‘You have been banned from existence.’

I blinked at the piece of paper in my hand and swiveled my head around me. Everything was white. I couldn’t tell where it ended.

I stared at the paper once more. “Is this because I killed that dragon?” I yelled, knowing someone was listening.

“I told you I was sorry! The knights were completely useless.” I crumpled the note in my hand and tossed it behind me. It felt good to smash something. The magic in the room that skated over my skin felt strong and I knew I wouldn’t be able to punch holes into the walls without needing godlike strength.

“Bloody ridiculous,” I muttered.

I stomped off and began ranting to the air. “It was eating villages. It stole the gold from seven kingdoms! And it left its stinking scat everywhere! It took days to shovel that crap off the roads!”

I stopped when I noticed another page floating down to me and snatched it from the air.

‘Arthur was in charge of destroying the beast. This is your punishment, Merlin. SHUT UP.’

My magic pulsed from my hand and the note burst into flames. I wouldn’t apologize for fixing Auther’s messes and feeding an entire continent fresh meat.

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

“Make me,” I said and marched forward in the neverending white. Messing with the Fates apparently meant harsh punishment. They didn’t seem to understand the young king was an idiot blonde-haired, blue-eyed dunce who couldn’t figure out how to pull a magic sword out of its scabbard, let alone fight a dragon. The coward hid behind me the entire fight.

Days, weeks, or years later, I found the wall. Slammed right into it and nearly broke my damn nose. I groaned and sat against it, feeling the vibrations of strong magic against my back.

“Been nursing those toddling knights for two decades. I deserve some downtime.” I lifted my head up. “You hear that ya boogey eating fairies? I want to be left alone!”

Thunder rumbled under my feet and I tensed.

A shriek pierced my ears and I looked up in surprise to see a woman falling from above and landing hard in front of me.

The Fates are jackasses.

The woman wore a strange black leather and rough blue breeches that would have made the ladies back home blush. She pushed herself up glaring around the room, her white tunic sleeves shortened, showing delicate black and white art patterns on her skin. She brushed her short hair away from her face as she looked around.

"What are you in for, my lady?"

"Killed a fucking dragon," she grunted, standing and rotating her arm back and forth with a grimace. "Didn't know they still existed."

"Were your companion's knights? Heroes of the sword?"

She shrugged and sat next to me. "I suppose, but he had a gun. Froze like an idiot when that monster showed up. Glad I'm here now."

I nodded. "All we need now is some strong ale."

She snorted. "Or some whiskey."