Ashley ran a finger along her pointed ears.

  "This is weird, right?" I asked. "You didn't have those a couple of minutes ago."

  "I leveled," she replied absently. "Maybe that has something to do with it."

  "You guys are kidding, right?" The remaining goblin asked.

  We both stared at him.

  "You didn't read the codex?"

  "No," I replied. "I was a little busy being attacked by monsters."

  Ashley shook her head.

  It was the goblins turn to stare at us. The gates opened before we could say anything more. We froze. A string of people strolled into the space and began setting up the stalls. None of them even looked in our direction while they worked.

  "This is creepier than the empty room," I whispered. "Where is the shortcut?"

  "Back this way," Ashley said walking away.

  The goblin followed close to her and I stayed a step behind him. It had already ambushed us once, I didn't want to give it another shot at a sneak attack.

  "You said you leveled?"

  "Yeah," she didn't look over her shoulder as she spoke. "You didn't?"

  "I'm ninety points short," I answered. "What does your sheet say now?"

  She pulled out her tablet once we were out of the main stretch.

  "Level 2 Agile. Elf," she read. "I unlocked a couple of new skills too. Synergy and Minion One."

  "Leveling up turned you into an elf?"

  "I am not a minion," the goblin chimed in.

  "Shut it, minion," Ashley snapped.

  "I have a name."

  "I know," she stared him down as she spoke. "I don't care."

  I pressed the palm of my hand into my forehead. The pressure felt real. My had was warm and a little sweaty. Was I passed out on the floor at the bottom of the stairs? Had I slipped and knocked myself out? This was all just a dream. People didn't turn into elves, clowns, or goblins. They didn't shimmer and explode. So far this morning I had battered a clown, sliced a slime into mush, and dispatched a a few goblins. Dinner had been cold pizza. This was a weird dream brought on by indigestion and my alarm was going to go off soon.

  "Mason," Ashley said.

  Her voice was louder than usual with a slight cut to it. I looked up at her.

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  "Are you done spacing out?" She asked. "The door is locked and I need you to open it."

  "Yeah, right."

  I stepped up to the door. The lock picking interface popped up. A five tall by twenty wide grid stretched the length of the panel.

  "Small problem," I said.

  "What?" Ashley stepped in closer.

  "This is way more complicated and I only have on try," I paused. "Don't elves have really good eyesight and stuff? You could give it a try."

  "I've been an elf for like five minutes," she said with a sigh. "How am I supposed to know?"

  "Read. The. Codex," the goblin said.

  "Fine," I growled. "Watch my back."

  I pulled out my tablet and opened the option in the settings menu.

[Codex 000: A New World]

[Your world has been found to be functioning inefficiently and has been restructured to improve performance. The world and its workings have been adjusted by taking a sample from the collective unconscious from the dominate sentient species. Please be aware that there will be some regional differences.]

  I looked up at the goblin. He shrugged.

[Assignment]

[To further streamline performance of your world each individual will undergo an assessment and assigned a function. These options will undergo a brief period of calibration to adjust to new world. Those who do not fit a broad category will be placed classified as an ordinary and given a brief period of time to present a dominant trait.]

  "This is a joke," I muttered. "This has to be a joke."

[Progress and regular maintenance will begin once the new system has reached an efficient percentage. This will advance the connection an individual has will their assignment. Assignments are meant to be permanent, but it is possible for radical progression to cause the system to adjust]

[Enjoy your new role in your efficient world!]

  "It's a world class practical joke," the goblin piped up. "What are you thinking, share mass hallucinations? Or illusions?"

  "Shut up," I snapped.

  I filled Ashley in on the details. She glared at me and then read it for herself.

  "What the actual BLEEP," Ashley said. "Wait. BLEEP. I can't say BLEEP."

  "BLEEP," I tried. "BLEEP hell BLEEPING damn BLEEPITY crap BLEEP."

  I looked at the goblin.

  "The codex didn't say anything about that," he held out his hands as he spoke.

  "Okay," I said slowly. "We can't get through this door, so what's the plan?"

  "We go the long way," Ashley replied.

  "I'm going to sit down for a bit," I said leaning against the wall. "Just, you know, for a couple of minutes or so."

  "Are you going to freak out?" The goblin hopped a couple of feet back. "Are you going to puke? Please don't puke. I can smell everything now."

  "I just need a minute," I said as I sank down to the floor. "Were those other goblins people?"

  "Yeah," the goblin nodded. "They were the rest of the chess club."

  "Oh, okay," my voice dropped to a whisper. "That's good to know. I just killed like six of them."

  "More like four," Ashley corrected. "I got the rest."

  "Well that makes it all better," I whispered.

  The brick floor was warmer than I expected. I tried to keep my breathing slow and controlled. The codex said that the entire world had been changed. What would I do once I got out of here? Was there an actual outside anymore? Maybe my house would be a safe zone like a player home. I was a player and it was my home.

  A scream bounced around the market. It hadn't come from me.

  "What was that?" Ashley asked.

  "Let me look," the goblin hopped onto the top of a nearby stall.

  "What is it?"

  "Uh," the goblin said. "It's a clown? Uh, we should run."

  I jumped to my feet. "We need to get out of here."

  "Okay, why?" Ashley asked.

  "Now there's three of them," the goblin called down.

  "It's a clown plague," I said drawing my dagger.

  "You're BLEEPING with me."

  "I told you I got attacked by a guy who turned into a clown. It was like a disease that changed him. A clown plague," I said. "We're in an enclosed space with plenty of people to catch it. Please, just trust me and run."

  "There's a lot more now," the goblin called again. "And he just summoned some monkeys wearing vests. No, those are goblins. I think they're the chess club."

  "Running sounds good," Ashley said with a nod.