----------------------------------------

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— At my interruption of her reading, she lowered the book she was reading and turned around to look at the cause.

As our eyes met, I couldn't find any words to say as there were none I could think of.

Then she brushed away her gorgeous hair and said in a slightly annoyed tone, "Yes?"

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{There are times when we follow our instincts regardless of whether it is rational to do so or not and when we do, most of the time we completely forgo our own integrity, losing some part of ourselves in the process only to eventually regain maybe just the fragments as the inevitable harsh truth strikes back at us — if we’re lucky, we realise in the end what we put ourselves into, and then hopefully we can go back to somehow being a whole again, if only we can manage to survive the unending cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy that is — and here you are still believing that the sacrifice was worth it, aren’t you? You fool...}

[No — It's not her...] 

It was cold... In this place where I hoped would be our warm union, I felt dumbfounded with what I was confronted, in so many ways. Then came the painful feeling of shame, as it should... Why should it not?

I was ashamed to admit that she was not her. It was so obvious, how can I not notice the obvious colour difference... This woman had a much darker shade of brown hair — that much should be obvious to me at first glance.

[Yet I did such a mistake — isn’t this an insult to my feelings? Was I that desperate?]

[Fuck!] I grimaced as I glared at the woman in front of me.

"Yes, brat?" She was a shorter than average middle-aged woman, and a really irritated one at that. Probably because of me glaring at her...

The instant she inquired, my features softened as I immediatly replied, "Oh — sorry, I thought you were someone I know. Have a nice day!" I nearly squealed in panic and immediatly left the woman alone, then pulled the school supply list out of my pocket and started looking for my things.

I was too distracted to even comprehend what my body was doing as I was lost deep in thought. 'I' got the copy of A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot from the shelf in front of me as I pondered over my feelings.

[Why am I feeling this anxious? It's as if I'm never going to meet her, ever... As if she's the only one in the series who doesn't exist in this world...]

Then the copy of The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk...

[What if it's true? What would become of me then? How can I survive — is there even any meaning for me to survive this world in the first place? Without my family, maybe I could manage, but without her...]

I immediatly stopped that train of hopeless thought. I was getting scared..

[I must see her!]

I frowned as I grasped my fists and resolved myself.

[I don't know her adress so all I can do is wait at the Dursleys until the train ride — a month — but that's too long — I just can't take it anymore! I have to find a way to stay in Diagon Alley even after Hagrid leaves and with any luck, I will meet her — of course only if she didn't buy her school supplies already — but there’s no rule that says you can only visit Diagon Alley once, maybe if she decides to visit again... ]

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

[That's right. There's no way she doesn't exist. I will not accept such a depressing reality. Also it’s not a thing to be emo about, about me mistaking someone as her I mean... Everybody makes mistakes... I will see her...  Let's just focus on the here and now.]

At the instant I did focus on the here and now, I noticed that I was holding two heavy books underarm as my right hand was stretched towards another book called 'Magical Theory' written by Adalbert Waffling.

"How strange, and convenient..." I muttered, slightly dazed about my newly-discovered enhanced ‘auto-pilot’ mode as I picked the book and placed it together with the other two while inspecting whether I picked all of them correctly in the process by checking the list in my left hand.

Not even five minutes later, I got all my required books for school which were pretty easy to find as they were placed conveniently for all to see...

[Probably because of the high demand for school books at this time of year...]

I then started my search that has anything to do with occlumency and permanent transfiguration. I didn't want to ask anyone for help with the search because I didn't want to risk finding myself in a spectacle like that in the pub again, also Hagrid’s not here and it just so happens that I'm not that good at asking for help... Childhood trauma, still hunts me to this day...

[I can't risk people finding out who I am and thereby ruining my day. I can already hear people talking about the-boy-who-lived sighted in Leaky Cauldron so I don't think even hiding my scar with my forelocks would be enough for some people to not recognize me — it's a good thing that the woman I had mistakenly assumed was ‘her’ didn't notice anything as I doubt it that my forelocks were successfully covering my scar at that instance as I was in a disheveled state... I still am actually, so better keep a low profile...]

I adjusted my forelocks so that they were aligned in a way to appear denser where the scar is, hopefully hiding it. A sigh escaped me, feeling relieved that I was ‘safe’ for now, then went on searching...

When I couldn't find the books that I was looking for I decided to try the second floor and thankfully, after some meticulous searching which took me about an hour, there I found the books I was looking for. But they were not displayed on the shelves, instead they were stacked with a bunch of books on the ground. One was a seemingly very old book about occlumency named 'Occlum-Encyclopaedia' and the other one was a book about healing magic called 'Basic Magicure' by Theresa Woodman. Apparently healing can manipulate the growth of cells permanently so I thought it was a good place to start.

