That Time Lucifer And Sariel Threatened To Destroy A Planet
“The Library of Tequnme!” With that cheerful (and rather loud) declaration, a male figure with dark blue skin, a shock of bright pink hair, and astonishingly obnoxious clothes burst through the doors of the building whose name he had announced. Beyond his coloration, and a pair of small horns set just above his eyes, the figure had all the body parts in the same locations as a Seosten. His fashion sense, on the other hand, could not have screamed ‘tourist’ more if he’d stamped the word on his forehead six times in different languages. He was wearing baggy pants with many pockets, all of which were laden down with various gifts, a pair of extra belts with more pouches full of maps and such, and a coin purse with an exchange rate calculator attached to it. His shirt had an image of not this building, but one of the planet’s other star attractions, and his colorful vest was adorned with patches showing all the other planets he’d visited. He wore a hat decorated with the logo of a luxury cruise ship. A very expensive camera draped around his neck completed the look. His gaze darted around rapidly, even as he lifted that camera to take a picture of a nearby wall with holographic welcoming text. Holographic welcoming text which very specifically noted that cameras and all other recording devices were forbidden.
Aside from that wall, this front entrance area of the place, apparently known as the Library of Tequnme, consisted of a one hundred foot long, fifty foot wide foyer. At the other end of that foyer, the space opened up into a truly massive circular room. Actually, it was more like a chasm, extending both upward and downward too far to see the ends in either direction. Lining these circular walls, as far as the eye could see, were what appeared to be small safety deposit boxes. Whenever someone put their hand near one, a holographic digital code with six digits would appear, and the box would only open, allowing access to the object inside if the correct code was input.
Throughout the central part of that circular chasm, seemingly hovering in midair, were various tables, chairs, and even people. They seemed to be set on firm surfaces all the way up and down through the cylindrical shaft, despite the lack of any apparent solid floor. Once in awhile, one of the visitors would look around from the level they were ‘standing’ on, spot a box they wanted to reach some distance up or down from where they were, and simply start walking while pressing a watch-like device attached to their wrist. As they did so, they would begin ascending or descending as though walking on stairs until they reached the right level.
Taking all that in with a glance while he snapped several more rapid pictures, the ‘tourist’ went right up to the edge of the solid floor of the foyer and leaned over to start taking holographic evidence of everything in sight, including several people who expressed immediate vocal dismay at being recorded. Not that he paid any apparent attention.
He had just started to lean out a bit too far, dangerously extending his leg over what would be open air to him when a metallic hand caught his arm and hauled him back. There was a seven foot tall gold and amethyst robot standing there. It had two arms and two legs, along with a normal torso, and a slightly oversized head that had a screen on the front. That screen was projecting a small hologram of a bright, colorful smiley face. The voice was projected through a speaker grill behind the hologram. “Sir, I am Sentry Enug Ton. Would you please come with me, moving swiftly and quietly? It is rather dangerous to enter the library center without the proper adornments, and you have already violated several of our core rules. Your equipment may be subject to seizure and possible destruction. Refusal to comply will be treated as a declaration of violent intent against the library, and appropriate measures will be taken immediately.”
Even as the robot said that, several more appeared through the walls behind it, stepping right through them like air. Which made sense, given how much of this place was simple solid holograms. The robots were built out of a material that allowed them to travel through those holograms as easily as though they weren’t there to begin with.
They were also incredibly dangerous. One by itself was bad enough, but the half dozen that were standing there could have handily taken apart most small armies, especially here on their home turf. They were ready for any sort of direct attack.
The tourist, on the other hand, betrayed no real reaction to any of this. His bright, clueless smile remained plastered over his face as he nodded. “Ohhhh I get it, this is a special part of the tour, isn't it? Excellent, just excellent. Lead the way!” Turning toward some of the onlookers, he stage-whispered, “See, this is what happens when you splurge on the diamond deluxe package, they give you the full behind the scenes treatment! Keep that in mind next time!”
“Please be quieter, sir, you are disturbing the guests,” the Sentry who was escorting him requested, while turning to walk toward an opening that had simply appeared in the wall. Its grip had never left the man’s arm, pulling him firmly along with it, though carefully enough to avoid ripping the limb right out of its socket, as it could easily do without much effort at all.
