Nala

Lying in the dirt, I think of all the things I loved.

Lying in the dirt, I dont feel the pain.

Lying in the dirt, I accept the world.

Lying in the dirt, I am genuinely happy.

Lying in the dirt, was always, the only way.

A young man, holding his rifle, lying on the ground, is aiming at me. Im riding a white horse, wearing full metal armor. My helmet is shaped like a lions head. I pretend not noticing him and the young boy pulls the trigger.

A loud bang could be heard. The birds sitting in the trees fly away. My horse kicks out and starts running away, I, hit by the bullet, try to hold on to the reins while half falling of. Realising that getting of the panicking horse is my best choice, I let loose and hit the dirt. Instead of being free,I am dragged along by the horse, my foot stuck in the stirrup.Unable to reach my foot I instinctively grab my leg, break the armor with my bare hands and snap my lower leg. This action results in my freedom.

As if I felt no pain, I immediately stand up and draw my sword. The handle of the sword is crested with a golden heart.

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The boy, who watched me the whole time, still aiming at me, should be able to see his own reflection in the sword. After realizing his mistake the boy shot one more time and started sprinnting the other direction. I, already bleeding from my right shoulder, receive the second shot into my abdomen.

Not bothered by the two wounds, I instantly pursue the boy. Not even after a minute into the chase, I kick him hard in his back and the boy flies meters forward, crashing into a tree. He loses consciousness.

I slowly approache the boy and fall on my knees right before him. I take off my helmet, putting it carefully besides my sword on the ground.

I begin to cry.

I sob here for minutes, holding the unconscious boy.

I dont want to let him go, not after what I did to him and even less knowing what I will do to him.

Tristao, I always hoped for you to live a happy life, not to become just another piece of meat for the insatiable beast of war. In the end, it is my fault. Nothing gave me the right to choose for you. Yet I did it, I will burden you with my dream, my suffering and my purpose. I already stole you of your life, of your peace and of your choice. I hope, that some day, one day, you can forgive me and see this ethereal, seemingly unachievable dream of mine, in the same way I saw it for the last thirty years.

Forgive me, Tristao.

I let go of the boy and place him against a tree. I pick up my sword and slice at my abdomen.

My hands start shaking, Im losing a lot of blood.

After my stomach is cut completely open, I stick my sword into the dirt, sit down and lean my back against it.

I close my eyes, as a warm breeze touches my face.

I feel warmth in my belly and I forget everything around me. My past feels so far away, so insignificant. The guilt I just felt moments ago is just a drop in the ocean of emotions. Im happy. Ironically I feel comforted, here in my death. I accept who I am and what I have done. I am Nala and I have done enough.

I slowly grow tired and the blowing wind guides my thoughts away. I have one last dream.

A field of wheat, resembling a golden sea. Im alone, but I feel peace. I will wait here, for you two to join me. Until we can be together again, live for more and forgive me, my loves.