Click gazed up at the stars, he wasn’t looking to find his way he was just admiring them. It had been only a couple days now that he’d been the helmsman of the Jewel of Ryujin. Most of the time he’d spent awake, it felt good to be behind a wheel again. There was a slight breeze billowing in the sails and the steady current he’d put them in would allow them to reach port sooner than he’d originally planned. His coat lay over the railing, it was always warm in these seas, he hardly ever wore it in the first place. Still, it was a reminder to him of his old ship and crew, being at the helm without it almost felt sacrilegious. “I miss you my brothers, my sisters, and I'll come find you again someday. I'll have a story to tell you then…” He smiled as his gaze returned to look out over the sea again. Somewhere out there, perhaps captaining his own vessel now was his friend. Ryo… I pray that you are well, that wind fills your sails and the sea is ever kind. I pray that you have found your way and achieved our dream…. But what's more, I pray the gods let our paths cross again. I miss my friend, and even if we then go our separate ways, I wish to tell you where I've been. To tell you the things I've done and the adventures I've had… and simply, that I am alive.
He let himself have a moment to let the years catch up with him. To remember what he'd gained and lost, earned and forfeit. He leaned casually against the wheel and ran his hand through his hair, breathing out a content sigh as the moment passed. Down below he saw Conall heading below deck, he’d be alone on deck for the next few hours before the next watch. A thought struck him just then, a chance to try and unravel another curiosity he’d been mulling over. “Conall,” he called. “Conall do you have just a moment before you head under?”
“Aegir,” Conall smiled up at him. “What can I 'elp you with?”
“Just a simple question I find myself in need of an answer to. The Captain, does she...have any tattoos?” He didn’t know why but he felt almost bashful for asking someone else instead of the captain herself.
Conall’s eyebrows rose in surprise and he laughed after coming back to his senses. “Seen something you shouldn't 'ave?”
Click rubbed the back of his neck. “Just curious Conall, just curious.”
“Hmm well if you 'ave to know, no one knows the answer to that. I 'eard it from several that she does, but no one's ever gotten close enough to prove it. Just another rumor.”
Rumors upon rumors, is there no end to your mystery? “Seems I'm destined to wonder as well. Thanks for indulging me as always, sorry to keep you from your rest.”
Conall smirked at him before walking away. “Of course… 'ave a good night, Aegir.”
Click nodded to him once more as he headed below deck and Click was left alone on deck. The gentle waves and creaking of the ship the only sounds. He returned his gaze to the stars once more. I know I saw something, I guess I’ll have to bring it up with her at some point...question is how long I can be patient till my curiosity boils over. Maybe she’ll tell me just to appease my curiosity, although she does like to tease me as well...maybe she’ll- He shook his head, No, no, you stop that Click, that...is certainly not happening. The stars twinkled back at him and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Ekki hlæja,” he whispered to them, don’t laugh.
***
Jones always knew there was something off with Captain Yasashi when she called him into her quarters after night had fallen. If she did, it was because she had a difficult decision weighing on her, preventing her from sleep, and needed advice. He was always willing to listen and help, he owed the Captain so much, but it was sometimes difficult to help her when he could only piece together what he knew of her life.
When he entered her quarters, she was standing at the window, staring blankly out into the night. Jones cleared his throat softly to catch her attention and he took a seat at her desk.
“Captain,” Jones smiled as she turned her head slightly to look at him.
“Sorry if I woke you, Jones,” she said, looking back out the window, intently watching the stars that reflected brightly against the mellow water.
“Not at all. Is there something on your mind?”
Kaida crossed her arms. Honestly, she wasn't sure why she called Jones in to her quarters. He didn't know anything about her history with Click, and she didn't intend to tell him. Perhaps she just didn't want to feel so alone. She trusted Jones, even if he didn't know the full story.
“I hope you don't think I'm being too rash in promoting Aegir to helmsman,” she said bluntly.
“Not at all,” Jones said. He always trusted her decisions, though now it sounded like she was questioning herself. “You recognize that he is experienced and skilled. And despite his first impression, he does respect you… and he honors the debt that he owes you. That shows the sign of a man worth trusting.”
Kaida laughed softly and glanced back to him. “You sound as though you’re trying to convince me to trust him.”
“Do you need convincing?”
“No,” Kaida shook her head. “No… that’s not quite it.”
“If I may be frank, Captain… Would you have given Aegir a second chance to join your crew, had you not known he was a former captain? That was a rare instance in which you showed mercy like that in front of the crew.”
