It’s so far yet so close. So bright that it blinds me. In all of its glory and perfection, I can only stare at the rays of light that shine over these lands.
It’s the same for the magnificent golden city that overshadows our small hometown. My life here feels stagnant, like the world is going so fast but I’m as slow as the potato crops in the winter season.
I want a new life. Life in the big city where I can live lavishly with all the money and status in the world. I hear of people that live like kings and queens in mansions on top of grassy hills. They are like gods compared to me, a weak, meaningless country bumpkin that tends my father’s farm.
My father is a useless man. A man that has no purpose. Every day, without complaint, he travels to the market at the crack of dawn to sell his product. When the sun goes down and darkness covers the world, he trudges back home like a beaten dog and wastes his life away caring for my dying grandmother’s needs.
Our estate is slowly but surely deteriorating. The wood is old and rotten, whining under my feet. The foundation itself is faulty, made out of sand that could blow away at any moment.
The family that we once had is now collapsed. My mother left long ago. When the opportunity seemed fit, she left the family to join arms with a powerful, rich businessman. My father was never the same after that. During those first days, he would fold into himself. Drinking late into the night, I could hear his sniffles from below. When morning struck and the world came alive again, I would come down to a broken, old man. He was a shell of his former self. Hollow and empty, sucking the life out of everybody around him. The weight of our problems never went away. It stayed deep in our hearts, dragging us down into the abyss below.
I no longer want to stay with my dying family. The weight of it all is too much for me to handle. It is suffocating the life out of me.
I plan to leave home and try my luck in the big city in pursuit of better things. I already packed my bags. All I have to do is walk out the front door and never look back. It’s still hard to leave my old life. I’ll miss the girl across the road that I think fondly of. Or my friends that I walk with to school. But all those things are disposable and can be replaced in a blink of an eye. In the big city, It won’t matter anymore. I’ll just need me, myself, and I.
The big city is waiting for me. Every day when I gaze at the tall buildings that hover in the sky, I imagine myself in the bustle of the big city, climbing up the winding streets until I’m at the very top. I would overlook all the lands, the world in the palm of my hands.
But that dream is stifled by my father’s heavy footsteps. Father is late tonight, and so is dinner, which consists of a slice of hard, tasteless bread and watery potato soup. Grandma seemed more than happy to feed herself, her tastes have been conditioned to bland, favor less food.
It is sickening and disgusting. The potato rolls on my tongue like a slimy piece of raw meat. Compared to the lavish food in the city, this is haylage.
“How was school, Theodore?” My father muttered, his eyes downcast on his uneaten food.
“It was okay, just like usual.” I swirl my spoon through my soup, uninterested in another bite.
“Stop playing with your food Theodore. Eat the meal that your father so kindly gave us.” Grandma points a wrinkly finger at me.
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“I wanted to ask,” My father raises his head, clasping his hands together in a fist, “Why are your bags packed?”
For a second, I thought I heard him wrong. He never enters my room without my permission. But when I look up at his hard, emotionless eyes, I know that he is dead serious. I’m speechless. I try to fabricate an elaborate excuse, anything to get me away from this situation. Before I can say anything, he whips his authoritative hand in the air.
“Tell me the truth.” A low growl rumbles in his voice.
Silence fills the house as a white-hot knife pierces my insides. It drills, slashes, and stabs my heart until it leaks everything I’ve held within. I’m backed into a corner, and my only choice is to reveal what I’ve wanted to say to him for so long.
“I’m leaving.” I grit my teeth.
"What… What do you mean?” Genuine shock paints his face.
“I’m going to the big city.” I reaffirm in a louder voice.
“Why would you ever want to do that?” He lets out a deep breath.
How can he be so stupid? I clench my jaw, slamming my fist on the table. Pain surges through my arm but I don’t care. It feels good to let it all go. Grandma lets out a yelp like a scared, little puppy.
“What do you think your doing boy.” My father stands from his seat, his hulking body towering over me.
“You think you can come in here, disrespect me and your grandmother, and cause a disruption in this house? I don’t think so!” He roars.
My first instinct is to cower in fear. But today is different. Instead, I stand tall and bare my teeth.
“I hate it here. I hate this town. I want a new life in the city, Where I can become a hero!” I shout with all my might.
“A hero?! You want to become a hero!! You have no clue what you’re getting yourself into.” He points an angry stubborn finger into my face.
“Do I really? Do you how suffocating it is to be here, in this house?” I let out a sarcastic laugh.
“What do you mean suffocating? I put food on the table. We have a roof over our heads. What more can you ask for?” He yells in frustration.
“I want a different life, where I’m rich and powerful. I want to live up there, with people like mom.” The image of their tall mansions burn in my mind.
“You have no idea how it is out there. It will chew you up and spit you right out. You’re here with me because you aren’t ready for the world.” He vigorously shakes his head.
“Yes I am, I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions.”
“Theodore! The world is evil, very evil. It will do everything it can to get rid of anything good in your life. The life your thinking of, it’s never worth it.”
“So you’re saying this life is better? Where we can barely eat food and put clothes on our backs. Where you are working day and night to keep our collapsing estate afloat. That isn’t worth it either.”
“No wonder mother left you.” I regret it the second I say it. His eyes widen in shock. The last string has been broken, the thread falling into the pitch-black gap that is split between us
“Don’t you dare say that to me young man. How could you ever even say that to me?” His voice cracks. “You know nothing about what happened to me and your mom.”
“So what happened then? What haven’t you been telling me?” I attack him with a barrage of questions.
“Theodore, I know that you want to go out there. I felt the same way when I was your age. But I’m telling you that it’s never worth it, especially becoming a hero. That industry is a nasty business. Your only going to get yourself killed.” He pleads.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I spit. “I hate you.”
“Both of you enough!” Grandma’s voice booms.
“What kind of nonsense are you speaking Theodore.” Tears fall down her cheeks. “These kinds of thoughts, they are very dangerous. It will only lead to disaster.”
“What do you know grandma?” I snarl.
“Stop!” He slams his fists on the table, shaking the house and its foundation. “You are a fool. A fool Theodore! I can’t listen to another word your saying. Go up to your room now!”
I jump up the stairs and run into my bedroom without a glance, slamming the door with fierce intensity.
I have to leave. Tonight. I can’t bear to live in this house for another second. I swing the 2 bags that I’ve prepared onto my back, giving my bedroom one more peek. Warm memories of my childhood flood back like a tidal wave taking me under. My mother with her soft hands. My father’s deep and throaty laugh. Their bright smiles as they look into each other’s eyes. But it’s gone now. Staring back at me is a dark, lifeless room.
Pulling the window open, I climb into the night. A gentle breeze hangs in the air, cooling my face. Tiptoeing into the shadows, I leave the house that I’ve lived in my whole life.