I woke up early in the morning, my bed was soaking. I hadn’t turned on the AC that night, I mean, it was autumn, but apparently the weather gods disagreed. Today was the day, the day where I was going to watch stand-up with a person that wasn’t Ian. I’d never thought that I would one day say those words in my head. I looked at the clock, it showed 8:30. It was the weekend after all, I could surely sleep for another few hours. But I couldn’t, I was way too excited. I’m sure Lydia wasn’t though, she probably did these things once or twice a month. How did I even end up in the background like this? Stuck being the inbetweener, the third wheel. However, leaving that, I was going to have an experience. Since this date wasn’t real, I presumed there wouldn’t be as big of a deal if I made a mistake or two. Lydia seemed like a girl that didn’t bother so much; she wasn’t a perfectionist. I guess this date could be for my benefit as well, and not only for Lydia. Wait, who said that this was a date in the first place? It was just two friends going out watching some entertainment, what a ridiculous idea it would've been otherwise. Admittedly, I had no intention of seducing her, my mission was simply not to get closer to her, even if that possibility existed. Sure, this could be a great time to start talking on more serious matters. But, if I’m being honest, I had given up.
Losing her when we just had become friends was unnecessary, there was simply no reason for me to interfere in her pursuit after Ian. I would make her unhappy, and even if I didn’t know about Ian’s feelings, I would presume he’d be sad too.
After all, I believed sticking to the plan was the most realistic option here. If there now was a plan. Sure, I’d planned out what we were supposed to do tonight. First, we would visit a diner. A small, cheap one, so I didn’t have to spend so much money. Next up: The main show. Afterwards, perhaps, we could have a little talk, maybe on how things had gone. The plan wasn’t big, but that was what made it good. No frills, nothing out of the ordinary. Just us two, on a little evening out.
“Get up already, it’s lunchtime,” Olivia yelled through the closed door. I looked at the bedside-clock; 12:14. Fuck, I’d manage to fall back to sleep. I quickly got up from the bed and dressed. The room smelt weird, so I opened the window. A cold breeze could quickly be felt inside of the room, it blew so hard that my sheets struggled to stick to the bed. I stumbled down the stairs like I was late for school, even if I wasn’t in a hurry. If I were to be honest, I had nothing planned this day except that thing in the evening. This, however, belonged to the abnormalities, I was usually alone on weekends anyway, so being depressed for not having anything to do during the day wasn’t really my thing.
“I’ll be gone today, so you’ll be home alone. You think you can manage?” Olivia said with a smirk on her face. How old did she think I was? Like 12?
“Seriously, you’re the one asking? I’m the older one here.”
“It certainly doesn’t look like that,” she said and licked the popsicle she had in her hand. I was seriously surprised. “What do you mean?”
“Well...you know…” She stopped and started laughing. “W-well, you…you y-you.”
“SPIT IT OUT!”
“Nah, it’s nothing,” she said. A horrific smile took place in her face. She really looked like a demon little sister; like she could cut my throat open with the kitchen knife. Oh boy, my little sister was seriously scary.
I never managed to get to know the reason my sister had called me out like that. Not that I bothered though, if I were to know it would probably just end up hurting me.
I stepped out on the porch; breathing in the fresh air. It was definitely abnormally warm for the season. Not that I really cared though, it was nice being able to step out without wearing a thick jacket. I texted Lydia: “6 tonight, outside of the station.”
I got an instant reply. “Okay.”
I grabbed my in-ears from my pocket and plugged them into my phone. I walked out onto the pavement, pressed play on my phone and began running. I’d never imagined that it felt this good running, your mind wasn’t concentrated on anything else than the pounding in your legs. It was a relief, truly.
I circulated the neighbourhood a few times before finally stopping at a fountain. The water had been turned off for the season, but some flowers were still blooming around it. I walked up the steps towards a white building, resembling something built in ancient Greece. Two thick white pillars kept the roof over the porch to fall down on me. I wondered what could be inside, but the door was locked. It was probably a maintenance building for the park or something. I looked down on my shirt, it was soaking in sweat. Great, there’s no way I would’ve had time to wash these clothes now, all the shopping we’d done yesterday was in vain. Sure, you could use the tumble dryer, but my mother taught me to not use it for fance shirts and stuff. I guess, I had to pick something out of my wardrobe, something which wouldn't make me look like a homeless person.
