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Heartful
Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Some say that the human heart is humanity's greatest advantage. It is why we reached for the stars. It is why we always triumph, no matter what the universe throws at us. We feel, we love, we suffer—but most importantly, we endure. Humans are humans because our heart persists.

I do not believe in all that crap. The human heart is weak and easily injured. It lets others close too easily, not realizing that they might mean ill, that they might be poison, and then— Then comes the heartbreak. There is no going back after that. When our heart is shattered, when the pain is just too much, it consumes our whole world. We may recover, but we will never be the same we were before.

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I was used to getting rejected. Over my forty years, I had gone through my fair share of muddy relationships. This one was no better, which was telling. Telling, that I was clearly doing something wrong. Was I choosing my partners too carelessly? Was I just not suitable for long-term relationships? Was it just bad luck? It didn't matter. I knew I couldn't continue on like this. I needed more. I wanted more.

I had to say it.

"I love you," I breathed into Vivienne's ear.

"Hmm?"

She stirred, pressing herself closer to my body. Like always, our lovemaking had been wild and energetic. Vivienne tended to doze off afterwards, becoming surprisingly cuddly for a while.

"I love you, Viv," I repeated myself, pressing a soft kiss on her shoulder. "I hope you don't mind."

I felt her body tense up. A small gesture, but more than enough to leave a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"What? Connor, baby, please tell me you're joking."

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"I'm not. I really am love with you."

"No, no, Connor, listen," Vivienne pulled away from me, sitting up on the bed. "How can you say that? You don't even know me."

"I know you well enough," I replied. My chest tightened—from disappointment or despair, I didn't even know—but I steeled myself to see this through. It was nothing I didn't expect. Just one more stab to add to my collection of scars. Nothing new.

"This isn't what we agreed on," Vivienne said. She gathered up the blanket to cover her chest. A thin layer of barrier between us, one amongst many. "I have told you, right at the beginning. I'm not looking for love. My husband is waiting me back on Earth, and I—"

"I know," I interrupted her before her words could hurt me even more. "But I fell in love with you anyways. I cannot help it."

She just sat there silently, looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I had no illusions what her answer would be, yet I watched her lips—those sweet, luscious lips—as if my life depended on what they uttered next.

"I— I think we've spent too much time together lately," Vivienne finally said. She slid off the bed and started to gather up her clothes. "I need some time alone to— You need some time alone to think this through."

"Me? I know what I feel. There's nothing to think about."

There was a flash of irritation in Vivienne's eyes.

"Connor, baby, I won't deny that we had some really good time together. I hope I'm not stroking your ego too much when I say that you're wonderful in bed."

She put on her blouse, then adjusted her silky, chestnut-colored hair before reaching for her skirt.

"But?"

"But you're mixing up something in your head," she said. "You can't be in love with me because you don't even know me. For heaven's sake, you've seen me more times without clothes than with them!"

"It doesn't matter how much I know you or not," I said. "You can't define love—"

"Oh please, spare me from your definitions!" Vivienne snapped. "Listen, let's just take a step back, okay? We stop seeing each other for a few days, think things through, sort out our feelings. Then, after you realized that you were just thinking with your dick, we can talk."

She turned and stormed out of my room, not even waiting for an answer. The door hissed closed behind her, leaving me alone with my churning feelings. Well, almost alone. When I heard a tiny creak from within my closet and stood up to investigate, I already knew what I'd find there.

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