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How to Kill an Isekai Protagonist
Chapter 13: Booze and Ooze

Chapter 13: Booze and Ooze

He didn't breathe. Motionless. He was hiding in the tree. Above overgrown shrubs, stalking his prey, waiting for it to become negligent. The prey raised its white ears and turned with quick movement in all directions. Satisfied with the result, it continued munching the grass. Yovan pulled his bow, smirked confidently, and drew his arrow. The bowstring tightened under his fingertips. He focused on the Air essence and the flow coursed through his body. The gentle stream of power accumulated in his hands, and he released it onto the bow and his arrow, casting the muffle spell. He unleashed the weapon, an owl flying in a straight line, which easily pierced the rabbit's white fur, killing it immediately. The hunter ran towards the dead animal. It will be a good meal for today.

Unfortunately, consuming a magical essence didn't satiate his normal hunger. He still required ordinary food to survive. Here in the wild, he preferred to hunt than to spend his rations. And it was a good exercise for monsters and magical beasts anyway. Yovan was close to the foothills of Eretia mountains, a small settlement was up ahead. Perfect place to rest and grab a quest. The settlement had a wooden barricade around it that barely reached Yovan's chest. It didn't look like it could stop a herd of cows let alone an attack, but it was better than nothing. There were close to a hundred shacks and some stone houses, strung together without particular order. In the middle, a sign "The Grasshopper Inn" attracted Yovan's attention. Inside there were several tables and three older men sitting around one, drinking. He walked up to the woman behind the counter.

"Hello, could I get a beer?"

The woman sized him up and down before turning her back towards him.

"You aren't from around here."

"Does one need to be from around here to get a beer?"

She turned again with a small glass of beer in her hand and slid it over the counter towards her customer.

"Guess not. That's two coppers for ya."

"I need some information as well."

"Nothing much ever happens here so don't know what would interest ya. But I guess talking is free."

Yovan widened his shoulders, showing his sleek, leather armor.

"I am an arcane hunter looking for work. I saw that there isn't a notice board here. Could you tell me where I could find some quests?"

"Notice board? Why would we have those? And I don't know about quests but if you're looking for work, you could hunt some wild boars and sell their meat on the market."

The arcane hunter sighed with frustration.

"No, I am not an ordinary hunter. I hunt monsters and magical beasts. Do you know if anyone needs my expertise?"

"I see. You do look like a strange fellow. Dzuro has some issues with the well. You could talk to him."

"Where could I find this Dzuro?"

"Go down the street, turn left on the first intersection and look for a house with a blue door."

"Thank you."

Yovan gulped as much beer as he could in one swing and left in a hurried pace. Hopefully, the innkeeper wouldn't be offended, but he wasn't interested in appearances right now. He found the house with ease. He knocked on the door a couple of times. Each louder than before. The door opened slightly, and a large, burly man appeared.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

"Hello Dzuro, I am an arcane hunter, I've heard from the innkeeper at the Grasshopper Inn that you have a problem with a well and a monster. I could solve that problem for you."

Dzuro observed his guest for some time, surprise, and distrust mixed on his face. Finally, he opened the door and motioned Yovan to come in. It was a modest house with few furnishings. Most of the chairs were broken and repaired in several places. Yovan took one of the chairs and carefully sat down. Dzuro came back with two small glasses and a bottle of gin. He poured a glass and dropped it in front of Yovan.

"I can't. I just had a beer-"

"Shut up. Now drink."

Dzuro offered his glass in a toast. Not seeing how he could squirm out of this, Yovan took his glass and knocked it with his host. He poured all of the liquor directly into his throat, trying his best to avoid touching his tongue.

"Well, now," Dzuro continued. "You know my name, but I still don't know yours. And I'm guessing you want to be paid for solving my problem."

"My name is Yovan. Yes, we can discuss my pay once I get more information about the monster."

"There's no discussion! Look around you, do I look like a duke or a prince? I can manage five coppers. Take it or leave."

Yovan grunted and pulled the fingers of his right hand through his hair. He was more interested in the monster to feed on, but money was a welcomed bonus. Would Dzuro become suspicious if he accepted that low? Even if he did, what of it? Not like there was someone of note in this remote place.

