Leif’s golden eyes flickered between the four versions of himself the system had created, trying to wrap his head around just what he was seeing. He had said it out loud already, but he truly didn’t understand how any of the people before him were possible. Is the system twisting things? Exaggerating to create a more challenging environment for the trial? And how is this supposed to go? We can physically interact with one another, are we supposed to fight it out? Somehow that doesn’t feel right.
The alternatives each stood, or in the case of the Wretch, sat. They watched him as he watched them, and it was fairly obvious he was supposed to take the next step. “Somehow, you’re all me. But what are we supposed to do? What can you tell me about yourselves?”
“I could tell you about your mistakes, about how you made the wrong choices and how they led you down a doomed path.” Noble Leif said, his scowl an almost permanent fixture on his face. “But I suppose you already know how you failed, afterall, I would know how I would feel if I had my humanity stripped away.”
“You.” Leif said, pointing at the Noble. “You are both the least interesting of the alternatives, and also the most confusing. I know what I am, who I am. Monster, human, it doesn’t matter. I was never an asshole. Are you pretending to have a stick up your ass or was it a disease you caught?”
“Some of us know how to take responsibility, know how to prioritise what really matters.” The Noble spat back. “If you had understood the value of family and duty you never would have died during the Enslaver war because you never would have become a soldier.” He gestured at where the Wretch was slumped on the ground. “Better to be him than whatever you turned into. At least you would still be a person, albeit one who crumbled before adversity.”
Leif felt his temper flare, a heat rising within him at the Noble’s words. It was a distinctly unusual sensation, his emotions were usually mellow and unobtrusive. He went to speak, but one of his alternatives beat him to it.
“This one mistakes decadence for adversity.” The monster hissed, flexing his misshapen arms and letting out a low growl. “Better to be a monster than a collared dog. Did you come up with that speech yourself, or were you tutored in what to say?”
The Noble’s scowl deepened, his grip on the pommel of his sword tightening, his knuckles turning white from the force. He shot a glance at the Monster, his expression changing almost imperceptibly. Leif couldn’t read the man’s emotions, his aura control was too tight, but he thought he recognised the look of discomfort, of fear, or perhaps something else, flicker across his face. But he didn’t reply, instead continuing to stare at Leif. In response to having his words ignored the Monster tensed, their grey body twisting in on itself as if readying for a fight.
“Stop.” Leif said, raising a hand at his monstrous alternative. “You’re too quick to resort to violence. Don’t think I accept you as a possibility either.”
It hissed at him, gold and red eyes flickering his barely concealed outrage. “You dare defend that one?” It questioned, bloodied claws extending. “He does not understand us, he barely understands himself.”
“I don’t understand any of you.” Leif replied, glaring at his others from behind his mask. “How about we change that? Who wants to explain themselves first?”
Worker Leif awkwardly shuffled in place, he opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. The Wretch didn’t even look up, their shaggy hair still dripping with condensation.
“I do not need to explain myself, not through words. If you wish to learn of my path, my pain, then we will fight. Strength is the only true measure of success, strength is the only way you survive.” The Monster said, spreading their arms as if welcoming the challenge.
The Noble scoffed, then spoke up. “I will go first, since nobody else seems capable.” The world seemed to shift, then it paused, as if awaiting Leif’s permission before transitioning the scene. He mentally accepted, and then there were only two figures, him and the Noble. They were on a mountain pass, the ground was coated in a thin layer of snow, frost clinging to every surface.
Laughter came from down the narrow path Leif and his alternative were standing upon, and a few moments later three people came into view. They had heavy packs slung over their shoulders, their heavy boots crunching the light layer of snow with every step. One of the approaching trio spoke, and the other two laughed.
“What is this?” Leif asked, golden eyes locked on the approaching trio.
“The day you made a crucial mistake.” The Noble replied, likewise focused on the small group as they made their way closer.
Each was young, male, in their early teens if Leif was to guess. Two of the boys had indistinct features, their faces hazy, as if he was trying to observe them through a partially smogged window. The final boy’s appearance was clear, his tanned skin and dark hair a younger mirror to the Noble’s own.
One of the boys picked up the pace, their steps carrying them further up the mountainside with every bounding step. The other faceless boy let out a cry of outrage, then likewise sped up. The younger Leif tried to match their pace, but was unable to keep up.
“C’mon Leif! Hurry up!” One of the boys called, turning and waving.
“I…can’t..” The young Leif said, painting with exertion in between every word. “I don’t… have that many levels… yet, my attributes are too low.”
“Pfft, you won’t level without putting in the effort!”
“I’m a [Fighter]... I don’t… I don’t level up through… hiking.” Past Leif protested
“Everything gives experience, my dad said so.” The second, slightly slower boy commented, hopping from foot to foot as if full to bursting with energy.
The trio was close enough now that Leif could tell that they weren’t real. They had no auras, no emotions he could sense. Unlike the Noble standing besides him, it was as if he was observing an illusion, or a painting come to life. The scene shifted, the sun moving overhead as the day progressed into evening. The three boys set up camp atop a plateau, their location partially covered by a shallow cave.
