My name? My name will be well known across the land soon. I am Darkedge, the King of Man, Scourge of Demonkind, and once a nobody of the earthly realm. I never was this godlike before. I used to be a skinny pushover. That was, however, until I got sucked into one of my favorite MMOs. A dream for any kid like me, really. Only difference is I still need to eat, drink, and use the bathroom, but those are just minor drawbacks, especially considering what I know. I was somewhat disappointed I was a level one new character, but then I remembered something interesting only level oners like me could do: A good exploitable bug. Normally in this game you can lose a few of your levels to respec any skills, handy if you screw up a build or something. A few users found something rather hilarious, however: If you respec at level one, the game doesn’t know what to do and underflows you to a level feasibly impossible to get in-game. It doesn’t give you any skill points, but with stats that high you can just brute-force anything. The devs banned anyone who attempted this glitch, but in this video game reality, there’s no banhammer here!

With stats this high, I’m pretty sure I can hold a mountain over my head with no sweat. My agility is already so high I can just barely start a jog and zoom on over to wherever I need to be! I don’t really need all of this intelligence since I don’t have any skills to use. Vitality is so high I don’t need to worry about dying, that is, if anything could harm me before I destroy them. My charisma should also make me the most charming man to have ever existed, so I could just tell a king do give me his kingdom and he’d agree! That would be boring, however, and I know exactly how I’m going to make myself appear epic to all these low-leveled losers! I did a bit of grinding in the first area of the game to get a single piece of armor I was looking for: A dark, menacing looking cloak that covered my entire body. My weapon of choice I was going to use for everything? A broken shortsword. It’s gonna be awesome, everyone is gonna be like “Holy crap he killed that demon king with a broken sword he’s the coolest!” It’s an easy one way trip to fame, fortune, and girls!

Stumbling over myself a few times thanks to my speed, it was literally seconds for me to traverse through all of the cheap easy early areas and made my way to the game hub, or in this world, I guess it’s the capital city of the game’s nation called Imperius. What should I rename this city to when they give it to me anyways? I’ll think about that later. I couldn’t reveal my full power to everyone just yet, so I had to be careful not to break into a jog, else my agility would kick in. If I were playing the game, I would just click where you’d want to go and BAM, you’d warp there. Now I gotta walk through all of this boring stuff step by step until I get to the parts that are actually important. But, it’ll allllll be worth it. Finally, I arrived at my destination: The Hunters Guild. Here they put up all sorts of bounties for major demons across the land, along with some story missions as well, but the story doesn’t matter. Walking up to the listing’s board, ugh, I had to browse through various pieces of papers tacked on. Why couldn’t they had made this world with magic listing boards? It’d make it a lot more convenient for me. It only took around thirty seconds of digging, but then I found what I was looking for: A listing for a level ninety archdemon at hell’s crater. I tore it from the board and pushed the doors open to the guild, walking towards the mission desk.

“I’d like to take on this job!”

I slammed the piece of paper on the desk. However, instead of hearing the “Holy Crap!” of amazement I expected, I instead got a “Holy Crap!” of fear as the entire desk shattered, sending thousands of bits of wood flying everywhere. They all bounced off of me harmlessly, but I couldn’t say the same for the man behind the desk. He was kinda… decimated by the blast I caused. The sudden sound of several swords and weapons being drawn caught my ear, and I turned around to seeing several other hunters of varying levels, all ready to slay me.

“Demon!” one of them cried. “No demon shall breach the city walls and come out alive!”

“No, you don’t understand! I’m human, it was an accident-”

One of the hunters charged forth with an unusually large blade. I dodged and gave him a quick punch in the gut to incapacitate him. Unfortunately, he was sent flying out of the room, probably all the way into orbit. The rest of the hunters stared at me dumbfounded, and I’m willing to bet even the ones wearing helmets or masks were just as terrified. This was getting way too out of hand, but then I remembered: My charisma!

