“Run!” Heather yelled as they dashed out of the way of a flying metal table. It crashed into the wall just above their heads as she and Umtha tried to get to the door.
“What went wrong?” Umtha asked as they huddled behind a rack of shelves in Legeis’s workshop.
“How should I know?” Heather asked as she dared to peek around the corner. Legeis was in his armor, swinging a massive wrench like a club as he tried to stop the metal monstrosity they had unleashed. It was meant to be a mechanical mount for the goblins, but Legeis thought making them golems would be more useful. Heather had the bright idea of trying to instill some rudimentary intelligence into it by infusing a humanoid skull with both undeath and a golem spirit. This was located inside the chasey of what looked like a clockwork wolf. Granting it undeath had been relatively simple and posed no problem, but when she tried to imbue the body with an NPC spirit, the thing went insane.
“I don’t think this is going to work for the goblins,” Umtha said as the wolf grabbed one of Legeis’s arms and proceeded to drag him about the room.
“I don't think this is going to work for anybody,” Heather agreed as the two combatants crashed over a table or spare parts. A moment later, the beast jumped out of the huddle and raced for the girls, causing the two to clutch one another as they screamed. It slammed into the shelving, causing the frame to buckle as it started to fall over.
“Move!” Heather yelled and shoved Umtha out of the way. The shelf came down in a crash as the beast struggled to untangle itself from the twisted metal. Heather and Umtha ran for the door, hoping to escape before one of them was eaten. Just as they arrived at the door, it opened, and Frank stood in the way.
“Why are you making so much noise in here?” he asked as Heather nearly slammed into him.
“Move out of the way!” she yelled as the monster broke free and charged them.
Frank burst through the door and ran headlong into the mechanical nightmare, his claws glowing with a sickening green mist. The wolf bit down on his shoulder as his claws raked the sides, burning through the metal as it corroded from his touch.
“What is this thing?” Frank cried as the girls huddled in the hall.
“A mount for the goblins,” Heather y yelled from the safety of the hall. “It kinda didn’t work how we planned.”
Frank shoved it back as the creature thrashed and snapped, cutting large bites out of his shoulder and arm. Legeis was back on his feet, this time with a steel girder that he used the slam the creature over the back. It went down, and the two boys stomped the monstrosity until it finally stopped moving, Legeis shoving a bomb inside one of the open wounds for good measure. The body bounced into the air when it went off, and a deafening bang echoed from the walls.
“Never again,” Legeis said as he turned to look at his devastated workroom. “We are never trying to mix necromancy and technomancy again.”
“It should have worked,” Heather insisted as she and Umtha dared to step back into the room.
“This thing was undead?” Frank asked as he kicked the shattered body over.
“Well, part of it was,” Heather said as he reached him and began her mend the dead spell. She focused on healing him for a moment as Legeis stumbled around, complaining about how long it would take him to fix his workroom.
“I'm sorry,” Heather insisted. “I thought we could give the mounts the ability to fight and not just be transportation.”
“It sounded like a good idea,” Umtha agreed as she hid behind Heather, not wanting to get too close to the wolf.
“It did sound like a good idea,” Legeis agreed. “But I don’t think the two schools mix so well.”
“It must work to some degree,” Heather insisted. “I think this is sort of how the necrofidiax was created.”
“That is nearly all undead,” Frank said as he helped right a table. “It doesn't have any mechanical parts.”
“It’s the same principle,” Heather groaned as she felt bad about the mess. “It’s undead and a golem.”
“I am just going to stick with making something they can drive and steer,” Legeis grumbled. “Trying to make it smart is too big a risk.”
Heather tried to apologize, but the damage was done, and all they could do was get out of his way to let him clean up. Frank took them away in shame, leading them into the mountain and onto the balcony. Heather and Umtha flopped onto a bench to recover as Frank started to laugh.
“Oh, now he’s laughing at us,” Heather groaned.
“You two looked terrified,” he said as the girls looked down in shame. “Why didn’t you try to kill it?”
