Neither before nor now had been pleasant. No senses and only pain were not very different from each other, they both made one feel unpleasant, like extreme cold and extreme heat.
And yet Chaden preferred the pain over the nothingness, but he also was getting slightly concerned that his preferral of pain would lead to the pain being taken away from him.
He wasn't free in the experiencing of pain, meatball aligned forces beyond his capacity to deal with were tormenting him. He knew that there were two things, pain and feeling nothing, and he did think that having the possibility to feel at least two things instead of only one of them was vastly superior. There was an illusion of choice and its name was possibility, what could be, what might happen, hope and optimism. Yes, hope and optimism were an illusion of choice, the illusion to have chosen the right path.
The pummeling suddenly stopped at the thought of the optimistic duality of pain and nothing, as if someone was reading his mind, but the pain did not stop. Chaden felt extremely broken in an essential core of his existence, he felt that he might have been hurt beyond the point of survival. After what felt like an hour, he felt even more pessimistic, he would have to live with this pain forever in this horrid void.
How could they? That was just taking away his ability to feel nothing.
He hadn't been successful in his earlier suicides, he suspected that the meatballers could assist him, but wouldn't, if he phrased it that way. He would never forgive them.
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"You cowards!", he shouted without hearing his own words, "You gang up on me, scared shitless! Are you proud of that? You like that 'victory'? You meatballers have no sportsmanship, no integrity, no quality. Come at me! I'll show you how a virtous steaker fights till the end!", Chaden awaited the pain to end his existence, it could not outweigh the pain he was in right now. Nothing came, he swung his fist with all of his force in the direction of the presences and it was cought by one of them, stronger than the others.
Chaden remembered it hammering against him, like a hammer against a bell, ringing with moans of pain. Words shook his being instead of a hammer breaking the bell, when the force of the pain no longer prevented his sense of hearing, he knew what had occured.
This was their leader, Braderic the great, who just accepted his challenge - he and he alone would fight him. It would not be a fight with fists, it would be one of feet, it would be one with rules, a duel not to the death, but a duel to the victory.
Life had been the perfect teacher for this challenge, it sounded not only like a fair competition, it sounded like a competition that was exactly what he had craved.
That was not an exaggeration: Chaden would play soccer against Braderic, his favourite sport. He had not expected to find what he searched for in the lions den.