I'm not afraid anymore, forever is a long time but I have gotten used to the thought of it, I just wish it was different... Hello, my name is Ellen and I will be here until the end of time, long after all people on earth are dead, long after the heat death of the universe, floating through space aimlessly... experiencing true nothingness...

I was born 713 years ago I think... It's hard to keep track when you have lived this long. I stopped ageing around 25 years old if I remember right, the strangest thing is that my appearance would change every 20-30 years or so and I would simply appear like a different woman instead. I don't even remember what I originally looked like, every time I look in the mirror I feel like this body doesn't belong to me. 

I have tried to kill myself multiple times but my body won't allow it, if I try a knife my hand freezes before it touches my skin, if I aim a gun I cant pull the trigger, if I try to jump my body stops in place. You are probably thinking why don't I have someone else kill me, you see I have never found myself in harms way, never gotten injured either, if I try to stand in train tracks the train never comes, If I stand in the middle of a road no cars will come and my body won't allow me to get in front of an oncoming car if I'm on the sidewalk.

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It's like the universe won't allow my death, when I first realized that the deepest dread I have ever felt overcame my body. So I'm stuck roaming the world for all eternity I guess. I don't get hungry so I can't enjoy food, I don't get thirsty so I never drink, I'm never sleepy so I can't sleep... What am I supposed to do in this eternity, is there a purpose to my existence, that's something I have tried to figure out for centuries now.

Weirdly my emotions seem intact, I outlive anyone I meet, no matter how many times someone I cared about dies, that same pain always hits the same, worse of all is when my appearance changes and suddenly no one can recognize me anymore and somehow they don't even have memory of the person I was before, all their memories of me are gone, but still I remain...

I hope something changes one day, something that will free me from this existence, I have lived far too long... I'm so tired... yes tired, I have been alive long enough haven't I? Just let me go.

Anyway, I am writing this so someone who reads it maybe has a way to help me, but they too will probably forget me in time...

Time of writing: March 19, 1967

Last edited: October 28, 3081