When I got home the door was left unlocked, but the house was otherwise empty. My parents had left for work and my sister, well, I had no idea where she’d gone, but it wasn’t my business anyway. I found a washed out navy blue shirt on the third shelf, it featured transparent plastic buttons. Not so stylish, nor fancy, but it would hopefully work. I could pair it with the trousers I already wore, they hadn’t been as soaked as the shirt. Good, another problem had been solved. I sat down in front of the TV and turned it on. Sure, it didn’t have any channels to display; I mean, who uses TVs anymore? We can stream now, after all. But it was still surprisingly pleasant watching the no source text being displayed on the screen.
Imagine if life was a TV show, every move we took would already be predicted and decided. Some would have good endings, others would have bad, and some would maybe not have an ending at all. They’d just be an extra, someone unimportant in the background. I would probably be one of them, unaware of the actual storyline and just standing there for the pleasure of the directors.
The clock decided to run very slowly during the day. But then, it turned 5:30. I was excited, yet nervous. But there’s nothing to be nervous about, right? It’s fake, it’s not real, right? I pulled myself together and walked outside, it had turned dark and the weather was much colder. How quickly the temperature could change, I thought for myself. I’d decided to walk to the station instead of cycling, the risk of cycling into a pool of water and also destroying the trousers I bought yesterday was far too dangerous. Also, I would be late. The sight in my head of Lydia yelling at me...I couldn’t handle that. That cute smile, oh, it had to be preserved at all costs. If I’d made Lydia angry, or even worse, cry, I would be devastated. I wouldn’t be able to handle such a huge mishap. According to the very confidential information I’d received from Avon, I was to be calm and collected whilst I talked to her. Not bringing up any cringy subjects, not being awkward, not being too silent, not being… What was the last part? I couldn’t remember. That’s to say, I bet there was no chance Avon had any experience in the first place, so taking it in my own pace and following basic socal knowledge, I should be fine, right? Basic Social Knowledge, what’s that? If you ask me, then it’s the way the normies act. The normal way to act around others; the way you act to not make anyone uncomfortable. If one is to succeed in their social life, one has to follow these basic normie rules. It is also of high importance that you don’t fall into an evil spiral of silence. This certain spiral would be so hard to get out of that you probably already could have waved the white flag. Sure, there are incredible humans that have made their way out of it, but these humans, I mean, are they even human?
Great! I’d just stepped into a huge pool of water. My left shoe was soaked and the water was seeping in through the mesh making my sock wet. I tried to shake the water off like I was a dog, but that obviously didn’t help.
Well, whatever. It wasn’t like Lydia would care if my right shoe was covered in water and mud. The squeaking sound which it made when I continued my way was probably also going to fade away soon.
Wow. That was the word that went through my head when I saw her standing at the lonely tree outside of the station. The square around wasn’t nearly as packed as it’d been yesterday. Now it was more human, more laid back. Her beauty shone in the iridescence of the streetlights. She was wearing a blue skirt together with a pair of white thigh high socks and a pair of black shoes. Under her zipped-down jacket I could spot a normal t-shirt. White? No, it only got manipulated by the streetlights. In fact, it was almost teal coloured.
She noticed me and looked up from her phone.
“Hi there.”
I was admittedly nervous, so nothing more than a vague “Hello, Lydia,” came out of my mouth.
“So...what have you planned for us to do?” she asked and chuckled. It was almost like she was thinking: “Don’t tell me you’ve come up with something extremely boring, like going to a fast food joint or something.” I mean, who even takes their dates to a fast food place? We weren’t 12. And this applied to fake dates as well, I guess.
“Well, as I told you. There’s this guy making a performance tonight…” She interrupted me, but I didn’t mind, so I let her.
“Nothing else? I’d love you to take me to a restaurant...you know, just for the experience.” She walked up closer to me, tilted her head slightly and observed my neck.
“That’s a nice necklace.”
“O-oh...you think? It’s nothing really…”
“Who’s the lucky girl?”
The lucky girl? Me? Ethan Coombe, receiving a gift from a girl? And even more unlikely, being together with one. Wishful thinking, that’s what it was.
“Relax, I’m just joking with you.” She elbowed me in the side and looked me right in the eyes. “BUT! Who gave it to you? I’m just curious...that’s all.”
I may believe that your curiosity is going overboard a bit there, these are sensitive subjects you bring up. I tried to come up with a believable lie.
“My father...yes, I received it from my father when he came home from Australia.”
“I envy you.”
“Huh?! Y-you envy me? What’s that supposed to mean?”
