel wiser. Now I just feel kind of dumb, I thought as I made my way up the slope in the cave. I dismissed the windows, including another notification that I needed to pick a class. I'd save that for when I knew I was safe. I wanted out of the cave as soon as possible. 

Hopefully nothing in here wants to kill me, I thought as I started to slow down. If something does,  it would be better that it doesn't notice me. 

 I continued as quietly as possible up the slope and began to approach the top. Was that... No, it couldn't be. Was that light I just saw? 

I crouched down once I got to the top, peering over. That was light I saw, alright. However, it was not the kind I was hoping for. Rather than the sweet daylight I craved, the flickering light of a campfire greeted me when I looked over at the source of the light. 

What's worse was the little green figures roasting chunks of meat over it. They licked their fat green lips as the smell of meat being cooker filled the air of the cave. I felt my mouth start to water, too. I could go for some meat right about now, I thought. My stomach growled quietly. 

Looking back up, I narrowed my eyes. I could eat whatever I want once I got away from these little goblin dudes. I examined the room they were cooking the food in. It seemed that there were three hallways connected to this central room, me being in one of them. To the left was a wider entrance that seemed to have a lot of... something in the entrance while the right was a completely empty hallway. However, the goblins were much closer to the left than the right. 

So, although common sense told me that since that was probably the animal's furry corpse over there, the goblins probably caught it from outside, and skinned it on their way back in, it would be more dangerous to go the way closer to the little green men.. I figured that I could safely assume that left was the way out. The only problem now was actually getting past the goblins. Then again, I didn't see any weapons... maybe I could just make a break for it? Their legs looked awfully stubby. 

My only other options were to stay here and hope they leave, or to try to fight. I still had the option of choosing a class, and four unspent points to distribute. 

Those goblins were starting to look a hell of a lot scarier now that they were tearing into those pieces of meat. They were fierce, ripping it off the sticks they roasted it on with their jaws and making growling noises as they devoured their meal. How easily could they do that to the flesh on my body? I shuddered. 

I took a few moments to carefully consider. Whether I was fighting, running, hiding, or sneaking, dexterity would certainly come in handy. I whispered 'Status' and put all four points into DEX, bringing it up to six. Damn, I thought. This really was like an RPG. I made my decision, terror settling like a clump in my throat. I would try to sneak past them while they were still eating. They were very distracted at the moment, but I could use these few precious moments to slip out. 

I could feel myself starting to shake as I slowly got to my feet, my knees bent. My mind was in overdrive. If I failed here, I would probably get torn limb from limb. If I died to a measly goblin, how would I ever hope to defeat the Spider Queen? 

As if hearing my thoughts, the goblins started to laugh really hard at something, making me tense up. I looked over to the fire to see one of them start to choke on what was most likely a huge chunk of meat. I went. The noise would help mask my footsteps. I crept as fast as I dared. Sneaking along the side of the cave, my heart was beating so hard, I'm surprised the goblins couldn't hear it through all the laughter.

One, two, three, four. I made little jump-steps, then stopped.  I would make myself small, so as not to be seen, then wait until there was noise to continue on. The goblin had just stopped choking when one of his friends hit him over in the head with a rock. Charming. Now I had to wait here, shaking with fear, while I waited for these idiots to do something stupid to make noise. 

Come on, come on... I pleaded with them in my mind. I started to hesitantly take steps anyway, as quietly as I could. 

One. They didn't seem to notice. I lifted my back foot and continued. Two. Still no noise. Great, I can do this, I thought. My shaking started to calm down a little bit. You can do this, Emma. Keep going. Seven or so more steps and you'll be at the doorway. Three. I was still in the clear. 

Back at the fire, another uproar came from the goblin who had finished his meat. It seemed like he had forgotten that he'd eaten it, and was now yelling at another of his friends as if it were their fault his meat was now gone. I took the opportunity to take six more steps. I was almost at the door. I took one more step, very hesitantly, then slipped into the doorway. 

The yelling had suddenly ceased. Had they heard me? I started to rush, walking at a much faster pace now. Where the hell was the exit? As I walked, I saw the corpse they had been eating from before coming up in front of me. 

I looked back, and the coast was clear. I was actually rather interested in seeing what type of animal it was. Bringing my head back down to look at it, I bent down a little bit. My Night Vision was helping, but not a whole lot. I squinted, and made out the animal's face.

It was not an animal at all. It was a short old man, his eyes still wide open in terror. His arms were gone, I quickly realized, and his chest had been torn into. I nearly threw up on the spot. I would never forget the look on his face, his mouth open in a permanent silent scream, as if he was feeling pain all the way up until he finally died.  And the smell. The fucking smell. I ran down the hallway as fast as I could. I needed to get the hell out of this god-damned cave. Now. 

My bare feet started to hurt as the raw stone floor cut and peeled at the skin. If I made it out of this alive, I was going to eat some nice warm food... A burger would hit the spot right about now. 

That made me think about how I had salivated over the smell of the old man's meat being cooked over the fire, so I quickly dismissed the thought and kept running. I was seriously starting to get tired. Where was the exit? 

It took another few minutes of running for me to reach it. I could finally see the beautiful sunlight on the light grey stone outside of the cave. I slowed down and started to walk toward the exit, relieved. I was hungry and thirsty, and the aftermath of all the adrenaline pumping through me when I was in the cave made me feel absolutely exhausted. 

 As I approached the cave's exit, I had to squint. The sunlight was just way too bright. After a few seconds, though, my eyes had adjusted, and I could see the landscape surrounding the cave. Or, I could, if there weren't trees everywhere. I left the cave ar long last and started through the forest. After a few more minutes of walking, my bare feet really started aching, and extreme drowsiness had replaced my headache. It was like someone had attached a weight to my eyelids. I trudged on,, hoping for any sign of food, water, shelter, or civilization in general. 

It didn't take long for the exhaustion to take me. I saw myself to the ground, but I didn't feel the impact. I just felt tired. I saw the grassy ground fade from my sight as I fell unconscious. A little blue box popped up as I drifted off, but I didn't really notice, as sleep finally claimed me. 

Congratulations!

Your Sneak skill has gained a level. Increased to level 1.

Your Cool-Headed skill has gained a level. Increased to level 1.

Your stealthy sneakiness has fooled the goblins! Nice one! 

+1 DEX

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I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! If you have any suggestions relating to format or the story itself, let me know! I definitely still have a few grammar mistakes lying about. Thank you so much for reading. I will try to get another chapter out this week, where Emma really begins God's quest in the world of Vis! And finally, I'll get to put other characters in! 

 The Spider Queen kind of replaces a Demon King as it would be in most LitRPGs that have a summoned hero sort of thing. The arachnasites idea came from Webber from Don't Starve, where a child who was eaten by a spider retains his humanity but is now a monster of sorts. These arachnasites, though, have a human's intelligence and a monster's overpowering instinct to hunt and kill.

 I cannot wait to write the next chapter. Thanks and be sure to check in soon for an action-packed update!