“We did try,” Umtha insisted. “My lightning only made it faster, and Heather's spells kept being absorbed.”
“Something about it having an element of necromancy was causing it to eat my spells,” Heather said. “The only thing that seemed to work was physical force, and we don't exactly excel at that.”
“I suppose not,” Frank agreed and walked up to them. He fell to one knee to try and look less intimidating as the two leaned into him for support. “You could hear that noise all the way to the graveyard.”
“It was throwing metal tables around like they were tennis balls,” Heather said as she and Umtha hugged him. “I don’t know why it came out so strong.”
“I am sure you will figure it out,” Frank said in as supportive a tone as he could. “Oh, by the way, Gwen stopped by, and I told her about your plan to use the gate to link her city to ours. She was confused because you had said you were going to link her city already.”
“I know, but I forgot about the point cost for distance and I thought it would work better for Rajeen,” Heather explained.
“Well, regardless, she was thrilled with the idea and already had a place picked out for it,” Frank said.
“She was happy about it?” Heather asked and looked up. “Really?”
“She likes the idea of the two cities being connected,” Frank said. “She said it would make it easier for you to come to visit her.”
“Of course,” Heather moaned. “I swear she really does think she is my mother.”
“I think it’s cute,” Umtha said. “I wish I had somebody like that to look after me.”
“Oh, but you do,” Heather said in a haunting tone. “You wormed your way into our marriage, making you her stepdaughter. Soon she will be demanding your presence at social events and picking out the dress you will wear.”
“She will?” Umtha replied nervously.
“Trust me, Gwen isn't going to waste the potential to make more social points. She has her clutches on you now and will make you live up to your potential.”
“I want a divorce,” Umtha cried as Heather laughed.
“Sorry, but I already decided to keep you,” Heather said and sat back so Frank could get off his knee.
“So what do we do about the mounts?” Umtha said as she straightened her dress.
“Let Legeis design something safer, and your engineers can mass produce it,” Heather replied. “Maybe we can run some experiments on a few of them later, but for right now, I think it's best he make something safe.”
“I agree,” Frank said and rubbed his shoulder. “That thing had a powerful bite.”
“I guess that will have to do,” Umtha said as she got up and moved to the railing. “Where are Quinny and Breanne?”
“Quinny had adventurers in her forest,” Frank said. “One group was in her haunted house earlier. I think the both of them were messing around with the players.”
“That’s encouraging,” Heather said as she got up. “Why don’t we go see what they are doing? I could use a little break to clear my head.”
“I guess,” Frank said, allowing the two of them to take an arm.
Heather noticed how nervous he was walking with them, but she decided to let him suffer. He needed to get over this irrational fear and do some growing. If she could accept sharing her relationship with three other women, he certainly could
She led them through the tower and out the front gates to take the road into the forest. Once inside, they hurried off the main path and took a winding back trail to try and avoid players. The forest areas along the mountains were full of hills, and steep gullies, creating a perfect place to hide unique features.
They passed a rotting building that was meant to be the workhouse for an old mine. Quinny added it to create a small dungeon adventure in nearby mine tunnels. Heather thought about exploring the mind for a moment but thought it would be better to find Quinny first. Instead, they pushed on to where she had hidden her barrow mounds in a recent move to make them hard to find. They had to navigate thickets and cross streams until they noticed a relatively sunny area just ahead.
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“Did she put a meadow in her forest?” Heather asked as they reached the edge and were able to see into the space.
“Uhhh,” Frank said as they stood at the edge, dumbstruck.
“What am I looking at?” Heather asked as they took in a scene that made no sense.
A long wooden table rested in the center of the clearing, around which were a dozen mismatched chairs. They were all the kind you would see in somebodies living room with plush seats and tall backs. The table was set with a green cloth and covered in platters of cakes, cookies, and other treats. Candles burned in several places, and large urns full of colorful flowers stood at both ends.
Quinny sat near the head of the table wearing a lovely pink dress with white ribbons. Breanne sat across from her in an equally sweet blue dress with a wide white collar. The two seemed to be talking over a cup of steaming hot tea, oblivious to the observers.
