At the conclusion of breakfast, Jeffrey Johannes Schreffler hopped to his feet with almost cat-like reflexes.

“I think I shall go to my home office,” he announced to all present, “I would like to get to work right away on planning the anniversary celebration.”

From the doorway behind Jeffrey two familiar figures entered the dining room. The first was the maid, Madeline McAulay; a ruddy-faced woman in her mid-fifties, she wore her graying hair tightly pulled back in a bun and a uniform dress that was at least one size too small. The other individual was the butler, Rolf Remington, an aged man always dressed to the nines. Both begin clearing the breakfast table, and while doing so, Rolf turned to his employer.

“Very well, sir, shall I have any incoming calls directed to your private office line?” he asked with his polite upper-crust accent.

“No,” Jeffrey shook his head, “that won’t be necessary. In fact, hold all my calls. Puppies and I will be very busy working and should not be disturbed.”

“Jeffy, I want some fresh air,” replied back Puppies with a pout on her face, “I don’t think I want to work on planning anything right now.”

Jeffrey was not particularly pleased to hear that, but if Puppies wasn’t well, he certainly did not want to force her to do anything.

“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry, my dear,” the Schreffler patriarch said, “If you want some fresh air, by all means, go to the garden. It’s supposed to be a lovely day. I’m sure Stella and Jay Greg would be able to help me with anniversary planning instead.”

“I told you,” sighed Stella, “my beloved Orbitrian Lunastromos said there’s no point for a party-“

‘-when he comes to get you,” Jeffrey waved his hand. “Yes, yes, yes. We all know the line. Frankly, I don’t want to plan an anniversary celebration with someone who isn’t going to take it seriously.”

He turned to his son. In Jeffrey’s mind, Jay Greg had failed at every other expectation the old man had hoped for him; no doubt he would fail at party planning too. But at the same time, Jeffrey did not want to do the planning work alone. After all, if anything went wrong at the celebration, he would need someone else on whom to pin the blame. Jay Greg was better than no one if only to be the big picture scapegoat.

“I guess, Jay Greg, it will just be me and you planning then,” Jeffrey remarked.

Jay Greg was still staring at his coffee, thinking of how desperately he needed to speak to his stepmother. When his father spoke his name, he returned to the world around him.

“What?” Jay Greg blinked.

“You heard me,” Jeffrey started to walk towards his office. “Come on, we haven’t got all day.”

“Mommy,” cooed young Gabbana, “I want to get some fresh air with you.”

“Honey,” replied Puppies, “Mommy isn’t feeling well. You can go play somewhere else.”

“But I want to play where you are, mommy!”

“Why don’t you play maid with Madeline?” Puppies motioned to the woman lifting the dirty plates before them. Madeline did little to hide the look of disgust on her face.

“Oh, no, there’s not much to play right now,” she said curtly to the child.

“I don’t want to play maid, Mommy,” whined Gabbana to Madeline’s relief, “I want to go with you! I want to go with you! I want to go with you!”

Puppies stamped her foot in clear frustration. “Fine! You want to come with me? Then let’s go. I’m going to the garden right now.” She walked off in a huff through the door on the other side of the room. Her daughter quickly hopped off her seat to join.

“A delight,” muttered Madeline under her breath.

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“Jay Greg! What are you doing?” called back Jeffrey to his son.

Jay Greg had not yet left the table- he had hoped that he could speak to Puppies alone once the rest of the staff had gone with the dishes, but the hurried departure of his father’s young wife from the room changed all that. He would need to find her in the garden- the sooner he could talk to her, the better. There was a heavy feeling of guilt on his shoulders that he needed to address.

“Jesus, Jay Greg!” called back Jeffrey once again, “are you deaf?”

“S-Sorry, Dad! I’m coming!” Jay Greg yelled, finally following after his father. The two servants watched as the last of the Schrefflers exited the dining room before both let out exacerbated sighs.

“Did you hear that?” Madeline rolled her eyes, “Mommy dearest once again was trying to foist her hell spawn on me.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Rolf picked up a cup, “I’ve had to play butler with her a time or two myself. At least when she’s into it she can be a cute child.”

“It’s hard to make a game out of what I get paid to do. If she drops a plate, I’m the one who gets reprimanded for damaging property!”