“Hunters, please, I am no demon! I am your new champion, the soon to be savior and ruler of this world!”

One of the more intimidating hunters wearing silver armor raised his sword at me.

“A demon god? Possessing a human vessel? The rest of you, this man is no match for any of us, run and alert the emperor, the church, anyone who can help! I will do my best to hold him off, so go!”

“God dammit, I said I’m not a demon lord!” I boomed at the top of my voice, shaking the room around us. The silver knight began barking to the others once more.

“You see? The earth quaked when he took the name of God in vain! Hurry!”

How the hell do you use this charisma stuff anyways? The rest of the hunters fled as the knight began casting several buffs on himself. Damage boosts against demons, defensive boosts, pierce vitality… Uh oh. This armor wasn’t going to do any good and that spell would ignore my vitality defense bonus… I should really get better armor, but I don’t think there’s any good cloaked armor. My thoughts were cut off as the knight lunged at me and managed to get a hit in, tearing away a decent, yet still scary amount of my HP.

“You fiend! Not even the mightiest of demon gods can resist my spells!”

“Dude, your buffs are useless! I’m not a demon!”

He lunged at me once more and I dodged. I had to do something but if I killed this knight I’d never shake this whole demon lord title and never get all the glory and love and fame I wanted… Wait… Demon lord? They have succubi in this game, right? It was a plan harsher than I hoped for, but the title of “Demon Lord” doesn’t seem like one I can get rid of easily. I smiled in the middle of dodging more blows from this knight.

“Ahh yes… You’ve seen through my disguise! I am Darkedge, lord of all demons! Soon, this city shall fall and I shall rule you all!” I laughed as evilly as I could.

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“I knew it!” A whole boatload of footsteps was heard right outside of the door. “But you’re a bit too late you beast!”

Several city guards charged in, firing fireballs, lightning, crossbow bolts at me, and if it was a projectile in the game, I’m sure it was being launched at me. Some just barely were able to take off one to two HP at a time, but most were worthless. I can’t believe I forgot all about the game’s defense system for trying to attempt combat in the city, so it’s a good thing I’m invincible. For my first act as Demon Lord Darkedge, I drew my broken sword and swung as hard as I could at one of the guards, coming into contact with some kind of barrier. What the hell? Oh that’s right, guards are invincible… A few spellcasters entered the room as well and began chanting, and before I could even recognize what they were saying, I found myself teleported outside of the city gates. I tried to run back in but crashed head-first into an invisible wall blocking the door. God dammit, there may be no admins here, but all these stupid anti-griefing safeguards… But if I, a player can’t get around these safeguards, surely other demons can! I was hoping to just keep that title and just take title of emperor by force, but now I have to become the literal king of demons.

Moving God knows how many times faster than the speed of sound constantly tripping over myself, I rolled up to the Devil’s Crater, an area that’s supposed to be the end-game raid location, and a supposed portal to hell. Even from the entrance, several demon beasts awaited for me to step in so they could chow down on me, and it gave me an idea as a good show of force to the forces of hell. I sped up to a slight jog and flew through the entrance, smashing through wall after wall of this labyrinth, unintentionally I will admit. I just wanted to agro them and slay this massive army that would be trailing behind me in front of Satan himself, and now I had no clue where I even was in this labyrinth. Then another idea struck my mind: If Hell is in the deepest depths of the earth, then I’ll just dig my way down there with my fists alone! I reared back my fist and punched into the ground, sending a massive shockwave through the earth. Dirt, bricks, and various beasts were sent flying up into the air as I made the Devil’s Crater deeper. Then I kept punching, sending more dirt and rocks and whatever else was buried down here flying out, vaporizing some stuff as well. Punch after punch after punch, I smashed my way deep into the earth until I reached a large chamber, falling down onto a rather elegant looking read carpet. I stared around, noticing I was surrounded by archdemons, and the carpet ran up to a massive golden throne, where Satan himself sat.

