I loved the movie Starship Troopers. Why wouldn’t I? Killing giant bugs with big machine guns was every man’s fantasy. Throw in a shower scene with hot girls, and you had the perfect movie.

At that moment, I didn’t know if there were any insects the size of tanks, but suddenly I had a sand flea the size of a Great Dane coming right at me. Behind it was an army of similar insects, digging up through the dirt and flinging their bulbous flea bodies into the air. Their front four limbs were sharpened bone while its long spring-like back legs allowed it to launch itself into the air. The thing’s two long knife-like teeth were hollow, perfectly for impaling me and then sucking me dry.

I couldn’t run, not right then, and I didn’t have my guns, but I could still fight. I caught the thing by its carapace and flung it into the oncoming bugs. I didn’t even throw it with all my strength, and it still exploded into a thousand pieces, ripping through any number of the fleas.

Another monster bug jumped at me, and I dodged it; it seemed to be moving in slow motion. That was an illusion. I was the one moving fast, everything sharpened by my adrenaline.

I could see my leg glowing under my pants as I kicked my foot into the flea, shattering it in half. I was suddenly covered in goo. Maybe my foot should’ve been jelly, but it seemed that along with enhanced strength, both my skin and my bones were tougher.

Another giant flea leapt at me and a big slug of plasma struck it, melting through its carapace in seconds. I heard it squeal in pain. It was so fucking loud!

Spinning, I saw that Billie had one of the rifles to her shoulder. She’d unzipped more of her jumpsuit, and so not only was she a tough chick with a big gun, she was showing off way more her sweaty cleavage.

Professor Kroft stood behind her, with a pistol out, though the teacher didn’t look very confident. She did start firing, but she couldn’t hit anything. Billie was doing the heavy lifting there.

Fleas had swarmed them, and Billie was taking them out, one after another, with the plasma bolts. Every death brought a weird alien shriek.

We were wasting so much ammo, and in the end, there was no way we could fight off the thousands of fleas. We had to run.

I took three steps—one, two, three, and realized I’d jumped thirty feet. I’d accidentally sped past both the professor and Billie.

A whole new world of movement had opened for me.

I crouched and sprang up, soaring through the air, and landing next to the bus.

A flea tried to catch hold of me, and I punched it into goo. I was covered in bug blood, which is actually called hemolymph. Instead of red, this stuff was a pale yellow, and I was covered in the stuff. I kind of liked the zoology class that I’d taken last semester.

I didn’t want to waste ammunition on an enemy we couldn’t beat, not in a straight up fight. Besides, I wasn’t sure how to make a bow and arrow, and so, the guns were our main tools for hunting. I planned on shooting more of the huge ravens for breakfast.

If I lived through the night.

“To the trees!” I yelled to the women. “We have to retreat!”

We’d drank most of the water from the toolbox, and so I tossed in the tools, but I kept the hammer out. It was a massive thing, more of a roofer’s hammer than anything else, with a blunt end and sharp end.

In my hands, either end would work.

I sped over to Professor Kroft, thinking of giving her the toolbox, but I was going so fast I had trouble stopping. I overshot her by five feet.

Dropping the toolbox, half full of water, I pointed. “Grab that! Run there!”

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“Don’t order her around!” Billie screamed at me as she continued to shoot. “She’s not your slave!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I cursed, but Professor Kroft took the toolbox without a word.

I jumped past both women and smashed in the head of a flea with my newfound weapon. Turning, I killed two more with a might swing. Their squeals of pain felt oddly satisfying.

Unexpectedly, a message from the ring lit up my vision.

<<<>>>

Evaluating current circumstances.

Evaluation paused.

Paraxen Multitool Detected

Configure settings? Y/N

<<<>>>

“No!” I screamed. My hammer was fine, though I wondered if I could turn it into a gun. At least a I had a word “Paraxen” to work with. Was that the name of the alien or the name of the world?

Right then, with ten thousand giant sand fleas trying to kill us, it was the wrong time to ask. The ring then gave me more bad news.

<<<>>>

Evaluation of current circumstances resumed.