“What the heck is going on here?” Heather cried as she walked into the clearing.
Quinny and Breanne looked up with startled expressions before Quinny waved them over.
“Hey guys,” come sit and have a cup of tea!” she shouted.
“Tea?” Umtha asked as they approached.
“Oh, please tell me you aren’t ripping off Alice in wonderland,” Heather said as she arrived beside the table.
“Why not?” Quinny laughed. “Sit down and have some fun. I made the chair at the head of the table big enough for our boyfriend.”
Heather noticed Frank's nervous flinch at hearing Quinny call him their boyfriend. She had to take him by the arm and lead him to his place, sitting him down before taking a spot beside Quinny.
“So, when did you go insane?” Heather asked as Quinny poured her a cup of tea.
“I think this is rather fun,” Breanne said and swept up a small treat. “We live in a fantasy world. So why not embellish things and recreate moments from literature.”
“I don’t understand,” Umtha said as she sat beside Breanne.
“This is a recreation of a moment in a story from our world,” Heather explained. “It’s a tea party hosted by an insane person.”
“I am not insane,” Quinny insisted and poured a tea for Umtha.
“Does that make you Alice?” Frank asked as he looked at Heather, who was blowing on her tea.
“She makes a good Alice,” Breanne laughed. “She has the right hair for it.”
“And you have the right dress for it,” Heather shot back. “Where did you get that gown, Harrods circa nineteen twenty?”
“Oh, you’re one to talk,” Breanne scoffed. “Do you even own a dress that doesn’t cover your ankles?”
“I still don’t understand,” Umtha interjected as she was handed a tea.
“Don’t pay any attention to them,” Quinny said. “They are just arguing about how frumpy Heather dresses.”
“I do not dress frumpy,” Heather countered. “I happen to like clothing that covers my body, not barely contains it.”
“I wasn’t saying your dresses weren’t nice,” Quinny countered. “I wear some of them.”
“You like to wear the clothing that goes under my dresses,” Heather argued. “I am beginning to think that is a subtle hint about your intentions.”
“Wow, that took you long enough,” Breanne laughed.
“Wait, you mean that is what it is?” Heather stammered and set her tea down. She looked at Quinny, who blew her a kiss before taking a sip of tea. Heather took up her cup and sipped without showing any reaction whatsoever. Finally, she set it down and turned to Frank, asking him if he knew that was what was going on. He shrugged and said he assumed that was what it was but didn't want to say anything.
“Great, so not only did I not notice how much you cared about me, I didn’t see it in anyone else either,” Heather grumbled.
“You are always in your own little world,” Breanne replied. “But you have been much better about it recently.”
“Yeah, you are finally paying attention to us,” Quinny agreed.
“I thought Heather was doing fine,” Umtha said. “She has always been very kind to us.”
“Yeah, she’s kind,” Quinny agreed. “But she didn’t notice how much we wanted a relationship.”
“Oh,” Umtha said and looked down a moment. “Is it common on your world for this sort of relationship to happen?”
“No,” Heather answered quickly. “It is very uncommon and in most places illegal.”
“I never understood that,” Quinny said. “Who cares if three or four people want to be in love together?”
“It happened in my day, but people were very quiet about it,” Breanne said. “There was a lot of shame in such a secret coming out.”
“That's because you came from the era that dress did,” Quinny said, causing Breanne to glare at her firmly.
Heather nearly choked on her tea at the remark and quickly turned to Frank, who was sitting in his massive chair nervously.
“What’s bothering you?” Heather asked as she held her tea.
“This feels weird,” Frank replied. “I mean, I like you all, but I feel strange being at the head of the table.”
“Sweety,” Heather laughed. “You are the center of our relationship. You belong at the head of the table.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Frank asked.
“Oh, please,” Heather grumbled and rolled her eyes. “I am the one who should be the most upset about this. You should be overjoyed. Isn't this the ultimate fantasy of every man ever?”
