“What did you expect?” they ask. Alex blankly stares at the white pills in his left palm, before shifting his gaze up to the window in front of them. A stranger stares at him through the glass pane, a sly smile streaks across their face. They seem so unknown to Alex, but so familiar at the same time. The way their brown hair parts in the middle, falling by their small ears. So close to knowing, yet so out of reach. Before Alex can figure it out, he realizes the stranger had said something.

“What?” Alex responds, weakly. His expression is blank, unlike the grin of the stranger on the other side of the glass pane. The stranger chuckles and shakes their head.

“What did you think was going to happen? You let things get to this point. You could have prevented it,” they lecture. Alex watches as their expression gets progressively more annoyed the more they talk. Their words go into Alex’s ear, but become muddled and unclear in his mind. Alex stares for a moment, gathering his composure as best he can.

“What… what do you mean?” he asks, weakly once again.  The stranger scoffs loudly and scowls at Alex.

“Look at yourself right now” they spit, gesturing to all of Alex. He is visibly shaking, the pills in his hands softly rattle against each other. His mind quakes at the sight, making everything far worse.

Alex grips the white ceramic sink with his empty hand. If he was any stronger, the sink would shatter from his clasp. His body slumps for a moment, his eyes widen and tear up. Fire spreads from his chest to his extremities. “It’s… make it stop” he begs.

“I can’t do anything for you” they say, looking past Alex at the empty blue wall behind him. “Like I said, you could have prevented this. You made the choices that brought you to this moment.” Alex heaves and stumbles back.

“I didn’t know,” he pleads. His voice shakes with each word. The stranger glares at Alex, a hint of pity in their sharp grey eyes. 

“There were signs, you know that” they respond. “The fogginess, the fear, the exhaustion. Was it not enough?”

“I…” Alex grunts weakly and collapses to his knees. His empty hand grasps at his head. “Agh!” he exclaims, “make it stop, please! It’s getting worse.” His heart beats out of his burning hot chest. His thoughts repeat over and over again, an unrelenting force. They won’t stop. They can’t stop. The repetition drills at his mind, over and over. The stranger looks down at Alex.

“Was it not enough?!” they yell. 

“I thought I was fine!” Alex cries, pulling out his hair. “I thought I could handle this!”

“Get up.” 

Alex’s sobs fill the tiny bathroom as he gets to his feet. His hand tugs at his hair constantly, as if to distract him. It alleviates nothing. “You’re a dumbass,” the stranger says. “This kind of thing has happened to you many times before, right? Was it not enough of a sign that something was wrong?”

“Not like this, it was never like this” Alex seethes through clenched teeth. 

“Nonetheless, it was similar. The feeling, the spiraling, it had all occurred before.”

“Yeah” Alex mumbles in response. He releases his hair and clutches at his bare, pale chest.

“So?” they ask abruptly, “why didn’t you do anything?”

“I don’t know!” Alex yells. “I couldn’t have predicted this, even with my past, okay? It’s too late, anyways!” His anger almost makes him forget his situation, but it all comes flooding back in an instant like water from a burst dam. Alex sighs heavily, “I just want this to end.”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

The stranger snaps their fingers and says “stop being a wuss. Besides, the body can only do this for so long.”

“Even if this moment ends, what about the next one and the one after that? What if I never get over this one?” Alex asks. He begins pacing from one end of the bathroom to the other, mumbling “just a panic attack, just a panic attack, just a panic attack.”

“Just shut up for a moment, okay?” the stranger requests. Alex screams in terror and slams the sink with his fist. The ceramic shudders from the force, nearly cracking. 

“I can’t! The thoughts won’t stop!” he shrieks. His eyes are fiery, filled with rage and fear. It was as if everything inside Alex’s mind was visible in his tear-soaked eyes. He collapses onto the sink, sobbing uncontrollably. “They won’t stop…”

The stranger moves close to the window and whispers, “so do something about it.” Alex stands up and looks at the stranger.

Unsure of what he heard, he asks, “what?” The stranger aggressively points at Alex’s open hand.

“Do something.”

Alex looks down at his open palm at the sole pill that remains. The other two sit beside the sink drain, slowly dissolving in a tiny puddle.

“Uhm” Alex mutters, looking away from the stranger. They scoff and shake their head furiously.

“You’re kidding me,” they groan, “you want it to stop, but you won’t even try? You are such a coward. The answer could be right in your palm, but what? Why won’t you do it?”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, okay?” Alex argues, clearly overwhelmed. “It could make things worse!” The stranger lets out an exasperated sigh and face palms. 

“Of course it could! It could become worse, it could do nothing at all. Or, it could be exactly what you need right now.” Alex looks down at the pill, debating in his tortured mind. Could it really be the answer to his problem? Or would this be the start of something far worse? Though, in his mind, he can’t imagine anything much worse than this feeling at this very moment. It was as if someone was tearing his brain cells apart one by one with needles and pins. Each repeat of the thought was worse than the original, with no relief in sight.

Alex looks up to the stranger and asks, “if I do this, will anything ever be the same again?”

“Whether you do this or not, nothing will be the same anyways” they explain. “Look at you. Nobody goes through something like this and comes out the other end the same. That’s not how it works.” Alex sighs and clenches his hands. “But…”

Alex looks up, “but what?”

“Maybe it’s a good thing.”

“In what world could this possibly be a good thing? I have never been in this much mental anguish in my life!” Alex yells. The stranger recoils slightly.

“Woah, calm down, asshole!” they bark, “you’ve been progressively getting worse for years now, this might be your rock bottom. Maybe this choice could lead you on a path far above who you were previously.” Alex stops for a moment and looks away in contemplation. 

“Screw it,” he mumbles, popping the pill into his mouth. He swallows it down, uncomfortably smacking his dry lips as he does. “I can’t keep living like this, I need to at least try to fix it while I can. If this changes nothing or makes it worse, at least I will know that it’s all over.” The stranger glares at Alex for a moment, looking rather disturbed by his words.

“No, if it gets to that point, you try again.” The stranger’s eyes are serious, but fearful. It was as if they cared about Alex in their own strange way, as if it were life and death for them as well. 

Alex stares deeply into their eyes and mutters,  “at some point I’ll have to give up.” The stranger shakes their head furiously.

“No, don’t be a dumbass” they exclaim, “that just means you try harder, even if you can’t.”

“It’s not that easy” Alex protests.

“No, but it never was, was it?” they respond. Alex chuckles lightly, wiping his tear-stained cheeks as he looks away.. 

“I guess not,” he says. “You know, you’re kind of a dick. But… thanks.”

“No problem,” the stranger chirps, “sometimes you need a harsh pep talk from yourself. Sometimes you need to guide yourself down the right path.”

“From myself?” Alex asks, shifting his gaze to the window. All he sees is a reflection of himself, mimicking his every move. The brown hair parted in the middle, falling by his small ears. The sharp grey eyes above his pale, tear-stained cheeks. It was all so familiar now, so personal. So Alex. He wondered if he had truly lost himself in his own dread and sorrow. It mattered not. 

Having regained his self-recognition, Alex realizes something important. Even in his darkest moments, when he feels hopeless and alone, some part of him will always be there to pull him back together. Not fully or in the friendliest manner, but helpful nonetheless. Alex stares at himself in the mirror, studying his face. The thoughts still swirl and he can see it in his eyes, but something is different now. A smile forms across his weary face. Not from happiness or joy, but from strength. Strength in the face of overwhelming, debilitating fear.