But the man never gave it a reason to. He simply walked right along with his escort, while the other sentries, satisfied that the situation was under control, disappeared back through the wall and allowed the situation in the library center to go back to normal after such an egregious distraction. The real guests would be properly compensated for the annoyance, of course.
Passing through that opening in the wall, which closed again as soon as they did so, led to a narrow hallway, just large enough for the tall robot to walk through. It guided the man to a spot in front of it and firmly requested that he start walking. About thirty feet on, a small hole appeared in the left wall. The sentry spoke again. “Please deposit all cameras and other electronic devices into the chute. They will be examined, the recordings removed, and then, if possible, the devices will be returned to you.”
Though he made some noise about how his recordings couldn't be deleted and that he was certain once he talked to the people behind this tour, things would get straightened out, the man still obediently sent his camera down through the chute. The wall closed up again as soon as he did, and the robot continued to lead him through the corridor.
The camera, meanwhile, slid down the narrow tube for several long seconds before coming out onto a table deep in the heart of the facility. The room it was in was rather small, only large enough for several monitoring screens showing views from around the library, along with a couple tables like the one that camera had ended up on, and one figure. This one wasn't a robot like the others. He was a biological being, standing just four and a half feet tall and shaped like an anthropomorphic rabbit with four ears instead of two, and eyes that extended out of their sockets on stalks capable of looking in every direction. As the camera landed on the table, the being, known as a Yirvil, cast a quick glance at it while turning to pick up a scanning device so he could find out exactly what sort of images the tourist had picked up. The library had very strict rules about not allowing any recording devices. Everything kept within its walls had to stay in its walls. It didn’t only keep books there, but copies of every unique thing possible. They were a library, a museum, and a zoo all rolled into one. Their collection was one of the best in the universe, and they didn’t take kindly to anyone attempting to either leave with one of their items, or make any sort of copies of it.
Turning his eyestalks away from the camera long enough to pick up the scanner and fiddle with it for a moment, the Yirvil turned back with a heavy sigh. He had been just about to take his meal break when that tourist burst in, and now he wouldn’t be able to leave until he dealt with this and made sure to delete every picture that had been taken inside the library.
And yet, when he turned back to reach for the camera, his hand found nothing. The device was missing. His hand patted that part of the table before his eyestalks turned that way, staring uncomprehendingly. Slowly, the stalks rose above the level of his head, turning this way and that to look for where the thing could have fallen.
Then he looked directly behind himself, just long enough to see a blonde female figure standing there. Before he could react, her hand touched his back, and she disappeared. The Yirvil jerked violently once, mouth opening to shout. Then he froze.
Don't worry, the female Seosten announced inside his head, I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to borrow you for a moment. It's important. Your name is Karg, mine is Sariel. Now we’re properly introduced, so if you’ll excuse me. With that, she turned his body and walked out of the room, perusing his memories briefly before heading to the right, past several sentry robots who simply allowed the Yirvil to pass. Of course they did. The Yirvil species had built the robots, along with the library. They had no reason to stop any of their creators.
Y-you’re one of those Seosten, like the ones we have in--like the--wait, wait, Karg was starting to understand at least some of what was happening.
Like the ones you have locked up in here, Sariel confirmed. She had already directed the man to a securely locked door, inputting the password that she took from his memory and allowing it to scan his eyes before stepping through as it slid open. That led them into a room full of computer servers. She made her current host walk over to one of the input stations before typing in a third series of codes that had also been drawn from his memory. Bit by bit, she broke through layers of security to reach the heart of the system. Then she made him hold up the camera, which had fallen into his hand when she possessed him. Taking the thing apart revealed the opening to the bigger-on-the-inside compartment where she had secretly waited until the camera was in the right spot and his back was turned. But it also revealed a crystal, which she plucked out before inserting it into the terminal. The system requested a verification code, and she took that from his mind before entering it as well. Once she was certain it was ready, she informed her partner through their magical connection. It’s done.
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At that very point, the supposed tourist was sitting in a back office on the other side of the facility, being glared at by two more of the Yirvil, while the sentry robot that had led him back here stood nearby. As soon as the word from Sariel came through, he leaned back and put his feet up on the desk. “Okay, people, we have a bit of a problem here. But don’t worry, I’ve come with a solution.”