Kaida bit her lip, catching her reflection in the window. That’s not why I spared him. She debated speaking her thoughts, but didn’t want to feel the need to explain herself.
“Forgive me if I spoke too boldly,” Jones continued after she didn’t reply.
“No need to…” Kaida said. “I expect you to keep me honest, Ulysses.” She wanted to laugh at how hypocritical she sounded at the moment, but she kept quiet as her eyes wandered over the water. Maybe she just needed some fresh air and time away from her stuffy quarters.
“I certainly try my best, Captain,” Jones said with a smile. He watched the Captain carefully. He had never seen her look so conflicted before, she was typically very good at maintaining her firm persona, even when it was just the two of them. He was always willing to listen to whatever was on her mind, but he knew as well as anyone that Captain Yasashi did not open up easily. Even in the past few years that he had known and worked alongside her, there was still much he didn’t know, but wish he did. I wish I could help you, Captain. Like you’ve helped me.
“Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?” He asked, unsure if she even wanted to talk to someone at the moment; she seemed lost in her own thoughts.
“No, that will be all. Sorry to keep you awake.”
“It is never a burden, Captain,” Jones said, standing up. He had reached the door when she spoke up again.
“Jones,” she said and he stopped and looked back at her. “Have you… have you ever felt that you were doing the right thing, but questioned yourself after contemplating that perhaps there was a better option? A different decision that could have changed the way your life turned out?”
Jones’ hand gripped the handle of the door and he gave the Captain a sad smile. “Aye... I have indeed.”
“And what did you do? Once you realized that your previous decision may have been a mistake?”
He closed his eyes a moment and thought. “I learn from it… And I pray that my next decision will better.”
“... Thank you, Jones. Have a good night.”
Jones bowed his head slightly before stepping out the door. “Good night, Captain.”
***
Click’s attention was pulled away from the constellations on his arms by the sound of the captains doors opening again beneath him. He glanced down onto the deck as Captain Yasashi stepped out from her quarters and made her way to the starboard railing. Her hair shined with a mesmerizing glow, bathed in pale starlight. Her appearance was different than when the sun's rays had framed her features. She seemed more delicate now, softer than he'd noticed before. She was facing away from him slightly and his eyes wandered from her hair to her back. Curiosity plagued him again and as his eyes followed her curves lower still, he wished that was all that plagued him. But as he watched her, silently staring out over the sea, he began to wonder again about the truth behind all her rumors. It must've been lonely for you, did you find solace in quiet moments like this? What were you like before it all? Did you laugh? Did you chase a boy? Did a boy chase you? Did you in your dreams ever think that this is what you would become? He looked to the heavens, the stars still twinkling at him. I am sorry for the twisted hands you were dealt. They offered strength at the cost of joy, and an iron will at the cost of having a single friend to truly trust. “Captain?” He called gently to her.
“Cl-Aegir,” Kaida turned her head quickly to see him behind her, and she did her best to recover from being surprised. That was too close. “I didn't expect to see you out here. Why aren't you asleep?”
He raised an eyebrow in amusement at her stumbling over his name. “Someone has to steer your ship Captain. Though I could ask you the same, why aren't you asleep?””
Kaida cleared her throat and looked away from him for a moment. Of course, he’d be out here, don’t make it awkward. “Sometimes I can't afford the luxury of sleep,” she said quietly. “You were a captain, I'm sure you can understand that.
Her words stung a bit though he knew she hadn't meant for them to. He lowered his eyes and nodded, “I can understand a Captain’s burden, yes… and I also know an empty deck is the perfect place to collect one's thoughts.” Click adjusted the wheel slightly as she climbed the steps and met him at the helm. “What is keeping you from sleep tonight?”
“The answer to that question may take us far into the morning,” she said, leaning onto the railing.
He gave her a soft smile, “I have time…”
I wish I did. “Perhaps some other sleepless night. I have plenty of them…” She looked back at him and she could feel her heart start to race; his hair fell softly on his shoulders and his bright eyes outshone the stars. She missed those eyes, but it pained her to think of the suffering they held. It hurt her even more to think of the suffering that she caused him. How many times have you thought of me and questioned if you should give up hope of seeing my face again, Click? Maybe it would have been better if you had. What have you sacrificed to come find a person who no longer exists? “Aegir… the ship I rescued you from was not your ship, was it?”
Click shook his head, more in frustration than as an answer. “No Captain, they were merely kind enough to offer me passage to Trinidad. They weren't even flying pirate colors, I slept thinking they'd be safe but it seems the British didn't care. They must've come upon us as if to trade, otherwise an alarm would've been raised…. cannon fire woke me, I didn't even know who was attacking till I woke again in your brig.”
