"Those peasants.. haha." A small guy with enormous body mass laughed, holding his belly.

"I know, Herald, i know! Isn't it just so hilarious?" The depiction of a timeless beauty said, grinning hard. An almost naked, perfect elegance made flesh, with hair like gold. Her huge wiggle-ables wiggled in a fit of laughter.

"We have talked about this countless times, but it still amuses me beyond anything." A little girl in the group exclaimed, blushing.

I had flown on top of one of the countless pillars littered across this paradise like garden, and was now eavesdropping on the three beings before me.

Flown? Yeah. Right now, i am holding the form of a crow. Nothing special there.

Oh, and this is the actual paradise. Which makes the ones before me gods.

Me? I am just a thing, above mortals, below divinity.

Because of never ending boredom, i decided to venture from the mortal realm, to the home of the gods.

For the last twenty minutes or so, i have heard things, man! Unbelievable things. Everyone in the world thinks, gods are the biggest, baddest fuckers around. Highest authority, bla bla. Well.. they are a sham.

Strong? Yeah, at least far stronger than i am, unfortunately. And as i said, no human can dream to even defeat me, so mortals can only kneel at their feet. But real gods? Turns out, no. They are just some people from another planet.

I know, dude, i know. Others planets and stuff, wtf? It was so worth sneaking into the heavens!

For the last few centuries, my life had been fucking dull. Always the same. Some human 'heroes' found me every decade now and then, demanding that i concede. Well, the first hundred times or so, i theatrically beat them to a pulp and sent them back with random advice. After that, i just disposed of them the instant they opened the doors to my home. Snapping their necks and stuff, leaving one alive to broadcast how evil and mighty i was. Yeah, that was fun for a while. Until it got boring as well. After that, i didn't even bother killing them. One even stayed and tried to stab me until he died of hunger, hilariously retarded. Sadly, that was the exception. No more fun stuff after that.

Time, and his asshole big brother, boredom, truly are relentless foes. So i felt the need to find something to occupy me with, hence i broke into paradise, for the lols. But this was just too dreamy. Other solar systems, how exciting. I always wondered what laid beyond the stars. Now, just maybe, i had the opportunity to find out, and quell my thirst for entertainment for at least a few years.

A fourth 'god' came walking to the others, with slightly exaggerated steps. Ah, hopefully he spills something interesting, too. Because of my unique eyes, i was very proud of by the way, the skill 'Identify' had no limitations for me. Normally, the things you could use it on were level-capped, in relation to your own level. For me, however, that was not the case.

Silently, i murmured: "Identify".

Name: Talis Wayne Level: 238 Title (Active): God of Storm Class (Main): Windwaker  Threat-Level: High Avoid. Surviving a direct confrontation is unlikely.

Yeah, he is around eighty levels above me, like the others. I wonder how they made their titles display 'God of..', when they are no gods. Maybe i could do it, too? Would be very cool, a shame i can't just ask them.

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Wayne had reached the others by now.

"Someone broke into our plane."

Uh-oh. If crows could sweat, i would right now.

"What?" The fair naked maiden sounded surprised. "How?"

"Don't know, but radar shows a foreign entity right there. No ID-chip."

He pointed towards my exact location.

What the fuck? Whoever you are, Radar, i hate you. And what are idea-ships? There is no sea here as far as i know.

Not that it matters. I had to run, and fast. Because in front of me stood several 'Surviving a direct confrontation is unlikely'.

The split second i needed to process my undoing, lightning hit the pillar i currently resided on. Shit, i almost could not see that attack coming.

As my favorite pillar succumbed to its new, electrified nature, i flapped my wings to stay afloat. Panic flooded my mind. I immediately chose flee, not fight.

They came running towards me with a speed i couldn't hope to match. I jetted away into the opposite direction. If i could reach the weak spot high up in heaven's barrier where i slipped in, maybe i could slip out and hide somewhere in the mortal realm. Luckily, i could fly while they scrambled on the floor.

The fat man spread some lucent wings of light. Well, so much for fucking flying.

Worse, the little girl goddess started chanting now. Moments later, a scorching heat attempted to tackle me out of the skies. A very close call, but i evaded the fireball. With huge effort, i managed to jump a meter higher in the air.

What awaited me a meter higher, was the fat god. Oh, fuck me!

Like the sword hanging above what's-his-name's throne, Mr. Fatface swung down with a blade, covered in a blue hue, brimming with power.

Enchanted weapon my ass! One hit of that thing and it's bye-bye good ol' me!

My panic now soaring even higher through the skies than my actual body, i dodged to the right. Still, the blade severed most of my left wing.

Ouchie! You big fat meanie, go to your mom and eat more cake or something!

I couldn't help but apply some gallows humor, while crashing towards the not-as-soft-as-i'd-like stone path, making its way through paradise.

Below me, naked goddess pulled a huge club, like some baseball player, waiting for the pitch.

On second thought, the stone floor seemed a lot softer now. So i tried to use my one and a bit wings to steer clear of her hit radius. Of course, she just took steps leisurely, repositioning herself into my line of fall.

Oh man. I wanted entertainment, yes. While true that this was not boring, being dead held no merits. Better bored than a corpse. Or rather, becoming a corpse was the ultimate boring.

It was no use, though. Nothing in my current repertoire could stop what i imagined to be the worst skull-cracker in the history of men.

On the verge of giving up, less than a second before my demise, i had an idea. If i could somehow, in the moment of impacting Mrs. Club's extended arm of horror, transform my figure to something akin to a hard ball, maybe, just maybe, the inertia would translate to my own kinetic force instead of splattering blunt trauma.

Okay, here goes nothing. The goddess grinned a devilish grin, while swinging towards me from the side.

NOW! I prayed to the real gods, if there were any, that this would work.

You morphed your shape into the most compact form. Congratulations, you are now a steel sphere.

 The moment of impact roared like deafening thunder in my ears. I almost lost consciousness from the hit, the last thing that registered on my senses, if barely, was the sensation of abruptly accelerating horizontally, to speeds i could never reach myself. And a bit of speech.

"I think that will kill it." Naked girlie chuckled, licking her club.

Then everything went black.

When i came to me, i was still flying. Cool, i fainted for a split second only. I looked forward in my line of flight. Don't ask me how a steel ball can have working eyes, i was just grateful for it at the moment. So who cares how? It's magic anyway.

I rushed past a lot of pillars. I wonder who thought of this genius design? Just drop a shitload of pillars onto a plane, paradise. Ta-da!

Unfortunately, the walls of an actual building grew in the distance rapidly.

Oh man, really? I crashed through the stone. That hurts like shit, i can tell you. Why not build your things with wood, or better, jelly? Fuck you, fake gods.

The wall had slowed me down somewhat, but my speed was still overkill. In the millisecond after bursting through, i very quickly tried to inspect the next obstacle in my course. Which was a huge mirror.

No, wait. In the frame of a huge mirror was.. well.. nothing. Just black. Not the nice kind of black, but the kind of black that sucked in the surrounding light.

Just as i braced myself for impact, i slid into the black. Wow. It had zero kinetic resistance, i just sped through it into.. eh.. the void, or something.