“Fair enough. I have never asked her to carry plates for me. I already know she is too young for that responsibility.”

“Anyway,” Madeline continued, changing the subject, “did you hear that? What Mr. Schreffler said?”

“To hold all his calls?”

“No! About an anniversary party!”

“Yes,” nodded Rolf slowly. “It is quite uncharacteristic of him.”

“He never threw anything like that for the late Mrs. Schreffler- Wilma, that is. Are we allowed to call her by her first name now that she’s deceased?”

“Presumed deceased,” the butler clarified, “remember, no body or any other trace of her was ever found. Apart from her car by the bridge and the suicide note in the cupholder, in any case. And don’t tell me you preferred the first wife to the second wife.”

“Wilma and Mr. Schreffler were together for so many years, though! Three children! You don’t think she deserved at least one little party now and then?”

“With the way she would shriek and scream about every little inconvenience? Not really. She was a more educated woman than the second Mrs. Schreffler, I will give her that. Had earned her law degree from Harvard as she liked to tell me now and then. Well, threaten me with, more like it. Warned me if I ever did anything contrary to precisely what she asked me to do she would take me to court. I’m sure she would have, if I ever made a mistake. Fortunately, I am a professional, but the fear was always there.”

“Well aren’t you Mr. Perfect,” Madeline stuck out her tongue. “My cleaning was never good enough, but I found out quickly her threats were empty. Here I am, still employed all these years later. Wilma was all bark and no bite- bellowed a lot but never acted on any of it. And you know what? I saw, at times, the softer side of her. She really did love Mr. Schreffler, despite his long days and nights at work, his coldness to her…you’d think he’d have appreciated that kind of loyalty from a spouse. Now he’s moved on to a doozy of a floozy whose child he’s raising as his own.”

“What?” Rolf gawked at his co-worker in disbelief. “You don’t think Gabbana is his child? She has so many of the Schreffler features! Curly hair, long nose, protruding ears…”

Madeline looked around to ensure the two were alone. She leaned over the table and began to whisper.

“Look, years ago, I overheard Wilma and Mr. Schreffler talking when I was cleaning outside their bedroom. It was after Mr. Schreffler had just got back from the hospital- remember when he was away for some sort of surgery? I heard them discussing it- he had gotten a vasectomy!”

Rolf shook his head. “Yes, Mr. Schreffler has had a vasectomy but your timeline must be wrong. You see, I was outside the parlor soon after it was announced Puppies was pregnant with Gabbana. They didn’t know I was nearby, I imagine, because they were speaking frankly about their sex life. Likewise, it was just after Mr. Schreffler had gotten home from another surgery of some kind. I distinctly remember him telling Puppies that she would not have to worry about ever getting pregnant again because he had gotten a vasectomy. Again, this was after she was pregnant with Gabbana, after his first wife disappeared, I’m certain!”

“And I’m certain when I heard Mr. Schreffler had a vasectomy he was talking with Wilma! So, it had to be during their marriage!”

The two servants crossed their arms.

“Huh. This is quite odd,” remarked Rolf finally, “as we are both positive what we heard.”

“Would Mr. Schreffler have gotten two vasectomies?” pondered Madeline out loud. Rolf made a face.

“Why would he need two vasectomies? You know Mr. Schreffler only uses the finest doctors money can buy. If he needed a second vasectomy, wouldn’t that mean the doctor he used the first time was sub-par?”

“Precisely! So, doesn’t that mean if his vasectomy was performed by the best, how did Puppies get pregnant?”

Rolf sighed. “As I said, I really think your timeline is wrong…the vasectomy was after Puppies-“

“-Rolf, I’m surprised by you,” huffed Madeline, setting plates down quickly with annoyance. “How long have we worked together? Has my eavesdropping ever been incorrect? I am positive the conversation I heard about a vasectomy was with Wilma, years ago!”

The butler had to consider what the maid was saying. Madeline had always been dependable when it came to household gossip and though no spring chicken she had never shown any signs of have a poor memory.

“But if you heard him discuss a vasectomy with Wilma, and I with Puppies…”

“Like I said- I’m not convinced Gabbana is his!”

“But then…who on Earth would be Gabbana’s father, if not Mr. Schreffler?”

The two exchanged perplexed looks.