“Umi daaaa”

I shout as loud as I can. Some kids and parents look at me weird, then resume their leisurely activities.

That being said, it’s not exactly a seashore. Nor is it ocean shore.

I live in a landlocked town removed from large bodies of saltwater by thousands of kilometers, and I’ve never seen a sea in my life(other than in anime).

The beach I’m visiting surrounds an artificially made pond, named “Little Starwberry” perhaps because the author had a sense of humor.

At night, local farmers bring their animals here to clean them. At day, the townspeople swarm here, eager to relax in the ‘countryside’(in truth we’re only one kilometer away from the rapidly expanding suburbs).

The quality of water is as you imagine.

Actually, this calls for sharing an anecdote, a traumatic memory from my childhood, when I was young and naive, and not at all battle-hardened as I am now, and had a mistaken idea of taking a swim there.

As soon as I opened my eyes underwater, I was assaulted by the omnipresent yellow, and a thick piece of feces of unknown origin emerged from the depths.

I’ve been afraid of water ever since. Yet right now, all these townspeople are happily overcrowding the pond, not knowing or not caring about the terrors slumbering within.

I will not warn them.

[+5 evil]

Oh, I should probably mention that at a certain point a dnd alignment chart appeared in my stats.

According to it, I’m

[Retarded evil]

….and let’s leave it at that.

My dark ruminations are suddenly broken by the slithuette of my sworn brother, Vanya, who appeared at the horizon. I could barely make out the dumb smile on his dumb face, but I didn’t fail to notice that he was enthusiastically waving a square red pack in his hand.

[Quest ‘steal incense from the store’: successful! +5 exp!]

Now you may wonder, why did I get exp for that if I didn’t participate.

Why, that’s easy, we are in the same party so the exp is divided evenly. Duh.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

“Misshaa, blyat, do you have fire”

I whip out a pack of matches.

And soon, we are enjoying ourselves over a smoke, taking turns sucking on the same ciggarate like only the truest sworn brothers do.

But have no doubt, we aren’t some bitches who exhale a soon as they feel a bit of smoke graze their lungs. No, we are true martial heroes of legend, so we inhale deeply, keep the smoke in our lungs, and only after we can’t breath anymore we let it out through our nostrils.

If you’re smoking in any way other than that than I dunno what to tell you, I hope you’re a woman, huehuehuehue.

Speaking of women, there are a lot of scantly clad jade beauties on the shore.

“Damn some fine bitches this day” points Vanya out, not talking to anyone in particular.

I want to say that I already have a waifu, but I’m sure she won’t mind if I go and hunt for some secondaries at add to my harem.

Throwing a still fuming cig bud to the ground, I rise up and go on a hunt.

[Quest: make a jade beauty go “kyaaaa”]

If I succeed at that, she will hate me first, and then fall in love with me 2 chapters later, like some tsundora.

I approach some girl getting out of the water, and tell the rhyme I’ve been preparing especially for that occasion

“My dick is 300 li long and 3000 shili thick

Bitches love my dick, cause it’s really big”

She looks at me like I’m retarded and walks past me without saying a word.

However, just as I turn to tell the pickup rhyme to some other jade beauty, a guy who looks like he has [Str] and [End] for brain approaches me and screams at me:

“Skatina, what did you say to my girlfriend!?”

[Talk]

[Fight]

>[Escape]

[Quest failed]

And soon enough, I’m back where Vanya is, a fresh black eye now adorning my visage.

“Huehuehue I saw what happened”

I say nothing, but grab a new cigarette and inhale it aggressively.

“This was just a scripted defeat.”