In an office, somewhere in the vast infinite multi-verse is a man attempting to fill out a questionnaire, while a woman in a suit looks on in anticipation. While this task would normally be quite simple, except for the questions themselves being completely insane. He was starting to get a headache as he was currently on page five of five-hundred, where the last page and the next three seemed to have questions about slaves and slavery.
One such question: In a world where slavery is legal and common. And you decide to purchase a slave. Is it morally ethical to sleep (i.e. Fornicate) with said slave? Even if you have saved them from death, and they are constantly trying to sleep with you.
So many of the questions were asked about sleeping with his teammates, and not to mention the next one asked the same thing just added in that the person was thirteen. To his opinion, the entire test was screwed up. Though he was familiar with a lot of Isekai stories, a lot of them were iffy, on the topics.
Nicki had long since stopped filling out the paperwork, just reading the questions and trying to wrap his head around why these would be asked when he yelled, “The hell is with this. Almost all of these questions are insane. And why are most of them about who you can sleep with!”
Ge jumped at the outburst only to laugh, “You’d be surprised by how often these things come up. As for the questions, it's to ensure maximum compatibility with their chosen role.”
Nicki deadpans as he pulls out one of the papers and reads; “If a fox girl and a fox boy are both attracted to you, who do you behead and how do you explain it to the king?”
“That comes up surprisingly often,” Ge said matter-of-factly.
Stunning Nicki, as he let out an involuntary, “What?”
“Yes. It's a strange occurrence I give you, but it has come up multiple times.”
Nicki stared. His mouth trying and failing to formulate a response. I don’t think I want to know. He decided. “Fine then what about; A train traveling half the speed of light. Do you attempt to smash the barrier, kill the queen, or eat a cookie? What do any of those have to do with the other.”
“Well, I admit it's a circumstance.”
He didn’t let up, “A bee is eating a grape while a woman lounges nearby. How did you know the grape was poisoned?”
“What's wrong with that one?” She yelled defensively.
“There is no context!” He shouted. He knew he shouldn't be shouting but the day was getting to him. This strange incompetence was the last straw. “And it will take like a year to fill all this out. You need to simplify this all.”
Ge huffed, “And what would you do?”
Nicki rolled his eyes, “Make it like thirty questions. What kind of world would you like? Have you had weapons training? How difficult would you like the world? Also, if I'm guessing right: Would you like to reincarnate? Things that make sense. That simple. With this, you're accusing them of being criminals, or will overwhelm them. Not to mention they’ll take forever to fill out.”
“These were rigorously put together to cover any and all situations. I even cut out all the really obscure ones.”
Nicki blinked with dawning horror, looking back and forth between the document and Ge. “These all happened then?”
“Yeah.”
Nicki’s mind stalled. There were some really ridiculous scenarios there. The fact that those had occurred made him shutter. Instead of even trying to delve into the millions of questions he didn’t want to be answered. For his sanity, he focused on what he was previously saying. “See that's the problem. You’re getting bogged down in the details. You need simple. Just remember K.I.S.S.”
She chuckled, “A little forward.”
“No.” He huffed, “The acronym Keep It Simple Stupid.”
She let out a long sigh, “A little mean but I get it. It was just a way to make your job easier. So why don’t you make your own.”
Nicki shrugged. Somehow he had gone past disbelief, all the way to a hazy acceptance, “Honestly, I think I’ll have to do it on a case by case.”
#
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Somewhere on a gray-blue marble floating through space, there is a hidden place. A place that is both there and not. A world unto itself, just beyond perception, a pocket world, one forgotten by time. Here sits a once thriving ecosystem, long since become a tomb, life-long leaving. Here it waits and sings.
It moves and dances. Singing its song along the wind creates vortexes of sand, and dust with every spin, twist, and tumble. Its voice created its own cacophony of music cutting through the pocket dimension, echoing its existence, screaming it was there. For it was a sword, no matter how much it sang, and danced, it longed for a wielder. A partner, to sing with it. It was a weapon of death made to kill, yet those were always the most boring bits of its life. The weapon had absolutely adored when it's wielder danced with it. Oh, how it had sung, as its blade cut through the air. It would bend, twist, twirl, thrust, all with his partner.