“I wonder who wrote this one...” I wondered out loud as I was scrutinizing the Occlum-Encyclopedia.

There was no mention of the author... Is it because they wanted to maintain anonymity? Or is it because the font wore out?.]

I thought as I further analyzed the cover of the book and it’s pages. I then shook my head.

[Not likely, the latter possibility requires too much of a coincidence as there doesn’t seem to be any sign of wearing out other than the name of the author if there was any to wear out in the first place. Probably the first... But why would an author not choose to use even a pen name if anonymity was that important? I don’t get it.] 

I gave up thinking too much into it then put the book on top of the school books which I previously placed on the ground as they were heavy enough to hinder my search.

As I was just about to put the other one which I was holding as well, something about the book in my hand caught my attention.

[Wait, is this — made of silk? Interesting...] 

The Basic Magicure book had a silky texture as it's cover complimented my fingers with a nice and smooth velvety sensation. Not just the cover, even the pages too were similarly silky and thin... I fear if I’m not careful, I would hurt myself while reading this — better be careful. This book must be really expensive...]

I was slightly worried for my not so unlimited funds.

"Man, the streets are as crowded as ever — hmmm, better hurry..." I mumbled as I took in the view of the Alley from a window on the second floor. I feared Hagrid might panic and cause a ruckus if he didn’t find me in Madam Malkin’s... 

I then went to the cashier on the first floor to pay for the books. Though the shop was crowded, not many people were on the line so it wasn't long before it was my turn to pay for my purchases.

As I left the shop with my hands full with books towering up all the way to my chin, I went on my way without taking heed to my surroundings as my chin was used specifically to hold the books still. I was really struggling to carry these books. Should have just waited for the brat to leave...

[Ugh... ten books are my limit... Eight of them were on the list, didn’t cost more than ten galleons altogether but the other two really emptied my pockets — Fifty gold galleons for fucks sake! Just the two of them!]

I was about to cry...

[Relax, I still got a considerable amount... Come to think of it, if I had Hagrid with me I might have even bought a few more books about transfiguration... But on second thought, that would have not been such a good idea — to frivolously spend all my fortune buying every seemingly necessary book that I come across without even a shred of guarantee that the books will be useful in the first place. Better do things one step at a time. That’s the wise decision, I think?]

Again, I was not aware where my legs were taking me but it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I trust my legs okay? I really do, you should too! 

[First, what do I need the most right now? To see her — not that you idiot! Hmm, if I had something like a small magical bag that lets me store many of my goods without any additional burden... What was it called again? Extendable bag? Possibly? That should not be cheap... Better save my money for that bag...]

I was tempted to shop for an extendable bag, possibly a trunk as well but then decided against it as I had to first search for the place that actually sells it and also there was no certainty when Hagrid would come and get me from where he left me.

[So I better get to that robe shop fast — I hope the snotty brat is not still there...]

"Ugh — these books are really heavy, especially for an eleven year old..." My hands full, I grumbled as I noticed a sign that read ‘Madam Malkin's’ was just ahead of me.

I entered the establishment while taking note of my surroundings. The interior of the place was mostly victorian in design — a dark atmosphere that seemed to take me to a different era from the moment I entered through the door...

“How spacious...” I muttered appreciatively as I gazed around my surroundings.

I was marveled about the place, it really had a certain charm to it. The magic here felt the same as of the Alley’s so there must not be any additional magic source here.

As I was in the middle of appreciating an interesting piece of artwork made of ebony wood, a mauve figure suddenly appeared in my field of vision so I quickly turned to face the entity.

[That must be the Madam Malkin I presume? She really seems squatty for a middle-aged woman. I remember magicals having longer lifespans... Perhaps she's a granny? But she still had some traces of her youth on her smiling face — she was definitely pretty in her prime...]

“Hogwarts, dear?” she asked smiling at me, “Come here and let's get your size," she indicated towards the back of the shop with her head where there were a pair of footstools which were currently empty.

I nodded my in affirmation as I followed the woman. There were only the two of us in the large room.

"Could you please put your belongings on the table," she indicated a small mahogany table.

After I did as she asked, she continued, "And stand on the footstool over there dear,"

I again did as I was asked and got on the stool. Then the woman slipped a long black robe over my head and started to pin it to the appropriate length as I closed my eyes and again lost myself in deep contemplation.

[Life is strange... At least it is so for me considering what I've been through in a single day — a single day that amounts to a lifetime... Who would have thought that a normal young adult such as myself somehow finds himself in an 'imaginary' magical world, as the main character no less. Everything that I know of, everything that I'm familiar with — my sense of reality has been crumbled to pieces... My family — I'm never going to see them again will I?]