“All the ones I ever knew would say yes,” Breanne said.
“See,” Heather said and set her cup aside. “Umtha, would the men of your world be so hesitant about this idea?”
“My people see relationships very differently,” Umtha said. “We form large families that usually include two to three males and a dozen females.”
“Wow,” Quinny laughed. “That has to be fun at bedtime.”
“Will you please get your mind out of the gutter,” Heather protested and looked at Breanne. “Aren't you supposed to be the one controlling her?”
“She’s too far away for me to swat,” Breanne replied and picked up another cake. “Oh, we are being rude. Do you want something, Frank?”
“Actually, I…” he began but was interrupted when a voice shouted out.
“Barnas, look!” an elf said as he stepped out of the trees. “I think we found a quest.”
The group turned in surprise to see two men approaching, one a golden-haired elf with a staff, the other a dwarf with a beard so long it nearly reached his toes. The two stomped directly toward the table and stood at the far end.
“Hmm, what do you make of it?” the elf asked.
“I bet the ghoul is holding the blond and the elf hostage,” the dwarf said.
“Ha! The blond,” Quinny laughed. “It's like they don't know you're a princess.”
Heather twitched at the remark as the two men argued about not seeing a quest giver who offered a reward for the blond and the elf. They finally agreed that it must be an adventure that triggered by discovering it, and they pushed on.
“It's not an adventure!” Heather shouted, but the two paid her no attention.
“So what do you think this setup is? Some kind of puzzle or a clever ruse?” the elf pressed.
“It's a tea party, you uncultured morons,” Heather shouted again as she waved a cup of tea. “You know, like in the book?”
“So the quest starts with a book,” the elf said and rubbed his chin.
“Oh, please. Somebody tell me I am not seeing this?” Heather groaned.
“Hmm,” the dwarf grumbled as he rubbed his beard. “I bet we get something worthless like a kiss if we rescue them.”
“Hey!” Heather said indignantly at the rude comment.
“Ha, he said your kiss was worthless,” Quinny laughed as Heather’s eyes filled with murder.
“Frank, eat them both,” Heather said as she folded her arms.
“I’m not hungry,” he protested as the two men moved around the table.
“Oh, now you’re not hungry,” Heather scoffed and glared at him.
“Don't worry, fair maidens, we will rescue you from the ghoul and his zombie and goblin minions,” the elf said as he eyed Frank warily.
“Oh, for heaven's sake,” Breanne groaned and stood to face the man. “We are having tea and not interested in your silly antics. You and your friend need to wander off and find something more useful to do.”
“They must be under mind control,” the elf said as he eyed Breanne. “I think my dispel might be strong enough to break it.”
“Maybe it will wear off if we can get them far enough away,” the dwarf suggested as he reached for Heather.
“You touch me, and I will break your arm,” Heather snarled and waved a fork in his face.
“A fork won’t penetrate my armor,” the dwarf laughed just before Heather threw a hot tea in his face.
“Aaargh!” the dwarf cried and stumbled back while trying to wipe the tea from his eyes. “I think we need to kill the ghoul first,” the dwarf said. “He is going to make them fight for him.”
“That was cruel,” Breanne remarked as Heather set her cup down.
“He had it coming,” Heather replied.
“Are men from your world normally this stupid?” Umtha asked as she watched the display.
“Don’t even get me started,” Heather said as Frank sighed and stood up without a word.
“Look out, Barnas!” the elf cried. “He's agroed.”
The dwarf bounced back with an axe raised before rushing in. Frank reached out a single hand and wrapped it around the dwarf's head before lifting him from the ground. He kicked and slashed blindly, but all Frank did was hold him out, letting him waste his effort. The elf announced that he was going to risk a fireball, but before he could complete the spell, Frank tossed the dwarf into him, knocking them both down. The tumbled away from the table, landing in a tangled ball as the elf complained the dwarf was crushing his ribs. Frank walked around the table as the girls watched with amused smiles to see the two fools humiliated.
