Chapter 74: Inner Voice, Part 1

Sam made sure there wasn't a trace of their recent activities, not even a drop on the sheets. And so it was.

Christina had done a good job, willing as she was to make him feel better. Violet already knew perfectly well what they did alone - War had made sure to catch them in the act, accelerating the inevitable. But still, he wanted to ensure he looked presentable, while Christina smoothed her clothes and went out to call her sister. To let her know that he had finally woken up.

He wondered how long he had been unconscious and what Miguel might have told them meanwhile.

He preferred not to think about it; it was something he couldn't control.

Being insistent, asking too many questions, would only make him seem controlling, increasing any doubts Miguel might have planted in their minds. He believed Christina wouldn't be able to turn her back on him even if she learned the truth. Even if someone forced her to face it. Not after saving her life almost at the cost of his own.

But Violet was a different story.

He couldn't trust her until they crossed a certain line. That was the only way to bind her to him.

Sam licked his lips.

He couldn't wait.

When he heard footsteps approaching down the hallway, he forced himself to relax, to put on a less intense expression. This was supposed to be a touching reunion after Miguel had pulled him back from death, not something else. He had to play his part perfectly.

Just as he had done until now, he only had to play the role that suited him best.

Christina opened the door, and Violet ran in and threw herself at him with little consideration for his convalescent state. She hugged him tightly, with the same force she used to dig her nails into his back, as if afraid he would disappear as soon as she let go.

Sam returned the hug, stroked her head, running his hand through her long hair.

Violet didn't say anything for a long while. He thought she wouldn't speak, that she would break the embrace and remain silent, unable to find the words. But then she said something strange.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

She still had her head buried in his chest. He might technically be her younger brother, but now he felt like her older brother. She was behaving the same way as Christina. They really were sisters.

"I've spent so much time doubting you, worried about my safety and my little sister's. Fearing that everything had been nothing more than a convenient lie from a monster. You were so cold, so harsh then, even though I know they attacked you first. That deep down I know you were just defending yourself. But you saved her. Without hesitation you saved her, not once but twice. Only a miracle saved your life."

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She was on the verge of tears.

No, she was openly crying. He could feel his shirt getting wet.

Violet pulled back slightly, without letting go, without loosening her grip.

"Can you forgive me?"

She was crying hard. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks marked with tears.

"There's nothing to forgive. You were simply being a good sister."

"To Christina, maybe. Not to you."

"Don't be silly."

Sam decided to take the initiative and give her a brief, chaste kiss on the lips. A kiss like mothers might give their children in some countries and cultures. Still, it was a small risk, wondering how she would react.

Violet lowered her gaze, blushing. Good sign.

"I appreciate you for who you are," Sam said. "If anything ever happens to me, I like knowing I could leave Christina in your hands."

"Don't even joke about that," said Christina.

Sam shrugged.

"I'm sorry, but just yesterday it almost happened. Though I have no intention of dying, it's possible..."

"I told you not to talk like that!" Christina grimaced. "I didn't mean to shout, but... Let's not talk about that. We don't even have to consider it. We're strong, and we have that thing on our side, at least for now. No one has to die."

"That thing you're talking about is an angel, not just that, an archangel," said Violet.

Christina frowned, her expression cold, hard.

"Exactly. A thing, nothing more than an enemy."

Sam suppressed the urge to smile since it was clear Violet hadn't liked that at all. The old saying about a bird in hand seemed foolish to him. Having one big bird in hand was fine, but he had two hands for a reason. He wanted it all. Besides, Violet's reluctance was a problem. She hadn't lasted against Castiel, so it was possible she wouldn't hesitate when it really mattered, but he preferred to make sure of it.

She needed to be like Christina, to see angels as nothing more than enemies because that's all Sam would ever be to them.

Yes.

He wouldn't achieve the peace and time he craved to enjoy his luxuries and privileges just by killing Satan.

He would have to deal with the hosts of heaven too. He doubted they would let the Antichrist live, even if he did nothing different from the businessman Sam Wright would have become if he weren't more the son of the devil than of Blake Wright.

He had a long road ahead, but that was something he already knew.

"How are the repairs going?" Sam asked. "I'd like to join you out there, but I'm not sure I can get out of bed yet."

He preferred to try it alone when he was completely sure - the humiliation of falling to the floor like a clumsy old man would be too much, but he knew he would do it sooner rather than later. As soon as he needed to pee. He wasn't going to do it in a bedpan, damn it.

"Good, good," said Violet. "Progressing faster than I expected. They don't even make much noise. But I don't like watching them work."

There was no need to ask why, of course. He had enough tact not to bring it up. He didn't want to get into that topic now.

Even he was somewhat surprised that they could have such a normal conversation after what he had done. Sam had worked hard for it, of course, but it was still vaguely surprising.

"Yes," said Christina. "That's why we've spent most of our time out there, in the courtyard. Lots of grounds, lots of forest to explore. Like in the old days."

Times that he didn't remember. That he hadn't lived.

Living together would sooner or later expose those gaps. He still didn't know how to resolve that, if he even could. At least he would try to postpone the inevitable as long as possible.

"Sounds nice. Wish I could join you in that." - It should be a safe response.

"Well, you can see us from the window. Or you would if we were going to move from here."

Violet nodded. "We're not going anywhere until you recover enough to walk."

It was to be expected.

"Okay, thanks."

Inner Voice, Part 1: END