“I need to borrow you.”

I was hunched over the cloud prop, allowing drops of paint to freely drop from the brush onto the newspaper. The white paint coated the black ink of the text as I glanced up at my best friend hovering by the doorway. He glanced from side to side and didn’t make his way any further into the art room.

“Me?” Nora asked.

Everybody certainly knew he wasn’t there for her–she had to be buying me a precious few seconds to regain my composure–but Ethan answered her with a patient smile regardless. “No, I’ve got to chat with someone a little more troublesome.”

Him showing up here a few minutes after her text couldn’t have been coincidental. The two had to be correlated in some way since Ethan couldn’t seem to stay well enough out of other people’s business. “If you’re looking for trouble, I’d look a little closer to home.”

His smile morphed into something bordering on the edge of a frown. “Maybe you can help me out a little bit too then.”

Maybe.”

Nora tapped me with the handle of her paintbrush. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish on my own. Can you talk with Ethan later?”

Once again, she was giving me another out, but I shook my head in regards to her offer. While I appreciated it, this was a matter that was better settled sooner rather than later.

“I’ll leave it to you. You kept saying I wasn’t much help anyway.”

Her laugh and a ‘that’s cause you weren’t’ were the last thing I heard from her before meeting Ethan in the hallway. Our shoulders briefly brushed as I fell in line beside him. The janitor had wasted no time in shutting out the lights, forcing us to rely on the light from outside. It was getting dark already, the row of windows to our right and left bathed us in the red light of winter days. We carried on, down the stairs and out into the courtyard. Whether that was the accurate term for it or not was up for debate. It was a wide-open area of grass behind our school with a large oak in the center of it. A bench stood near the tree next to the concrete path that cleaved the courtyard in half. He sat on the bench, so I followed his lead. His breath came out in great puffs of smoke, hands folded in his lap.

“Well, you got me all alone. Lay it on me.”

His face scrunched up in faint disgust. “Dude, your phrasing is awful.”

He wasn’t wrong; my words could easily have been misconstrued all day long, yet I wasn’t about to correct myself now. I gave him a look that spoke of my impatience.

“You’re ignoring Rika.”

It was difficult to tell whether that was an accusation, or he was stating it as something factual. Regardless, I let out a grunt that wouldn’t answer his question either.

“You can’t just ignore her because she doesn’t want to go out with you.”

That wasn’t quite fair, and I pointed that out to him. “It’s not like she tried real hard to reach out to me.”

“You’re right. You both should have handled this much earlier before it spilled over into whatever this mess is. What a bunch of morons. You two deserve each other.” His eyes widened with the realization of what he just said. “Sorry, didn’t mean to–”

“Don’t worry about it. Your phrasing is pretty awful though.”

He chuckled, a billow of vapor washing over his face pushed by the sudden gust of wind. “You still want to be friends, right?”

I wanted to be more than friends. I wanted much more. The sweet moments between only us, hidden away from those who would pry. We’d hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and do anything else sickeningly sweet that would repulse me was it a couple other than us. Hypocritical? Perhaps. But I supposed it happened when you had such a big crush on someone.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Not that it mattered anymore; they were silly daydreams. Rika didn’t feel anything toward me, so that was how they would stay. I had gotten my hopes up too high, but it still hurt knowing it, however, it would hurt even more if we couldn’t still be friends.

“Of course I do.”

“Then you know what you have to do.”

Ethan made it sound so easy that I was almost jealous. “I already told her we’d talk tomorrow.”

“Good. Just be honest, and I’m sure it’ll all work out.” He sniffled and wiped away a fake tear. “But to think you’ve grown up so much, handling the situation all on your own. You don’t even need me anymore.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Rika wasn’t one to stand for misunderstandings, so I’m sure it’d work out. That didn’t mean it’d be a fun time. I kicked at the sparse grass underneath the bench and pulled up my hood to keep warm from the wind that appeared like it was here to stay. My shoes squished into the soft mud from the rain earlier in the day. Despite being winter, the weather reflected what was typical of a late autumn day. It was almost as though this winter had left all its ferociousness in the past.

“This is nothing like the blizzard we had last year.”

“It’s like you’re a mind reader sometimes,” I said.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s more like you’re an open book.”

“I’m not, and I’ll prove it. I’m going to ask you something you'd never be able to guess.”

A chuckle told me he accepted my challenge. That was enough for me to go ahead with my plan. The question had been itching at the back of my mind since before we went to the aquarium. Sitting in this afterthought of a courtyard seemed like as good an opportunity to spill it as any.

“Why did you transfer here?”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have guessed that in a million years,” he said.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I thought I told you going here would help me get into a better college.”

“You never cared about that before. Something must have changed. Was it because of me?”

I lowered my voice on the last syllable, realizing I had begun to practically shout my accusation at him. My best friend took it in stride, pressing his palm into his thigh and staring out toward the road. “You had nothing to do with it. All you did was follow me because you're obsessed. Can’t blame you for that. I am pretty cool.”

I desperately wanted to buy into what he was saying, yet I was hesitant. That couldn’t be all there was to it. Ethan was one-hundred percent mistaken about me thinking I transferred here solely because he did. It was an added bonus but nothing in the overall picture in being able to escape the bullying. What was the point of grilling him any further though? I’m not even sure what type of validation I was looking for here. No, you’re not a coward. That would be a massive lie.

“Leave it be. You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Are you threatening to kill me?”

He snorted. “Don’t think about it too much. You don’t need to know the answer to every little thing. Maybe try to let things go every once in a while and move on. You’re going to go gray at sixteen.”

“Almost seventeen.”

He rolled his eyes. “Like that makes a difference.”

He was right though. Letting go of the past wasn’t just learning to let go of the hurt from before, but learning to move past my own mistakes as well. I may have run away from a tough situation. Running back to it wouldn’t prove anything, and neither would fixating on it. I already had made Sara part of the past. It was time to do the same with Asheville.

“I guess I still need you after all. And I appreciate you standing up to Sara for me. I didn't know you did that until recently.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

That seemed to be the theme of today. Ask him about anything related to back then, and he fed me a load of bull. But it dawned on me that his evasiveness may have been for a reason. Could Ethan have just wanted to forget about it all too? I was so focused on myself at the time that I had no idea whether Ethan struggled with the consequences of my meddling. No doubt it couldn't have been easy for him to turn down so many people. I had really set him up to look like the bad guy as well.

I felt my heart skip a beat, realizing what I had done. No amount of apologizing would make it right, so I decided to drop it all. This would be the last conversation we would ever have about this unless he brought it up first.

We sat in silence for a while, the only sound being the creaking of the bench. I let the quiet linger, hoping he would understand without me having to put it into words. He likely didn’t, but it didn't matter so long as I stopped prodding the subject it would all be ok. We would take it day by day and go from there, and I would start by confronting Rika tomorrow. I would make it right by her and not repeat the same mistakes I made with my best friend. This was me, and I confronted things head-on.