“These waters can be dangerous for a smaller ship like that,” Kaida said solemnly. “...If it's not too forward, may I ask why you came back to the Caribbean? Why give up your life and station to come here?”
“...For Ryo.” It was the same reason and answer he’d said every time he asked himself the same question. “Ryo was more than just another cabin boy I sailed with. He was my best friend, because of him I was able to come here in the first place. We were to be a part of each other’s adventures, we had each other’s backs. We made a promise, that whoever became captain first, the other would sail under them as first mate.”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
A smile crept onto his face remembering the day well, he’d often thought of it during empty nights like this. “I was older so it was assumed I’d probably become captain first… if I could complete my tests, but truthfully…. I always intended to sail under him. I was able to sail again because of him, traveled to a whole new ocean and saw lands I’d only heard stories about because of him. I wanted adventure, but I never thought I’d have it without my friend. I just hope he hasn’t gotten lost without me.” It hurt remembering but he still found himself laughing. “I loved my crew, and I miss the freedom that comes from having my own ship. So when you ask me why I gave up being a captain, it’s because that was never really my dream, it was Ryo’s.” He gently placed a finger on one of the stars on his arm. “I can always find my way home, and I will see my brothers and sisters again someday. But I have never given up my hope of finding Ryo again, even If I can’t fulfill my end of our deal...I need to know he’s alright, I want to tell him my story.”
Kaida’s back was facing Click while he gave his reasoning and she made sure he couldn't see her face. Her eyes stung with the threat of tears that refused to flow. She hung her head down slightly, regretting that she had even asked him. Her throat tightened before she had a chance to speak, but she didn't even know what she would say. She was ashamed, standing before him as he opened up to her. I'm right here, Click. She bit her tongue and closed her eyes. A wave of guilt and pain washed over her; pain of going years, thinking he was dead. Of being exposed for who she really was and living with the fear and loneliness that came along with it. But mostly the pain of not being courageous enough to tell Click the truth when he had never given up on her. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've caused you so much sorrow and hardship.
Click waited patiently for a response that never came. Captain Yasashi kept her back to him and he wasn’t sure if she’d even heard him the past few minutes. She must have something heavy on her mind. I understand her not wanting to talk about it with someone who’s been on her ship for such a short amount of time. He looked down from her silver hair to where her skin disappeared behind her collar. His eyes found the spot he knew he’d seen the ink and he again wondered what the full picture was. I doubt you’ll answer me, but maybe it’ll at least distract you from whatever’s clearly troubling you.
Click cleared his throat and pushed his hair behind his head again. “Uh, Captain...Do you, you don’t have a tattoo, do you? I just, thought I might have seen a little ink, on your neck and I was curious.” He turned his head and pretended to inspect the tattoos on his arms but when she didn’t respond again he glanced up.
He was debating just leaving it alone and leaving her to her thoughts when she slowly turned and finally looked at him. Her eyes were wide and her face had lost some of its usual color, something was clearly bothering her more than he originally realized. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and simply held her gaze. She looked so vulnerable right now, a shell of her normal self, ready to break. Or perhaps this is who you really are under that mask? Is the cause of all your sleepless nights the burden of being The Silver Dragon? Or perhaps something much more than I could hope to guess. It may mean nothing coming from me, but I’m sorry.
Kaida gave him a sad, timid smile. She knew how vulnerable she must have looked to him at the moment and she wanted nothing more than to tell him why. She was grateful, though, that he had changed the subject. “Your curiosity makes you quite bold, Aegir,” she said, relaxing her shoulders and attempting to recover her controlled façade ; She knew it was too late, he had seen her mask slip, but it was more comfortable for her to act like he hadn't.
“Where do you think you saw one?” She raised an eyebrow, amused to hear his answer.
Click was happy the distraction seemed to work, however he hadn’t actually expected her to respond. “Uh, just there,” he said pointing to the base of his neck where it met his shoulder. “The other day when we were in your quarters. Thought I caught a glimpse of one when your shirt sli-when you turned your neck. I didn’t see what it was though.”
“Oh?” Kaida laughed softly when he corrected himself. I didn't realize you were watching, she thought with a faint smile. “And if I did have one, how do I know you would keep that secret?” She leaned towards him a bit, but kept her hands holding onto the railing. “The rumor of having tattoos is part of my mystery.”