They were lounging around, chewing on some sort of dried meat and passing around a water skin. The trio were chatting inanely, laughing and joking with one another.
“You know what’s crazy?” One of the boys asked. “One day, Leif will be head of our family. I don’t know what to think about that.”
The other boy snickered. “I think you need to pay attention to your tutor to be named heir. Or was that a lie my dad told me?”
“I pay attention.” Young Leif said, trying to defend himself.
“Suuuure you do. Is that why you complain about getting smacked so often?”
“Yeah, whatever. It’s all stupid anyway, I’m better with a sword than numbers anyhow.”
“Right, because [Noble]s spend all their time going around stabbing people.” One of the boys mocked.
The Noble stepped up behind his younger counterpart, looking down with an imperious look on his face.
“Who are the two others? I can’t see their faces.” Leif asked.
“Cousins, it’s unimportant.” The Noble said, looking down as if anticipating a change.
A chime came from past Leif’s pack, but none of the boys noticed over the sound of the growing argument. The chime rang again, and this time young Leif looked around. “Did you guys hear that?”
“No. What is it?”
“I dunno, it kinda sounded like a-”
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The chime rang again, and this time the boys heard it clearly. “Oh shit, it's the communication crystal.” One of them said.
“Eh, just ignore it. It’s probably just the adults being too worried.” The other said.
Leif reached into his pack, rummaging through its contents and retrieving the crystal.
“Oh c’mon, don’t be a baby. Just ignore it, they’ll just want to pester us.”
“Father said this was for emergencies.” Young Leif said, frowning down at the device. “I should probably answer.”
“Boo hoo, Leif’s a daddy's boy now? I thought you wanted to come with us to get away from all the family nonsense? Just give it to me and forget about it, we have three days to ourselves, don’t ruin it now.” The faceless boy reached out a hand, grasping for the crystal.
“Right… It’s probably nothing important anyway.” Young Leif said with a sigh. He moved to hand over the device. Time froze, the scene coming to a stop.
“This was your failure.” The Noble said, staring intently at the stilled exchange of the communication device. “You knew what the right thing to do was, but you ignored it in favour of impressing some older cousins.”
Leif didn’t respond, he just looked at the younger, human version of himself. The uncertainty, the weariness from the ascent, the press of his lips.
“This was the moment you ruined your life. The moment everything went wrong.”
“I don’t remember this at all.” Leif said.
“That’s the problem! You would still have your memories if you had kept your humanity, if you hadn’t thrown everything away like a foolish-”
“What did you do?” Leif cut his alternative off. “In this situation, what did you do? And why was it important?”
The Noble sneered, and time rewound.
“Boo hoo, Leif’s a daddy's boy now? I thought you wanted to come with us to get away from all the family nonsense. Just give it to me and forget about it, we have three days to ourselves, don’t ruin it now.” The boy said, tone mocking.
Young Leif scowled, the expression matching that of the older mirror that loomed over him. His eyes unfocused for a moment, then voices came from the device. They were high pitched and panicked sounding, several people all talking at once.
“-if, you ne- return. You- mother- incident- return quickly-” The words from the device were barely audible, the voice cutting in and out repeatedly. But enough got through for the message to be loud and clear.
Young Leif tensed, his face going pale as his fingers gripped the communication device. The two other boys leaned in closer, their body language going rigid.
“All you had to do was the right thing, the proper thing. But you didn’t. Now watch how you should be, how you should have acted.” The Noble said.
Young Leif scrambled for his pack, grabbing it and throwing it over his shoulder. The other boys called out questions, but he didn’t reply. He ran from the campsite on shaky legs, making his way down the mountain in short sprinting bursts broken up with extended periods of rest.
“In your life, you stayed up on the mountain. You didn’t know anything had gone wrong because you ignored your responsibility.”
The scene shifted, young Leif now running along a road. A horse and wagon waited for him, the drivers looking surprised to see him at all.
“And do you know what it cost you? What your past selfishness made you lose?”
The room was blurry, as if every detail except its centre was completely unimportant. A bed, and a woman. Leif’s past self dashed over to her, grabbing onto her hand and babbling incoherently.
“Mum! Mum!” He called after taking a deep breath, gripping her tighter. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
The woman, his mother, unlike the other figures so far in the vision was completely visible. She looked like an older Flavia, her hair and eyes the same vibrant brown. But her face was gaunt, her skin pale and breathing uneven. She coughed, gaze unfocused as she blinked up at her son.
“Little Leif, is that you?”
“Mum! It’s me, what- how- why are you hurt? Are you sick? Tell me!”
“Ah, a funny story.” She mumbled, her cracked lips pressing into a faint smile. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“Mum! Please, do you need water? Do you need medicine?”
“There is no medicine for this, Leif. This is the price of failure, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t understand. Please, I want to understand.”