I was increasingly feeling melancholic.

[This feeling — I feel homesick... There is no home for me here, at least there isn't one yet if I’m being positive. I doubt Hogwarts would be such a place for me because I already had a cozy home in my previous life, unlike the Harry of the series who viewed Hogwarts as a safe heaven from the Dursleys, so it would be hard for me to embrace it as my home even though I had fantasies about living at Hogwarts.]

[I feel alone...] I sighed. 

I was already alone mind you but this is much more different... Much more intense... As if I'm an astronaut hovering around earth, gazing absent-mindedly at it's ever spinning gigantesque silhouette, with it covering my field of vision completely, neither getting closer, nor getting farther away — having no hope of ever returning back again, resigned to fate, wishing my life-support unit quickly depletes so that I could die already, to be freed at last from this agonizing feeling called loneliness.  

"That’s you done, my dear,” said the squatty woman as she put the robe in a black package handing it to me.

“Thank you” I said, my face as expressionless as my best poker face.

I then paid for the robe and got out of the establishment with the books and the robes... I searched for the imposing silhouette of Hagrid but couldn’t see him anywhere.

"What? He's still not here? Just — great!” I complained impatiently.

[But wasn’t I the one that told him to take his time? Should I get back inside and wait there or...]

I put my belongings on the ground near the entrance and waited for the half-giant to arrive. After about half an hour, as I was leaning on a wall reading the book about magical theory, the familiar rough voice that definitely belonged to Hagrid announced it’s presence, interrupting my reading.

"'ey Harry! Got your books a see. Yer robes?" Hagrid loudly announced to the public...

[Hagrid please, be louder so that the whole London can hear us! Come on!]

I grimaced as I looked around my surroundings for any who might have taken notice but thankfully, the common magical folk were minding their own business.

I was inclined to reproach the giant but decided against it as I already decided to keep a low profile. So I just showed him the package that contained my school robes.

The half-giant nodded his head then cleared his throught.

”Allrigh’,” he said enthusiastically.

He then took the books from my hands and stuffed them in his magical coat pocket.

"Ye like ice-cream Harry?"

"Yeah I do." I nodded my head as I just noticed I hadn’t eaten anything for hours... I didn’t even have breakfast...

Then we went to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. I chose the chocolate flavored ice-cream as it was my favourite.

When I tasted it, I was overwhelmed by the exquisite taste of chocolate. It was the tastiest thing that I've ever tasted. It was even enough to raise my dampened spirits.

[Wow, delicious!] I quickly devoured it in less then five minutes. Of course, from the moment we left for the ice-cream parlor, I didn't neglect secretly searching for her. And this time I was prepared and didn’t do the same mistakes again though there were a few cases where I was a little excited that I might have found her, unfortunately all of them proved to be false...

----------------------------------------

Half an hour later just outside the apothecary...

As we finished our business at the apothecary, Hagrid checked the list again.

“Just yer wand left—oh yeah, an’ I still haven’t gotten yeh a birthday present.”

“You don’t have to—” I said out of reflex as I didn’ like receiving gifts in my previous life. Though I want Hedwig, I can buy him myself after Hagrid leaves...

“I know I don’t have to. Tell yeh what, I’ll get yer animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, yeh’d be laughed at—an’ I don’ like cats, they make me sneeze. I’ll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they’re dead useful, carry yer mail an’ everythin’.

I sighed then nodded. There’s no way I could convince him as it seems that he waited very long for this day.

[Let’s just play along.]

"Just Ollivanders left now—only place fer wands, Ollivanders, and yeh gotta have the best wand.”

[A magic wand… this was what I had been really looking forward to — well, not at the moment as I was still worried about her...]

The shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382b.c. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window. 

[Just as I remembered... What would the child me feel if he knew that he would eventually get his very own wand from Ollivanders one day... I bet he — the gullible that he was — would be quite the excited puppy...]

I smiled bitterly.

"Ye go get yer wand Harry. I'll get yer present." He was really enthusiastic. As I thought, he must have waited for this day for a very long time...

A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the shop as I stepped inside. It was a narrow but long room, as it highly resembled some kind of a shoe library what with the boxes and all; I took a deep breath as I was bombarded with some peculiar sensation not unlike when I first entered Diagon Alley, but much more mysterious... 

[I wonder whether Hogwarts has a much more concentrated magic... Would I be able to get used to it if it has?

A couple of scenes from the movie popped up and played in my mind as I gazed at the thousands of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling.

[I will meet with my wand at long last...] 

The very dust and silence in here was hardly enough to camouflage the mysterious magic that I interpreted with my senses, like a peculiar aroma of drink that has it’s very own unique taste which I definitely never had the privilege of experiencing before...