"Fine, I accept. Let's hear about the monster and the location of the well."

"Hmmmm, wasn't expecting you to agree. Better for me I guess. There are darkly green blobs that picked my well of all others to settle. They poison the water and kill all of my vegetables around the well. I gathered some of the boys and killed the blobbing monsters a couple of times, but new ones just keep coming."

"How many have you killed?"

"Four 'till now."

"And did you kill them at once or one by one?"

"One by one. I never saw more than one at the same time."

Yovan rose with triumphant smugness and placed his hands on the top rail of the chair.

"You have an issue with a creature called ooze. It is a monster that enjoys dark and wet places like sewers or wells. My opinion is that you didn't kill a single one. You fought the same ooze every time. You just incapacitated it and it reformed after some time."

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Dzuro slammed his fist on the table, the two empty glasses jumped up slightly.

"Son of a bitch." He turned towards Yovan and continued with an underestimating tone. "And you say you can get rid of the ugly thing for good?"

"Yes, of course."

The man looked at Yovan with unchanging eyes, as if he was preparing to throw him out of the house for wasting his time. Then Dzuro just burst into laughter. Yovan was confused by the puzzling situation and his host's irrational behavior, and not knowing what to do, made an awkward smile. Dzuro poured another round and shoved the full glass into Yovan's hands.

"Good man, good man. Drink up and I'll take you to the well immediately."

"No, I really can't-"

"You say you hunt monsters but can't handle a drop of alcohol? Drink!"

Placed in an uncomfortable spot, Yovan drank everything in one take again. The bitter taste burned his tongue. It hit him like a slam spell. He wasn't comfortable with spirits, hopefully, this won't last long.

"All right, " Dzuro said. "Let's get going."

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They arrived at a large field not far from town. There were cabbages, lettuces, tomatoes, and peppers growing but the middle of the field, where the well was located, was noticeably darker and plants were withering all around it. Yovan picked up a lump of soil and crumbled it underneath his fingers.

"I am now confident we are dealing with an ooze. They are creatures of death and earth magic, that's why they can corrupt water. It's not really the soil and the plants which are dying but the water they use."

"All right. But how are you going to kill it?"

The hunter pulled out a sparkling scroll from his backpack.

"Oozes are weak to life magic. With this energy blast, I can destroy it."

"So, it's easy for you. Just cast a spell and be done with it."

Yovan sighed slightly. Money from the quest wasn't close enough to pay for the scroll. And that wasn't the only issue.

"I don't have any exoaperions. Even with a scroll, I can't cast a spell further than my arm can reach. I need to be awfully close to it to be effective."

"I see. Anything I can help you with?"

"No. Just go back as far away as possible. It will start spitting acid when I attack it, it can get really scary."

"Oh, yeah, last time old Lorgan got hit in the face. He's even more ugly than before hehe. I'll be behind those trees."

With Dzuro backing off, Yovan considered his plan of attack. Oozes had one death essence and two earth essences. As an air practitioner, he was very vulnerable to its attacks. Still, three essences to feed on would keep his soul from collapsing for enough time to reach Noremion, the Necromancer's capital. There he should be able to recuperate his losses. He approached the polluted well, a wide hole in the ground filled with water. Radius was almost two times bigger than Yovan's height. Instead of crystal water, there was a mucky, black, and green substance that emanated tingling heat. He gathered some pebbles to try to draw out the monster into the open. Yovan exhaled and wiped away the sweat from his forehead. The afternoon sun, heat from the muck and all that alcohol that he drank didn't go hand in hand. He took a couple of pebbles and started throwing them into different parts of the well. A deep, blobbing sound resonated with every contact with the dark goo. From the further side of the well, the goo started gathering and creating distinct shapes. He threw one more pebble at it and instead of splashing, it got stuck on the surface. The goo slowly enveloped and swallowed the foreign object. That got its attention. The ooze grumbled and spit out a projectile back at Yovan with frightening precision. He ducked, evading the fast projectile. It was the pebble he threw at it, embalmed with deathly energy. His air shields and defenses were useless against death magic, he will have to rely on his reflexes alone. He threw another rock at the creature and not waiting to see ooze's reaction, ran ten steps away from the well. If he could draw the ooze out of the well it would be an easier fight.

