Seeing my friend walking away, the guilty feeling of lying to Lisanna and that 'vision' of Roy, haunts me once more.

Sigh...

I try regaining my composure by grasping my cleaver tightly, breathing in and out slowly. But the faster my heart beats, the harder it is to push down the feeling that something is terribly wrong. Finally my fast beating heart starts to slow down a bit. I look around for a bit before I go to work, if there is any left.

As I roam around, memories of everything that happened ever since that nightmare begin playing in my head, again and again, slowly I'm getting dizzy from this fucking cesspit of a day. I'm woken up from my reverie as a burly man, with too little hair on his head and too much on his body, beckoned me over.

"Hey butcher boy! Get your ass over here!"

Real polite I see...

"Coming over sir!"

I walk over to him, as I do, the red world comes back, with a much too similar gory vision as the one with Roy, it ends just as fast though. My heart starts beating fast again, i turn a little bit weak in the knees and almost stumble over.

"I need my cow butchered boy! I was keeping her for the milk, but she stopped giving any, so now she's going to be the dinner, hahaha!"

His grating voice sounded over my ears as I furrowed my brows. I wasn't trained to butcher a cow, as I have always been quite weak, so it wouldn't end well for both me and the cow. My body was always scrawny, my black hair dry like hay and my eyes sunken and darkened like I'm always suffering from insomnia.

"Sir, I'm not really capable for butchering a cow."

"What do you mean you're not capable of butchering a cow? Aren't you a fucking bu-..."

During his rant he turned to look at me, the moment his eyes fell on me, his face sunk. His visible annoyance became a almost too blatant discomfort. He straightened up his back and cleared his throat.

"I see it's you then... You've woken up."

He almost sounded like he really wished I didn't. I'm sure this fucker wouldn't be like this straight to my face right?

"Indeed I have. So if you want your cow butchered you have to go to Roy's father."

"I'll do that tomorrow then. I'll make due today with old goose over there."

He pointed to an old grey goose with a funny walk.

I approached the little thing and nonchalantly picked it up. It's honking drowning out my tumultuous thoughts and bringing me a tiny amount of respite from it all.

"Sorry little guy, but this is it for you."

I clasp my hands around its long neck, suddenly applying a little bit of force to my hold. The neck pops with the all too familiar sound, but this time, instead of that strange comforting feeling I sought, an all too sweet smell assaults my nose, the first one ever since I woke up at that. I look at the goose weirdly for a good couple of minutes. The man behind me gets impatient and urges me on.

"Get on with it, or are you going to make a fucking ceremony for the thing?"

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I am jolted of my reverie as I defeather the goose. My thoughts once more dance around wildly.

What the hell is this smell?

As I finish defeathering it, I grab my cutlass and cut open it's belly. The sweet smell gets stronger and stronger as its guts pour out. My hands automatically dig themselves into its innards as though they're treasures just for me, moving around with glee. My very souls feels ecstatic with all of this. I pull its entrails with care, as if they are the most precious thing in the world, a strange feeling of warmth spreads around my chest as I do. I stop myself from playing around with them, and throw them in the bucket, as I have weirded out, both myself and the man behind me too much for a single day. My hands move with a never seen before expertise, I cut the meat masterfully and somewhat beautifully for me.

I hand back the meat to the not very polite man, as I receive the payment for the service.

I do the same thing a few more times, a few more clients, a few more creatures dying by my hand and the same experience with the goose happens again and again. As the bucket gets fuller with their viscera, the feeling to just dig around and caress them gets stronger and stronger, I feel my will faultering ever so slightly. Before I lose myself to this feeling I run trhough the village and toss the guts to the dogs that roam around guarding the sheep from whatever lurks in the swamps.

I get back home before night fully settles in, the darkness and the moon somehow now make me feel strange...

I greet Roy's dad on my way in, then the same for his old mom, both of them don't give two flying fucks about me though, it was already bad enough before, but it only got worse now. Seems everyone in this hellhole knows about my fainting trick.

Fuck them all!

They're going to die anyway KeKeKe!!!

...

What did I just think?!

I freeze at these thoughts, they aren't mine. That wasn't me! It fucking wasn't me!

I plop down on my head as I'm starting to get too dizzy. I close my eyes trying to rest and just push myself to sleep, hoping all of this is just a bad joke of a nightmare.

But sleep doesn't come.

My eyes are closed, my heart stopped beating so fast, it almost isn't beating at all actually, my mind is almost completly empty, so why can't I sleep? I feel time pass around me at a frightening speed, I hear Roy and his parents speaking in too fast a pace for me to catch anything. I feel the fucking moon and the darkness slither around the sky, but no sleep at all.

As I sink deep into this state I feel the warmth of the sun beggining to rise in the sky, part of me feels frustrated of its intrusion upon the darkness. I push that part of me away as I 'wake up' slowly, earlier than everybody else, even the roosters haven't started singing yet. When I start my usual routine of putting on my clothes, washing my face and all that good stuff, i notice my pale skin, well paler than usual at least.

I feel uneasy.

I rush over to the water bowl to look at myself. My skin is indeed much, much paler than before, i can see purple veins all over, my eyes have sunken further, my skin is dry as sand and my hair fell off a bit.

I'm starting to look better eh?

I'm starting to what now?

What in the flying pigs is happening to me?

I hear the people stir behind me as I get on with what I had to do. I cook some plain and fast food, food that I know i cannot eat, as such I cannot share a meal. I pick a bowl lying around, I smear a bit of the food on it, just enough so that it appears used and dirty. I came up with this during my 'sleeping' state, i can't let them know what's going on with me.

They can't know...

They can never know...

They will know though KeKeKe!!!

...

I breath in slowly, I clasp my hands tightly, looking up with a newfound resolve.

I put on my clothes, making sure they cover up my visible purple veins, as for the rest I'll say I'm just under the weather or something, not much else I can do.

I go out as the sun starts to shine on the horizon just like I felt it would, the receding darkness leaves me behind unwillingly. My heart mourning it's loss, my mind feeling frustrated about it, well part of it at least, a part that I'm really starting to hate honestly. As the light hits my eyes I find myself momentarily blinded. My eyes are much too sensitive to bright lights now.

I'm losing something at every second...

Something important to me, something crucial to me.

What am I turning into?

What did that fucking moon do to me?

Whatever I'm becoming, it's dark, it's not good. I don't really know how to feel about it... I don't even know if I'm actually turning into 'something' rather than I'm just becoming more like myself. That thought frightens me, it makes me wonder, just what aberration did the Morgrave family give birth to? Do I let myself loose? Do I try to maintain what I am now? Can I even fight or stop this change? Can I trust someone? Anyone?

You can't do anything.

You never could.

KeKeKeKeKeKe.