My magic connoisseur-mode was interrupted by a soft male voice which I was familiar with from the movie...

“I wondered when I would be seeing you Mr.Potter,” 

[How nostalgic...] I thought as an involuntary smile formed on my lips, then turned my head to the source of the familiar voice.

It wasn’t a question. “You have your mother’s eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work.”

Olivander was standing before me, his wide, pale eyes shining like moons through the gloom of the shop.

[Whenever I see a familiar character, my hope that she exists in this world rises — as if it increases the chances of her existing in this world.]

“Hello,” I said enthusiasticly.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Mr. Ollivander then moved closer to me. I was slightly creeped out of those silvery eyes as if they were trying to scan my very soul. So I avoided his eyes immediately and looked to a random spot on my right as I felt more comfortable this way.

“Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration. Well, I say your father favored it—it’s really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course.”

Mr. Ollivander had come so close that I seriously assumed he was gonna kiss me on the cheek . I backed away a little to regain my personal space.

[Sorry, I'm not into old dudes, especially creepy ones... My mamma told me to avoid uncles such as yourself, don't get it personal.] I thought feeling awkward.

“And that’s where…”

Mr. Ollivander touched the lightning scar on my forehead with a long, white finger. It was so unexpected that I couldn’t do anything to stop it. My body froze as his cold finger traced small lines around my scar.

[How rude! Not to mention creepy... An English gentleman should know better...] I was still avoiding looking in his eyes...

“I’m sorry to say I sold the wand that did it,” he said softly. “Thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands… well, if I’d known what that wand was going out into the world to do…”

He shook his head.

“Hmmm,” said Mr. Ollivander, even though I'm avoiding his eyes, I still can feel him giving me a piercing look. “Well, now—Mr. Potter. Let me see.” He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. “Which is your wand arm?”

“I’m right handed,” I replied as I faced the old wandmaker.

“Hold out your right arm then. That’s it.” He measured me from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit and round my head. As he measured, he said, “Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Potter. We use unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers, and the heartstrings of dragons. No two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns, dragons, or phoenixes are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with another wizard’s wand.”

After he was done measuring me, he left the tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor as Mr. Ollivander was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes.

“That will do,” he said, and “Right then, Mr. Potter. Try this one. Beech-wood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave.”

I took the wand and then waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander snatched it out of my hand almost at once.

[That didn’t happen in the movie. What about the book? Hmm, I think it did happen like so in the book...] 

“Maple and phoenix feather. Seven inches. Quite whippy. Try—”

I tried—but I had hardly raised the wand when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Ollivander.

“No, no—here, ebony and unicorn hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out.”

I tried. And tried. I had a very good idea what Mr.Ollivander was waiting for as I too was expecting it. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become.

“Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we’ll find the perfect match here somewhere—I wonder—yes, why not—unusual combination—holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple.”

Even before I took the wand, I felt a sudden warmth in my body. As I took it in my right hand, I felt my whole body stupified from pain -- the pain from being scorched to the bone -- I couldn't even scream out loud.

[Holy shit!] I screamed inside my head.

A strange pattern shimmered over my hand up to my elbow, as the pain lessened.

[Is that runes? I could feel itself -- the wand -- etching itself on me...]

As if to mark me as it's property, trying to make me it's slave... A feeling of ecstasy not unlike that of an orgasm enveloped me as I, ‘the slave for it's power’ was just about to submit myself to it, like everybody else who owned a wand. Or rather the other way around, their wands owned them. In my case, the only difference being I was aware of it. I could feel it... I was wanting it more and more, the power it had promised... Just as I was in the last phase of the ritual of my submission, I remembered who I was and I suddenly came to my senses!

[Like hell! In the first place, how do you expect ‘me’ to do that? The right way to use this so-called magic should not be like this! It has to be much more elegant... I will not be your damn servant, much less a slave!]

Containing the fluttering in my chest, I resolved myself and used all of my will power to dominate the bewildered aggressor who didn’t expect any kind of resistance coming from the likes of a mere ‘wizard’.

It could not accept the insolence of such a lowly being for having the audacity of trying to bend itself to his will.

An unprecedented example of an execution of a powerful bond that surely had no such examples, one the likes of which had never even existed before... In this mysterious room filled to the brim with ancient magic...

[I could feel it!]

Then I — with great difficulty and willpower — raised the powerful but conceited wand above my head, as if to say no to it's audacity to dominate me, forcefully swishing it down through the dusty air. A vast stream of angry red and pure gold beams of light shot from the end, so as to show it’s defiance to it’s one and only master. The small beams of light then harmlessly ricocheted off the walls, creating a spectacular scene of a banquet of red and gold all around the old dusty room. It was a sight to behold. Mr. Ollivander cried, “Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, extroardinary! Well, well, well… how curious… how very curious…”

[He doesn't seem to notice the abnormality that just occured. Good. Wouldn't blame him as probably nobody is or has ever been as sensitive to magic as me... Just an other worlder’s hunch.]