I was really hoping to get away from this conversation as fast as possible. This was what Avon had warned me about, extremely cringy and awkward conversation topics. Avoiding any further discussion on the matter I decided to steer it away. I looked down at the watch I didn’t have.
“Well, let’s go or we’ll miss our train.”
She seemed to not care anymore at the topic we just discussed, so she simply began following me. Damn, she was close. I could almost hear her breaths, and her smell was so good. Shampoo, was it? Or maybe some expensive perfume, I really couldn’t tell. One thing is certain to do, the cent she exuded was simply ecstatic.
“Fuck...we missed the train,” I said.
“That’s okay and I don’t really mind. The evening is beautiful and the weather is still humid. Spending some time on the platform isn’t so bad after all.” She sat down on a bench and crossed her legs. If I had bent down I would’ve probably be able to see her knickers.
“We’ll just have to reschedule.”
“What do you mean? Cancel our date...I mean, meeting?”
I guess my words could be misunderstood, so I explained it to her.
“No, I didn’t mean it that way,” I said and laughed. “You see, I was hoping to get something to eat before the show, but since the next train is in 28 minutes, we’ll just do that afterwards, if that’s okay with you?”
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“Yes! That’d be perfect.”
Damn, she seemed so energetic and excited, almost like a little child on its birthday.
After numerous minutes of silence and occasional “Look at this,” on our phone screens the train finally pulled into the station. I could smell, the very much special to trains, scent. Then the electric engine quieted down and the doors opened. Not many people disembarked, and even fewer boarded. Maybe we won’t need to deal with huge crowds then.
I was wrong. The entrance to the WILTSHIRE ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE was packed. People flooded to and from the different restaurants and bars around the streets. One couple were chatting about how great the show they’d just been on was. When we’d stepped out of the station it seemed like we were in another city. Never before had I seen these types of crowds, and remember, I was here often.
“I wasn’t expecting it to be this crowded,” I said.
“Hmm, well then...I guess stand-up has a public appeal after all.”
She looked with a face of curiosity at me.
“Let’s go inside.”
I couldn’t understand it. Why were there so many people here just for an amatuer show? I didn’t even know who this guy we were going to watch was. Had I been lied to by the website? On a wall hung a poster, it depicted a young man, probably in his 20s. On it were dates for his upcoming shows. I couldn’t help noticing that his final show was today, just after the one we were going to watch. Lydia led the way down the small staircase, the whole entertainment area was located downstairs. It almost felt like walking down the stairs to a speakeasy. At the bottom of the staircase she made her way through a bunch of people who had decided that the small hallway was a great place to down some beers. I asked for their excuse as I followed her through the masses, but she didn’t bother.
“Wow, I didn’t expect the stage to be this huge.”
I was confused, the stage looked much larger than it usually did. Had they made changes to it? Perhaps, it was an illusion created by the abnormally large crowd.
“You want to sit or stand?” I asked.
“Well, if we’re sitting down we won’t be able to see anything, right?”
“I guess you’re right,” I muttered.
Had she made a real effort to try and like stand-up? Or was it all a facade? I couldn’t quite understand. But truth be told, she had indeed said that I was seeing right through her when we’d chatted the other day. I guided us to a place in one of the corners, it was less busy and quiet there. Seems like we just had arrived in the knick of time; the lights turned off and the motorised curtains in front of the stage were drawn to the side. Then a guy, holding a wireless microphone entered the stage.
“W-wait, that’s Ian,” Lydia said and pointed to the stage.
She was damn right, that was indeed Ian. The quirky guy who I’d always called stupid and weird was standing in front of a crowd of at least 1000 people introducing himself.
“W-what the hell is he doing here?” I asked.
“Don’t question me…”
She looked at me confused, and she had all right to. I was probably even more confused than her. The tickets I’d booked the other night specifically stated that this was an amatuer show. Could it possibly be… No, there’s no way, right? The amatuer can’t be Ian.
Obviously, it was Ian. What are the fucking odds?
“What, are you worried or something?”
I was beginning to shake like it was freezing outside. There was no hiding it.
“N-nah, I’m just surprised that’s all.”
Yeah, good job there Ethan. She’ll believe you now, just wait. A sarcastic laugh went on in my head.
“I guess this is a slight problem,” she said.
“Yeah, you’re right. Ian would probably get the wrong idea if he saw us together. But do you really think the risk is that high? I mean, there are lots of people here, we can probably escape through the crowds.”
“I guess it would be a waste of money if we left now...Yeah, you’re right, let’s stay.”