Error: This unit’s power source is low. Please find an AQUIA C13 Charging Station or an anomalous energy source.

Results of evaluation pending….

<<<>>>

Yes, I knew its battery was low, but there was nothing I could do to fix that in the middle of a fight. I was simply glad the messages went away. Maybe the damn thing knew that if it blocked my vision it would have to find another host.

I was bashing in bug heads left and right, giving the professor and Billie time to dash into the forest.

Then I joined them, flinging myself into the air. I came down through foliage, rolling through ferns, and into a redwood. The limbs shook, and cold water rained down. My bell had been rung, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

The fleas would follow us into the forest. Our only hope was to climb as high as we could and hope that they couldn’t find us. Luckily, the whole forest glowed with silver moonlight, thanks to the various moons overhead.

I didn’t trust myself to try and jump with any accuracy. This new body was going to take some getting used to.

The redwoods didn’t have any lower limbs, but there was some kind of twisted tree with pale bark that had a ton of branches, creating a lattice work between two of the giant pines. We could climb that weird tree up to the limbs way up high.

“Make for the redwood!” I called out.

Billie grabbed a branch and let out a long, “Ewww!”

I grabbed a limb and was surprised to find it so spongey. It definitely wasn’t bark.

Professor Kroft was already ten feet above us. She called down, “It’s some kind of fungal growth, prospering in the shade between the trees. If it’s carnivorous, we’re in trouble. Or if the spores are poisonous, this could be the last night of our lives. However, it seems we don’t have a choice.”

That was the understatement of the year.

We climbed higher and higher. Below us, the fleas were crawling through the growth. A few tried to jump at us and wound up hitting the mushroom tree. It made the whole structure shake. We were probably ten stories up when we finally reached the lowest redwood limb.

We were able to cross over, and we climbed higher, until we found a series of limbs to rest on. While we could sleep up there, it wasn’t going to be comfortable. Not only was the wood hard, but we couldn’t really lie down. Even worse, it was a far colder than I would’ve thought.

Some of the fleas tried to leap up at us, but they couldn’t jump that high.

We were breathing hard, and I was glowing, or my muscles were at least, at least— legs, trapezoids, shoulders, back.

With each breath, the glow dimmed a little.

We could see our bus, and it was crawling with fleas. In the distance, fleas had also swarmed the starship in Red Dune World.

I was pretty sure the fleas had dug up the alien cat man corpse. If the fuckers drank blood, they would be greatly disappointed. I had to laugh. “Like getting blood from a stone. A dead stone.”

Billie sat there, pale, sweaty, with tears trailing down her cheeks. “My life was so good. I was the best CrossFit instructor on campus even before I got on the cheer team. This fall, I would’ve been at the football games. I’m pretty sure I would’ve hooked up with Mike Westa over the summer. We were going to intern at the same place. I mean, I’m with Scott Fullerton, and he’s cute and all, but he definitely has a drinking problem. And there’s a good chance he’s cheating on me with Joyce Perry.”

I went to interrupt her. We had so many more important things to talk about.

But Professor Kroft put a hand on me. It was like she knew what Billie needed.

The CrossFit queen kept on talking. “No, Mike was going to be the better bet. Mike Westa is prime husband material. He probably wasn’t going to go pro, though, but his dad owns all these car dealerships in Denver. They have a lot of money. If I married Mike, I wouldn’t have stayed at Mesa. I mean, Mike would graduate next year, so why would I stay? I could get into Denver University, and his family could help me with tuition. I’d definitely graduate from there, but maybe I’d stay and get my master’s there. I wanted a degree, but come on, it wouldn’t be long before Mike and I started a family. Our kids would’ve been so beautiful.”

Then her eyes went to me. “But that’s all not going to happen now.”

Then she lost it. “Because I have to fucking fight giant fucking fleas and crawl up a slimy fucking mushroom tree into a skyscraper pine tree to save my fucking life from…once again…giant fucking fleas!”

Not sure which I preferred, her crying or her screaming.

Billie Lynn Kidd was kinda sexy when she was angry.

Then she turned that anger on me.

Oh, shit.