[I now understand why Olivander profusely repeated his catchphrase; The wand chooses the wizard... I feel it's because it is in the nature of wands to want to find a suitable servant for their own self-interest... I don't yet know what they stand to gain by bonding with a wizard or a witch, but it is pretty clear to me that wands are very much like sentient beings...]

[This makes Olivander and the likes of him that delve into wandlore some kind of god I suppose... No wonder they prefer being vague... But what do I know? The only one I know of is Olivander.]

He tried to take my wand to put back into its box but I refused, “Sorry, but wouldn’t it be alright for me to to carry it with me at all times? So, I don’t think there’s any need for a box .” I said quickly, feeling panicked. This is just a hunch based of the series but, I strongly suspect that if Olivander touches my wand, he would realise something odd and try giving me another wand just to be safe.

[I can not take the chance of him finding out that the wand is at odds with me. This wand is really powerful. No way am I going to hand it over so easily. I also have the sadistic desire to torment it till it bows it’s head to me. I feel I can be really powerful with this wand, for power was something which I have coveted for a long time.]

“That’s quite alright my boy, but you should remember not to use magic outside of school as there is an underage restriction,” he said graciously yet still muttering, “Curious… Very curious...”

“Sorry,” I said, “but what’s curious?” I repeated the exact words as the Harry in the series said, but with more uneasiness seeping from my voice as I was worried that he might suspect something — wouldn't want anyone to know what transpired between my wand and me just now... 

[It's private and I’m a private person.]

Mr. Ollivander fixed me with his pale stare. I was still not looking at his eyes.

“I remember every wand I’ve ever sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather—just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother—why, its brother gave you that scar.”

I sighed.

[That’s a relief.]

“Yes, thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember… I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter… After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things—terrible! Yes, but great...”

[No matter how creepy he is, you can not deny — Mr.Olivander has style...] I thought right after Olivander was done speaking. I was mystified by the old wizard’s speech even though I’ve already heard it countless of times.

Then a tapping sound accompanied by a familiar “Harry!” came from just outside of the window.

“Harry! Happy birthday!” The compressed voice of the enthusiastic giant on the other side of the window really brought the dim atmosphere of the room up.

[There’s Hedwig!]

I beamed at the snowy white owl which was observing me with suspicious yellow eyes from it’s cage which Hagrid was holding, as if to judge whether I’m worthy to be it’s owner or not. 

[There you are...]

I was happy to see the loyal owl who would one day sacrifice itself for it’s beloved owner. 

[Hopefully that day never comes... This wonderful creature is mine now!]

I then took seven gold Galleons from my pocket to pay for my wand, as was the price for all wands for Hogwarts students.

Mr. Ollivander bowed me from his shop. I was too distracted to put any effort to reciprocate since I spotted the snowy white owl. I took the cage from Hagrid then opened it so that the snowy owl and I can have some quality bonding time between pet and owner.

----------------------------------------

The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky as Hagrid and I made our way back down Diagon Alley, back through the wall, back through the now empty Leaky Cauldron, all the way to the Paddington station. I didn’t speak at all as we walked down the road; I didn’t even notice how much people were gawking at us on the Underground, laden as we were with all our funny-shaped packages, with the snowy owl asleep in its cage on my lap. Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; I only realized where we were when Hagrid tapped me on the shoulder.

“Got time fer a bite to eat before yer train leaves,” he said as we were walking aimlessly.

”No thanks Hagrid, I’m full.” I said absent-mindedly.

“You all right, Harry? Yer very quiet,” said Hagrid.

“Nothing, just a little worried about my future that’s all. It’s like I’m never going to get used to the magical world...” I replied sincerely.

“Don’ you worry, Harry. You’ll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you’ll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it’s hard. Yeh’ve been singled out, an’ that’s always hard. But yeh’ll have a great time at Hogwarts—I did—still do, ’smatter of fact.”

I was just about to thank the half-giant when he urgently said, "Blimey, is that the time?”

Hagrid then handed me the ticket back to the Dursleys along with an envelope.

“Yer ticket fer Hogwarts,” he said indicating the envelope. “First o’ September—King’s Cross—it’s all on yer ticket. Any problems with the Dursleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she’ll know where to find me… See yeh soon, stick to it Harry that’s very important, stick to your ticket.”

Then the half-giant disappeared without a trace just like in the movie, leaving me alone with my trolley.