He winked at her then looked up to the stars, this time actually checking their positioning. The Captain usually made him nervous, but knowing she was getting distracted from what was bothering her helped keep him bold. “Rumor is one thing Captain, I know ink when I see it, even if it’s just a glimpse.” He looked down to his forearms, carefully studying the charts and images on them before turning the ship's wheel another few degrees. “You aren’t the only one with hidden tattoos.” In the back of his mind he knew he’d probably have blushed saying that to her, focusing on their course was a good distraction for his usual tells. Click made a mental note to do it more often should these nightly chats become more frequent.
At the mention of hidden tattoos, Kaida briefly glanced down Click's body, indulging herself for a moment before regretting it and meeting his eyes. Though, she was grateful for the change of subject and how light-hearted he could make a situation. "You seem to be comfortable with showing skin, so I can only imagine where they would be."
Click watched her eyes travel down his body and a slight blush crept onto his cheeks when she looked back up at him. Well I’ll be damned, is she making a small pass at me right now? Best not to test those waters Click, just keep her entertained, it looks like she could use a good laugh. “S’pose I don’t leave much to the imagination, there do I? I can wear my coat if you’d like Captain?”
Kaida was surprised at herself for being so bold with him; Click was the first man that she felt comfortable really teasing and a as woman in her position and reputation, she never gave herself a chance to do so. She pushed aside the guilt for a moment longer and just allowed herself to briefly enjoy the moment. “The days are warm, do you think you could handle the heat?” Kaida smiled.
He smiled right back, depends on the heat, “Once upon a time I lived in Africa, this heats a welcome paradise to that place.” Click allowed himself a laugh that turned into a sigh. “Though that was a long time ago, and the north is a cold place….but you’re ignoring the question Captain Yasashi.”
“I didn't think I was obligated to answer it,” she said with a smirk.
Click shrugged, “I’ll just have to imagine what it is then.”
Kaida looked away from him and looked out out towards the water. She knew she trusted Click to not tell the rest of the crew, but she did like the thought that he was so curious. “Perhaps… but you didn't ask what it was, you just asked if I had one. Which… I do.” She turned her head back towards him, eager to see his reaction.
“So you do?” He raised an eyebrow, no longer nervous, but suddenly very, very curious. “I don’t however, get to know what it is though, do I? Gotta keep some mystery right? Keep me...wondering?” His eyes started falling from her neck, down her back, imagining what she could possibly be hiding.
Her heartbeat quickened further as his eyes grazed down her back. Someday you'll know what it is, I hope, she smiled to herself, but she didn't allow herself to think much beyond that. There was no way she could actually show him the tattoo; that meant fully letting him in. And as much as she wanted that, she hardly felt deserving of him given what she'd done.
“You do seem quite determined to solve that mystery,” she noted.
“Sometimes the truth is more interesting than the fiction.” Click flashed a crooked smile.
Kaida chuckled and nodded slightly. “... Much like you, my tattoo is a testament to my story. Evidence to show what I've overcome to be here today, I suppose. I only have one, but it was... important for me to have that reminder to stay true to the life I chose.”
“When a tattoo is that meaningful to someone, a single piece can be far more beautiful than a full canvas of art… Thank you for telling me. Your secret is safe with me Captain.” He didn't need her to tell him exactly what it was. She'd opened up a little more and that was enough for him. Besides, she'd given him a hint to keep him wondering and guessing. Maybe one day you'll tell me… A reminder of the life you've chosen, what single image could describe the mystery that is you?
“I was never worried about you telling anyone,” she said with a smile, standing away from the railing. She wished she could stay out there all night and speak with him, just like they had when they were kids. It made her realize how lonely she had been since he disappeared. This was the first time that she had allowed herself to open up so much to someone else and even then she had struggled to do so, and she felt she only left Click with more questions. I want to tell you everything… but am I too selfish for wanting that? For wanting you? Either this is the gods giving me my second chance as well, or they are playing a cruel trick on me for the things I have done. You're a good man, Click. I think I saw you again hoping that you would no longer be so that I could better live with my guilt. Her smile faltered and she glanced away from him again, not wanting him to see her vulnerability slip through once again.
He watched her put her mask back on and turn away. Once more whatever was bothering her, whatever truths she hid, taking over and closing her off. He nodded to himself, you opened up for a moment, it's a start. There will be other nights… He smiled softly and continued to watch her. Even with her mask on she intrigued him no less. He watched for any tells she might have, a slight wrinkle at the corner of her eye, a twitch at the corner of her lips. It was difficult to watch her and not notice how beautiful she was. His heartbeat sped up slightly and he forced himself to look away. She needs rest, she'll need to have the strength to keep her mask up in front of her crew. Though I doubt she'd listen to me… “You know… the next watch isn't for a couple hours and I'm starting to get a little tired. Would you mind staying on deck with me until then? I could use the company, even silent company till more of the crew wakes up. After that I think It'll be alright for you to head down and get some rest.”
