Zacharias was brooding over the leather-bound book made of he-really-didn’t-want-to-know skin and skipped through the list of things he needed to provide the princess with. She had already scored out a lot of things and made plenty of side notes about what she actually wanted and needed, not what her royal court thought she did. That was helpful. An instruction manual on how to treat a princess.
Astil sat on his couch and watched a nature documentary while reading a dusty old lexicon he dug out with a childlike fascination he didn’t expect. The princess sucked up knowledge the way a bamboo sucked up water, except she didn’t grow a mile a day.
While she was busy, Zacharias tried to deal with his situation and get accustomed to elven needs. Elves were omnivores, but since most animals in their world were more or less sentient, ate only animal products like egg and milk and the occasional meat left by nature. Hunting for food had been outlawed long ago and was deemed barbaric. Which was reasonable, but didn’t apply to his world where cows and pigs had the smarts of a cactus. And even the cactus knew how to defend itself. He loved the little fuckers.
Carefully, but caringly petting the barrel cactus on the kitchen table, he mentally listed the things he needed to buy to feed a vampire turned metalhead and a vegetarian unicorn. After today, both seemed equally possible.
“Anything you’d like to eat?” he asked Astil, snapping her out of her focus.
“What? I, uhm...”
“Salad and cheese sandwich?”
“Yes. Good.” She blinked before turning her attention back to the book and the TV.
She was a bit socially awkward, but then again, so was he.
“Next thing...bed. You will have to crash on my couch for some time until I can get the guest room ready.”
She nodded, completely lost in the depths of the children’s lexicon. It was a leftover from his uncle’s family who had lived in this apartment before. When he, his wife and their daughter bought a house, he offered the apartment to Zacharias for cheap. Vetternwirtschaft at it’s best.
It was a nice, big four room apartment with a front of windows in the joined kitchen and living room that would have been way out of his price range if not for one wonderful detail: His uncle owned the apartment, which meant no rent, just water, heating and electricity costs. It had eaten up most of his savings (even a very cheap owner-occupied apartment still wasn’t very cheap), but it was worth it. Over the last two years he had turned it into a real home and he made sure it stayed nice and clean, unlike his last apartment. There was the standard bathroom with a tub slash shower, a big enough bedroom he used for himself, his uncles former study he turned into his coding and gaming paradise and an empty guest room that he would have to furnish now that he had a...guest.
Zacharias looked up. The way she sat there, completely lost in the book, soaking up new knowledge like no elf’s business reminded him of his younger self. Books were his best friends as a child and he had devoured them with passion, to the point where his mother took every single one from his room so he would finally sleep. Didn’t help, he just hid some and then read them in the light of the street lamps.
Books had been his escape from reality the way video games were now. They offered him wonderful new worlds were people didn’t scream at and hit children because they were difficult or worse, different.
Shooing those thoughts away, he once again realised the absurdity of his situation.
“Astil?”
“Hm?”
“That spell your wizard friend cast on me. What was that?”
The princess closed the book. “It’s used to influence a person’s mentality and often used to help overcome traumata. It can also be used to make accepting things easier when faced with situations or information that would normally make one panic.”
“Huh. Explains why I’m still sitting here.”
“The archmage thought you would handle it well even without it, but wanted to make sure.”
Archmage. Another interesting bit to digest.
“So, I guess you know a lot about magic as well. Being a magical elf and all.”
She shook her head. “I can use a few simple healing spells and I could throw an eldritch blast at someone, but that’s about it. Not all elves are born with much talent for magic.”
Zacharias raised his eyebrows. “Hold on - eldritch blast?”
She slowly sat up straight, expecting to have said something wrong. “Yes...it’s not powerful magic. And I could probably only use one spell here since this world has no magic to draw from. What about it?”
He thought about the D&D rulebook on the bookshelf and smiled slyly. What a small universe.
“Nevermind.”
Astil still looked at him.
“Hm?”
“About...the couch.” She carefully began.
Zacharias looked at the black leather couch, then back at her. “Yeees?”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
She shifted uncomfortably. “Isn’t it a bit...small?”
He raised an eyebrow. The princess just barely reached his chin when he didn’t wear his fancy boots. Then again, he was rather tall. Not very broad, but tall.
Standing up, he wordlessly walked over to her. “Would her highness please stand so that her mighty knight can demonstrate the wonders of the human inventive spirit?”
She pursed her lips, but said nothing and stood. Zacharias proceeded to take off the cushions and shoved the coffee table away to unfold the couch that turned into a queen sized bed. How fitting.
Astil looked it over and tested it by sitting down on it and squishing into the mattress, apparently satisfied with the result.
“It will suffice.” She drawled in a mocking noble tone.
Zacharias smiled. “Good. I’ll bring you a sheet and a blanket. Your highness.”
“If you please.”
He snorted. It wasn’t an unfriendly snort.
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Astil patted the couch-turned-bed and smoothed out her black dress. She was still unhappy that she had to do this, but it turned out much better than she had expected.
