Samaya felt numb.
She could hear the blood roaring in her ears and feel the fire raging in her chest. But other than that, she felt nothing. Her limbs were paralyzed, unable to move. No, it would be more accurate to say that they felt as if they were being pressed down by lead and she was too afraid to move them, in fear that her bones would crumble. Only this time, it wasn’t her bones she was afraid for, but the burned, charred body before her. She clutched that scorched, bumpy hand, afraid the girl would disintegrate if she let go.
It seemed the others, like herself, were frozen in place, afraid to move.
That is … until the door behind them slid open.
A chill settled over the room as the doors opened behind them. Samaya turned, and there stood the Emperor, in all his domineering glory. His golden gaze swept over Rin’s body, then to Su and Min, and finally landed on Samaya.
The moment she saw that uncaring expression, the grief that had anchored her before now ignited into a blaze. Her vision blurred, but she didn’t care. She took her hand out of Rin’s gently. But that was all the gentleness she allowed herself. With barely contained fury, she took a step forward, her voice a sharp, accusing whisper that echoed through the silent infirmary.
“How dare you?!”
The words spilled out, raw and uncontrolled. Samaya could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she didn’t care. All she could see was the Emperor - the man whose indifference and apathy and unwillingness to take any action led to Rin’s demise. Her hands were clenched so tightly that her knuckles turned white, but she kept her gaze steady, refusing to let him look away.
“You have no right to be here. Get out.”
Usually, she was sure she would hear some gasps around. But the room was dead silent. Perhaps they were too drained to care about niceties or perhaps they agreed with her. Whatever the reason, the room was silent. The words were that much more impactful.
Huang Yasheng’s face remained impassive, though his eyes narrowed slightly at her outburst. “Be careful, Lady Qing,” he warned softly, his tone low and sharp.
“Careful?” Her voice was a trembling hiss, though it grew louder with each word. “An innocent girl burned herself to death because YOU were too much of a COWARD to do the right thing and you want me to be CAREFUL?! You have some nerve!”
She was trembling with rage with each word she spoke.
“Enough.” His tone was a command, cold and imperious, meant to silence any objections. But she was beyond caring.
“Oh fuck off!” She growled out. “She is dead because of your decisions. You have no right to taint her with your presence!”
“She is a maid of Our Harem, we have every right to-”
“Oh, a maid of your Harem, is she? You did not seem to remember that when she was crying and trembling at your feet!”
She did not realize when she stalked over to him with every word, only that she was dangerously close to him, peering up into his face awfully closely.
“You bring these innocent children into the harem with promises of safety and stability and yet the moment they are harmed by someone powerful, you look away because … what was it? Oh yes, it would destabilize the political balance. Well, there is your political balance!”
She pointed at the burnt corpse behind her while staring up at him with madness clear in her eyes. “Are you happy now? Was that enough political balance for you?”
Samaya was panting now. Before she came into this harem, she rarely let her rage and pain get the better of her like this. But ever since she entered this harem, ever since she met this man, it was as if she was losing control over herself. That was not a good feeling. Her fists inched to punch something and she was afraid that she would land it on the man’s face if she had to look at it any longer.
“You denied her justice when she was alive. You have no right to disturb her in her death.” She was gritting her teeth so hard that she could hear them grinding. “Get. Out!”
He watched her, his expression inscrutable, his face a mask of stone. But she saw the flicker of something, perhaps anger or the barest hint of guilt, in his eyes. Yet he remained silent, and as the weight of her words hung in the air, the chasm between them seemed to deepen.
Samaya’s shoulders slumped, her anger shifting into a crushing wave of sorrow. She turned away from him, looking back to Rin’s lifeless form, barely even recognisable. The others crowded close to her, finding in each other the strength they needed to bear this loss.
A moment passed, heavy and quiet, filled only with the sound of their breathing, and the faint crackle of the last embers burning out. The Emperor watched them for a few moments longer, then turned and left, his footsteps fading down the corridor, leaving them alone to grieve.
----------------------------------------
At some point, one of them suggested performing the last rites, Samaya did not remember who. Su or Min or Lady Ren or heck, even herself. But the words got them moving their frozen bodies.
“We must burn her.” It was the first Min spoke up. “It is tradition in my hometown, my … religion. The body must be burned so that the soul can be purified of worldly sin and taint and reach heaven.”
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Min’s voice was hoarse and trembling. It was a wonder that she could even stay up at all.
Samaya asked Ah-Liu to arrange a pyre. Lady Ren insisted that the last rites be held in her courtyard. Min did not object. After all, Rin had pledged to serve Lady Ren all her life. Lady Ren, for all intents and purposes, was her guardian. It was only appropriate.
By the time they got the pyre ready and put Rin on it, it was the crack of dawn. Min stood with a wooden torch before the pyre, Su and Lady Ren on either side to grasp her hand. Samaya and Ah-Liu stood a few feet away, with a few of Lady Ren’s maids lining up behind them. She could assume they were Rin’s friends.
“Lady Qing?” Min’s voice drew her attention. “Are you not joining us?”
“I …” she paused. “Are you sure?”