“Are you trying to give your Captain orders, Aegir?” she said, looking back at him with a faint smirk.
“Wouldn't dream of it Captain, Merely a suggestion.” Learned my lesson on giving a captain an order a long time ago.
“Mhm,” Kaida held his gaze and her smirk grew into a smile. I won't be able to sleep right now, anyway. “I'll stay up and keep you company, but only if you tell me more of your adventures.”
“Petta var góðvild Captain. That is most kind of you, I'd be more than happy to entertain with some far fetched tales.” He smiled to himself, content with how the night was turning out. “It was early one morning, the snow fresh upon the ground. We were preparing for battle when we heard them. The two brothers, singing to each other across the battlefield…” for the next couple hours Click told Kaida many stories of his time in the north. Everyday was a new adventure for a Viking so he had plenty to tell while still keeping his own mystery intact. Time blurred for him, she smirked at his tales of drunken challenges in mead halls, hung on every word as he spoke of battles past and friends who were lost. He liked telling her his stories, he enjoyed her company. But soon they were interrupted by the first crewman back on deck as he rang the bell for the next watch to begin. “Seems our time for now is up, my Captain.”
“Seems it is.” Kaida's heart sank a bit at the thought, but she knew it was for the best. She had allowed herself too many indulgences by learning more about him, because the more she did, the more she fell for him again. As she led them down the stairs she glanced back at him again, wishing for a simple answer to her overwhelming situation. Perhaps it would have been better if someone else had found you on that ship… but then you would still be out there looking for me. “Aegir,” she said softly, her voice catching on the warm breeze.
He stopped with her outside the Captain's cabin. The way she said his name just then, there was something different about it, but he couldn't quite figure out why. “Yes, Captain?”
“Your friend, Ryo…” she struggled to get the words out, but she needed to know and she wasn't quite ready to say goodnight. “You've risked so much to find him, what will you do if it's all in vain? What if.. Ryo had died in that storm?”
He’d hoped she wouldn't ask, just like he hoped no one would ever ask because it was something he chose not to ask himself. What if his search was in vain, what if he gave up the life he'd made for an empty hope of a dream. What if, Click… your Captain asked you a question, and she's waiting for your answer. Click looked up to the night sky knowing the stars would still be twinkling at him. “I promised Ryo I'd watch his back, I gave him my word. And if he is gone while I… while I remain… then I wish the gods had left me in the depths. I'd wish they'd taken me instead.” He hung his head, the long days and nights finally beginning to catch up with him, or was it the guilt of not allowing himself to think Ryo might be gone. He was tired now, the energy to even smile was gone. What if you're gone Ryo. What if I failed you? What if the gods did not give me a second chance, but chose to play a twisted game?
Kaida started to reach out to touch his arm, provide some sort of comfort, but she stopped herself. Instead, her eyes stung again with the threat of tears that she thought she was no longer able to shed. They stood in silence for a moment and she sought desperately for something to say. “... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I didn't realize how insensitive that was,” she said weakly. Coward, she thought and her heart sank even further. “... You shouldn't give up hope, Aegir.”
It was Click's turn to put on his own mask, he blocked out the worry and grief and gave her a smile again. “Think nothing of it, Captain, just starting to feel the pull of sleep, is all.” He nodded and bowed to her, then began to turn away but stopped himself. He tilted his head back to her. “I have not lost hope. I will see Ryo again.” In this life, or the next.
Kaida nodded and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but she found herself unable to offer words of encouragement.
“Till the next bell, Captain.” With that, he turned and headed away from her, down into the belly of the ship where he couldn't see the flickering stars.
Kaida watched him until he had disappeared down below the deck before she slipped inside her quarters. The faint moonlight was streaming through the window and she could clearly make
out the stars. They paled in comparison to Click's eyes that seemed to bear into her whenever she caught his gaze, but the stars mocked her nonetheless.
She slowly fell back against the door and sank to the floor, cradling her knees to her chest. She reached her left hand around to the base of her neck and felt her skin where the top of the tattoo rested. She laid her head on her knees, but she could no longer lie to herself. “I never stopped loving Click,” she told the stars. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” She looked up and demanded. “... Now please let me be.”