The Yirvil in charge blinked twice before replying, “Yes, we have a problem. You have caused a disturbance, and the footage you took is currently being--”
“Oh no, not that,” the ‘tourist’ interrupted casually before reaching up to pluck both horns off his head. As he did so, his skin and hair faded back to their natural colors, though the outrageous clothing remained.
“Seosten!” both Yirvil blurted, while the sentry raised its arms toward him.
“Uh uh,” the man in question warned with a lifted finger. “Let’s play nice. Well, nicer than you’ve been playing. That is, if you don’t want the virus that my partner just inserted into your systems to completely erase everything you’ve spent the past six thousand years collecting.”
In short order, he introduced himself as Lucifer and allowed them to bring up the security footage showing their possessed companion in the server room. The virus that Sariel had infected their system with had already spread through the entire archive throughout the library. If it wasn’t stopped, the temperature controls within each of the secure boxes, holding so many priceless treasures, would be raised to incinerating levels. They would lose everything.
Glaring at him with such intensity that Lucifer himself would have burned to a crisp if it had been within the Yirvil’s power, the library director hissed, “You wish to have your companions released, that’s what all of this is about?”
“See, I knew you were a smart one,” Lucifer confirmed. “This library of yours, it’s all about collecting things. So sure, you ‘collected’ several of our crewmates, just because we’re so unique. Tartarus-infected Seosten, there’s not many of those around. Especially not of the sort that walk right onto your planet during what was supposed to be a simple shore leave. And see, I get it, you thought you were safe this way. After all, our people aren’t gonna risk going to war against your planet, not when you’re sitting on one of the universe’s biggest collections of spells, secrets, and just little morsels that could, at some point in the future, be useful. It’s how you’ve maintained your independence through all these millennia. Our people leave you alone because if we try to take this planet, you’ll incinerate everything, and there’s a chance something in here might be useful someday.” He paused, head tilting. “Isn’t it funny, to have the thing you use to keep us from attacking your planet in the first place turned against you like this? That incineration system is quite the useful tool. Now, I'm just going to need you to play nice so we don't all have to see how well the whole thing works.”
The director glowered at him a bit more. “We could call your bluff. Your own companions would be incinerated as well, and you would gain nothing from this.”
Lucifer’s gaze remained even. “And you would lose everything. If you make me destroy the one thing preventing our people from coming here in force, then they’ll do exactly that. They’ll come here with a fleet and take over, because you won’t have any more leverage. See, you'll have shot your hostage. Or, allowed us to shoot the hostage, something like that. The point is, you wouldn't have anything protecting you anymore. And at that point, our only chance of finding out everything we could about all the fun little secrets that were kept here would be to enslave your entire species and rip through all your brains to dig out every single memory. And to be honest, if it all happened because you allowed several of our crewmates to be incinerated. I really can't see them being very gentle about it. It just wouldn’t be a fun time for you at all.”
“You would risk the lives of your friends just to remove them from our care?” the director sounded incredulous. “They are not being mistreated. They are safe within our archives, living--”
“Living like zoo animals, away from their friends, their families, and their mission,” Lucifer interrupted. “It wasn’t their choice. You think we’d just let that happen and walk away, that we’d accept that as an acceptable loss to avoid letting anything happen to all that knowledge you have locked up in here. I’m saying I would set a torch to every fucking box you have in here if it would save even one of our people. I’m saying I don’t give a klochnar’s ass if you have the secret to destroying the entire Fomorian army hidden away somewhere in here. But you do. Because you’re right here in the path of their invasion. If you have the secret to defeating them and you let it get destroyed here, just to keep a couple rare specimens in your collection, then all your people will die. They will suffer horribly, your planet and everything on it will be transformed into just another pile of biological material for those monsters to use, and the only name from this planet that anyone will ever remember is yours. The universe will remember you as the person who allowed his entire planet to be wiped out because he thought it would be a good idea to test me.
“So the real decision is up to you. Look into my eyes, stare as long as you want to and ask yourself what might be the most important question in the long and I’m sure very complicated history of your entire species. Am I bluffing?”
There was a bit more griping and arguments, but in the end, they knew they had no choice. The word was sent out, and several of the sentry robots were sent to retrieve the box in question. It did so without alerting any of the other patrons that anything untoward was happening, carrying the two foot long, one foot wide box all the way back to the office before presenting it to the Seosten.