“Mortal!” All the archdemons surrounded me at the sound of his voice, ready to attempt to kill me. “You come to my realm knowing exactly what fate awaits you. Tell me why you have done this?”

I stood up, dusting off my long flowing cloak.

“I’m here to show you I’m the true lord of all demons, Darkedge!”

He grinned. “Oh, is that so? How amusing! You really think you hold more power than me?”

“All that you’d have to show is all your finest succubi, and I’m positive you they’d pick me over you!”

He frowned. “Kill this rat.”

All the demons leaped at me simultaneously and all I had to do was whip my sword around as hard as I could. It sent out a shockwave around the entire room, cleaving every single archdemon in half. I sheathed my sword.

“Is that strong enough for you Satan?”

Now Satan himself was staring at me dumbfounded.

“That’s physically impossible for even a mere mortal to do… What on earth are you?”

All of the sudden I was teleported back to the completely decimated entrance of the area with a good amount of loot and gold in my inventory. Then, I realized because I just completed the raid I got teleported back to the beginning automatically. I tried to re-enter the area until once again I was stopped. I remembered you could also only finish a raid once every day. Well, I have no place to stay, no proper towns I can enter, guess I just have to wait and convince satan when the area unlocks. I zoomed out of the area to a lush green field and lied down, preparing for a twenty four hour long sleep.

When I woke up, I saw something funny in the distance. I zoomed uncontrollably over, crashing into and plowing through a massive army of soldiers. Great, they’re here to hunt the great “Demon Lord”. At least these soldiers are vulnerable out here I continued to think to myself as I flew through the air. To the very left of me, something even more funny caught my eye. Demons too? Marching along with humans? And they weren’t fighting each other? I turned in front of me and noticed at the head of the army: Satan and the Emperor personally leading this force. What the hell is going on? I thought a bit more and realized: A great opportunity. They’re out of a safe zone and I can kill both of them right now, and take over the world! I regained my footing, being harmlessly attacked by thousands of swords and pikes and maces as I prepared to leap straight at the two leaders. I leapt, cloak flapping and broken sword in hand, ready to destroy them until I was smacked in the side by a massive stream of demonic fire. I heard screaming among the human crowd: “Anti demon enchantments aren’t working on him, what the hell!”

A familiar voice rang out throughout the entire land: “Try anti-vitality then! I was able to harm him using a combination of the two!”

Uh-oh.

I crashed to the side of the army as the swerved around, trying to keep their leaders protected. The front lines stood firm as the rear began to re-enchant their weapons. It didn’t seem like much of a problem, I could easily stay out of range of them with my speed. Just needed to charge on forward and kill Satan and the Emperor. I tried to jump again until I realized I could only walk at most. Looking down, the land beneath me suddenly turned into swamp. If you haven’t clued in, in-game, swamp terrain prevents jumping and forces you to walk, and it still operates by the same logic here. I look to my left, noticing a few massive demons were belching loads of sludge into the area. The familiar voice spoke up.

“Good, now enchanted pikemen, surround him, give him no exit!”

I tried to work my way toward the only open end of the swamp but soon I was totally surrounded. This was really how I, Darkedge, was going to fall? In a swamp surrounded by generic soldiers? Suddenly a few of the pikemen parted, and the silver knight from earlier worked his way into the swamp, weilding a golden hammer. I guess he wants to be the one who wants to get the title of “Killer of the Demon Lord”.

“With this mighty artifact, we will send you back to the void from whence you came, you beast of man and demon!” He charged at me and swung. I didn’t even bother to dodge. What could he do to me anyways? Maybe when his attempt failed, I could destroy him and demoralize the entire army and get my plan back on track! Then the thing smashed me in the head and I suddenly woke up. Back in my room with my desk, bed, dresser, several scattered cans of soda, and my computer. Was that all a dream? I was frustrated at first, until I read what was on my screen:

“You have been PERMABANNED from all servers.”