Before she was informed of who would be her host, the princess had dreaded the possibilities. A boring caretaker, a fantasy-obsessed stranger that cared little for her personality and more for the fact that she was some mythical creature from his favorite stories, a good-for-nothing gentlemen that would constantly court her - again, unlikely because of herself but because she was royalty.
But this man...was nice. Weird and dark and impolite...but nice. He didn’t give a damn about her being an elf and even less about her title and he had a certain elegance about him. It was, honestly, a little unsettling. She had seen various books in his shelves, many of them in a language called “German”. She had learned a bit about the most common human languages so she understood bits and pieces, but english seemed the logical choice to master for daily conversation since the majority of the populace spoke or at least understood it. She would have to study german as well.
With nothing to do but wait for her “white knight’s heathen ass” - the title still made her chuckle - she wandered about while his rummaging could be heard from the corridor.
While she was used to getting what she wanted except for when her oh-so wonderful older sister wanted it more (which was always the case when they wanted the same thing), she had been told not to violate his privacy. It was normal for elves to be open about almost everything, whether it be personal interests, private life, even sexuality.
The average elven city was centered around shared spaces where the community met. Bars, gardens, baths, all with little to no gender separation. Houses consisted mostly of sleeping areas where one could have some time for oneself...ones-elf. Astil chuckled.
The human world was a stark contrast. Gender separation, very little openness and strict rules to protect privacy. With a race that was so...closed instead of close, she felt like she would spend most of her time cooped up in her host’s apartment with a lack of company.
Then, he returned with the blankets and sheets.
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“Well, it’s not a royal bed in a tower but I hope this is comfy enough.”
Astil nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
Zacharias pointed towards a switch on the wall between two windows. “You can open and close the curtains by pressing this.” He demonstrated it and with a rustle the curtains moved to cover the glass.
She startled. “Are those...electric?”
“Uhuh.”
“We don’t have machines like that.”
“So I was told.”
For a few moments they awkwardly stood there while the curtains withdrew again. Zacharias scratched his nose. “We still have a lot of topics to cover, but I guess I’ll give you a tour first.”
Astil agreed.
He walked her around the apartment, showing her the bathroom and it’s basic functionality to avoid more awkwardness before doing anything else. The guest room didn’t have much to it other than a few boxes that contained books and technical stuff.
“Is this your bedroom?” Astil asked, pointing at the door with the sign that said “Bedroom”. Zacharias looked at the sign, then back at her face that said “I’m desperately trying to be social just say yes”.
“It’s my torture chamber.” Technically not wrong.
She sighed. “I’m not...good at this.”
“At what?” Reading signs? He didn’t say the last bit. He wanted to annoy people and be a tease, not an asshole.
She looked around, staring at the spider in the corner with great interest. “...socialising. I’m always expected to be good at it, but I’m not. I don’t like it.”
His face softened. “Well, you don’t have to talk to me. Much. For now, we just need to get along and not kill each other. Like Spidey over there.”
Astil shot him a quizzical look.
He grinned his wolfy grin. “There used to be two spiders. They got in a fight and she wanted a divorce, so he shanked her. I buried it in a flowerpot where it can be useful.”
“Alright, that was...dark.”
“You said you like dark.”
“I do! I’m just not used to it. It’s...nice for a change.”
He chuckled. “Well, I’m going to go buy some food. Shouldn’t take too long.”
“Wait, what about this room?” She pointed at the study.
“Do not. And I really mean DO NOT go in there. You are not ready.”
Altis perfect elven eyebrows almost met each other. “Alright, I won’t. Is it private?”
“Very.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Anyway, don’t burn the block down while I’m gone.”
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When the door slammed shut and her caretaker was gone, Altis went back to the kitchen/living room to continue reading that book. It contained all sorts of knowledge she couldn’t believe the archmage withheld from her. She realized it was a children’s book, but she loved it still.
Apparently, humans had sweat glands like Grumbears. And they could have skin so dark it looked like shiny blackwood. And they built things to send into the sky, had self-driving vehicles...for all their weirdness, they seemed extraordinary.
Suddenly, there was a sound Altis had never heard before. A repeating melody. She looked around to find its source and identified it as a small device on the kitchen table. A telephone, if she remembered correctly, used to talk to people far away. The lit screen showed the name Gryphon - maybe he wanted to ask what he should buy?
Carefully picking it up, she stared at the many buttons. One was green and blinked rapidly. Green usually meant good. She pressed it and held the device to her ear.
“Yes, Gryphon residence?”
“My goodness, Mattis, there’s a girl on the other end! Hello, my english is a little old, but very nice to hear you. I am Zacharias mother! Are you his girlfriend?”
Altis paled until the only reason she was visible in front of the wall were her clothes and hair.
She hated socialising.
Spoiler: Zacharias' apartment
[https://i.imgur.com/DU0pSTk.png]