As Lucifer took the box, the library director snidely reminded him, “You have forgotten about one important thing, of course. Our sentries have been cleansing the system of your virus since the moment it was brought to our attention. You and your companion won’t be able to make it off this planet before it is scrubbed, and then you will all be detained properly. Even if you leave this facility, our planetary shields prevent any magical transportation. You must wait for a shuttle. Which will not arrive in time.”
“Oh, that might be a problem,” Lucifer agreed, his tone as casual as ever, “except for one thing. See, you kept my crewmates because they’re special. They’re not the only ones. I can be pretty special in my own way. And you made something of an oopsie. Well, your first oopsie was creating this situation to begin with. And a few others along the way, I’m sure. But your most recent oopsie is that you gave me a chance to talk.”
The two Yirvils looked baffled and angry, until Lucifer spoke again. “Don’t worry, I’ll help. Let’s all stand up, doesn’t it feel better to stand right now?”
They all did so, while the sentry watched impassively, waiting for commands. Lucifer couldn’t give those commands, not to the robot. But he did speak again. “Ahh, standing is so much better than sitting all cramped in a chair. Let’s stretch our arms out.” He did so, and the Yirvils followed suit, looking confused about the whole situation.
“See, see, we all feel so much better now.” Lucifer smiled. “And you know what else would feel better? Let’s open a channel to the sentries and tell every single one of them to turn off.”
They hadn’t questioned standing up, or stretching, and they didn’t question this either. Lucifer’s power had made its way through them too thoroughly by that point. They’d allowed him to talk, and the more he spoke, the more everything he said would seem perfectly reasonable regardless of how much they would have opposed it before. Without a single word of objection, the library director sent the command to shut down all sentries, and put them into maintenance mode. Normally, this mode, which took several hours to complete and couldn’t be interrupted, would only be done on a few of the sentries at a time. But now they were all shut down that way, and only they held the processing power necessary to properly root out the virus. It would stay in place until they were brought back online, long after the Seosten departed.
Once that was done, Lucifer told the director and his assistant that they would have so much fun if they simply faced the wall and counted to ten thousand before saying or doing anything else. Then he walked out of the office.
Sariel was already there, still possessing her own temporary host. He acted as a guide, leading them out of the depths of the library and straight to one of the back doors. Then Sariel used his memories to find the code for the box that Lucifer was carrying, before stepping out of the man. He fell unconscious to the ground, while she input the passcode on the pad attached to the front of the box.
Just like that, six patterns of energy shot from the box, resolving themselves into a half-dozen Seosten figures. Four were random crew members, while the other two were Manakel and Cahethal. They looked startled, instantly snapping into defensive positions. Several ghosts floated into place in front of them before the Necromantic doctor realized who had freed them. “Lucifer? Sariel? What--”
“We are outside of the library,” Cahethal noted in a voice that was equal-parts impressed and wary. “What have you done to accomplish that?”
Her words were accompanied by similar questions from the other Seosten, until Manakel took over with a raised hand. “I--ahhh… believe what they mean to say is that we all know our people would not take the risk of directly assaulting this planet. And it seems quite calm for that anyway.”
“Yeah, there’s no war going on,” Lucifer confirmed. “As for the rest, there’s not a lot of time, so you’re just gonna have to wait until we get back to the ship to get the whole story.” He belatedly added, “Uh, sir,” at a slight kick from Sariel.
She, in turn, waved for everyone to start moving. “He’s right, we should be off the planet before they… recover. This probably won’t start a war, but it’s probably best that we give them time to cool off before coming back here. A few decades should do it.”
“A few dec-- what did you two do?” Cahethal demanded, though they had all started to walk hurriedly toward the landing platform where the shuttle would be waiting.
Glancing toward one another, the adopted ‘twins’ shrugged, before Lucifer offered a casual, “Puriel told us to do whatever we needed to do to get you out. If we fucked it up, they could disavow us and leave us to rot here. We’re just a couple of nobodies on probation.”
Making a noise in the back of his throat, Manakel shook his head. “If that was true at any point, which I honestly doubt, it certainly isn’t now. No, I’m afraid with this move you have both gone and made yourselves indispensable.”
So they had. And in the end, Lucifer was right, there was no war. But from that day forward, he and Sariel held a rather dubious, unique honor.
They were the only beings in the universe to be permanently banned from a planet whose entire purpose was to collect samples of everything.