“He surprised me,” The dwarf said as he sprang to his feet. “I won’t let him get the better of me again.”
Quinny sipped her tea as Frank grabbed the dwarf and threw him into the air, clearing the trees to fall into the forest beyond. She offered Heather a strawberry scone as Frank picked up the elf and sent him out the same way, the man yelling for the dwarf to catch him as he vanished from sight.
He sat at the table as the girls sipped and nibbled, not even paying attention to the groans of pain coming from the forest beyond. Quinny set an overlarge mug before him and poured him a tea as Heather took up a fork to feed him some cake. They struggled to contain their snickering as Frank folded his arms and glared at them.
“That wasn’t funny,” he said.
“No, that was hysterical,” Quinny laughed. “Those idiots didn’t listen to a thing we said.”
“What kind of fools would tackle a ghoul at their level?” Breanne asked. “The dwarf was holding a starter axe. They couldn’t have been higher than level three or four.”
“The elf said he was going to use a fireball,” Umtha pointed out. “That's a decently high-level spell.”
“He said fireball, but a fire bolt is more likely,” Heather corrected. “And Frank isn't even a normal ghoul. He's three times the size of the ones in the graveyard. What stupidity drove them to think anything good was going to come out of this?”
“Death not being permanent makes stupid men reckless,” Breanne said.
“They kinda reminded me of Eribold and Margus,” Quinny said. “I wonder what happened to those guys?”
“They said they would spread our counter rumor in the north and let people know Gwen’s kingdom was open,” Heather reminded. “Then they were supposed to come back.”
“Maybe they are on the way back as we speak,” Breanne suggested.
“I remember them,” Umtha said. “But I only met them briefly when we attacked Moon’s town.”
“Now there is somebody I hope doesn't come back,” Heather said as she thought of the woman who not only knew she was a necromancer but a chosen as well. “I hope she stays far away.” She finished her point by scooping up a bit of cake and holding it out for Frank.
“I could just take my human form,” Frank suggested.
“You could, but then I wouldn’t get to feed you,” Heather said with a smile and waved the bit of cake. “Now, be a good husband and let your wife dote on you.”
Frank sighed and opened his mouth, accepting the cake as Heather giggled. She settled in to feed him more when a voice called from the treeline.
“Don't worry, ladies, we know you are under a spell,” the elf cried as he hid behind a tree. “We will recruit help and return to free you from the vile ghoul's trap.”
“That’s it,” Heather said as she put down her fork. “I am going to kill them both and animate their bodies. They will be serving tea the rest of the afternoon.”
“Honestly, I am surprised they survived the kiss comment,” Breanne said as Heather got up.
She stormed across the field as the elf called to his companion that the human woman had gotten away. They waited in the tree line urging her to run to safety as she raised a hand and summoned her scythe.
“Wait! Nooo!” the dwarf cried as Heather entered the tree line.
“Well, this went well,” Breanne said as she put down her cup. “This was supposed to be a bit of fun and a nice day out.”
“My arm!” the elf cried. “She cut it clean off!”
“Maybe I should help her?” Frank asked as the dwarf shouted that they needed to run.
“Nah,” Quinny said as she giggled. “Just one of you two is overkill. The both of you would be like a dragon attacking two ants. Besides, Heather is just having some fun.”
“What did you do to him? Oh god, he's a zombie!” the elf shouted from somewhere in the trees. There was a bloodcurdling scream followed by silence before Heather walked back in, brushing her hands.
“I assume they won’t be bothering us anymore?” Breanne asked as Heather sat down.
“Probably not,” Heather answered.
“Did you have to animate them?” Frank asked with a worried expression. “Won’t that look suspicious?”
“Animate them? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Heather replied and took up her mug to sip. She looked away innocently as Quinny burst out laughing and nearly fell from her chair. Breanne picked up her laughter, then Umtha, before Heather finally joined in. Frank was the last to relent and laugh, too, the group sharing the humor of the moment.
They went back to the tea party and enjoyed the rest of their day, talking and laughing as they shared a moment as a group united in their love for each other.