Bright City - The Cheddardrome

“Okay. We have two strengths and two weaknesses. Also, they’re the same two things. Our strengths are our weaknesses. So it goes.”

I’m in Big Cheddar’s base, listening to his nerds, explaining his problems. They all belong to me now. I’m quite fond of the techno-futuristic palatial bunker. The minions are okay. Not in love with the problems. It’s a shame they’re a package deal.

I sip a mimosa on my electro-wicker throne, and wave for Bear to continue.

“Right. So. We have complete control of Big Cheddar’s drone armies. Unfortunately, we’ve also inherited his enemies. In the form of a city wide riot.”

“Hmm, yes. I feel like I can hear it slightly.”

“We’ve actively soundproofed the Cheddardrome’s executive laboratories, but it’s hard to muffle the lower registers of that many explosions. It’s really kicking off out there.”

“We could fire our own explosions with opposing wavelengths.” says Slim. “That would dampen the worst of the bass.”

“Cool. Would that help quell the riots?”

“Not intentionally. But it’d probably kill a couple people. Could be some serendipity there.”

Bear looks pained. “We’re trying to convince the rioters that we’re different from the last war lords. Random explosions will undercut that message.”

Slim waves his concerns away. “Don’t worry about staying on message. Nobody can hear it anyway. Too many explosions. We may as well blow up shit too. Half the rioters live in the Immobile Market. Let’s fucking torch it.”

Bear slumps. “Right. Well, that sums up issue one. We can kill everybody, but they still won’t listen to us. Issue two has a similar tenor. We’ve trapped your worst enemies in sleep tubes, but we’ve also trapped a third of the city, and we don’t know who’s who. Some citizens have realized that no one’s leaving the tubes, but more lie down everyday. We’re trying to crunch your data to find Harkon and Big Cheddar, but people keep getting bodied from the tubes and replaced with randos. That shit muddies our search. Also, a human can only live three to five days without water. So we’re gonna have mass casualties from Tuesday to Thursday.

“Basically, nobody can take the city from you, but you may lose it to everyone fucking dying.”

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

I frown in thought. Numbers going up while numbers go down is a confusing emotion. “Can we stop people from dying in the tubes?”

“We could let them out.”

I make a pained face. “That would end badly. Either Harkon or Big Cheddar would kill us. Do we have another option?”

“Yes.” Slim smiles like a game show host. “No one dies of thirst on Tuesday

If you shoot them all today. Have the gun drones rip past the sleep pods. Harkon and Big Cheddar are done. Nobody else goes to sleep. That’s two problems solved. Torch the Arena and the Immobile Market and the riot’s broke. Then the city’s yours.”

Bear is aghast. “Half the city would be dead.”

“Yeah, but we'd have half left. And half a city is still a city.” Slim shrugs. “There’s more rioters and sleepers every day. The longer we wait, the more people we gotta kill later. Also, a change in leadership is often kicked off with a purge. It’s traditional.”

Bear looks glum, but he nods. Slim is technically correct. Purges are traditional.

I’m not keen to destroy the city, or even half of it. I just got it. Rather than dwell on any unpleasantness, I browse Big Cheddar’s lab to fangirl over the tech I stole. Unfortunately, most of my new toys are weapons, so it’s not as distracting as I hoped. The self propelled gatling guns keep reminding me of mass casualties.

My other loot is a collection of fancy cheeses and coffee. But the cheezy coffee they produce is indistinguishable from the stuff I bought in the street. Was not expecting that.

Frustrated, I banish the nerds from the lab. Ooze over to Volt for some lovin distractions.

“Too busy right now.” says Volt. “Trying to keep the riot contained while watching half a million sleep tubes. Got a fucker of a headache. Why don’t you order a pizza?”

I frown. “I have, but it never showed up. Do they even deliver to the top of the Cheddardrome? Maybe I should go to the pizza parlor and see what’s up?”

“You can’t leave the Cheddar Lab.” says Volt. “Half the city wants you dead. That includes most of the people in the Cheddardrome. We sent out a body double in a flying tank. Didn’t last two minutes.”

“Really?”

“It’s spicy out there. You are uniquely unpopular. The rioters hate the elites from the Cheddardrome, and those elites blame you for the riot. Your body double was fired on by both sides.”

"Dang. So, I'm stuck here?"

"Until the riot ends. And we find Big Cheddar."

I mull this over. "Slim thinks I should kill half the city."

“Probably because he wants to live. And he’s hitched his fate to ours.”

“Right…”

I sit quietly for a bit. Volt watches the city with a million eyes. I can very faintly hear explosions.

“Fuck this. I’m taking a nap.”