She still had a smile on her face, but you would be stupid if you couldn’t tell that something was bothering her. The same thing probably bothered me as well. If Ian saw us the probability of him believing that we were going out together was far too high. In reality, that thought wasn’t so bad, at least not for my own best, giggle. But letting her down, it would be too sadistic. I shall not let my feelings go overboard. Imagine if I could say those words out loud, how good it would feel. Sadly, any sane person wouldn’t even think about that.
“This has to make you happy, right?”
“Huh, what do you mean?”
“‘What do you mean?’ He’s the one you like, isn’t he? Aren’t you happy he’s famous?”
“I guess I should be. But for some reason I don’t feel happy at all.”
Was she one of those girls who got extremely jealous, wasn’t she going to give Ian to anyone if they got together? I guess it made sense; if Ian was an aspiring stand-up comedian, and with a little bit of change in his looks, the girls would surely be after him. Was she afraid that she couldn’t compete? It wasn’t like the girls most guys desired were the ones watching stand-up. The selection was...a bit underwhelming, if you could put it that way.
Not that I should be the one speaking, though.
The show continued, and if I were to analyse it, I would say it was mediocre at best. Sorry, Ian. Also, the lighting effects. What was up with them? They could easily give someone epilepsy. If I were the boss, the one responsible would get fired as fast as possible.
I didn’t notice much of the jokes, and I had a hard time laughing at them. Something was on my mind, something disturbing, but I couldn’t quite catch what it was. The risk of Ian discovering us was so slim that there was no need to worry; I think even Lydia had realised that by now.
Then the final and closing sequence of the show started, and in a matter of minutes the show was over. I felt a sense of relief, and I was also curious for what would come after this. Lydia had been excited for a stop at a restaurant, and I guess I was the one to treat her.
I’d been able to ask my mom for some money for tonight. I mean, I was the one who was paying for my sister’s ice creams. People lined up in a queue to get out of the stage area. It was strange, why would people always want to leave as fast as possible; I swear, it was like an aeroplane disembarking. We however, we were smart, we understood that there was no reason to move so suddenly. Besides, Ian was nowhere to be seen, he had probably gone backstage. Then a sudden problem appeared.
“That’s not good,” I said and pointed to the small doorway which was being used to leave the stage area. Ian was standing right at the opening, probably thanking people for coming and watching his show. I guess this was to be predicted. Loads of people had been doing this at the shows I attended before this one. How could I not think of that?
We tried to walk slower in the line. We were one of the last to leave, so the people behind us weren’t many.
“What do we do now?” I said.
She grabbed my arm and took me to the side, the people behind us looked at us with questioning faces, they were obviously confused. There was a black, thick curtain hanging in a corner. It was used to cover part of the audience area. Lydia dragged the curtain to the side and let go of my arm once we were inside. Inside the little closed off area were numerous stuff that probably could be considered as sound equipment. In one corner a synthesiser stood on its vertical side.
“So what do we do now?” I asked.
“We wait.”
She didn’t seem to be the slightest worried; like she had everything under control.
“For how long?” I asked. I tried to sound calm, but in reality, I wasn’t calm at all. My heart was beating faster than expected, and it didn’t help that Lydia stood really close to me. I’d believed this sort of romantic situation only appeared in drama shows or in rom coms. It was an interesting event indeed. Now we just needed a solution for our problem, and we would be out on the streets again. After Lydia had observed the area around us with the help of her phone’s flashlight, she began speaking: “What do I know… 30, maybe 45 minutes? Who knows how long it will take until the stage is cleaned up.”
“I guess you’re right.”
So we waited, and sadly, our phone’s battery decided to die. I hadn’t planned to keep it going past this time. I mean, I should’ve been home by now. I guess this is one of those unexpected situations you may end up in. I better write it down in my list so I’m prepared for the next time.
“You know what?” she asked.
“I don’t know ‘what.’”
She tilted her head slightly and looked confused in a sarcastic way.
“You seem awfully uncomfortable.”
Well this situation isn’t ideal, nor is it pleasing at all. So what was her intention here? Is she being sarcastic; is this really the best time? Well, I didn’t want to sound weak nor displeased with the situation, besides, I got to spend even more alone-time with a beautiful girl.
“No, you’ve got it wrong. This is exciting… to say the least.”
She chuckled. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, Ethan.”
Glad to hear that. Hmm, it certainly didn’t sound like you were happy earlier.
“Not to fear though, Ethan. If we get locked up inside of here I have an ace up my sleeve.”