[Can Hagrid use apparition? With that umbrella of his even... I didn’t see him wave his umbrella at all... Maybe he used a portkey... Anyways — good... Now let’s get back to the pub!]

I folded the envelope to put it in my pocket and threw the ticket in a random bin as I would rather eat rats than go to the Dursleys, then got a taxi back to the Leaky Cauldron which was thankfully still empty, aside from Tom the Barman of course.

Tom was kind enough to be considerate of my privacy as he promised to keep it a secret that I was staying in the pub. He reserved a nice little room for me. He also helped me with my things as he used a locomotor charm to carry them to the room. He was very generous, I was put into a difficult spot as he refused to accept any payment from me. But nevertheless, there was nothing I could do but accept it with gratitude as I was in need of as much money as possible.

[Ugh... I wish I had my Gringotts vault key with me but no matter what I tried, Hagrid was adamant about not handing it to me. It’s my goddamn key damn it! Treating me like a child...]

After I was left alone in my temporary abode, I took a look around room. With a comfy brown covered twin sized bed, it was a modest room with it’s very own bathroom which contained a small white bathtub.

[Oh, it feels like ages since I’ve last had a nice hot bath... I am used to taking baths frequently so this is a god sent for me.]

After taking a relaxing bath; with an ironic feeling of being newly reborn, I let out a long and tired yawn, then without putting any clothes on, I went to bed. The moment I put my head on my comfy pillow I handed myself to Morpheus for the first time in this new life.

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September the first, Leaky Cauldron 

A month has passed since I began staying in this pub. Right now I can say with confidence that I’m still struggling to get used to this eleven year old body — there were so many things about it that were too weird for me that it took a time frame of no less then two weeks to just get used to only a few of them, the differences compared to my old body is just too great... There are also other matters. 

For starters, I could not feel the magic inside me like I felt the magic in my surroundings. When I concentrated hard enough by meditating, I could tell that I have magic but interestingly it feels like the water, neither does it smell nor have a certain taste... Just like water, it is of vital importance to my body — at least, I feel it is so...

The second matter is, I’ve realized that I’m less intelligent compared to my old self. In my previous life, I didn’t have a very good memory but I did have high analytical intelligence. Unfortunately, now it takes much more time for me to establish new connections and reinforce the old ones in my brain, you can say that my brain processes information much more slowly now so learning new things despite having a younger brain is much harder...

Also no matter how much I try, I can’t do magic properly. Whenever I try to do one, my wand refuses to obey my command. Only Lumos and Nox works but aside from those, nothing works...

Apart from that, I also finished the occlumency book and all I can say is that it was a waste of money. Without someone using legitimancy, it is of no practical use whatsoever, no matter how many times I meditate for it, doesn’t mean shit. Leaving aside the problem of me finding a person I could trust with using legilimancy on me, I could not even find a book about legilimancy in the first place. So it is a no go for the time being.

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Right now it’s early morning and I’ve just woken up, in the bathroom glaring at myself in front of the mirror...

“Fuck! I feel stupid... How could I not think of that before? I can’t believe I just realised that I could have easily confirmed whether she exists or not just by visiting Olivanders and asking the guy if he remembered a certain girl... That man claims that he doesn’t ever forget a wand that he sells, along with the person who he has sold the wand to. Fuck! I could have easily made up something to gain the information from the creepy old man, of course had I not been stupid that is... What is wrong with my brain? Did something happen to it when I possessed it or is it just the reality of this body...” I whined, feeling depressed.

The first few days were especially hard on me as I again caused a few more minor spectacles not unlike the one in the book store, in fact probably much worse. Since then, I frequently found myself talking to myself in the mirror after a long fruitless day of searching for her...

The only consolation I feel about myself is that now I knew that I would be especially handsome when I grow up. My voice as well is not that bad for the ears either but you never know what the infamous puberty could do to one’s voice, even if it was once angelic, puberty will most probably rip that angel’s wings apart and there’s nothing you can fucking do to stop it, well — magic, maybe?

In my previous life, I really had a beautiful voice when I was a kid, I was even chosen for the choir in the midterm festival. But then the puberty came... And with one savage strike transformed my wonderful voice into what must definitely be that of a goblin’s, from Middle-Earth I presume... Never again would it be the same... my voice... Well, not if I have anything to do about it! What’s magic for?

I gazed at my fired up self in the mirror, then sighed tiredly. I was sick and tired of feeling like shit. Even though today is the big day for me to see if she really exists, it very much feels like she will not be there. 

[I guess I’m really tired...]

I then washed my face to refresh myself. As I could eat on the train if I wanted to, I didn’t feel the need to ask Tom to prepare me something.

There was still an hour till the train takes off so I packed all my belongings in my magical bag that I bought from Knocturn Alley...