“Family...” She said, a faint trickle of blood coming from her mouth.
“Mum! No, Doctor! Somebody come quick!” Young Leif shouted, completely frantic.
“Little Leif, your sister…”
“Flavia? What about her? Stay with me mum.”
“Protect her, no matter what. Leif, don’t let her end up like me, don’t fail in your duties.” Her eyes sharpened as she gasped in a lungful of air. “Whatever you do, you need to be strong enough, influential enough, powerful enough to never let her go. Never lose her.”
“Mum? I don’t understand. Please, I don’t understand.”
“Leif, you need to lead this family. Even if you hate it, even if you hate me, you need to stay in control. Your father… he isn’t… not bad, not like the others…” She coughed again, blood staining the sheets that covered her. “I… love you.”
And then her eyes closed, her breathing slowed. Leif watched his past self run for the door, screaming for help, for anybody to come. A minute later a pair of faceless doctors burst into the room, but the vision was beginning to fade.
Leif looked from the still form on the bed to the Noble. His alternative’s expression was grim, his eyes focused on some-place distant and unknowable. “I missed this?” Leif asked, struggling to keep his emotions in check.
“You did.” The Noble replied, fists clenched, the words coming through grinding teeth. “You did, damn you idiot. This… this is what you lost.”
Leif slumped to his knees, the space around him completely devoid of details. “What, what was her name?”
“Nicea.”
“Nicea, I see. What happened to her, why did she-” He choked on his words. “Why did she die?”
“She failed her level twenty five advancement. She failed it badly. Nobody knows the details, we have no idea what she saw, what past choice she was confronted with.” The Noble said, tears running down his cheeks. “And you weren’t even there for her, you were up on a mountain playing adventurer. I hate you, I truly, truly hate you. Why the fuck couldn’t you have acted like you were supposed to for once in your life?! Why did it all mean so damn little to you?!”
Leif flinched, the words from his other striking a part of his soul he didn’t know he had. The Noble stormed up to him, grabbing him by the collar and trying to lift him. Leif didn’t even feel the attempt. The Noble spat to the side and shook Leif by the shoulders.
“Why? Why couldn’t you have cared even a little? Would it have been so hard? Would it really have hurt you to… to… Fuck! Why don’t you even remember your own mother! You didn’t even know you had a father or sister until the system showed them to you! Why did you die and leave it all behind? Was it really too much? Was it really that much of a fucking burden? You inhuman trash! You sack of shit! I am better than you, my life is the correct one, my path is what we were meant to be-” His aura wavered, uncontrolled, and through the gaps in his projected identity Leif saw the truth, though it was one he had expected from the very beginning.
“Then why are you so damn miserable?” Leif said, cutting off his other mid rant. “If you’re so much better, so powerful, so dutiful, so righteous and correct? If you’re all those things, then why are you lying to yourself? This isn’t you! Isn’t me! I’m not some arrogant, self absorbed member of the nobility. I saw what I was like, used to be before I died. I can remember bare snippets, tiny fragments from the before. And I was nothing like you. I may have lost everything, friends, family, my humanity. But at least I wasn’t pretending to be something else.”
The Noble headbutted him, then screamed as his nose broke against Leif’s mask. He jerked back, falling over as he clutched at his bleeding nose, the sudden rush of crimson mixing with his tears. “I’m not- I’m not lying. I chose this path, this life. It was what she wanted, what was best for all of them! For Flavia!” He curled in on himself, letting out a gargled cry as he swallowed down blood.
“She’s alive! She’s okay!” Leif said, standing on shaky legs. “I don’t know what mother was so scared of, what fate she thought would befall Flavia if you weren’t around to protect her. But our sister is alive. Hurting? Sure. Grieving? Yeah, but I can still make it better. I can return and maybe things will fix themselves.”
“You can’t. They’ll hate you, try to hurt you. Even if you do everything right they’ll still want more.”
“Will I be any worse off than you?”
The Noble flopped over onto his back, forearm keeping the blood in as he pressed it to his nose. He laughed, it was wet and bloody. “I don’t know. I really, really don’t.”
“Then, if that’s the case, why are you so arrogant, so prideful? If it’s not you at all, why act like it is?”
“Because… because pretending is the only way it doesn’t hurt. The only way it doesn’t feel like I’m failing her final request. The only way they think I’m the man they want me to be. Demand me to be.”
Leif stood over his alternative, watching him spit up another mouthful of blood. Strangely enough he didn’t feel any desire to heal the man. The Noble had done this to himself.
“It isn’t fair! Why is it that I had to die to escape this life? Why can’t I be myself without betraying everything I know?”
“I don’t know. I won’t pretend I understand your life when I clearly don’t. But I’ll try to make it better, to make it right, whatever that might be.”
The Noble just laughed hoarsely.
“Do you trust me enough to try? In your place?”
“I… I trust you enough to fail less than I did. It shouldn’t be too hard.”
Then he broke apart into a thousand shards of crystalline glass.