“And what’s that?”
She put her finger up at my mouth, making a gesture, showing me to keep quiet.
“That’s… a… secret,” she said and giggled.
Oh my. What’s this sensational feeling? Was she toying with me…
“Seems like it’s gone quiet.” She moved the black curtains to the side and slowly peeked out. “Yeah, it’s clear.”
I followed her out of the blocked off area as we walked straight across the audience area. Only an hour before, this place was packed. Now it looked more like a sports hall, without anyone exercising.
“Are you sure there are no motion detectors here?”
“Well, the possibility certainly exists. However, I doubt a run-down place such as this one uses such new technology.”
New technology. Right, they haven’t existed for the last 30 years.
We got to the main door, Lydia tried the handle. Locked. So we went on to the one backstage.
The area behind the stage was packed with different equipment and props. It wasn’t organised at all, or perhaps it was, but it didn’t look like that at least.
“Do you think there are any more doors here… say, if this one would be locked too?”
“I doubt it,” she said and sighed.
After trying the handle I came to a conclusion. Either we tried to get someone to help us, even if both of our phones were out of charge. Or we could just wait, wait for the next day when someone, hopefully, would find us. Sure, the police might get involved. But I believe the tickets for the show would be plenty of evidence that we weren’t any intruders.
“Well hello there, Lydia,” a man said, laughing. I couldn’t quite catch what he looked like; it was so dark in the audience area where he came from.
“I see you’ve got a friend with you. Is he, perhaps, your boyfriend?”
The situation had gone from unpleasant to terrifying. I could spot a gun in his right hand, it looked like a Kahr K series. He held it up, pointing it on us.
“Let’s go,” Lydia said. She grabbed my arm and ran off to the side. The man fired his gun, thankfully it didn’t hit us. But who knows how many chances he’ll get? The Kahr K series usually have a magazine capacity of 7-9 bullets. That means there were 6-8 chances left to kill us. As we ran behind the curtains, backstage again, I felt Lydia’s grip getting stronger and stronger. I didn’t bother to tell her, but a blood clot in this situation wouldn’t be ideal. Maybe I was still in shock, but a person was just trying to kill Lydia. Maybe even me? What had she done? Well, there was no time for questions now. Besides, she looked like she was trying to save me. I mean, I would rather not die today.
“I’m sure you have many questions,” she stuttered, out of breath. “But you have to wait.”
No shit.
“Sit down here.” She pointed towards a pile of cardboard boxes. I made my way behind them and tucked my legs towards my stomach. Then she disappeared; she’d left me alone. Hopefully she was coming back, or did she leave me to try and save me. After all, it was probably her that guy was after. She definitely seemed to know him. I needed to do something. Even if he had a gun, I needed to do something. I could hear steps closing in, it sounded like a countdown to the moment when I was going to die. Dear god, I’m happy for my life, even if it has to end like this. I’m happy because you made me the person I am today, I finally got to go on a date, even if it wasn’t real. You could say my life was complete.
“LYDIA, THANK YOU!!!”
Blood splashed on my face, and the mysterious man fell right down on my stomach. His gun dropped to the ground. My face expression, even if I couldn’t see it myself, was probably extremely shocked. This is unrealistic; why did he have a knife right through his head?!
The vomit pushed through my mouth, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. A mixture of vomit and blood covered me and the mysterious man who laid flat on my legs. I couldn’t see his face, it was submerged in the disgusting fluid. If he wasn’t already dead he would’ve probably drowned.
“So… Ethan, you can tell the future?”
I stared at her. She was posing with her right hand pressing against her lower back. She smiled victoriously.
“Hu… h-hu? What do you mean?” I stuttered.
“I mean, you said ‘thank you’ before I even threw that knife.”
Another round of vomit decided to come out of my mouth. This time it ran down inside of my shirt.
“You look disgusting,” she said.
“W-what do you mean?”
She burst into laughter. A laughter so loud, scary and annoying that it would’ve just been better if I’d gotten killed.
“I probably should’ve let you die. You’re not funny at all.”
“What is funny about this? You just fucking killed a guy!”
“Relax, I did society a favour, he’s probably killed more people than one could count.”
“Are you a psychopath?”
She laughed again.
“I take that back, you are funny!”
“...”
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
She grabbed my hand and dragged me up from the floor. Then she walked to the door and tried the handle.
“Right… it’s still locked. That stupid guy forgot to hold it up.”
I mean, what were you imagining?