I shivered involuntarily as I remembered the most dangerous experience that I had in my whole life...

Knocturn Alley... Who could have thought a bag such as this is not for sale in Diagon Alley but in Knocturn Alley instead... One thing I learned is this: I would be crazy to ever again enter there until I am at least in my twenties...

A hundred and fifty gold galleons for a single bag would seem like a rip-off but I think it deserves to be that expensive. Not only does it have a space of two meter square, It also negates the weigh of the things you put in it. It’s opening also expands enough to put in Hedwig’s cage. Also the one who sold it does business with a variety of peculiar people so it was not that problematic for me to disguise myself in a long black cloak I bought from a second hand shop while buying the bag.

I then packed all of my things including Hedwig’s cage in my magical leather bag then put on the cloak to protect my anonymity until I’m out of this pub.

[Man I really want that invisibility cloak now...]

Only Tom the Barman knows of my identity... I think he is a person I could trust...

I asked him if I could use floo powder to go to my destination but unfortunately I learned that there was no floo network to King’s Cross.

[I guess there is no flooing my way to King’s Cross... Got to go the old way then...]

As there was nothing left to be said, I said my goodbyes to the barman who wished his best for my new school year.  

I exited the pub to the muggle world. The lack of magic certainly put a damp on my spirit which was already at it’s record low. I seem to have somehow gotten used to the magical environment.

When I exited the pub, my eyes fell onto a black Austin that had just brought it’s customers to their destination. 

I rushed for the taxicab then we set off for King’s Cross. The ride was okay as it gave me the opportunity to get acquainted with the city itself. Then as we reached our destination, I paid for the ride. The taxi driver was sceptical at first just like the other one, even tried to question me for my parents but I managed to come up with something that managed to shut him up.

[Thank god I’ve got some muggle money with me... Thank you mom and dad.]

I then got off the taxi only to be met with the imposing building in front of my eyes. The structure itself was historic, probably a century old or even older... 

I then went into the station and easily found my way in front of the dividing barrier between the two platforms, nine and ten.

My heart beat just got faster. I then hurried for the wall, half expecting myself to crash... But thankfully I went through it to the platform nine and three quarters, as I did, I was again bombarded with magic similar to the one as I entered the Leaky Cauldron. It was somehow refreshing.

[I’m here at last...] 

The platform was pretty crowded as the train was about to take of. While the older students were mostly talking with their friends and minding their own business, the younger ones were mostly with their parents —hugging each other — some even crying...

“Shit... For some reason, it pains me to watch this scene” I muttered as I was looking at the children hugging their beloved parents. 

[Better get on quickly...]

I got on the train and looked for the furthest empty compartment I could find, away from all the noise. Of course I didn’t neglect searching for her along the way.

I then found a suitable one and entered it. Out of my magical bag I took the cage and opened it to let Hedwig get some fresh air.

“Hey girl. Why don’t you go there ahead of me eh?”

The snowy owl flapped her wings in approval then flew off through the open window and disappeared into the distance, I looked out from the compartment window to view the people but most importantly, to see if I can see her...

So far I couldn’t find her so I was still anxious... The longer it takes for us to meet, the more I begin to feel worried. Especially today when I will once and for all learn if she exists or not...

[Relax man, be patient. Don’t want to make the wrong first impressions by being weird. Do something to take your mind of things.] 

“Right! A book! Why didn’t I think of that? I probably should be reading a book when she first sees me — as a fellow bookworm, we can have a quality time... But first, let me take out my Hogwarts uniform and put it on — don’t wanna make any first impressions while wearing the baggy old clothes of my cousin Dudley...]

I then took the book about healing magic and started reading it. 

[As far as I can tell, healing magic requires lots of concentration and an aptitude in charms and transfiguration... I wonder how does it work? I don’t understand most of what this book says. Probably because my lack of understanding in the fundamentals of magic... Maybe Madam Pomfrey could help me gain a better understanding...]

As I read more, I came to realize some other important aspect of healing magic.

[Hmmm... Visualizing while using healing spells is common... I could use this to my advantage... My knowledge in medical science is not average considering today’s medicine... I was also good at using visual aspects of information to memorize complicated mechanisms in cells... I don’t think magicals are that aware of the biology of cells or it’s physiology... If despite that they can treat illnesses and bruises with magic, then I as a med student can definitely do something different... Of course, only if this world is governed by the same natural laws as my previous world... Seriously, what if this new life of mine exists in a much different form of reality...]

I then came to my senses and just now noticed that the train was already moving at top speed. I was alone in the compartment with only my magical leather bag to keep me company... 

[Hmmm... Should I search for her? But then I already know that she will start searching for Neville’s toad in the middle of the ride...]

