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How to Survive a Musical
Chapter 3: Hunting the Wild Danish

Chapter 3: Hunting the Wild Danish

Breakfast was enormous. A huge western style feast of eggs, sausage, and pastries. Did Aurelia really eat all this? I could already imagine the heaviness of the food in my belly, and the bloated gassy feeling that was sure to follow. No, thank you. Plus, I’d get pudgy if I ate like this every day.

I waited until Tori wasn’t watching and poked at my belly suspiciously. Firm, and there were definitely some muscles there. Glimpses of torturous workouts in Aurelia’s memories told me they were hard earned. But still…. turning my attention back to the sagging breakfast tray stretched across my bed, I couldn’t even picture all the food fitting in my belly. It would be a feast, even for three of me. She couldn’t possibly eat all of this every morning.

I’d have to consult the Aurelia-dex. Searching through her memories of breakfast’s past I uncovered her secret. She’d just eat a fried egg and a slice of melon and leave the rest of the mountain of food untouched. All those sumptuous pastries left undevoured, it was shameful really. Our villainess’ heart truly was frozen over, but I was not she.

A particularly fluffy looking creampuff stared at me from the platter, the lustrous whipped cream making come hither eyes. Just one couldn’t hurt, would it? The pastry was in my hand before I’d even finished my justifications. Then it disappeared. Where? A lady must have her secrets. (I ate it. It was scrumptious. Shhhh.)

Licking cream from my lips, I survey my next prey, an unsuspecting Danish that glistened obliviously in the sun. As my hand prepared to pounce upon the hapless prey, there was a sudden movement in my periphery. My prey was spared for now.

Turning to investigate the cause, I was met by a strange sight. Tori’s head was moving rapidly between me and the platter, a growing look of confusion and alarm overtaking her face. When her eyes next shifted back to me and her gaze met mine, with a small ‘eep’ she switched to staring at her shoes.

So fricking CUTE! I always thought a maid was supposed to be elegant and poised, but I was beginning to see the unique charm of this alternate setting.

Undeterred by her strange behaviour I returned to my prey. The Danish never stood a chance, it disappeared like its former compatriot. Thus sated, I gestured for Tori to remove the tray, which she did promptly. Though I caught her making mournful eyes at the now diminished plate of pastries as she whisked it from the room.

Could the leftovers of my breakfast have been hers? …No, I wasn’t going to feel bad about eating my breakfast. I was entitled to those pastries. Besides they had practically begged me to eat them.

Having feasted, I stretched, and an enormous yawn escaped me. Well, I was supposed to be on bed-rest anyways. No harm in a nap, right? The sunlight pouring in from the window had reached my bed while I was eating and looked particularly inviting. Yes, a nap was just the thing after a big breakfast. Planning for the academy and how to crush my destruction flags could begin -yawn- later.

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When I awoke the sunbeam had fled. It now resided on the wall beside a stony faced bureaucrat who stared fixedly at me, all the while jotting something down in a notepad. Glancing around the room four similar figures had stationed themselves at even intervals. Eyes tracked my every movement. The room was silent save for the scratching of five quills on paper.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

Creepy! So fricking creepy. I wanted to scream, but I held that emotion down and channeled my best cool villainess impression. I fixed one of the men, a mousy individual that was silhouetted by the window and had had the misfortune of having picked a position slightly nearer the bed, with a glare that could freeze ice. “Get. Out.”

The man bowed. “My apologies my lady, but the emperor ordered us here to monitor the health of the , and out of concern for his son’s fiancée, please pay us no mind.” At no point during his response did his quill stop scratching across the notepad, recording every minutia of my actions.

What kind of madman thought this was a reasonable response to a sore throat? The emperor evidently. I was concerned for the future of the Storied Empire. Was it likely to collapse in my lifetime? With such leadership it was shocking it hadn’t already. Aurelia had few memories of him, brief interactions during official events, all of which seemed innocuous enough. Nothing that would indicate the level of craziness required to order this sort of gross violation of privacy.

As my anger increased with each thought, my glare must have intensified until its victim could bear it no longer. The poor bureaucrat who my gaze had fallen on, took cover behind his notepad where he now cowered. I was a villainess after all, what side character could withstand my withering glare. “I cannot possible recuperate like this. You and your men will leave, immediately.”

“I’m sssor—” he began to stumble out an apology from behind the notepad-cum-shield.

I did not wait for him to finish. “Leave. NOW.” Autopilot Aurelia must have intervened, as the last word rose into a furious crescendo that shattered the window that had been framing the unfortunate official and sending a wave of glass shards cascading over him.

He fled, bleeding from numerous cuts. The other silent officials shuffled after him like a procession of besuited penguins. It would have been comical if not for the sense of violation their presence had invoked.

As they filtered out of the room, I caught sight of my own reflection in the mirror and was transfixed by the intensity of my gaze. I rose from my bed in a daze, drifting towards it. Hardly aware of the click of the door closing as the last official filed out. Wind was blowing in through the shattered window, setting the unfinished remnants of Tori’s pleating a whirl. Icy green eyes stared back at me, vibrant. Intense. Furious. I was…. beautiful. Heartstoppingly so. Even in my nightgown with hair in disarray, makeup left undone. I felt myself smile, and frightful sneer appeared in the mirror before me. A shiver ran up my spine and my heart began to race. I watched a flush appear on the cheeks in the mirror before me.

Was I… attracted to myself?

Ew.

That would be mega weird.

Not okay.

But.

I was hot. So fricking HOT!

I had always had a thing for villainesses, with their evil looking eyes, disdainful looks and their ‘I could crush you aesthetic.’

Frustrations with the game aside, the loss cutscene had been incredible. It had left me head over heels for the cruel villainess who crushed my dreams over and over again.

I was a disaster. A big gay mess, for the women who I now was. It took a moment to let that realization sink it.

Once it had, Aurelia’s memories pushed against my conscious mind, a subconscious wave of disgust. Lusting after oneself was nauseating. Yep, this was a line of thought that was being locked up in a box in the back of my mind, never to be opened upon pain of death. A proverbial Pandora’s box. Well more of a Narcissus’ box I supposed—it was the more fitting Greek tragedy.

It was time to put any delusions to rest.

I was Aurelia now. There would be lots of capital H hotties of all genders, that weren’t literally ME to lust after at the academy. Although, I was a villainess. Love- or survival for that matter— weren’t necessarily in the cards.

With a sigh, I sat down on the corner of my bed and took several deep breaths to steady my still racing heart. Once the beating of my traitorous heart had slowed, a glance in the mirror revealed the flush in my cheeks had receded. Good. I was presentable. Plucking the handbell from its resting place at the side of my bed, I rang for a maid.

Something had to be done about the shattered window, after all.