Now. Now it was alone, long had the world died, and the treasure hidden away turned to dust. Only it remained, creating a symphony of wind with each slash. Its song long turned melancholic. It had no concept of time as it never rusted or aged, a sword moving through the motions, and was rather bored. Something, even the weapon thought, was different. Ever since it had become aware, it learned it was an odd weapon, none of the others in the treasury moved on there own or appeared to have thoughts. Though there was a gravy boat that was rather full of itself, and it did not care for the thing. Sometimes though he did miss having another like him. Gravy boat was not like the sword. It aged and rusted, falling to dust like the rest.
The sword could only sing, its song. Louder and louder. Cutting and swishing. Searching for the right note, over, and over. For time untold, when all at once the world split open, and a singing sword was gone.
#
Back in a cubicle, in an office building, on a gray orb floating through space, a man is trying his best to not have a breakdown.
“AHHHHHHHHH!!!” It was not going particularly well.
Ge uncovered her ears as she said disapprovingly, “It’s just a questionnaire.”
“It’s not that. This is all just insane. I…” Nicki was growing frantic.
Ge let out a long sigh. She had known he would eventually react like this, though she had thought it would happen much sooner. “Yes. It is. You never expected, or conceived this may actually happen. But on the bright side, things will get better as you go.”
That had been the least comforting thing, he had ever heard. The enormity of it all had been hitting him hard. Now, he was back to a strange apathy and disbelief at what was going on. He could only stare at Ge in complete silence.
“There,” Ge said excitedly. “That right there is what makes you all so interesting.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that.”
She laughed, “Well, this is a starting point. You’ll have to figure out the rest as you go. This is your show after all.”
The ridiculousness of it all was hitting him. He had been Isekai’d except instead of a fantasy world he was supposed to work in an office. Was there a world right outside he would have to grab people to become Heroes? Would there be a tavern he could spend his time? What would his family think happened? His friends?
Nicki could feel his throat tightening up. He needed to speak. To say something. Anything before he broke down. “So.” His voice broke. “So, what exactly have I gotten into?”
“A job.”
“One I can't leave.”
“Actually, you can!” Ge corrected.
“What?” Before Nicki could follow up, He suddenly knew someone was in the building. “The hell?”
Ge perked up, watching Nicki close. As he frantically looked around. “Looks like you’ve connected and your first client has arrived.”
#
Back in an office a very confused sword, is floating and swinging itself around, causing a good bit of destruction.
What was that?
Was that resistance? I haven't felt that in so long? Wait. If there is resistance did the things come back? Or did I hit the ground again? Let's see.
The piece of steel began to throw itself all around the room, cutting anything and everything. With each cut it found itself vibrating with excitement it was all new. It continued to dance when it felt a new vibration. One it didn't make.
Why is this familiar? It paused its movements to better feel the foreign oscillation. I've heard this before. When I was made. They were made by the ones who swung me, slashed the air with me. It's been so long. With that thought, it pushed power through its hilt, a trick it had nearly forgotten. The world lit up as two wielders appeared in an odd place. Its a bit messy isn't it?
It's previous wielders were all about cleanliness, and keeping things in order. It felt itself shaking in disapproval, when it realized. Wielders!
#
A man burst into an office, “How is this a client?!” Nicki shouted in panic as a massive saber was flying around slashing everything, and nothing. It was literally creating a whirlwind inside the room.
Nicki didn’t know how he was able to find his way back to what he could now feel was his office. He had followed the sensation, almost compelling him to go there. He hadn’t known what to expect, least of all this.
Ge steps into the office. “That’s up to you to figure out."
“What kind of job doesn’t give any training. I don't even know what my job is!” Nicki yelled panicked as he crouched pushing himself against the wall.
“To place Heroes on the right worlds. And other stuff. “ Ge answered calmly. Then shrugged adding flippantly, “We'll figure that out later.”
Nicki stared, as the saber danced, his mind trying to figure out what to do. As he did he could almost feel a wheel spinning in his head. Hundreds of different worlds upon the edges. Somehow he both knew and didn’t know what they were. He could feel the needs of the planets, the people, and the Gods upon them. The wheel spun faster and faster. His mind completely focused on finding the right place. When a piece of wooden shrapnel sliced his arm through his shirt.
“Oh come on!” He shouted in frustration. “Will you please stop?”
To his and the Ge's absolute astonishment, the weapon did. It stopped its movement and floated there. With what he thought was disapproval. How does a sword look disapproving? It didn’t matter, it had stopped at his question maybe he could talk to it.
"Hello... Welcome to H..." That was when the sword suddenly spun and flew right at him.
“Shit!”