After all, she was not as close to Rin as they were. And she could not help the nagging voice in the back of her mind that said that this was her fault.
Min nodded. “I am. You fought for Rin, you should be part of her final rites. Rin… would want this too.”
Samaya exhaled softly and walked to the group,
She placed herself beside Su and gently wrapped her hand around Min’s arm. She did not quite believe in a higher existence. Still, she could not help but send a prayer to whichever god might exist in this world to grant Rin peace in the afterlife as Min lit the pyre.
Samaya could only watch as the flames caught on and blazed higher and higher. The heat from their proximity was scorching. And yet … none of them moved, perhaps hoping to feel the smallest fraction of the pain that Rin had felt.
Samaya felt every muscle in her body ache as she finally made her way back to her residence after the final embers died down. The thin morning light trickled through her windows, soft and unwelcome, illuminating the evidence of her night spent soaked, standing in the rain and smoke. Now, in the quiet aftermath of those agonizing hours, she looked down at her clothes, stiffened with mud and grime, and felt the exhaustion settle in.
She had the maids prepare the bath.
In a daze, she moved to her bathing chambers, stripping away the evidence of the day’s events with hands that trembled from fatigue and grief. The hot water stung at first but then lulled her senses, washing away the remnants of dirt and dried blood. As her mind drifted back to Rin’s lifeless body, a fresh wave of sorrow hit her, but her body was too tired to release it. After a while, she managed to dry herself and dress, barely making it to her bed before she collapsed onto the cool sheets.
It felt like she’d just closed her eyes when the familiar sound of little feet pattering into her chambers pulled her from the abyss of sleep. She opened her eyes to see Manu, his small face filled with concern and his eyes rimmed with red.
“Mama!” He clambered onto her bed and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I missed you so much! I-I was so worried when I heard about your punishment. I thought they… I thought…”
“Shh,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him, steadying her racing thoughts as she took in his familiar scent of ink and summer grass. She felt the hollow ache in her heart soften, just a little. “I’m here now, Manu. You don’t have to worry about me.
He looked up at her with a tremble in his lower lip, and for a moment, she saw the fear in his eyes. The boy must have been really worried. After all, he had seen how brutally the attendant had been punished. She squeezed his shoulder, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “I’m here. I’m okay. Have you ever seen anyone be able to hurt your mama?”
He shook his head and buried his face into her stomach. “I wanted to go to you, but … but Lian stopped me… she wouldn’t tell me what happened for you to not come back…”
Good woman, Lian. She nodded at the maid. That punishment had been one of the lowest points of her life. Manu did not need to see her humiliation nor did he need to know the sheer injustice that occurred last night just yet.
They sat like that, in the quiet, her fingers tracing soothing circles on his back until he eventually relaxed in her arms. She held him close, savouring the comfort of his warmth. But soon, she was aware of the mounting darkness that simmered beneath her calm exterior. She had to send Manu back to his lessons, with lots of promises to be there when he returned.
Near midday, Lady Ren arrived, carrying a familiar expression of controlled grief. It was lunchtime, and so Samaya had her maids prepare a simple lunch, at the table in her bedroom instead of the parlour. It gave them more privacy, something both of them needed. Samaya dismissed all the maids as they finished setting the table. They sat across from each other, a quiet lunch spread before them. Samaya tried to eat but found her appetite gone, and Lady Ren was much the same, picking at her food in silence. Neither could bring themselves to take more than a few bites as if the weight of their grief choked every bite.
As the minutes passed, Lady Ren’s composure crumbled, and she lowered her head, her shoulders shaking. Samaya leaned forward, resting a hand on hers, the heat of their shared sorrow mingling in that small touch.
“I couldn’t,” Lady Ren whispered, her voice trembling. “I couldn’t stay there. Everytime I looked at the courtyard, I could see her burning and screaming in my mind’s eye. I could feel her charred hand in mine, hear her last breath. She was just a girl. And we… I couldn’t do anything to protect her.” She pressed her lips together, but the tears slipped through anyway.
Samaya felt her heart clench, the threads of her compassion and rage intertwining as she moved seats to hold Lady Ren close, whispering soft words of comfort. But beneath it all, a cold, murderous fury bubbled, filling every corner of her soul.
What had she been doing?
All that effort, all that fighting against the Minister, the Emperor, the system itself… for what?
The results lay in the ashes of an innocent girl.
Had she lost her edge that much? Had she become so accustomed to this life of little to no killing that her first thought did not go to just offing the damn bastard?
It was clear now. She’d been going about this all wrong. Her pursuit of justice in this palace was futile, choked by webs of protocol and pretence, all of it twisted to shield the powerful and punish the innocent. She was no stranger to death, to vengeance, to darkness. She was a spy, an assassin trained to kill without a second thought. She was a weapon honed to perfection. It was something she had been pushing back ever since Manu came into her life. However, sometimes, it was only poison that could kill poison. It took her a tragically long time and a death to be reminded of that. She should have leaned into her poisonous self from the beginning.
As she held Lady Ren in the silence of her chambers, Samaya felt a new determination harden within her, sharper than any blade. She was ready to unleash it - one strike at a time.
The time for justice was gone. Now, it was time for revenge.