“Ok guys, do you know why I’ve called you here today?”

The chain-clad ghost made eye contact with the eldritch horror that spent its nights under Carl’s bed, then they quickly looked down. The gnome family huddled together, while the doll with glowing eyes shuffled nervously. 

Carl sighed. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“N- No,” one of the gnomes affirmed. 

“I’ll get to the point, even if I suspect someone,” he shot a glare at the ghost, “does know. The deal is, last month I lost my job. I get enough from my side gig to not starve, but not enough to pay all my bills at once. Basically, until I find a new job, I need you all to chip in.”

Silence. Complete silence. 

“Oh come on!” Carl snapped. “You’ve all been living here for years, and have I ever asked anything from you? No. Now I am. Do you want me to move out? Maybe someone will move in who isn’t as nice as me. Think about that.”

The ghost cleared its throat. “We… we weren’t aware you knew we were here, exactly.”

“You thought I didn’t know? Didn’t know?” Carl laughed. “None of you have been exactly subtle.”

“Well,” the eldritch horror said hesitantly, “usually humans don’t believe we exist. They think it’s their imagination. ...Or something…”

The gnomes all made agreement noises. 

“I just thought you were mostly blind and deaf,” the doll shrugged.

Carl rubbed his face. “Whatever. Look, let me put it this way. If I can’t pay the bills, all of you will suffer for it.” He pointed to the ghost. “You love to take three-hour long showers at night. If there’s no water, you won’t be able to do that.” He pointed to the gnomes. “Alcohol and cheese are expensive. If I’m reduced to bare minimum, the only things in my cabinets will be instant ramen and coffee.” To the eldritch horror. “Do you have any clue how many lightbulbs I’ve replaced over the years, since flipping them on and off a thousand times a second seems to be your main hobby? Many. Many lightbulbs.” He pointed at the doll, who was snickering. “And that goes for you too, miss, with socks. Why, for the love of all that’s holy, do you steal and chew up my socks?” Back to the eldritch horror. “Imagine if my electricity gets cut. No more light flipping for you!” Doll. “And you know what, summer is coming! I’ll just live in sandals, never buy socks again!”

There was some shuffling, and Carl was pleased to see that they were all considering the situation. 

The eldritch horror held up a tentacle. “How do you expect us to get money?”

“Yes,” the ghost said. “I can’t go far from the bathroom.”

“We’re gnomes,” a gnome added. 

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“I don’t know,” Carl said. “But then, I don’t know how I’m going to get money. If I can figure it out, so can you. We’re all in the same boat here.”

“I’m quite certain this is not a boat,” the eldritch horror said. 

“It’s a metaphor,” the ghost told it. 

“Ah.”

“Is stealing acceptable?” a gnome asked. “We’re good at stealing.”

Carl hesitated. “As long as it isn’t too much from the same person.”

They nodded, chattering quietly among themselves. 

The eldritch horror held up a tentacle again. “Gold is considered valuable here, yes?”

The ghost smiled. “Yeah, but it’s easier to sell if it’s a ring or bracelet.”

“Noted. I will get gold.”

“If you get me a laptop I can invest in the stock market,” the doll said. 

The group as a whole turned to look at her. 

“What? I can warp reality. How else do you think I manage to already be in whatever room you enter? Stock market is child’s play.”

“I will get you a laptop by tonight,” Carl promised her. 

“And a pack of socks,” she said smugly. 

“A pack of cheap socks.”

“Fine…”

After a moment they looked at the ghost. 

“Yes? What can I do? I was a plumber in life, I don’t exactly have any skills that would help.”

“Have you considered starting a podcast?” the doll asked. “They’re all the rage nowadays.”

The ghost considered it. “Could work. Can I have a laptop, too?”

“No,” Carl said firmly. “You can borrow the doll’s laptop.”

Neither of them were happy about that. 

Carl got to his feet. “Well, I’m glad we got that figured out. Meeting over, I guess.”

“Erm,” a gnome said. 

Carl looked down. “Yes?”

“Well, as long as you know we live here… and as long as we’re contributing… could you get a specific cheese for us?”

“Yes,” the eldritch horror said. “I also would like it if you replaced all the lightbulbs with the same kind as the one in the kitchen.”

“And it wouldn’t hurt you to buy pink socks on occasion.”

“Your shower head could use some TLC.”

Carl sat back down. It was going to be a long day.