His plan worked perfectly. Now he could exactly see what he was dealing with. It was black, with some patches of green goop, and it was one meter tall and wide. And like a wave that constantly changed direction, it morphed into different shapes as it moved. It fired a burst of acidic spit, some directly at Yovan, some to try to preempt his evasive maneuvers. It was smart for a monster. Yovan threw himself to the side, barely dodging the melting spits. Tumbling back to his legs, he found his balance and charged at the ooze, drawing his sword. The ooze faltered for a second, Yovan's acrobatics giving it pause. But it showed considerable skill as well, as it deftly avoided Yovan's slashes. In whatever way he tried to attack it, low, high, from the side or pierce, the ooze reformed its body, leaving nothing but air for Yovan's sword. He only had two scrolls with life energy, so he had to cripple the ooze in some way to ensure that his spells would connect. But the fight turned into a war of attrition where one side had infinite stamina.

The ooze formed a long tentacle and, with a fast movement, slapped Yovan. Killing his momentum. A barrage of acid spit followed. Yovan tried his best to mimic ooze's evasion skills from moments before but fell short. His feet tangled up, and he fell backward, while liquid missiles flew above his head. He jumped to the side and got up, cursing himself. He knew he shouldn't have drunk before the fight. He almost became ooze's food, enveloped in its juices, and slowly digested. Wait. That was it! Yovan turned towards the ooze, waiting for the next attack. He didn't have to wait long, as they came as fast as ever. After dodging the first couple of attacks, one of the spits barely missed his head and Yovan pounced at the opportunity. He grabbed his face, and with a loud cry, dropped to the ground, spreading his arms and legs. A moment of silence. His heart was pumping so loud. He should've cast muffle on his body, but it was too late now. The sound of ooze's body creeping over the dirt grew heavier. He cut off his breathing and froze completely. The ooze was above him. A strong pressure compressed his chest. The smelly goo went through the spaces in his armor. Yovan grabbed his life scroll, slammed it into ooze's body, and with a wide grin, powered up the spell held inside the scroll.

"Got you, bitch," Yovan whispered.

Energy blast flickered, grew more unstable, and streamed out of the scroll, straight into the ooze's body. The ooze stopped moving. Better to say, every part of the ooze that moved like it had a mind of its own, was now a still statue. The liquid from the ooze evaporated and a solid rock appeared. And finally, rocky sculpture started showing cracks, branching in thousands of lines. It burst into pieces, leaving dust and a pile of dirt behind. Yovan exhaled and smiled tenderly at the mound in front of him.

"Whoa! I thought you were a goner."

Yovan turned and saw Dzuro standing above.

"You came quickly from the forest."

"When I saw you falling, I thought you were done for. So, I rushed to try and help you."

"No, it's a standard maneuver to deal with oozes. But thank you for your concern."

"Mhm, don't mention it. Is it really gone?"

"Give me some space. I need to cast some spells to ensure it never comes back."

"Sure do."

The ooze was already dead but Yovan didn't feel like explaining to Dzuro his complex situation and his need to feed on the essence. He cast a quick locator spell and identified the positions of three apeirons in the mound. He released a steady stream into them, cracking them open like a bad walnut. His effort was shortly rewarded as the nectar of energy started flowing through him. He quickly absorbed two earth essences, his body already getting used to it. Death essence was slightly unusual. Like eating a particularly sour lemon, it killed his enjoyment of food.

"All done. The monster won't appear again."

"Well done lad. Let's get back and enjoy some gin."

Yovan slapped his hands consecutively, removing the dirt off his hands.

"You'll have to excuse me. I need to be on the move, and I don't think I can take any more alcohol. I'll just take the reward if you don't mind."

Dzuro laughed with a weightless expression on his face.

"You really are a lightweight. But I shouldn't expect much from you southerners when it comes to a good drink. Here you go. You've earned your pay."

Yovan pocketed his five coppers and shared a farewell with Dzuro. He was very close to the border with Necromancer's country, so he could finally have some relief. He still needed to develop an exoaperion, his inability to cast spells at a distance was becoming a serious problem. Perhaps finding a tutor wasn't a bad idea.