I was uneasy...

[But wasn’t I impatient to see her? Where is this coming from? Am I chickening out? Am I intimidated by an eleven year old girl? Now that I think about it, it does seem hard... After what I lived through this past month, I’ve lost confidence in myself... Not only am I not as intelligent as I used to be, but I also have a small tool— These were my pride and joy in my old life... No matter how beautiful of a face I have now compared to my old life, it is certainly not nearly enough to heal my injured pride... ]

[There’s also the fear of not finding her at all as this fear was supplemented profusely by my lack of success in finding her this past month... For fucks sake I even took shifts watching just the entrance of Flourish and Blotts... For more than a week... Ugh... Why didn’t I just go for the Olivander route?]

I sighed then took out my wand and used the only spell I could learn properly, Lumos!

A very bright ball of light formed on the tip of the wand as it illuminated the compartment like a flash... I then immediately toned down the output of magic I was using instinctively as I didn’t want to attract any attention from the other students...

[This past month I only managed to successfully use lumos... Hurray for me! I let there be light! Next up, I will let there be the stars... Or was it the moon? Whatever... Ow man — and here I thought I could bend reality to my will and be a fighting god that smites his enemies with just one flick... Oh how naive I was... Just owning a powerful wand does not mean you will be powerful as well. By choosing not to be a slave for the wand I sacrificed the wand’s cooperation in the short term. I hope I can do something about it in the long term, hopefully sooner as I will not want to be branded as a squib from the get go...]

I sighed resignedly and muttered, “magic is harder and more messed up than I thought — if only I could make sense of it, then I could do something about it but...” at that moment the compartment door was opened brazenly without a knock and in came a girl that left me weak on the knees and totally speechless. It was her who I had been searching tirelessly for the past month, since I have been stranded in this lonesome world...

{As emerald met chocolate brown for the first time, this body seemed to freeze as I was stunned for words... I have not just waited for this moment, no... I have yearned for this moment to come true, even in the deepest corners of my heart... This past month, I have lost many things... The first time I mistook someone else for you girl, I lost faith in myself, the me who was so confident that he had the power that could help him embrace everything this world has to offer... The second time, I lost my faith in fate, a fate so elegant you could oh so easily mistake it for hope just as I mistook her for you... For I believe that hope is the basis of our existence and you my love, are the hope, the hope of my very existence in this life. And last but not least, since the third time I mistook, there was no fourth time.]

She had the most curious look on her cute face as she asked in her infamous bossy sort of voice with a flick of her bushy brown hair, “Were you the one who made that flash of light? I think it came from here...”

I couldn’t answer as I still was experiencing the after affects of my bewilderment.

[Those brown eyes, they look fierce...]

When she noticed my wand and the very faint light it was emitting, she confirmed her thoughts with a nod.

“It is the Lumos charm, right? I’ve read about it in Standart Book of Spells, chapter 3.” She said as she scrutinized me some more. “You’re a first year.” She stated as a fact as she curiously observed me with eyes of boundless intelligence. Her voice was like a music to my ears. 

I swallowed, then using every fiber of my being, decided to use what I learned from the Occlum-Encyclopedia, at least I tried to...

I nodded as I gave what I hoped was a charming smile, “Yes, it’s in fact my very first year at Hogwarts. How did you know?”  

That sentence was by far the most difficult one I have ever made. As my mind was in jumbles, it is a wonder that I haven’t embarrassed myself yet...

“Oh that’s great, me too. As it should be obvious from my robes,” she indicated haughtily the amblem on her chest as she went on, “the Hogwarts amblem means you haven’t got a house yet. I’ve read about it in Hogwarts, a History that there are four houses with their...”

[She’s so cute! I just want to pull her cheeks until they permanently sag... Now that wouldn’t do — I wouln’t forgive myself if I did that.]

I gave out an involuntary chortle as I finally felt relieved in such a long time.

[She’s alive... Not only did I see her with my own eyes at long last, I’m even talking with her, she’s looking right at me...Must not cry...]

She seemed offended that I interrupted her ‘enlightening’ speech by making fun of her, as she was just about to retort, I immediately apologized, “I’m sorry, it’s just that you have been speaking for a few minutes now and I still don’t know your name,” then I indicated the seat opposite to me, “Why don’t you sit down, and let’s properly introduce ourselves?”

She seemed speechless for a moment as her face seemed to turn red.

[Cute! Oh god thank you for letting me live till this day, I can now die at ease...]

I was still trying to give off an air of confidence as I widened my smile.

She then haughtily sat where I indicated — legs crossed — then introduced herself. 

”I’m Hermione Granger, you are?” As if she was doing me a favor asking me to introduce myself...

”I’m Harry Potter.”